‘Great,’ Nathan said, beaming. Emma wondered where she could purchase his level of enthusiasm.
‘Mum, we have a visitor,’ Emma called out as they both entered the house.
Whatever her mother’s decision about skydiving at short notice, at least it was a distraction from the biggest hurdle that tomorrow had in store. Because even if Nathan and her mum were planning on throwing themselves out of an aeroplane, it wasn’t going to be the scariest thing she would face.
The scariest thing would be the thing she’d been trying to distract herself from as much as possible. The thing that was coming whether she liked it or not. The thing that was no longer a thing, but an actual date and time that constituted an appointment.
Tomorrow, she would find out exactly how badly her world was about to unravel.
Nathan’s Diary
Once was an anomaly. A freak occurrence. Something that could be blamed on other factors.
Twice is a pattern. Twice is an indicator that things have changed. Only I don’t know how. And it scares me that I don’t know what this dream means or what I should be doing about it.
Hospital room.
Struggling to breathe.
A baby crying…
Sixteen
Emma
Day Fifteen
Emma should have asked Nathan to come with her. It seemed a natural course of action to bring moral support along for such occasions. She was sure that, if she’d asked him, he would have said yes.
Now she was sitting in the waiting area, she was wondering why she hadn’t. The reasons why seemed so lost and weak at this moment.
She hadn’t asked because she’d decided this was her battle. He had his own challenges to face and she’d already dragged him into the worries of her world far too much. Why else would he be helping her mother jump out of a plane?
It was too late to ask him along now. And maybe facing it alone wasn’t such a bad thing. There was bravery to be found in the solo act. And she would be able to live in denial a little longer if she was the only one who knew the reality.
Someone plonked their frame into the seat next to her.
‘I thought you might need a copy of Robot Wars Monthly?’
Emma didn’t hesitate in hugging Nathan. She didn’t care what he or anyone else thought. Never had she been more pleased to see someone. The relief rippled through her and for a while she just let herself be held.
When she did pull herself together again, there was a little damp patch where her head had been resting.
Nathan placed the magazine in question on her lap.
Emma turned her attention to what he’d passed her. It didn’t take much of an inspection for her to realise he’d mocked up his own version. ‘What is this?’
The magazine was wrapped in a fabricated front and back cover like an old school textbook. But inside it was a copy of Radio Times with the listings for Robot Wars circled in neon pink highlighter.
‘It’s their trial edition. Personally, I think it needs some work.’
It was enough to make her want to turn into a puddle of emotions, but that would have to wait until later. He was a bright ray of hope in a waiting room that was void of such things.
If there was an option to wear warrior paint to oncology appointments, Emma would have slathered it on and given Nathan some for good measure. But for all the bravery she was trying to possess, there was nothing more fortifying than knowing she was going to have a hand to hold.
When her name was called, she was quite sure she floated up into a standing position. Because being brave didn’t equate to this feeling real.
‘Do you want me to come in with you?’
Emma nodded. She needed someone to keep her grounded as she drifted through the corridors and into the appointment room, where fate awaited her.
She took note of everything around her: the posters on the walls, the plastic skeleton in the corner keeping an eye on proceedings, the implements laid out on the table for checking reflexes and blood pressure alongside any other number of are-you-quite-alright instruments.
The scene was the same as in every other hospital appointment she’d ever been to. Apart from the fact that it was different. With every beat of her heart she was hearing new, unknown words. Grade three. Radiotherapy. Surgery. Chemo. Each piece of information made the pounding in her chest so loud she was barely able to take any of it in.
‘In your case, we feel a unilateral mastectomy and reconstruction will be the best course of action in the first place, followed by a course of chemotherapy.’
Emma nodded, even though her head was numb.
‘I know it’s a lot to take in.’
She wasn’t sure if she was taking anything in. Everything, including the doctor’s appearance, was washing over her. She didn’t want to take in the details of this moment. Even the facts were proving troublesome to keep hold of.
‘As you may realise, the chemotherapy will come with some side effects, including loss of hair. There is also a chance it will affect your fertility, and as you and your partner are both young, that’s something we need to discuss regarding what you’d like to do going forward.’
Emma and Nathan glanced at each other, but said nothing.
‘Do you have any questions?’
Lost for words, Emma looked at Nathan to see if he was able to articulate better than she was.
‘We probably need some time to process everything,’ Nathan said, taking her hand in his.
‘Of course. Like I said, it’s a lot to consider. If at any point you have any questions or need to talk about anything we’ve discussed, our numbers are on the leaflets we’ve given you. Otherwise, we’ll run through your questions and concerns at your next appointment. It might help if you write down anything you think of and bring your questions with you.’
There was a piece of paper in Emma’s hand already. Not the magazine, but one of the leaflets they were talking about. She’d not even processed it making its way into her possession.
