‘I’m a student,’ said Zack.
He felt a curious drop somewhere in his chest. A student. A youngster. He’d looked too old. Gimhana tried to recalibrate his view. ‘Oh yes? What are you studying?’
‘Business and IT. I’m an app developer really, so the IT side is easy enough. It’s the business side I’m really there for.’
Someone approached the bar. Zack said, ‘Excuse me,’ before heading off to serve the customer, which Gimhana thought was sweet.
Gimhana watched Zack walk over to his customer. He was cute and apparently interested. Gimhana reminded himself that he didn’t do random hook-ups. He sneaked another glance at Zack. No matter how enticing the prospect. He should finish his pint and get himself out of there.
Zack returned. ‘I couldn’t help noticing you looking,’ he said, quietly. ‘I finish my shift and close up in half an hour. Would you like to… go for a drink?’
Gimhana was too surprised to reply for a second. He wanted to. Genuinely. But things were more complicated than that.
‘That sounds tempting,’ he said. ‘But you’re very young.’
‘I’m not that young,’ Zack said. ‘I’m twenty-nine. Thirty in two weeks.’ He gave a theatrical shudder.
‘Oh that’s not so bad.’ He spoke before he’d thought it through. Oh, crap. That sounded keen.
‘No?’ Zack’s eyes danced with laughter. The flare of attraction Gimhana felt at that moment made him forget how to breathe.
‘Listen,’ Zack leaned forward, wiping down the bar. ‘I’m a mature student. I held down a job before I went back to uni. I’m not some fragile young thing fresh out of school. I work this job, keep up with my course and still work on my business…’ His gaze locked on to Gimhana’s. ‘So I think I’m old enough to know what I want.’
Gimhana recovered his poise. ‘You’re… very direct.’
Zack shrugged. ‘Life’s too short.’ He smiled. ‘So…?’
Oh, what the hell. Just this once. ‘Sure.’
He was rewarded with the most suggestive of grins. Zack went across to tell the others at the bar that it was nearly closing time. Gimhana finished his drink. He couldn’t stand up right now without embarrassing himself.
‘Will you be settling up now, sir?’ said Zack. ‘Or shall I charge it to your room?’ The slightest rise of the eyebrow.
Gimhana nearly laughed out loud. He gave his room number. Zack said, ‘thank you very much,’ then added, ‘thirty minutes,’ in an undertone.
When Gimhana reached his room, he realised he was still grinning. He felt almost giddy, which was ridiculous. He was nearly forty, living a life that revolved around work and a housemate he called his wife. His life had been given over to functionality. Everything was practical. But half an hour of flirting with a hot young thing had made him feel a buzz like he hadn’t felt in years.
He checked the room to make sure it was presentable. He was naturally organised, so it didn’t take long to get everything tidied away. He checked the mini bar, then sat on the bed and waited.
The knock on the door was soft. He opened it to find Zack standing outside, wearing a leather jacket over his barman’s uniform and looking insanely hot in it. Gimhana let him in and out of habit, checked the corridor.
‘No one there,’ said Zack. ‘I checked. And I took the service lift. Relax. I can do discretion.’
Gimhana closed the door. Zack took his jacket off and laid it on the back of the chair in the corner of the room.
‘Do you do this a lot?’ He didn’t know why he asked. He didn’t really care about the answer at that moment. Now that Zack was here, standing only a few feet away, he could barely think straight for wanting him. All thoughts had followed the blood flow down to his groin.
Zack took a step closer. ‘No,’ he said. The faint stubble on his jaw caught the light.
Gimhana put his hands on Zack’s sides and felt the hard body underneath. Zack smiled and reached up to caress his face, his palm rubbing along the side of Gimhana’s neck. The warm touch made Gimhana’s skin zing. He closed his eyes as Zack moved closer.
‘You,’ Zack murmured. ‘Are gorgeous.’
Gimhana closed the gap and kissed him. He felt the responding kiss in every part of him. He knew at that moment that he was lost … and he didn’t care.
Chapter Forty-Six
Chaya – London, 2016
Chaya said goodbye to her sister and hung up. She had heard Gimhana come in whilst she was on the phone. She went into the kitchen to find him, frowning.
