by Lindsey Iler
Hurt. Anger. Relief.
The most surprising of them is happiness.
He’s blatantly unashamed of how much he loves her, even as he watches Marek beside her, breathing in her charm. Without conscious thought, I saunter over and sit on the stool next to him.
“Welcome to my world, Palmer Weston.” He points at the two of them.
“Do you know where Delaney is?” I ask, apprehensive to show my cards to him. He doesn’t need to know how freaked out I am. It’s none of his business that I’m currently reeling over the events from yesterday.
“Breaker took her to her dorm. He should be back any minute. He left a while ago,” Byron explains, searching my eyes for cracks in my armor. I cut my glance away from him, hoping to hide the truth. “She’s okay, Palmer. Damien has her surveillance under control.”
As if Marek senses his audience, he turns and locks eyes with me, saving me from Byron’s knowing stare.
“Oh, hey.” Not so discreetly, he inches away from Reed. She notices and checks over her shoulder.
“Oh, hey, little sis.” Reed drops the spatula and rushes over to me.
With her arms open wide, she expects me to fall into them, and I do. She’s my big sister.
“My heart,” she whispers as she shies away, blotting the uncontrollable tears slipping from my eyes faster than she can dry them. “I’m going to let that slap slide.”
“Because you deserved it?” I ask, a small smile stretching my lips.
“I wouldn’t say that, but can we talk”— she glances around the room— “alone?”
“Sure.” Hand in hand, we walk into the living room and sit on the couch.
Unsure what to say, I choose silence. I’m not even sure how to behave.
“I’m still me, Palmer. I’m still your big sister,” Reed says.
“I need to know everything.” I settle in, preparing for whatever she tells me.
“What do you want to know?”
“Who tried to kill you?” I start with the most important. If she went into hiding, she has to know.
“No one.” Her expression flattens. The lack of emotion is frightening and weird.
“That’s not possible. I saw your dorm room. The lab results said it was your blood.”
“It was my blood, but I’m the one who did that.”
“I don’t understand.” My eyes narrow, searching her body for scars.
“I staged the scene.” Her chin drops to her chest, and I hope it’s because she’s ashamed of the reality she created. “Miss Hughes got ahold of supplies to draw a safe amount of my blood.”
“And you just painted your dorm with it?” When the tangy copper of blood hits my senses, I realize I’ve bitten my tongue.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Byron’s voice bellows throughout the great room.
“Byron, let me explain myself.” Reed stands, rushing to his side. Her hand reaches for his, and he jerks it away. “It was necessary.”
“No.” He jabs a finger in her face. “I almost killed your sister because we thought someone had killed you, Reed. Do you understand that? I took a knife, and I sliced it into this girl’s flesh, and for what?” I flinch at the way he describes the attack. “What was the point?”
“He’s right, Reed. What was the point?” Dixon enters the room. “We’re a family. We come to each other when things get dark and twisted. Whatever had you running, we could have faced it together.”
A door slams, and seconds later, Breaker walks in, pausing at the thick tension in the air. The gang’s all here to hash this out. Something nagging at the back of my mind tells me this will end up going nowhere except in circles.
“I was scared, okay?” Reed begs. “I was scared.”
“And you don’t think she was?” Breaker stops next to me. “You don’t think your sister wasn’t scared out of her mind when she found your dorm room plastered in blood? Because we saw her face. We saw every day she had to live without you.”
“What do you want me to say? I did what I had to do.” Reed tightens her resolve, proving her strength and ability to command the room. “Marek?”
The moment she says his name, I glance beside me to find Breaker and Dixon on one side and Byron on the other. Marek joins us, taking the spot between me and Byron. What a sight we must be to my sister.
A fallen queen’s footmen bend at the knee for another.
I don’t want to be angry with her, but there’s a certain kind of power to have these four in my corner.
“I watched your sister fall apart, over and over again, for an entire year, unable to go to her, to help ease some of the pain.” Marek shifts his eyes from my sister to me. He has my full attention. “And now, this whole time, I learn you had the power to make her pain go away, to stop us depraved sons of bitches from being unleashed on her. Do you expect us to not be upset? What exactly do you expect from us?”
Like I said, having the strength of these four beside me is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I’m selfish and secluded enough from the rest of the world to take it without a second guess.
“If you knew everything . . .” Reed pounds on her chest, a clear sign of her frustration. “If you could see it from where I’m at, you’d know how fucked up this is.”
“Then, please explain it to us, because right now, the only fucked up thing about this is that you didn’t do everything in your power to protect your blood. She is your flesh and blood. I would give anything to be able to . . .” At his slip up, his words trail off. I grab his hand, showing him he’s not alone. “You were reckless with her life, Reed.”
“So, what, this is how it’s going to be now? You pick her. She’s it now?” Reed asks.
“The fact that you think we have to choose between you and your sister, and you’re upset about it, speaks volumes, sweetheart,” Breaker says.
“Okay, enough.” I shift forward enough to separate the boys and my sister. “This isn’t helping anyone. It’s safe to say we’ve each done our fair share of some pretty fucked up things. Whether to protect ourselves, save someone else, or out of blatant fear. Slitting each other’s throats won’t make any of that less true.”
