Seeking Kokopelli

by Shelley Munro

  “Five minutes,” Adam called after him.

  Nate strode to his room and used his key to open the door. It was light out, but with the lack of noise and bustle that characterized the early hour. Perfect for a run. Snorting, he pushed inside the room. Once he realized Keith had returned and was still asleep, he made a conscious attempt to keep the noise down. Even knowing he should stay far away from Adam, Nate rifled through his bag for a pair of shorts and a tank top. Rapidly stripping, he ignored his hard-on and dressed for running.

  Adam was right. He couldn’t run away, not when their lives and work intertwined so intimately. But he could ignore the man and the traitorous feelings that zapped him each time they were together. Nate laced his shoes and, after shoving the key in the zip pocket of his shorts, walked outside.

  Adam was waiting, already working through a series of stretches. Nate joined him and commenced his own stretching routine. Neither man spoke. Somehow that was worse than discussing the topic sitting like a ten-ton elephant between them.

  “Where do you want to run?” Nate’s words were a husky growl. Damn. That wasn’t the impression he wanted to give. He felt Adam’s gaze stroke his face, drop briefly to his lips, and Nate uneasily shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

  “Why don’t we head for the forest reserve?”

  Nate’s head jerked up at the suggestion. “That’s a long run.” Adam wasn’t as fit as him. The run would challenge him.

  Adam shrugged. “I need a good workout.”

  Nate skewered him with a sharp look even as he stiffened at the suggestion buried in Adam’s words. “Let’s go.” He started running, taking the lead because the more of Adam he saw, the bigger his erection grew. Running was gonna hurt like hell, although the alternative didn’t work for him, either.

  “Stop thinking so hard,” Adam mocked, running easily at his side.

  “One of us has to think straight.”

  “Why? What’s so wrong about spending time with people you like? Because that’s what it comes down to.”

  Nate upped the pace a bit, hoping Adam would tire. Didn’t happen, and he slowed again to an easy pace, one he knew they could sustain all the way to the reserve. “This is a bad idea.”

  “Why?” Adam demanded again. “Spell it out. Give me reasons and maybe I’ll agree.”

  “First there’s the fact that I’m not gay,” Nate said in a hard voice, shooting Adam a quick glance before returning his attention to the road in front of them.

  “I never said you were.”

  “I’m not over Rosa yet. I miss her.”

  “Of course you do. I’m not lookin’ to replace Rosa. I didn’t know her, but if she was important to you, then she was a good woman.”

  Nate’s steps faltered before he picked up the smooth pace again. He’d started working for Stampede after Rosa saw the job in a local paper. She’d told him he needed employment, he’d need friends after she died, and she thought this would be a good job for him. He hadn’t wanted to leave her to go to the interview, hadn’t wanted to take the job when Stampede’s manager had offered it to him. Rosa had insisted, saying he needed this particular job. Nate hadn’t had the heart to tell Rosa no, and he’d started working for Stampede. When Rosa had died, they’d been there for him and had become family. That’s what made his feelings for Adam so difficult. Stampede was like a last contact to Rosa. If he left and terminated his contact with Adam and Stampede, he didn’t think he’d survive. The last thing he wanted was to slide back into alcohol like he had straight after Rosa’s death. And he could see it would be easy to fall into that trap with nothing to fill his days.

  “I miss her like hell.” Tears stung the back of his eyes at the admission. He wished she were still here. He could have talked to her. She would have known what to do about Adam. Even though she hadn’t known about the men before her, she wouldn’t have judged him. Rosa had been like that—fair-minded with a big heart.

  “Of course you do. No one wants to replace Rosa. She’ll always be a part of you.” Adam’s words were strained, his breathing hard from the exertion of the run.

  Nate slowed a fraction more. “I can’t remember her face. I look at photos, but I’m losing memories. She doesn’t deserve that.” His breath caught as he admitted his fears. He couldn’t believe he’d actually told Adam his dark secret. What the hell kind of person couldn’t remember what his wife looked like, smelled like?