Emma only wanted them to fix her nipple, but whatever blind hope she’d had that it might just end up being some cosmetic surgery had flown out the window as soon as she’d walked in here and seen the cancer specialist nurse.
It was cancer.
War paint was going to be required.
Seventeen
Nathan
Smiling in the face of adversity, they called it. That was what Nathan liked to think he was doing. That whatever problem he had to face, he tackled it head on. He didn’t like to think that life should be allowed to stand in the way. There were so often barriers to what people wanted to achieve and it was all too easy to give up at those hurdles.
Emma’s diagnosis was just a hurdle.
They’d known that it was likely to be cancer.
Somehow, that didn’t make it any easier.
The fact that he cared so much about the result meant he also cared far more for Emma than he was letting on. He wasn’t sure how those feelings had crept up on him. He was all for jumping into things, especially with his line of work, but not when it came to relationships. And here he was unexpectedly harbouring feelings for someone he’d not long met.
Since he still had concerns over his own lump to deal with, developing anything else just couldn’t be on the agenda – it would get far too messy. Today was about making someone else’s dream possible. It wasn’t about being selfish.
At least he’d spent his life doing as he pleased – not caring what others thought of him. Perhaps that was the gift his dream had provided him with. It had always given him the mentality of never taking no for an answer, of always achieving what he set out to do and not taking shit from anyone. Or perhaps it was a result of not having any close family. There was no one about these days to tell him to take care of himself. All his life he’d been regarded as a reckless troublemaker, and he was more than happy not to put that reputation to rest just yet.
That’s why he was glad he was doing this today
. Emma was still in a state of shock and they both needed something to provide them with a distraction. And even though it was breaking far too many rules, he wasn’t going to let any barriers stand in the way of making it happen. Today, come hell or high water, Emma’s mum was going to jump out of a plane.
There were four members of staff involved with the late-night jump. That was already more people than Nathan would have liked to involve, but certain things weren’t possible without the assistance of friends. He wasn’t foolish enough to try and pilot a plane by himself.
It was dark already, the February nights still drawing in early. Thankfully it was a clear sky, and although cold, the evening presented perfect jumping conditions, with a bright silver moon waiting for them along with its canvas of glittering stars. Everyone would be here soon. He’d not wanted to leave Emma after the hospital appointment but she’d insisted, and he needed to be here early to make sure everything was ready.
Alberto, the pilot, and his fellow diving instructors, Tim and Antonio, would return shortly. They’d agreed to leave work as usual, grab a bite to eat, then head back to get ready. They would be joined by Leanne so they had someone on the ground as well.
As Nathan finished the first set of safety checks, Antonio and Tim burst through the entrance with Leanne in tow.
‘Are you sure about this, guys?’ Nathan was addressing Leanne as well. Now was the time to abort the plan if they were worried. He didn’t want to get anyone in trouble and it was always going to be a possibility.
‘The CCTV is off. I’ve ordered an additional fuel load. As long as we keep it amongst us, Derek will never know this has happened,’ announced Leanne.
‘We’re cool,’ Antonio said.
‘No worries,’ Tim added.
Nathan nodded firmly, confirming the fact they were all in it together – as if that one gesture of his head would make it all go swimmingly.
It was just then that Emma and her mother made their appearance. Everyone moved to assist with holding doors open.
‘Welcome, young lady. Are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime?’ Antonio said with his usual abundant charm.
‘You must be talking to my daughter,’ Emma’s mother giggled.
‘A daughter? No, no, for you are far too young to have a daughter.’ Antonio took Carole’s shaking hand and planted a kiss on her knuckles, employing his intense stare that made women go weak at the knees.
But Nathan was focused on Emma, her eyes wide and lost in this new space. He pulled her close, weaving his arm round her delicate waist. Antonio wasn’t allowed to woo all the ladies.
There was a resistance within Emma at first – a nod to the fact this wasn’t the time or the place given the current format of their world. But that was only there for a fraction of a moment before she yielded and gave in to the need to be held.
‘Let’s go and make coffee. We’ll get everyone a drink before we get started.’ He swept Emma towards the staff room, realising she needed to be away from her mother if his hug was about to set her off crying.
‘It’s going to be okay,’ Nathan said, repeating words that were so often lost in a landscape of uncertainty. ‘We’re going to get through this together.’ He lifted her chin, as much for himself as for Emma. She didn’t need to be alone. He was going to be here for her. ‘Have you told your mum?’
There would never be a good time to tell her, but Nathan figured just before she was to jump out of a plane definitely wasn’t the moment.
‘No. I want to get some things in place for her before I do.’ Emma wiped her face against his sleeve, removing whatever trace of upset she’d displayed. ‘I don’t want to think about it right now. We need to concentrate on you and my mum being completely crazy.’ She managed to raise a half-smile.
‘If you’re sure? We don’t have to do this.’