He was pulling things out the fridge to make dinner. It was Friday and he cooked on Friday nights. ‘Hello,’ he said. He glanced at her over his shoulder and paused. ‘What’s wrong? Is everything okay at home?’ He closed the fridge door and turned to her, his hands full of tomatoes.
‘Everyone’s fine,’ she said. ‘But Malini had a strange suggestion.’ She went to stand next to him.
‘Oh yes?’ He rinsed the tomatoes.
‘She wants Nayana to come visit us. She and Ajith think it’ll do her good.’
‘That sounds nice.’ He paused and looked at her. ‘What’s worrying you? Are you thinking you’ll have to take time off to be their tour guide?’
‘Well, there’s that.’ She was really busy at work. She needed to keep up the cycle of applying for grants and getting papers published, especially if she was going to apply for the professorship that would open up when the department’s deputy head retired. Taking two weeks off to show her niece around wouldn't be ideal. ‘Also, it’s not “them”, it’s just her. They want to send her by herself.’ She grabbed a knife and a chopping board.
He handed the tomatoes to her. ‘Salad, please.’ He got out his own knife and started cutting root ginger into fine slices. ‘So?’
‘I’d have to look after her,’ she said. ‘I’d be responsible for her.’
For a few minutes, he didn’t say anything. They stood side by side, cutting up vegetables. Tomato salad was one of the few things that Chaya could reliably make. Gimhana had tried to teach her to cook, but he enjoyed it and she didn’t, so now he did most of the cooking. Friday night was always curry night. She moved away slightly when he diced the onion, because the fumes made her eyes water.
‘The other thing is, she’d be staying here. Just her and us. She’ll be curious and … she might notice.’
Gimhana paused. ‘Hmm…’ he said. ‘How long is she planning to come for?’
‘Two weeks. Next summer.’ Chaya threw the tomatoes in a bowl and added some coriander leaves on top. It was not a traditional salad, more a salsa, but it went well with Gimhana’s chicken pilau and dahl, so who cared? ‘Two weeks is a long time, Gim. She’ll be in our pockets the whole time.’
‘And she does look up to you,’ he said. ‘So she will be watching what you do. I see why you’re worried.’
‘I can’t say no,’ said Chaya. ‘I said I’d check the diary for dates when we were both here. Just to buy us some time.’
Gimhana frowned and went back to his cooking. He added mustard seeds into the pot with hot oil and waited until they popped before adding the onion and curry leaves. The smell of frying onion filled the kitchen. She passed him the cinnamon sticks before he asked.
‘I know we’ve had people come to stay before,’ she said. ‘But it’s only been for a weekend and they’re usually so busy sightseeing that they barely see the inside of the house.’
Gimhana put the lentil dahl on and pushed it to the back burner to simmer. He turned to her. ‘I think,’ he said. ‘We should let her come. This…’ he waved a hand to include the kitchen. ‘This is pretty normal. Our life is pretty normal. I’ll sleep in the master bedroom, like we do when we have guests and then it’ll look just like any other couple’s house. I don’t think we have anything to worry about.’ He smiled. ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine.’
She wasn’t so sure. It must have shown in her face, because he put a hand on hers and said. ‘It will all turn out for the bes
t. Trust me.’
Chapter Forty-Seven
Gimhana – Manchester, 2012
Gimhana hesitated outside the pub. It wasn’t somewhere he’d been before and he was wary. He passed for straight, but his past experience had made him nervous, plus he was also Asian. Besides, even in jeans and a jumper, his middle-class lawyer-ness was difficult to shake. It wasn’t a problem in London, but here, who knew?
The misgivings he’d been feeling all week nagged at him.
His night with Zack all those weeks ago, was meant to have been a one-off. He remembered saying so on that first night, when he’d sat naked on the bed and watched Zack pull his clothes back on just before dawn. Zack had looked over his shoulder and said, ‘That would be such a waste.’
‘I … can’t. I can’t do relationships. It’s too much.’
Zack had moved across and pushed him back, pinning him under the weight of his gorgeous body. His kiss was searing. ‘Too much?’ he said. ‘Are you sure?’
Gimhana shook his head and gently pushed him off. ‘Pretty sure.’