  Adam stopped abruptly, and Nate slowed, turning to look over his shoulder.

  “I need to walk for a bit.”

  Nate stopped and waited for Adam to catch up. If Adam started blathering about Rosa, he was gonna start running again.

  “What else?” Adam demanded. “What are your other reasons?” Sweat coated his shoulders and arms, his face. He was a bit shorter than Nate but kept in shape, hitting the gym when the opportunity presented itself. The band often played basketball during breaks, and Nate and Keith joined them. Nate wondered what it was like for Adam, being gay and having to keep it hidden. When he thought about it, he’d never heard Adam mouth off about his lovers like some of the others.

  “You can’t have a male lover, not publicly.”

  “I’ve always had male lovers. I choose not to talk about them or make the fact public. I’m a private man.”

  “So you’re willing to stay in the closet?”

  “If my lover wanted me to come out, I would, if he were important to me. I’m not hiding because I’m scared of what other people think.”

  Nate scowled, catching the underlying message. If he wanted Adam to come out, if he wanted an open relationship, then he’d do it. Nate had a couple of problems with that. One, he wasn’t interested. And two, he didn’t want to live under a public spotlight. “I don’t know why you’re telling me. I don’t care one way or the other. You ready to run again?”

  Adam picked his pace up into a jog. “I’m telling you because you’re my friend. What else?”

  “I want to have kids. I’ve always wanted to have kids.”

  “So why didn’t you and Rosa have children straight away?”

  “Rosa wanted to. I put her off,” Nate said. “I wanted kids, but I thought we should have time together first, then Rosa got sick.”

  “Anything else?”

  Huh! Nothing to refute with the children argument. Two guys together could adopt children these days, but it wasn’t an easy road, not with the prejudice regarding gays. Not that he was gay.

  “I like women, the way they feel. Their softness and the way they smell.”

  “All good arguments,” Adam said.

  The entrance to the forest reserve was up ahead. They ran through the gateway and turned onto the dirt track leading to a reservoir. Behind them, a car slowed and turned in behind them before driving to the parking area. Nate kept running, the scent of pine filling each inhalation. The path grew steeper and they could no longer run abreast of each other. Adam dropped back, and Nate could hear each gasping breath the other man took. He became ultra-aware of him and imagined Adam staring at his body—his back and ass.

  His mind drifted back to the kiss. The second one. He’d never admit it to Adam, but he’d enjoyed it, liked feeling Adam’s hands touching him. Not that he’d allow it to happen again. No, tonight he’d go to a bar. Find a woman to chat with and take things from there. His conscience took a hit at the decision, and he shoved the guilt aside. As Adam pointed out, Rosa was gone. Sometimes a man needed more than his hand.

  Up ahead, Nate caught the glint of the water through the trees. The incline smoothed out to level and, despite the sweat coating his body, he was glad he’d joined Adam today. The run had settled his mind and helped him come to a decision.

  Nate ran until he hit the water’s edge. He stopped when he heard Adam’s labored breathing and started doing stretches, grinning at the other man as he approached.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Shattered,” Adam said dryly, still breathing hard. “I
shouldn’t have suggested a run after such a late night.” He did a couple of halfhearted stretches before flinging himself on the ground with a loud groan. Over the other side of the lake, three deer darted away, disturbed by the noise. They crashed through the undergrowth, disappearing into the trees.

  Nate chuckled and dropped to the ground beside him. The early morning sun felt good and not too hot. That would come later in the day. “We could have sat and watched them if you hadn’t made so much noise.”

  “There are lots of deer around here. We’ve seen them near the motel before. They graze next door to the rodeo grounds sometimes.” Adam paused to wipe the sweat from his forehead with the hem of his T-shirt. “You didn’t mention the kissing on your list,” he said suddenly.

  With good reason. That kiss… “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “Avoidance,” Adam said.

  Nate turned to glare. “Why are you pushing me?”

  “Because you think of me as more than a friend, but you’re too scared to admit it. You’re frightened of what I make you feel.”