‘Of course I am. Today needs craziness to improve its forecast.’ Emma stretched her smile enough for him to know she was okay. Whatever news they’d been dealt today, they were going to deal with it in their own way.
She was the one smiling in the face of adversity.
Upon seeing her smudge of a smile, Nathan pulled her close. He felt more for her than he’d ever known was possible. It was hard to know she was hurting.
In reality, Nathan knew today hadn’t really been about fulfilling Carole’s desire to jump out of a plane. It had all been about keeping busy. This hadn’t been about him trying to prove how selfless he could be despite a history that said otherwise. This wasn’t about trying to get Carole on his side by proving anything was possible. This was about giving the woman he was falling in love with a reason to believe everything truly would be okay. That however impossible the road ahead seemed, they would find a way to conquer.
Everything would be okay.
Everything had to be okay.
Eighteen
Everything was okay.
It was just the stakes were higher with this jump. And as this would probably be his last, Nathan didn’t want anything going wrong. If it did, they were bound to get in trouble, and there were risks to people’s jobs as well as all the usual ones associated with chucking bodies out of a plane at 120 miles per hour.
Those concerns went as soon as they leapt. Then there weren’t even thoughts, only the glorious sensation of falling.
The gush of wind.
The friction of limbs fighting the forces.
The adrenaline pumping through his veins.
The flip of his stomach as he tried to stay in control.
The tension in his arm as he pulled the pilot chute to stabilise their decent.
The whoosh enough to lose every sense for a second.
But this time, the magic wasn’t in what he’d experienced hundreds of times before… It was in the poise of Emma’s mum.
Because rather than any of the problems he’d been concerned she might experience, the usual myoclonic movement of her muscles unfurled, as if she were a swan out on a May Day parade. She truly was a bird in flight.
It was grace itself. It was freedom. It was like nothing he’d ever witnessed before.
Jumping was a gift Nathan had never fully appreciated. He’d always wanted to do daredevil things. Now that freedom was coming to an end, it was as if all his skydives were merging into this one final, poignant, plummeting-through-the-sky memory.
As he took in the great canvas of glimmering stars against the inky black sky, it was enough to make him want to cry. If his time was limited, he was going to make sure he did two things while still on the planet.
First, he would make sure Emma got to do her everlasting act. If she wanted to see puffins, he would make it happen.
Second, he would make sure, even if he didn’t, that Emma would survive this. Because at least one of them had to.
Nineteen
Emma
Fed up with remaining inside the viewing area, Emma ventured out the doors to find a spot to wait. Leanne had said it would be fine for her to go out, but she needed to remain at the desk, her safety checks keeping her there.
It was good to be outside. A fresh whip of air caught Emma in the face and reminded her she was alive. Perhaps it was because she spent so much time inside these days that she valued being out and exposed to the elements. The wind was blowing at a temperature that made her feel like icy liquid was being poured on her cheeks, the coolness dissipating as soon as it arrived. Boy, did she need it at this moment in time.
Then she heard it. Faint at first, gradually becoming more pronounced…
‘Whhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!’
It was coming from the sky above her, and it was unmistakably her mother making her way back to the earth.
Letting her eyes follow the noise, it wasn’t long before Emma made out the figures flying through the air.
Emma had been filling her head with bad outcomes: her mum being sick mid-air or breaking a limb on landing or Nathan having another panic attack. But as she wa
tched their descent, she soon realised the opposite was true. In the glare of the floodlights, they appeared like a powerful eagle swooping into a stadium, ready to win. There would be no stopping them, and the sound of joy her mum was emitting echoed all around her. She wanted to record it and keep it forever. What a moment. What a moment to cherish and fold up in a pocket and hold on to for all time.
As they whooshed ever closer to the ground, Emma was filled with a warm flush of relief.
Nathan was elegantly manoeuvring her mother into a landing with ease, her small frame curled up like a child’s and his limbs long enough to carry it out without her help. Their landing was more like unicorns cantering on soft fluffy pillows than any of the hundred awful scenarios Emma had imagined.
Listening to her mother’s continued exclamations of joy, Emma realised she wanted that. Not to jump out of a plane – she wasn’t about to turn that insane any time soon, cancer or not – but she wanted to have that feeling. That unreserved joy. That freedom.
With that thought, Emma joined the two most important people in her life, lying next to them so they were all looking up at the stars. She positioned herself parallel to them and slipped her hand into her mother’s, Nathan placing his strong, solid hand on Emma’s shoulder. Even though she hadn’t hurtled herself through the air, in that moment she felt their adrenaline coursing through them. It was settling now they were on the ground. And as that rush came down all around them, Emma was able to make out Orion in the sky. The constellation was twinkling brighter than it ever had before, as if the energy they had produced in their skydive was charging it with added intensity. As if somehow their jump had brought the stars that much closer. As if the miracle of what had occurred had been noted by the stars themselves.
99 Days With You Page 8