“So, let’s get it out there,” Marek says. “Take the emotions out of it and let’s talk facts.” He turns and heads into the kitchen, and everyone follows him.
Marek sits at the head of the table. Reed and I flank his sides. Breaker chooses the seat next to me with Byron beside Reed. Dixon relaxes into the spot across from Marek.
“I stumbled upon some information,” Reed explains. “I took the notebook because it seemed important at the time. It was my insurance policy, but I don’t know what any of it means.”
“How did you know it was important?” Marek asks.
“Because if it wasn’t, they wouldn’t have gone after Palmer.” Her eyes soften when they flash to me.
“The one under your floorboards at the house?” I grit my teeth, angry she would use me like bait.
“You shouldn’t have gone snooping.” Reed sits forward, resting her elbows on the table with her chin on her cupped hands.
“I know you a little too well. You’ve been hiding things in there since we were young. After I got attacked, I knew something was wrong. They said they were after something much more important than my body, and I assumed it was that damn notebook.” I can still hear the man’s voice in my head.
“Where’s it at, Palmer?” Reed’s eyes dart everywhere in the room, then settle on me with aggressiveness.
“Dixon went and got it from the dorms.” I shrug. “Last place I saw it was under my mattress.”
“Where is it, Dixon? I want it back.” Her hand slaps the tabletop as she turns her attention on him. “And how can you be so stupid?”
“I didn’t know what it was,” I say in defense, catching her anger. “Still don’t.”
“But you did know it was important enough for me to hide it.” Her words are like a knife to my flesh. Harsh and painful. “Again, I�
�ll ask, how can you be so stupid?”
I push out of the chair, knocking it to the floor. Marek calls out, but even he can’t stop me from leaving the room. I don’t go far, but if I stay, I’m liable to punch her.
The two-way bookshelf is the perfect hiding spot for me to see, but not be seen. I peek my head over a stack of old Glass Heart Academy yearbooks, watching them, preparing myself to hear things I don’t want to hear. With me not around, there’s no telling what will be said.
“Was that necessary?” Breaker comes to my defense. “That girl has been through enough. It’s just a fucking notebook.”
“She’s made you softer than you ever were before.” She runs her fingers down the side of Breaker’s face. “I didn’t know it was possible.”
“No, she’s made me realize that not everything is a game.” He swats her hand away, and I grin.
“Is that what this is? You four are done playing games now? Isn’t that how you get off?” Reed goads them. She’s always had a special talent of making others feel bad for their choices.
“Your sister has no trouble getting these two off,” Dixon whispers, his smirk wicked.
“Real nice, dickhead.” Byron rolls his eyes.
“What are you talking about?” Reed’s eyes shift to the doorway, and the fear I’d felt when she walked in the door is staring at me. Everything she thought she had is slipping through her fingers.
“I can explain,” Byron pleads. He’s so desperate for my sister’s approval, it’s almost nauseating.
“Did you fuck my sister?”
At her question, I freeze, making a decision I’m sure to regret.
I hustle into the kitchen, right into the middle of the standoff between my sister and her boys. Breaker’s friendly eyes catch mine, and he places his hand under his chin, prompting me to stand up straight. He’s reminding me to be strong amongst the powerful. He smiles when I emulate him. His confidence bolsters mine.
“Not exactly,” I say, bolder than I expect.
“What does not exactly mean?” Reed’s eyebrow raises in challenge.
If I want this, if I want to be engrained in this thing, now is the time to prove it.
“Marek fucked me”— I smirk at him, and he laughs under his breath— “senseless. A lot. Your second-in-command boy toy just watched”— my pregnant pause is long and intentional— “with his dick in my mouth.”
“Oh, shit!” Dixon mutters under his breath, a laugh on the tip of his tongue.
“You stupid bitch!” Reed lurches over the edge of the table, her arms and legs flailing at me. She grabs the front of Marek’s shirt I’m wearing and yanks me towards her. Her rookie mistake is not getting out of my way fast enough. With a handful of her hair in my fist, I tug her down until her face is against the table.
“Doesn’t feel good, does it? Having your sense of security and faith stripped from underneath you?” I glance around the room. “That’s what these boys always were to you. I get it now.”
“Get what?”
“How you fell into this. It’s easy to feel safe with them, even when they’re the most dangerous thing in your life. That’s what I wanted, to understand you, because maybe then I could find out what happened to you. I had assumed they were part of the reason why you disappeared.”
“It didn’t take you long though, did it, to realize that they aren’t the ones you should fear?” Reed says, a haunted tone to her voice. The ghosts she’s been running from are still nipping at her neck.
“No, it didn’t.”
“What they did to you, it wasn’t fair.”
“It was never about me.” I bat at the tears on my cheeks. “It was always about you.” My stare cuts to Marek. The jealousy in my voice is loud and clear.
Before I know it, my sister has her arms wrapped around me. She holds me as I cry. The anger slips away. The resentment is gone. It’s my sister and me against the world once again.
“I knew you were alive,” I whisper in her ear.