  “You have no idea what I feel. And what the fuck are you talking about feelings for, anyway? I don’t talk about that crap, and I’m not about to start with you.”

  “Could have fooled me.” Adam sounded amused. “I’ve learned a lot about you this morning. Besides, if you hate talking to me that much, all you need to do is tell me to piss off.”

  “What? It’s that simple?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Piss off.”

  “I didn’t say I’d listen.” Adam’s grin reminded Nate of a small kid’s with the way it lit up his features. He put his whole heart into it.

  Nate snorted and tried not to react to the boyish grin. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

  “Go on.” Adam closed the distance between them. “You know you like me.”

  “Piss off.” Nate wanted to leap to his feet and step away, but his body wouldn’t obey.

  “Hey, you started this by kissing me first.”

  All true. Nate’s eyes slid closed, a groan of despair building inside him. He shouldn’t want this. Obviously, he needed to get laid. He needed to find a woman to help clear his mind, rid himself of this confusion. Then he felt Adam close the distance between them. Before he could protest, Adam’s lips settled on his, driving the thought from his head. Adam’s mouth was whisper-soft, cajoling rather than demanding, and it was this gentleness that broke through his reserve. A growl rumbled from his throat, but it wasn’t one of dissent. In his heart, Nate knew a turning point when he experienced it. Fear grabbed him for an instant before the heat of Adam’s mouth stole it away.

  Their lips moved together without haste as they tasted and learned each other. Apart from their lips, they didn’t touch, but Nate could feel the warmth coming off Adam’s sweaty body and the heat generated by his own.

  Adam licked along the seam of his lips, silently encouraging him to open. Nate obeyed, accepting a passive role because he couldn’t fight the other man and the rioting emotions inside him as well. Adam sucked on his tongue, moving nearer to wrap his arms around Nate’s shoulders, tugging him close and lying back so they sprawled full length on the ground. Their erections brushed, and a frisson of heat struck Nate hard. His entire body jerked.

  Adam lifted his head. “Something wrong?” The twinkle in his eyes told Nate he knew despite asking the question.

  Nate stared, refusing to answer because everything he said landed him deeper in trouble. His inner battle died with a pitiful whimper.

  “I didn’t think so.” Adam’s tone was smug. “Kiss me again.”

  Although Nate wanted to refuse, he couldn’t. He tried to draw a picture of Rosa in his head. Her beautiful features were fuzzy, her smile distant, as if she’d moved on, leaving him behind.

  “Kiss me, Nate.”

  Nate got it. Adam wasn’t going to let him hide. If they continued, it would be because he’d initiated the kiss. Cursing softly at his weakness, he leaned in and brushed a kiss on Adam’s jaw, the stubble rough but somehow stimulating. Nate closed his eyes and went with instinct, kissing Adam exactly the way Nate liked. He trailed kisses along Adam’s jawline and down his neck, tasting the saltiness of his skin. He didn’t let himself think, just went with the magic building between them. Adam gripped his shoulders, breathing hard and starting when Nate nipped him.

  “Damn, that feels good. Do it again.”

  Nate jerked away from Adam, the spell broken by Adam’s words. “I…I…”

  Adam placed his fingers across Nate’s mouth. “It’s okay. We can take this as slow as you want. We have plenty of time.”

  Justin James watched the two queers kissing, disgust welling up from the pit of his stomach. Things never changed. His younger brother was still gay. And they wanted to find Adam, ask him to return to the village. He spat in disgust, cheering inwardly when the globule hit an insect. Distracted for an instant, he watched the tiny insect struggle, not looking back at the two men until the bug stilled.

  They were still kissing.

  A wave of hate swept him. Because of Adam, he’d started life at a disadvantage. Kokopelli should have automatically come to him, formed the distinctive tattoo on his chest. Instead, the powers had ignored him to reward his younger brother. And now…now Adam threatened to destroy everything he’d fought for, everything he’d earned. If Adam returned, he’d lose his job as Kokopelli, his power, his position in the village—if his father and the elders had their way and reinstated Adam somehow.

