A Convenient Marriage

by A Convenient Marriage (retail) (epub)

  ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Let’s go up there this weekend. If things go well, I’ll grab a train back and you can drive back on Sunday.’

  His eyes sparkled. ‘Thank you.’ His voice broke with emotion. He cleared his throat. ‘You’re a good friend.’

  She smiled and sprinkled salt over the salad. ‘It’s the least I could do.’

  * * *

  Chaya looked out of the car window and said, ‘Which house is it?’

  They were in the street where Zack lived. Gimhana had pulled in awkwardly and stalled the car, which wasn’t like him. Chaya looked across at him. He was staring at a house, his face taut and grey. Poor Gim.

  ‘Is it the place with the blue door?’ she asked, kindly.

  He nodded.

  ‘Okay.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Wish me luck.’ Before he could reply, she got out of the car.

  The person who answered the door wasn’t Zack. ‘Hi,’ she said, smiling in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. ‘I’m looking for Zack. I know he lives here.’

  The young man looked at her. His gaze flicked up and down the street behind her.

  ‘I just want to talk to him for a few minutes,’ Chaya said. ‘I’m happy to talk to him on the doorstep, if it helps.’

  ‘One minute.’ He disappeared, shutting the door behind him.

  Chaya clasped her hands together. She wasn’t entirely sure how she was going to persuade Zack, but it was important to Gim, so she had to try. She looked back at her friend, sitting in the car, his eyes wide as he watched. She gave him a tiny wave. He didn’t respond.

  The door opened again and Zack appeared. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘I need to talk to you,’ she said. Afraid he would slam the door on her, she plunged on. ‘I need to tell you that Gimhana loves you. He screwed up and he lied about a lot of things, but I don’t think he lied about the way he feels. I’ve never seen him so upset about anything. And,’ she said. ‘We’re getting a divorce.’

  Zack peered past her at the car, where Gimhana was waiting.

  ‘He’s a complete mess without you,’ said Chaya quietly. ‘Give him another chance?’

  Zack’s expression was guarded when he looked at her. ‘I suppose I should invite you in,’ he said and stepped back.

  When she entered, Zack said, ‘Why should I believe you?’ He stood, arms folded, at the bottom of the stairs. He had let her in the door, but not invited her any further into the house. Chaya stood in the cluttered hallway and tried not to mind the smell of old shoes and wet coats.

  ‘Why wouldn’t you?’ she said, genuinely puzzled. ‘I am his wife. Or was. Why would I come and talk to you about him if this wasn’t true?’

  He chewed the inside of his cheek. He was dressed in tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt, his hair sticking up on end, as though he’d just got up, which, given what Gimhana had said about his night shift, probably was the case. In the harsh light from the bare light bulb, he looked like he had shadows under his eyes. He was, Chaya thought, a good-looking guy. So that was Gimhana’s taste.

  ‘He’s absolutely devastated about what happened,’ she said. ‘It was… a mistake. Not you. I mean, me. Gim and I… we should never have set off on this venture. It was a lie from start to finish and we should have known it wouldn’t end well.’ She shifted her weight. ‘He loves you.’

  Zack bent his head and put his palms to his temples, as though his head hurt. ‘But he won’t commit to me. He won’t be seen with me. I’m just his… sordid secret.’ He looked up. There were tears in his eyes. ‘He doesn’t respect me.’

  She felt his pain. Was this how Noah felt too? That he wasn’t enough? She stamped down the thought. It was too late for her and Noah, but Gimhana and this man still had a chance to be happy. She would do anything to make sure that happened.

  ‘He does,’ she said. ‘The trouble is, that he… we… had so many conflicting things to keep in balance, that it was hard to do the right thing all the time.’ She took a step closer. ‘Look, Zack. I can’t promise you that he’s not going to hurt you again. I can only tell you that he’s hurting too. I’ve known him for a long time and I’ve never seen him like this. Gimhana was always the strong one. The one who knew what to do. The upbeat one. I’ve never seen him beaten before. Losing you… it’s broken him.’

  He put his hands on his hips and looked down at her. ‘This is so fucked up.’