The look of disappointment on Zack’s face would have melted a heart of stone. But he couldn’t see him again. Not because he didn’t want to. ‘If I see you again,’ he said, slowly. ‘I won’t ever be able to stop. And I can’t do commitment.’
Zack rolled his eyes. ‘Seriously? Jesus. I’m not talking about getting married.’
Gimhana winced. Should he tell Zack he was already married? It was a sham marriage, but it would stop this conversation in its tracks. Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to do that.
Zack grabbed the hotel stationery and scribbled something on it. ‘Well,’ he said. ‘In case you change your mind. You know where to find me.’ He folded the paper and handed it to Gimhana. ‘And don’t worry. I won’t try to find you. I’m not that needy.’ He headed to the door.
‘Zack…’ Gimhana leapt off the bed and reached for him.
‘What?’
‘I’m sorry, okay?’ He put his hand on his arm. ‘I had the most amazing time with you. I’d like us to part on good terms.’
For a few seconds, Zack didn’t respond. He looked sad and Gimhana felt terrible for hurting him. ‘I’m sorry too,’ Zack said, finally. ‘I like you. I want to see you again. But you were clear about it from the start… so… yeah. It was fun.’
And then he’d left.
A few hours later, Gimhana, packing up, had put the note in the pocket of his bag. It would have been so easy to leave it behind; just throw it in the bin and walk away, but there was something about Zack. His normal encounters were always clear-cut. But with Zack it felt different. They had talked, lying in bed. Nothing too deep, but somehow full of meaning. So he had taken the number home. And a week ago, while making plans to go back to see the client, he’d texted him. He shouldn’t have. But one drink couldn’t hurt. It would be nice if he could make a friend.
It was getting dark when Gimhana reached the pub. He checked his phone in case of any last minute texts. No. This was still happening. He stamped down a last protest from his conscience and went in.
It was busy, considering it was mid week. Zack was standing at the bar. He waved Gimhana over.
‘I got you a pint,’ he said.
‘Thanks.’ He thought of that night, sitting at the bar, flirting quietly and felt a flutter low in his stomach.
He followed Zack to a table to the side of the bar and tried not to stare at his bum. Zack shrugged his jacket off and slung it over the chair. His t-shirt was snug against his toned chest and the jeans made it clear how muscular his thighs were. Gimhana gave an involuntary sigh.
‘So,’ said Zack. ‘I told you we’d meet again.’ He grinned, so sure of himself. It should have been off-putting, but it wasn’t.
‘Just for a drink,’ said Gimhana.
‘Right.’
When Gimhana held his gaze and said nothing, Zack sighed. ‘Fine. If that’s what you need.’ He took a sip from his beer. ‘So, how’s it going?’
They fell into conversation, chatting about their respective work. Gimhana maintained a careful distance, making sure not to touch him. Zack told him about his app, the real reason for his interest in business and marketing. His final year project was relevant to his market research. His drive was impressive. Although Gimhana knew very little about apps, he knew a fair bit about investment contracts. As they got deeper into the discussion, he forgot his reserve.
The conversation moved on to music and art. Zack was horrified that Gimhana knew so little about music, while Gimhana pretended to be equally shocked by Zack’s ambivalence to art. By the time a few hours had passed, they were laughing like old friends.
‘I’d better get back,’ said Gimhana. ‘I should do some reading for my meeting tomorrow morning.’
Zack stretched, making his t-shirt pull tight against his sculpted chest. ‘I’ll walk back with you.’
Gimhana dragged his gaze away from Zack’s chest and grabbed his jacket.
They walked back side by side, sticking to well lit streets, chatting quietly.
‘So what changed?’ said Zack. ‘How come you called me?’
Gimhana looked straight ahead and answered, ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you.’
‘Hah,’ said Zack. ‘I have that effect on people.’
‘Uhuh.’
‘If it helps,’ said Zack. ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you either. It’s like I know you … like I always knew you. I just needed to find you again. If that makes any sense.’
Weirdly, it did. He hadn’t expected to feel this way ever again.
‘I know what you mean,’ he said, miserably. ‘I wish I could be with you.’
‘And you can’t … why exactly?’