  His reputation.

  He’d lose his livelihood and the perks that came with it—the women, the money. The prestige of holding Kokopelli’s powers.

  No, Adam couldn’t return to the village to take his place.

  Lucky he’d kept tabs on his brother and knew where to find him. He’d followed Adam’s progress, a small part of him proud of his brother’s achievements when he knew Adam had left with nothing more than the clothes on his back and his guitar.

  Funny, the guitar that had caused so much strife and consternation amongst the followers was the one thing that had saved Adam. No matter how often they punished his brother, Adam had refused to give up the instrument in favor of the flute. He’d never seen Adam play a flute since the last big argument. His kid brother did play a mean saxophone, though.

  His mouth pursed when the two men clutched each other, moving indecently close. The few good memories jolted free, fading under the weight of his disapproval. The two men kissed as if they were the only people in the world. Even though he wanted to, he couldn’t look away. To his discomfort, it was kinda hot watching their lack of restraint, and obvious pleasure and guilt started to displace the disgust.

  He shook his head, wishing there were another way, but he’d thought long and hard during the drive to Cody.

  Adam had to die.

  Justin stooped to open the bag he’d tossed on the ground at his feet and pulled out the rifle. A sliver of sorrow pierced his conscience for a second until he thrust it away and aimed.

  He was sorry, but some things a man couldn’t change.

  Adam drowned in sensations. Sexual frustration tore at his gut, his cock and balls so damn tight they throbbed. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time and relished the experience, despite the pain. This thing with Nate, it was right. But he wouldn’t push the other man for more than he was willing to give. He still mourned Rosa. Adam forced away his jealousy, consigning it to the far reaches of his mind. A clear head. That’s what he needed now. And patience. Nate was as skittish as a newborn colt.

  He knew one thing: The man could kiss. He wondered what Nate’s mouth would feel like sucking on his cock, and almost lost it. Pushing away and breathing hard, he put a little distance between their lower bodies while still maintaining his grip on Nate’s shoulders. He didn’t want Nate to move his hips at the wrong time and push him over the edge. Somehow he didn’t think Nate was ready for that yet. “We should get back to the motel. I don’t
wanna be late for rehearsal.”

  “Yeah, okay.” Nate blinked, the dreamy lust fading from his eyes, the familiar wariness returning.

  Not good timing, but he refused to let down the rest of the band. Despite late nights and possible hangovers, Adam knew they’d turn up for rehearsal. “One last kiss.”

  Nate didn’t move. He just stared at him.

  “Go on. One little kiss.”

  “You are a pain in the ass.”

  The comeback was on Adam’s lips before the thought even formed. “I could be your pain in the ass.” The words hung between them, and Adam noticed the slow rise of color in Nate’s cheeks. “I’m sorry. I—”

  A shot rang out, echoing across the lake. A bird shrieked in alarm. A second shot fired, a piece of bark hitting Adam on the cheek.

  Nate grabbed Adam as a third shot rang out. Adam felt a searing pain on his right biceps before he rolled with Nate’s solid body covering him. The undergrowth was sparse, but the dip they’d fallen into helped cover them. He caught a whiff of pine and the rich scent of soil along with masculine sweat. Damn, his arm throbbed. He tried to move it and decided there wasn’t much damage, although it would hurt when he tried to play his sax.

  “You okay?”

  “I’d be more okay if we were naked.” Adam held his breath when he heard Nate’s sharp inhalation. Despite the pain in his arm, he wanted to laugh.

  “You’re bleeding. No, stay down. They might shoot again.”

  “I thought this was a reserve with no hunting allowed.”

  In the distance, they heard a vehicle start and leave with a roar of the engine.

  He sensed Nate’s shrug rather than saw it. “Times are tough.” Nate shifted a fraction and stuck his head up to scan the area. “People try to make ends meet where they can, even if that means illegal hunting.”

  Adam snorted. “You’re wearing yellow. My T-shirt is bright blue. If they think we’re deer, they need their eyes checked. Do you think that was them leaving?”