A Convenient Marriage

by A Convenient Marriage (retail) (epub)

  Nayana grinned. ‘Thanks, I didn’t want to be rude…’ She stood up. Chaya waved her apology away. ‘For these few weeks, this is your home, you should be able to just relax and be yourself.’ She watched Nayana go into the kitchen. ‘It’s in the third cupboard from the left,’ she said, even though the cupboards, shelves and jars were all individually labelled.

  ‘Lunch was really expensive,’ said Nayana, coming back to the table and dolloping a spoonful of chilli, onion and Maldive fish onto the side of her plate. ‘Is everything so expensive in London?’

  ‘Mostly,’ said Chaya.

  Nayana seemed to think about this. They ate in silence for a while. Suddenly, Nayana said, ‘Can we go to Oxford one day?’

  ‘Oxford?’ Chaya went cold. It took some effort to keep her expression neutral. It was inevitable that she would have to take Nayana to Oxford during her stay. She just wasn’t sure how she would deal with it.

  ‘Yeah, I can see your college, maybe watch some people rowing.’

  ‘Erm… yes, of course.’ Chaya looked at her plate. Why did she feel this wrench inside? She had been to Oxford before, for conferences and meetings. She had always maintained a professional detachment, preferring to move from train to taxi to venue, rather than amble through the city where memories might accost her at any point. ‘Provided Gimhana Bappa is able to come.’

  Nayana looked up at her. She was a smart girl, more like Ajith in the way her mind pounced on things, than Malini. She couldn’t have failed to notice Chaya’s reticence.

  ‘Shall I ask him when he comes home?’ Nayana said, her smile disarming.

  * * *

  Chaya was marking essays at the table by the time Gimhana got home. Nayana sat beside her, reading a guidebook to work out what she wanted to see the following day.

  Gimhana had been made a partner in his firm soon after he got married. This didn’t make any difference to the hours he worked. While Nayana was visiting he had promised to make an effort to come home early, but it was still nearly nine p.m. when he returned that night. The open-plan layout meant that they could see into the kitchen, past the counter that held the stove top.

  ‘Hello ladies!’ he said as he breezed straight into the kitchen. ‘Have we had a good day?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Nayana, putting her finger in the book, so that she didn’t lose her place. ‘How about you?’

  ‘Not bad,’ said Gimhana.

  ‘There’s shepherd’s pie in the fridge,’ said Chaya, not looking up from her marking.

  ‘Lovely.’ He dished out a plate of it and put it in the microwave.

  Nayana approached the worktop that divided the two rooms and leaned on it. ‘Gimhana Bappa,’ she said. ‘Will you come with us to Oxford on Saturday?’

  ‘Saturday?’ said Gimhana, ‘I’ve got a big project on at the moment. We’re trying to land work with this venture capital group…’

  Chaya looked up. The possibility of having to walk round Oxford without Gimhana for support was unthinkable. Her heart picked up speed. What if the memories got too much for her? What if she had a panic attack in front of Nayana? She tried to project to him the gravity of the situation.

  His gaze met hers. For a moment, they stared at each other, communicating without words.

  Finally, he said, ‘I’m sure I can sort something out. I’ll probably work late on Friday.’ The microwave pinged. He picked up his plate and came to join Chaya at the table. ‘Let’s hope we have nice weather for it.’

  Chaya gratefully extended a hand and touched his arm. He put his hand over hers and gave it a quick squeeze before settling down to eat.

  ‘So, what sights did you see today?’ he said, as he picked up his fork.

  Nayana pulled out her camera and started to tell him about their day.

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Chaya – Oxford, 2013

  The outskirts of Oxford had changed over the years, but Chaya recognised the countryside as it slid past. The closer the train got to the station, the more her memories weighed on her. The last year she’d spent there, her final year, had been a weary exercise in study and despondency. The feeling of despair was still there, just waiting for her to step out onto the platform.

  When the train pulled into Oxford, Gimhana sprang into action, storing his laptop in his backpack and taking the picnic basket down from the overhead shelf. He ushered Chaya and Nayana off the train, which was just as well, or Chaya wouldn’t have got off. She let herself be hustled gently into the main station.