‘I’ve told you why!’ Except he hadn’t been completely honest. He should tell him. He had a deal with Chaya. No affairs. Seeing Zack twice was probably okay. To see him any more than that would be pushing it. He could have the wife and the outward normality. Or he could have Zack.
He fell out of step with Zack, so that he could look at him. That body, those jeans, that confident strut. Oh, but he wanted to have Zack. He really, really wanted to.
Zack half turned and smiled at him. ‘I told you. If it’s that important to you, I can do discreet.’
But Zack was in Manchester. Chaya was in London. He was good at secrets. He’d tell Zack eventually, when he was ready. He’d understand. Probably. Gimhana looked him up and down. ‘Really?’
Zack rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah. So. Your place or mine?’
Gimhana laughed. Just like that, it was decided. They picked up the pace and carried on walking towards his hotel. This made him so happy it couldn’t possibly be wrong.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Chaya – London, 2013
Chaya met Sara for dinner at a tapas restaurant that she and Gimhana had tried out a few months before. They ordered a bottle of red and stared at the menu.
‘I don’t know,’ said Sara. ‘I’m too tired to make decisions this evening. What’s good?’
Chaya scrunched up her nose. ‘I can’t remember,’ she said. ‘The prawns were nice, I remember that.’ She scanned the menu. ‘There’s a sharing platter here. Shall we just go for that?’
‘Oh yes please! Let’s do that.’ Sara closed the menu. ‘Done. Now then, let’s get to the important stuff.’
‘You first,’ said Chaya. ‘How is everyone?’
Sara told her what was new with her, Jay and the boys. ‘Jay’s just gone up a pay grade, so that’s going to come in handy when the uni bills start coming in,’ she said. ‘So all in all, things are looking up. How about you?’
Chaya took out her phone. ‘This went up today.’ She pulled up a screenshot of the university’s job alerts. ‘It’s internal applicants only at the moment.’ She handed the phone to Sara.
‘Professor? Nice. Are you going to go for it?’
‘I think so. I’ve got a decent publication record and I’ve brought in a pre
tty big grant recently.’
‘Brilliant. I’m glad. You’ve worked so hard, you deserve it.’
‘The competition is going to be fairly stiff though,’ Chaya said. ‘And mostly men.’
‘So?’ said Sara. ‘You’ve got to keep pushing, or the boundaries will never move. You’re still going to apply, right?’
‘Of course. You’ve got to be in it to win it, as Gimhana would say.’
Sara laughed. ‘And how is he? We haven’t seen him in ages.’
‘Oh, busy. Always busy. He’s up in Manchester at the moment. He’s been working quite hard. I had to remind him to take a night off last month; it’s usually the other way around.’
Sara took a sip of her wine and gave her a long look. ‘Is everything going okay with him? Are you still happy?’
Chaya shrugged. ‘Of course I am.’
Sara’s gaze was serious. ‘I’m glad,’ she said. ‘When you suddenly produced him and said you were going to get married, I was a little worried, but it seems to be working out. I’m pleased for you.’ She smiled. ‘I’m a little envious, to be honest. You guys have a remarkably … laid-back existence.’
Sara knew her better than anyone. Lying to her never got any easier. ‘Hardly laid-back,’ Chaya said. ‘One or the other of us is always running after some crisis at work.’
Her friend conceded that. ‘Yes, but you still go out and do stuff. I can’t remember the last time Jay and I did anything fun.’
‘We don’t have kids,’ Chaya said. ‘Which means our evenings are our own … work permitting.’
‘Oh yeah,’ said Sara, wistfully. ‘No regrets on that score?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘I don’t think I would make a very good parent anyway.’
‘You’re pretty good with my kids. They love you.’
‘I can be the cool aunty. That, I’m good at.’ She smiled. ‘Speaking of which, my niece is coming to visit in a few months. I’ll essentially be in loco parentis for two weeks. She’s eighteen. It’s terrifying.’ The idea genuinely scared her. She tried to tell herself that, at nearly eighteen, Nayana was practically an adult, but when she thought about Malini at eighteen, she knew that adulthood was still years away. What if something happened? The very thought of it made her feel ill. ‘So much could go wrong.’
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