He nodded. ‘They’re very important to you, aren’t they?’ he said, carefully, as though filing the information away to think about.
‘Of course. They’re my family.’
If anything, he looked even more impressed than before. After a few seconds, he said, ‘That’s a lot of pressure.’
Was it? She had never stopped to think about it. If she was going to make a difference to the world, then this was what she had to do.
‘How about you?’ she asked. ‘Have you got any brothers or sisters?’ He hadn’t mentioned any when they were chatting on the train.
He shook his head. ‘Just me.’ He looked away for a moment. Looking back, he said, ‘It must be nice, having siblings.’
‘It is.’
‘You have a sister right? Is she younger than you?’
‘Oh no. She’s older. Not that you can tell.’ She thought of Malini with her golden skin and movie star features. She was tall and delicate and had hair that behaved itself. If she were here, Noah would be too distracted by her to talk to Chaya, just like everyone else they’d ever met. ‘She’s the pretty one in the family.’
He smiled. ‘I’m sure that’s not true.’
‘Oh it is. Everyone says so.’
‘Which one are you then?’
‘Me? I’m the sensible one.’ Sensible Chaya. Dependable Chaya. The one who always did the right thing. Except she wasn’t doing the right thing now. Her mother would explode if she knew that Chaya had been for an unchaperoned stroll with a guy. A white guy.
But she wasn’t really doing anything wrong, was she? Just letting him walk along with her while she walked home. She’d already told him she didn’t date.
They arrived at a pond at the far end of the park. It was covered in a thin layer of ice. She’d never come this way before and told him so.
‘There are normally ducks here,’ he said. He bent down and picked a pebble from the ground.
‘Where are they now?’ She looked around, seeking ducks in the undergrowth.
‘Probably gone somewhere warmer.’ He bounced the pebble in his hand. ‘Here,’ he said, taking aim towards the river. ‘Watch this.’
He threw the pebble with a quick flick of the wrist. Chaya recognised the throw. Thatha used it to skip stones on the surface of the sea. Chaya and Malini had spent many a family holiday trying to copy it. She had never mastered it. Neither, it seemed, had Noah. The stone cracked the ice and went into the water.
‘That wasn’t supposed to happen.’ He looked so crestfallen that Chaya had to swallow the laugh that rose in her throat.
‘Try again?’ she suggested.
He looked at her suspiciously as if checking if she was laughing at him and picked up another stone. His ears were going red. This time the stone skipped a couple of times, making a zinging sound as it ricocheted off the ice.
Chaya was enchanted. ‘I’ve never seen that before.’
‘It would have been more impressive if it had worked first time,’ Noah said, glaring at the hole left by the earlier pebble.
Chaya couldn’t stop the laugh escaping. She covered her mouth with her hand. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘But you looked so cross.’
Noah grinned, a little sheepishly.
Chaya grinned back. In spite of the cold, her face felt warm.
* * *
They chatted easily as they walked the rest of the way back to the gates on Norham Gardens and crossed the roads towards Jericho. When they reached the place where they had to part ways, Noah said, ‘I’m going for an ice cream, want to come with me?’
For a second, Chaya felt the pull of what might have been. But she shook her head. ‘Look, Noah. I told you. I don’t—’
His eyes met hers. ‘I like you,’ he said, simply. ‘I really would like to see you again.’
She liked him too. If only she could allow herself to feel that … But she couldn’t. There were things that just didn’t fit into her world and dating was one of those things. It was so hard to explain. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t.’
She could tell him she wasn’t interested in him in that way and it would be the end of this. But she would hurt him. Besides, it wasn’t true. There was nothing she could say to make this better. So she looked away. ‘It’s complicated.’
Noah sighed. ‘I guess it must be.’ He put his cycle helmet back on. ‘Still, you can’t blame a guy for trying,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you around, Chaya. Take care.’
‘You too.’