  She couldn’t argue with that. ‘It is.’ She shrugged. ‘Life is messy. We’re all trying to get through it the best way we can.’

  He glared at her, or through her, because he wasn’t really seeing what was in front of him. After a second he sighed and sat down on the stairs behind him. ‘It…’ He rubbed his face. ‘Why are you doing this? What’s in it for you?’

  She smiled. ‘He’s my friend. I love him too. Not like you do, obviously. But still. In my own way.’

  He nodded. In the other room, his housemate turned the TV on. He glanced across into the living room, which Chaya couldn't see into. She shifted her weight and wondered if she’d persuaded him.

  His gaze returned to her. ‘I need to think about it,’ he said. ‘Tell him… tell him I’ll think about it.’

  That was the best she was going to get. ‘Thank you.’ She turned to go.

  ‘Chaya,’ he called after her.

  ‘Where are you staying this evening?’

  She looked over her shoulder at him. He was frowning, his expression intense. It seemed her answer would mean something.

  ‘I’m not staying. I’m catching the train back later,’ she said. ‘Gimhana is staying overnight, though. In a hotel.’

  His expression didn’t change. He nodded. ‘Okay.’

  She hesitated, but he didn’t seem to have anything further to say. She opened the door and stepped outside. The car was still there. Gimhana’s head shot up from where he’d been resting it on the steering wheel. Poor man.

  The door clicked firmly shut behind her. She hurried down to the car. Gim sprang out. ‘How did it go?’

  ‘He said he’ll think about it,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry. It was the best I could do.’

  His face fell. He looked older, and more tired than she’d ever seen him. He really did care about Zack.

  ‘So what now?’ he said.

  ‘I don’t know. Wait, I guess.’ She opened the door to the car.

  He was staring at Zack’s front door.

  ‘Maybe you could take me to the train station?’ she said.

  ‘Huh? Oh. Yes. Of course.’

  Chapter Eighty-Three

  Gimhana – Manchester, 2013

  Gimhana handed Chaya a latte and looked up at the departure board at the station. They were standing on the concourse at Manchester Piccadilly. Chaya’s train was due to leave in about twenty minutes.

  He was following her around because it was easier than trying to focus on anything. His brain seemed to be incapable of concentrating on anything for long.

  The departures display refreshed itself. Still no platform number for her train.

  ‘Gim,’ said Chaya.

  ‘Hmm.’

  ‘Will you be okay?’

  He looked down at her and felt a sudden urge to ask her to stay. Right now, he didn’t know what Zack was going to say. Tomorrow could be brilliant or terrible and he didn’t know which it would be. He felt raw and alone and exposed. And he really wanted to have some company. But he had already dragged her away from her work to come all this way. He should let her get on her train. She liked trains. She found them relaxing. Something about being in limbo from the real world.

  ‘Yes, I’m sure I’ll be fine,’ he said.

  She didn’t look convinced. She drew a breath, as though she was about to say something. His phone rang.

  He pulled it out. It was Zack. He looked at Chaya, whose eyes widened.

  ‘Well, answer it,’ she said.

  Jolted into action, he accepted the call. ‘Zack.’

  ‘Is she still there?’ he sai
d.

  ‘We’re at the station,’ Gimhana said. ‘Her train—’

  Chaya gave him a push. ‘Go talk to him somewhere else. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘I’m going to walk out of the station now,’ he said. ‘Just a second.’ He hurried out.

  Outside, he found a railing to lean on.

  ‘So,’ said Zack. ‘Has she gone?’

  ‘Yes. I’ve dropped her off at the station.’

  A pause. ‘And you’re staying?’

  ‘Just tonight.’ He gave him the name of the hotel.

  ‘I’ll meet you in the foyer at eight.’ Zack hung up.

  Gimhana stared at the phone, elated and frightened at the same time. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. He just felt like he was reeling. He put his phone away and went back into the station. Chaya was gone. Gimhana ambled out of the station and walked back to the hotel, barely noticing life bustling around him.

  * * *

  Gimhana was in the foyer early. He still felt that odd sensation of being at the edge of a precipice. He had never prepared so carefully for a meeting. He had even re-ironed his already ironed shirt. He sat in one of the chairs in the foyer, a book open in his hand, trying not to look as nervous as he felt.