  ‘Right,’ Gimhana said, opening the map. ‘I think we should go and see all the main sights first. Chaya can fill us in on any interesting facts as we go past.’

  The world closed in. There was a knot in her chest, taking up room where her lungs should be. Chaya took a deep breath, trying to loosen up the anxiety before it got any bigger, as she had been taught by one of the counsellors she’d seen.

  Gimhana nudged her shoulder with his. She looked up and met his gaze. His eyes gestured towards Nayana. Yes. Nayana. She had to focus on Nayana. She took a deep breath and tried to focus on the here and now.

  ‘I want to see Chaya Punchi’s college,’ said Nayana.

  ‘We can do that en route,’ said Gimhana, pointing it out on the map. ‘Okay, let’s see now, we head off… that way. Is that right?’

  Chaya nodded. They set off towards town. As they crossed the low bridge over the canal into Oxford proper, Gimhana offered her his arm. She slipped her hand through it, grateful for the support and the reminder of how far she’d moved on.

  * * *

  The weather brightened. It was almost as though the city itself had decided to make a special effort to welcome her back. Nayana appeared to have read everything she could get her hands on about Oxford and had a list of places she wanted to see, at the top of which was Chaya’s old college.

  ‘Has it changed much since you were here?’ said Nayana.

  Chaya looked around. The main quad looked the same as it had always done. Ivy clung to the stonework. Music and voices trickled down from the rooms above.

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘The older parts of town don’t usually change very much.’

  Nayana photographed the windows that peeped through the greenery. ‘Did you live in one of these rooms?’

  ‘No, I never came up high enough on the room ballot. I lived in one of the newer buildings.’ In her final year, she’d avoided halls and lived in a college house in Jericho with Sara and a few others. She remembered little of those rooms. Not the layout of the rooms, nor the colour of the walls. They had passed in an exhausted haze.

  Curiously, she could remember every essay she’d written, every lecture, every hard-earned mote of knowledge.

  ‘Is it far to where your room was?’ said Nayana, still gaping at the quad.

  ‘I’ll show you if you like.’ Chaya led them under the archway and through to the smaller quad flanked by stone buildings on two sides and a concrete monstrosity on the third.

  ‘My room was…’ said Chaya, counting the windows until she found the right one, ‘that one. Third floor, second along.’

  Nayana took a photo of it. Chaya knew it would be shown to the family. And this is Chaya Punchi’s room when she was a student.

  A girl wearing a dress over a pair of jeans was lying on the bench in the quad, reading. She looked up to give them that disdainful look that students reserved for tourists. Chaya remembered that look. She wondered if she’d ever used it herself. It seemed so strange that she should now be on the receiving end of it. This place had been hers for four years. Yet now, she was almost a stranger to it. It stayed the same, almost untouched by the ever-changing tide of students who, although dressed differently, were also, basically, the same. She wondered if, at this moment, there was a serious Sri Lankan girl in a college somewhere, falling in love with a man whom she was doomed to lose. She closed her eyes to dislodge the idea.

  Seeing the places from her past through the eyes of her young niece, breathe
d on memories she’d tried hard to bury. At times, Chaya was unable to tell her anything about a place. The only things she could think of were along the lines of, ‘Noah once bought me a rose from a wandering seller there,’ or ‘Noah used to lock his bike to that sign.’ She felt the panic start to rise and did her best to control it, turning away from Nayana, so that she didn’t see it. At these times, Gimhana would step in, smoothly reading extracts from the guidebook and directing Nayana’s attention away. Chaya clung to his arm, no longer able to let go.

  They walked round several colleges and ended up in the University Parks, sitting on the grass by the Rainbow Bridge. They had their lunch watching some children play poohsticks. Chaya sat with her back to the pond where Noah had once tried to skip stones to impress her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention as the water seemed to call its presence to her.

  Nayana lay back on her elbows and sighed. ‘So, this was what your life was like, as a student,’ she said.

  ‘Not entirely,’ said Chaya. ‘I spent most of it in libraries, studying. That’s what I was here to do.’