She watched him cycle off and carried on walking, but now she was aware of a Noah-shaped absence in her world. She tried to untangle all the things he made her feel. She’d had crushes on people before, but it had all been at a distance; lukewarm and fleeting attractions to people she’d never actually got to know. Nothing visceral like this. She had butterflies in her stomach. She’d assumed that was just a figure of speech, but it turned out it was a real feeling.
But she didn’t have time for this. She was here to study. Her plan involved getting her degree, then focusing on prevention of tropical diseases for her PhD, so that she could do research that saved lives. She was going to be someone. A pioneering woman among all the male scientists you heard about at school. Someone who made a difference to the world. She owed it to everyone at home … and to herself.
Oh, her parents wanted her to get married and have a conventional life. She would, eventually, but right now, it wasn’t on her priority list. Her main task was to finish her degree with a 2.1 at least, so that she could go on to do a PhD. The degree was actually harder work than she’d anticipated. There was no room for distractions. So she had done the right thing, telling Noah she wasn’t interested.
Her heart sank a little. Hadn’t she?
Chapter Seven
Chaya – London, 2005
Chaya rang the doorbell to Sara’s house. Her friend opened the door and Chaya stepped straight into her hug. She hadn’t seen Sara for a few weeks. They usually tried to meet up at least once a month. Even though most of her social circle had disappeared off to live their separate lives, Sara and Jay had remained. In the absence of her real family, Sara and Jay were the next best thing.
When Sara released her, she handed over the bag containing a bottle of wine and a chocolate cake before taking off her coat. She followed Sara into the living room, which was a mess.
‘Wine first? Or tea?’ said Sara.
‘You choose.’ She looked at the Lego strewn across the floor and her fingers itched to tidy up.
‘Wine,’ Sara said, instantly. ‘Lemme get some glasses.’
Chaya knelt on the floor and gathered the Lego into the box. ‘Where are the boys?’ she shouted over her shoulder. Sara had three sons, all under ten. If the boys were in the house, you knew about it.
‘Jay’s taken them to the grandparents. He’s picking our dinner up on the way back.’ Sara came back in with the glasses. ‘Oh, you don’t have to do that,’ she said. ‘Just leave it. I’ve learned to ignore it.’
‘I don’t mind.’ She scooped up the various books and put them in the book drawer. She’d spent enough time hanging out here, helping Sara with the kids, that she knew exactly where everything went. Another quick round of picking up and the little cars and action toys were dumped into the right basket. ‘There,’ she said.
‘Oh, you’re a star.’ Sara held out a glass to her.
Chaya took it and sank into a chair. There was still straightening out that could be done, but she had to stop. This wasn’t her house.
‘I'm knackered,’ said Sara. She leaned back on the sofa, frowned and reached behind her. She pulled out a Wolverine figure from behind her and flicked it deftly into the toy basket. ‘Who knew kids were so exhausting?’
Chaya looked at her friend. At university, Sara had been quirky and full of energy. She had worn odd grungy clothes and dyed her hair different colours. Now she had adopted the universal mum uniform of jeans and button-down shirts and looked shattered. Her hair was her natural brown
most of the time. All that remained of the free spirit she one was, were the multiple piercings in her ears. And Jay, of course.
Chaya grinned. ‘But you wouldn’t change it for the world?’ Sara always added that at the end, whenever she moaned about the kids.
Sara took a gulp of wine and waved her glass in agreement. She swallowed. ‘They’re so cute when they’re asleep,’ she said. ‘Funny how you can love them more when they’re not conscious.’
‘That sounds… very wrong, somehow.’ Chaya pushed a bunch of magazines into a tidy pile. Seeing Sara’s glance, she said, ‘Sorry. I’ll stop now.’
‘The only time this place looks tidy is when you’ve been,’ said Sara. ‘Remember that time when you got the boys to clean their rooms. I don’t know how you did it.’
‘Aunty magic.’
‘So,’ Sara said, settling back. ‘What’s new with you?’
Chaya cradled her glass and leaned forward. ‘I… saw Noah a couple of days ago.’ Now that a few days had passed, she could say it without residual panic. It still hurt, but not as much.