  He saw Zack walk in and shot to his feet. Zack walked up to him and stopped a few feet away. He looked tired, poor love, and wary. So wary.

  ‘Drink?’

  Gimhana dropped his book into his satchel. ‘Sure.’

  They walked out together, not speaking. Not touching.

  Zack took him to a pub and they found a quiet corner and sat, a small table with two pints of beer in between them.

  ‘Zack…’

  ‘You lied to me,’ said Zack. ‘How can I trust you again?’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ said Gimhana. ‘I don’t know what I can do to prove that you can trust me. What can I do? I’ll do it.’

  Zack gave a wry sniff. ‘Well, sending your wife to talk to me was a stroke of genius.’

  ‘Almost ex-wife,’ said Gimhana.

  ‘Either way, she’s pretty persuasive.’

  Hope rose in his chest. ‘She is?’

  Zack smiled. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘So, you forgive me?’ The feeling of being on the edge of something intensified. His heart raced.

  Zack looked down and traced a line down the side of his glass. ‘I… would like to try,’ he said. ‘You have to promise not to lie to me like that again.’

  Relief popped like a firework in his chest. ‘I promise,’ Gimhana said.

  ‘If we’re going to be together, though,’ said Zack. ‘It has to be properly. No more hiding.’

  Gimhana opened his mouth, then closed it again. ‘I’m not sure how open I can be,’ he said. ‘If I’m being honest.’

  ‘Then what’s the point?’ said Zack.

  ‘The point is that I’m in love with you. I haven’t felt like this about anyone in… actually, I’ve never felt like this about anyone.’

  ‘I … really like you,’ said Zack. ‘But I’m not built for subterfuge. It took so much for me to come out. I’m not going back again. This is very important to me.’

  Gimhana looked down at his hands. He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, he never had, but he could feel the symbolism of its absence now. He had tried fitting in. All it had brought was heartbreak. And he loved Zack. A life without him would be unbearable. He could try being out, even though the thought terrified him, if it meant another chance with Zack.

  ‘How about…’ he said, slowly. ‘We meet in the middle? I will be more open, but you’ll have to be patient with me.’

  ‘Will you come out to your parents?’

  ‘Already did that.’ He took a sip of his drink, to hide his discomfort.

  ‘Shit. How did they take it?’

  Gimhana sighed. ‘My mum’s still talking to me. Just about. Dad… not so much.’

  ‘Oh, that’s harsh. I’m sorry,’ said Zack. ‘But… y’know, well done. You did it and that’s amazing.’

  The approval in his voice helped mitigate the pain. Gimhana muttered, ‘Thanks.’

  ‘And me?’ Zack said. ‘What do you expect from me?’ He still looked wary, but not as much as he had done.

  ‘Just… be discreet? A bit. Understand that it’s a big change for me.’

  Zack looked thoughtfully at him for a minute, then a slow smile grew on his face. ‘That sounds fair.’

  Gimhana’s breath hitched. He wanted to kiss him so badly, it hurt. He looked round the pub, it was reasonably busy and he didn’t know how friendly the neighbourhood was. So he reached across the table and squeezed Zack’s hand instead. He let go and picked up his pint.

  Zack grinned and moved his seat, until his knee was nestled next to Gimhana’s.

  He leaned forward. His knee moved against Gimhana’s thigh. ‘So,’ he said. ‘What happened since we last met?’

  Gimhana tried to focus. ‘Uh… well, I filed for divorce.’

  Zack laughed. ‘I meant in between those two events.’

  They talked, but Gimhana couldn’t really keep track of it all. Every time Zack moved, his knee rubbed against Gimhana’s leg. Zack was teasing him and he knew it. He wouldn’t exchange this for anything.

  Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Zack said, ‘Shall we head?’

  Gimhana was only too happy to grab his bag and follow the younger man out.

  ‘Hotel?’ he said.

  Zack grinned at him. ‘Yeah.’

  Gimhana felt a burst of happiness so intense, he was surprised he didn’t explode.