  Nayana waved a hand. ‘Still,’ she said. ‘You got to be here and hang out in this amazing city. That’s just…’ she swept out her arm to embrace the river, the ducks, the bridge and the parks, ‘…incredible.’ She sighed and laid back. ‘I wish I could have that!’ she closed her eyes.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Gimhana – London, 2013

  Back at home, Gimhana checked his phone for calls or emails while Chaya and Nayana were busy upstairs. He had sent Zack another long email apologising, but all he’d got back was a brief response: I don’t want to live in hiding. Since then, nothing.

  He stared at the last message and felt the emptiness gnawing inside him. He missed Zack more than he’d thought possible. He tried to tell himself that it was a blessing in disguise. His relationship with Zack had been risky at best. If Chaya found out, she’d be furious that he’d broken the rules he himself had helped set up. If Zack found out about Chaya being his wife, rather than his housemate… well, Zack deserved better than that.

  For a second he indulged in the fantasy where he lived with Zack instead of Chaya. Could that ever happen? He thought of his parents and how they loved Chaya, even if she didn’t give them the grandchild they so desperately wanted. They would never extend the same welcome to Zack. Ever.

  It was for the best. Honestly. He put his phone in his pocket and sighed. If only he could believe that.

  Chaya came past, carrying a basket of washing. He followed her into the kitchen and got down the Ovaltine. ‘It’s been a full day,’ he said.

  She looked up from where she was kneeling in front of the washing machine. ‘It has. Thank you for being there.’ Her eyes met his. ‘I don’t think I’d have managed without you.’

  ‘I’m always here for you,’ he said.

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘I’m grateful.’ She sighed. ‘I really am.’ She sighed again. ‘The next thing to deal with is Manchester.’

  He nearly dropped the Ovaltine. ‘What?’

  ‘She’s got a cousin, from Ajith’s side, in Salford. She wants to go and see her, maybe stay overnight with her. I said I’d take her up and stay in the city, so that I can meet her and come back with her.’

  Salford. Where Zack was. ‘Can’t you just put her on the direct train? Her cousin can meet her at the other end.’

  Chaya stood up. ‘I could. But I’d worry the whole time.’

  ‘You’d worry the whole time anyway.’ Never mind her, he’d worry the whole time. He couldn’t go up there. What if they ran into Zack?

  She sighed. ‘I know it’s silly, but I’d feel better knowing that I was able to get to her quickly if she needed me.’ She frowned. ‘Does that sound mad?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘A bit. She’s eighteen. She took a plane halfway across the world. She can cope with a train journey, surely.’

  ‘I know, but I’d feel better…’ She gave him a suspicious look. ‘You don’t need to come. We can go without you.’

  He had to stop protesting or she’d know something was up. He needed to go and see his client at some point anyway. He had hoped to try and persuade Zack to meet with him, but it was clear that that wasn’t going to happen. ‘Let’s all go,’ he said. ‘I’ll have to work, but you can spend some time in Manchester. Maybe take in an art gallery or something.’

  She grimaced. ‘Actually, I was thinking I might go to the cinema. It’d be nice to sit in the dark and not have to be upbeat for a bit.’

  He nodded. Yes. Hiding from the world. That would be so nice. He was tired. So, so tired of having to carry on – getting on with work, being a supportive friend to Chaya – while inside his heart was crumbling.

  The stairs thumped as Nayana came downstairs. Gimhana asked her if she wanted a hot drink. He bent his head over the mugs, glad for the excuse to look away before Chaya saw through him.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  Chaya – London, 2013

  ‘What’s that you’re watching, Nayana?’ said Chaya, perching on the arm of her niece’s chair. Since the teenager had arrived, they spent more time in their living room than usual. Normally, Chaya and Gimhana would sit at the dining table, tapping away at their laptops in companionable silence.

  ‘A programme about volcanoes.’ Nayana shifted position to give Chaya more room and tucked her feet under her.

  ‘Is it interesting?’

  Nayana shrugged. ‘It’s okay. They had some spectacular aerial shots earlier.’