Sara almost choked on her wine. ‘What?’ she sat forward, turning to Chaya. ‘When? Where?’
Chaya gave her a sideways glance. ‘You forgot “who” and “why”.’ If she made light of it, maybe it wouldn’t feel so bad.
Sara raised her eyebrows.
Chaya sighed. ‘He was giving a talk at the uni. I went along to listen.’ She shook her head. ‘It was a stupid thing to have done.’
‘And?’
She looked into her glass. ‘He’s married,’ she said. ‘They have a son.’
Sara put down her glass and wrapped her arms around Chaya. ‘Oh, mate.’ She gave her a hug. ‘Are you okay?’
Chaya put her own glass down on the coffee table and leaned her head against her friend’s shoulder. ‘I don’t know.’ She sighed. ‘I really need to move on, don’t I?’ she said. ‘I had to focus on my career. I’m doing that. Maybe I should think about the other stuff too.’
Sara had been telling her that for years, but had the good grace not to point this out. ‘Sounds sensible. What would you do?’
Chaya shrugged. ‘Join… some… clubs?’ she said. The sentence sounded unconvincing even to her.
‘Uhuh.’ Sara gave her another squeeze. ‘Have you ever done clubs and societies?’
‘Well no, but I could. Right?’
‘You could join my book group.’
‘The one you always complain about because they always choose big books that you can never finish in time?’
‘That one. You can do the reading, because you always do the reading and then you can cover for me.’ Sara grinned.
‘Hmm.’ She knew that Sara always did the reading too, even if she was too tired to recall any of it. Some things never changed.
‘More seriously,’ said Sara. ‘What do you enjoy doing? Could you join one of the clubs at the uni—’
‘I can’t do stuff at the uni. My students might be there and that would be weird.’
‘Okay… how about…’ Sara thought some more.
‘I was thinking, I might go home for a longer holiday,’ Chaya said. She hadn’t lived in Sri Lanka for over a decade, but it was still where she thought of as home. ‘It’ll be nice to get to know my niece and nephew a bit.’ What she didn’t say was that it would remind her of the whole point of giving up Noah. She had broken up with him for the sake of her career and her family. She may as well remind herself why.
Sara nodded. ‘That’s probably a good idea. You’ve been working so hard. You should take a proper holiday. Go learn to surf or something.’ She nudged her gently. ‘Who knows, you might meet someone.’
‘Don’t let my mother hear you say that,’ said Chaya. ‘She’ll be lining up “suitable” men within minutes.’
‘Would that be that such a bad thing?’
‘I don’t think I’m ready,’ said Chaya. ‘It’s such a big thing. Give me time.’
Sara gave her a sharp look. It had been ten years since Noah. ‘How much time do you need?’
Thankfully, the front door opened. Jay was home with several bags of Chinese food. Sara set Chaya the task of putting out plates, while a whispered conversation took place in the kitchen. Chaya knew Sara was telling her husband about Noah. This was confirmed when Jay came out of the kitchen and, without a word, gave Chaya a bear hug. Jay was a big man, tall and wide, but his hug was gentle. There was something about the size of him that made him seem more real than anything else around him. A solid, reassuring presence.
‘Whatever you need us for, mate, we’re here,’ he said.
Chaya nodded. She knew that. They always had been.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
She shook her head. ‘Not really. I mean, I appreciate Sara trying to find me a hobby, but…’
Jay rolled his eyes. ‘I can imagine.’
‘Hey.’ Sara poked him in the back.
Jay pulled a face and Chaya laughed. This was why she came here. Sara and Jay were her role models for a relationship. If she were ever to have a marriage, this was what she wanted it too look like. Ha! If she got married. That wasn’t likely.
Chapter Eight
Chaya – Colombo, 2005
The car reached the gate to the house and Thatha beeped the horn. Seconds later, Leela, the home help, came running down to the gate. She dragged the gates open and stood to the side to let them drive in. Chaya waved to her as they went past; she grinned her gap-toothed grin and waved shyly back.