  Chapter Eighty-Four

  Chaya – London, 2013 (One Month Later)

  Chaya rummaged through the boxes to find the one with the bedding in it. Since neither of them wanted to stay in the house, she and Gimhana had put the house up for sale. Today he was helping her move into a one-bedroom flat in Swiss Cottage. It was an easy tube ride to work and it was closer to Sara and Jay than before.

  ‘Where do you want this to go?’ said Gimhana, looking at the bed that he and Jay had bolted together earlier in the day. Sara, Jay and their sons had been tramping around the little flat all afternoon, carrying boxes up from the van and putting together flat pack furniture. Now that they had left, the place seemed quiet and a little empty. The flat smelled of new furniture and fish and chips.

  Gimhana had stayed behind to help finish off a few last things so that the place was habitable for her first night.

  Chaya stood next to him. ‘How about there? I get the sunshine in the morning, so if I open the curtain, I’ll be able to step into the sunlight when I get up.’

  They pushed the bed into position. Gimhana placed a cardboard box next to it to make a makeshift bedside table. ‘We forgot to get you a bedside table.’

  ‘I’ll live,’ said Chaya. ‘Aha. Found it.’ She threw a set of sheets on the bed and flapped out the fitted sheet.

  Gimhana grabbed a corner and helped. ‘Are you sure about all this?’

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ she said. She found the pillows and started pulling on pillow cases. ‘I’ll buy more furniture later. There’s plenty of time to get things right.’

  ‘No, I meant, everything,’ he said. He waved a hand, encompassing the room and somehow the whole situation as well. ‘The divorce, this place… everything. It’s a lot of change. Are you sure you’re okay?’

  She straightened up and looked at him. He was standing surrounded by bags and boxes, his sleeves rolled up and there was a piece of polystyrene in his hair. She went up to him and removed the small white chip. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’m okay.’

  ‘Good,’ he said. ‘’Cause I don’t get crap in my hair for just anyone.’

  She laughed and gave him a hug. ‘I know. Thank you.’

  He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. ‘I’m sorry about how things worked out.’

  ‘No you’re not,’ she said, stepping away. ‘When’s he coming down?’

  ‘Next week.’ Gimhana took one en
d of the duvet and handed her the other.

  ‘Moving in together is a big step,’ she said.

  ‘It is.’ He helped her stuff the duvet into its cover and gave it a shake. ‘But it feels like the right thing to do.’

  ‘Good. I’m glad. You look like a happier man.’ She meant it. He really did look better now. In the weeks between now and their trip to Manchester to talk to Zack, Gimhana had accepted a new job and handed in his notice at his old firm. Between them, they’d told their families about their separation with varying results. Malini had been very supportive of Chaya getting a divorce. Amma had been distressed, but no more than she was on a normal ‘bad’ day. Gimhana’s mother was speaking to him again, but his father was still refusing to.

  ‘Pity it didn’t work out for you,’ said Gimhana, not looking at her.

  She shrugged. ‘It’s probably for the best.’ Curiously, she almost believed this. She still felt the lack of Noah in her life most days, but she was so used it, that she’d have missed it if the ache went away. In all other aspects of life, things were looking better. She was seeing a therapist, who was helping her unravel the knots she’d tied herself up in over the years. She didn’t have to please anyone any more. She didn’t know what she wanted for the future, but she had a feeling of possibility. She could do anything. Anything she wanted. If only she knew what that was.

  ‘If you need anything,’ said Gimhana. ‘You know you can just call me.’ The corners of his mouth twitched. Something was amusing him. Or perhaps he was just thinking of Zack. That must be it.

  ‘I know.’ She smiled, happy that he was so happy. ‘You’re a good friend, Gim.’

  ‘Oh, you have no idea,’ he said, grinning now.

  Okay. He was up to something. She could feel it. ‘What do you mean? What have you done?’

  He twitched his eyebrows at her. ‘I thought of a plan B,’ he said.

  ‘Plan B? What plan B? I thought this was plan B?’

  His phone rang. Gimhana looked at the display. ‘I have to get this,’ he said, giving her another grin before threading his way between the boxes and out of the room.