“You never gave up hope,” she sighs.
“The necklace.”
“It wasn’t me who left the necklace.” She gives us both space, offering me a smile.
“Then who was it?” Marek asks.
“Miss Hughes,” Reed announces.
“The nurse,” Marek blurts. “When I left your room that day, I ran into someone. I knew she looked familiar, but her baseball cap disguised her. It’s making a lot more sense.”
“What else don’t we know?” Dixon’s typical serious and stoic face is even more so, only solidifying my worries.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” My eyes shift around the room, begging each of them to understand what I need. “Just give us today, and tomorrow we can deal with everything else.”
“Anything you need,” Byron says, bypassing Marek to drop a kiss on the crown of Reed’s head before leaving the kitchen.
Before leaving, Breaker pauses to kiss us both on the cheek. Dixon, in typical Dixon fashion, nods his head twice and heads for the stairs.
“Dixon, you good?” Reed calls out as his foot hits the bottom tread.
“I’m glad you’re safe,” he says. “But I’m not happy with you.”
“Rightfully so.” She nods once, letting him know she understands. “But the feeling is mutual, Dixon. If you put your hands on my sister again . . .”
“Fair enough.” He nods, softening his eyes as they move to me. “Never again.”
With my sister’s hand in mine, we head into the living room. She sits on the couch beside me, but her mind is elsewhere as she gazes out the window. I run my hand over her hair, relieved at the feel of her underneath my fingertips.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask her, leaning into the couch.
She curls up into a ball beside me, resting her head on my lap. With small strokes, I play with her hair, braiding strands then moving to another chunk to start again.
“It’s strange being here,” she whispers, sitting up and looking around the open space.
It’s in her eyes. She’s lost and afraid.
“It’s strange having you back, being here,” I whisper the most honest thing I can say.
She offers a sad smile that quickly turns to pure laughter. “I can’t believe you slapped me.”
“You have to admit you deserved it.” I grin.
“I came in a little aggressive, didn’t I?” The humility isn’t something I’m used to seeing with Reed. She’s naturally unapologetic.
“Just a little bit.” I hold up my fingers, displaying how little.
“You need to know it’s been hard for me. I may have been out of sight, but I’ve been around. I’ve seen and heard things.”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“No one ever does. These boys are like a fire. Not there one minute, and here the next with a blaze.”
This is when I should ask her about their history. When I get right down to it, it’s why I’m sitting here. The questions never leave my mouth, though. Instead, I lean forward and grab the remote, turning the television on. I flip through the channels until I find a movie we’ve seen close to a hundred times.
“We need snacks,” she announces, standing and heading to the kitchen. She returns a few minutes later with a bag of popcorn, candy, and two cans of Coca-Cola. She grins when she plops down beside me.
For the entire night, we sit on the couch, watching rom-com movies and laughing as if the walls aren’t closing in on us. When the final credits of our third movie roll, we turn to each other, still nothing of any substance discussed.
“I can’t stick around tonight, but I’ll be back tomorrow.” Reed stands and heads straight for the door as the screen goes black.
“Reed?” I holler. She spins, her eyes desperate for me to understand why she needs to leave. “You promise?”
She races to me and wraps her arms around me. This hug is different though. It’s one of fear, and I wonder if she’ll actually come back to
morrow. She must sense my worries.
“I’m not going anywhere.” She holds me at arm’s length, allowing me to see her sincerity.
Before I can process what is happening, she’s gone. Alone and unsure, I walk to the foyer, watching the closed door. I wrench it open and race out into the driveway, afraid the day we’ve spent together has been nothing but a dream.
I catch the taillights of a black SUV, disappearing down the hill.
When I turn for the house, Marek is leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, looking like a Greek god. As if we’ve been struck frozen in a photograph, we assess each other, unmoved, and yet, emotions fill his eyes. Boredom.
When he looks at me, I’m sure he sees a scared girl. I have zero control in what is happening. None of it. My fate is full of a helplessness I refuse to grow accustomed to.
Marek moves to go inside, forcing me to race after him. When I reach him, my hand grips his bicep.
“Go ahead, Palmer. Ask me what you’re dying to know.” He lifts his arm, gesturing to the door I’d left wide open. “Ask me!” His voice raises.
“Don’t push me away, Marek.” He’s a man stuck between two worlds, the one he’s always known, and the one I offer.
“I can see it in your eyes. That fear.” He shakes his head. “My dick would get so hard from seeing that look in your eyes, but then you had to go and ruin it.”
“How’d I ruin it?” I poke my fingers into my chest, feeling the beat of my heart in my throat. What did I do to deserve this from him?
“You ruined it the moment you looked at me like you just did out there. A broken expression on a not so broken girl.”
“I am broken.”
“No, you aren’t. If you were, you wouldn’t be asking me what you’re about to ask me. If you were broken, Palmer, you wouldn’t have the balls to ask me to choose you. You’re going to ask me. Maybe not with so many words, but you’ll ask me.”
“Tell me now, were you truly in love with her?” I release the breath I’m holding.
“I choose you.” Marek’s bored expression morphs into a satisfied grin as he turns away from me.