Leela had been working for them since Chaya was about ten. Chaya could vaguely remember her turning up, a thin, tearful figure in a lungi cloth and blouse. She and Malini had stood in the corridor outside the kitchen, listening as Leela explained to their parents how she had left her husband because he hit her. Her parents were too old, she said, to support her and she needed a place to work and live. Chaya’s parents had agreed to a trial period of six weeks. She had been with them ever since.
The car pulled into the shade of the carport. Chaya hopped out and looked around. A stretch of leafy green separated the gated walls from the front of the house. Over the years that she’d been away, the plants that made up the borders had spread out a bit – the various coloured roses, the bright yellow trumpet flowers, fat red hibiscus. Amma’s lemon tree was so laden with yellow globes that its branches had been propped up to stop them breaking.
Closer to the house, providing shade to the veranda, were two frangipani trees. The garden and house met in the veranda, which had waist-high wooden lattice walls. The jasmine vines that they’d planted, one Malini’s, the other Chaya’s, now hid the main pillars entirely, making the roof look like it was growing out of the vines. She was surprised anew at how aggressively verdant plants in Sri Lanka looked, their leaves a dark green that you seldom saw in England.
The house was an L-shaped bungalow, with the bedrooms on a short corridor at one side, and a long living-dining room and kitchen on the other. The land sloped sharply down at the back, allowing a small room to be built as a basement to the kitchen. That was Leela’s room, the coolest place in the house.
Having secured the gate, Leela came down to the car, still smiling broadly. She made an eloquent movement of the head that said how pleased she was to see Chaya.
‘How are you, Leela?’ Chaya said, in Singhalese.
‘I’m well, baby,’ she said, bowing her head slightly. Although Chaya and Malini were both adults now, Leela still called them ‘baby’. Leela appraised her from top to toe, and said, ‘Baby’s lost weight.’
That meant that she would be spending the next three weeks trying to fatten her up. Again.
There was a cry of ‘They’re here!’ and two small figures raced out to hug her. Chaya laughed and wrapped her arms around her niece and nephew. She bestowed hugs and kisses on tops of heads. Kapila, her nephew, was seven and still adorable. His big sister, Nayana, was ten. Chaya had come home when Nayana was born, despite it being in the middle
of her undergrad studies. To her, Nayana would always be, on some level, the tiny baby that she had held in her arms and rocked to sleep. She was the only member of the family that Chaya had fully confessed to about Noah, and that was only because she was too tiny to understand any of it. Nayana was special.
But of course, she had to pretend she didn’t have a favourite out of the two children. ‘I’ve got some stuff for you in the bags,’ she said. She had carefully got them the same number of presents.
Amma, Malini and her husband Ajith waited for her in the veranda. She went over and genuflected in front of her mother, who pulled her up and hugged her tightly. Chaya hugged her back, breathing in the familiar warmth of her. They held each other until the children got impatient for sweets and clamoured around them.
‘Let me get my shoes off,’ Chaya told the children. ‘And I’ll find the sweets I got for you.’ They were in her handbag. She wasn’t an amateur at this. You had to give the kids sweets before you got to talk to the adults.
With her shoes off, she stood still on the polished red floor. It felt cool. She savoured the feeling for a moment and then padded over to drop into a seat. The soles of her feet would turn red from the floor polish, but she didn’t care.
She fished out the tubes of Smarties and handed them out, one to each child. ‘Now go and play,’ Malini said. ‘Take the picnic mat with you if you’re going to sit on the grass.’
The pair ran out into the garden. Malini could easily keep an eye on them from where she was.
‘So,’ said Amma, sitting down and fanning herself a little with the end of her sari. ‘How is work?’
‘It’s okay,’ Chaya said. ‘I had a couple of papers published last year, so I’m getting there with that. I’ve just put in for a European grant. If that comes off, it would be great.’
From their glazed expressions, she could tell she’d lost them. ‘It’s good,’ she said. ‘Hard work, but rewarding.’
A Convenient Marriage Page 4