  Chaya watched as a camera panned up the side of a mountain and the voiceover talked them through the formation of volcanic ridges. A bearded man, a geophysicist from California, according to the caption, came on and started talking earnestly about plate tectonics.

  ‘I might join you in a minute,’ said Chaya, standing up. ‘Does anyone want a cup of tea?’

  Gimhana, who was lying stretched out on the sofa reading a report, looked up. ‘I’ll have one, if you’re making.’

  ‘Nayana?’

  ‘Can I have hot chocolate?’

  ‘Sure.’ Chaya slipped out into the kitchen.

  Waiting for the kettle to boil, she got the tea things out of her well-ordered cupboards. On the whole, she felt Nayana’s trip was going rather well. She, Nayana and Gimhana were getting along and her niece didn’t seem to think there was anything odd about their life. She smiled to herself as she measured out the chocolate powder. Maybe Gimhana was right. They did look normal.

  She took the tray of hot drinks into the living room. There were pictures of erupting deep-sea volcanoes and the voiceover was intoning an explanation. Chaya ignored the TV, concentrating on not spilling the drinks as she put them down on the table. She handed Nayana her hot chocolate, which the latter accepted without taking her eyes off the screen.

  Chaya was in the act of passing Gimhana his tea, when a familiar voice cut through her saying ‘On a geological time scale…’ She knew that voice.

  Noah?

  Chaya spun round. There he was, on the screen, talking nervously to the camera, his eyes darting occasionally to look at someone off screen and then darting back again. His name appeared briefly underneath his left arm: ‘Noah Burlescombe-West, University of Alberta.’ He was seated on a rocky outcrop, the sea forming the background. As he warmed to his subject, he waved his arm in a sweeping motion.

  Chaya felt the world close in. Everything disappeared; only her and the image of Noah remained.

  A gust of wind blew Noah’s hair, thinner now, but still red, into his eyes. He flicked it off his face with a gesture so familiar that Chaya thought her heart could break all over again. She backed away from the screen.

  The picture changed to a computer simulation. As if she’d been released from a spell, sensations rushed back. Her pulse roared in her ears. The mug was burning into her fingertips. Hot tea had scalded the delicate webbing between forefinger and thumb. She felt the walls around her lean in. She turned and f
led the room.

  Suddenly, there was an arm round her. A hand extracted the mug from her and gently guided her to sit on the stairs.

  Chaya was gasping for air. Her vision had taken on a fragmented quality. The atmosphere in the hallway was too thin to breathe. Everything pulsed. A brown paper bag appeared over her mouth and nose. Gimhana’s voice said, ‘Breathe slowly. Come on, there’s a good girl.’

  He held her next to him, stroking her hair. ‘It’s okay. I’m here.’

  When her breath returned and the world swam back into focus, Chaya blinked. She was about to speak when she noticed Nayana, face taut with worry, standing next to her.

  ‘What happened?’ said Nayana.

  ‘Migraine,’ said Gimhana, quickly. ‘It happens sometimes. They come on suddenly. She’ll be okay. Come on darling, let’s get to you bed.’ He helped her to her feet and started to half-carry her up the stairs. ‘She’ll be fine with a couple of migraine pills. You finish watching your programme.’

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Gimhana – London, 2013

  Gimhana ushered Chaya upstairs, gently. It had been a while since she’d been like this, but he still knew what to do. He guided her to sit on the bed. Her vision was probably still unstable. Her panic attacks almost always left her with residual visual effects.

  ‘Vision okay?’ he asked, taking her hand and checking the burn on it. Not too bad.

  Chaya shook her head, still unable to speak properly. Her breathing was shallow.

  ‘What happened?’ Gimhana frowned to remember. ‘Was it something on the telly?’

  Chaya nodded.

  ‘That guy on the TV. Was it someone you knew?’

  Another nod.

  ‘Was it… him?’

  Chaya blew out her cheeks and blinked hard. Her breathing was getting less shallow now. She seemed to be forcing herself to breathe properly. Gimhana kept hold of her hand, knowing that she would start shaking in a minute. For a while, he said nothing. Finally, he said, ‘You still think about him.’ It wasn’t a question.