The Forever Dream

by Iris Johansen

  "Great." His blue eyes were concerned. "Why don't you make it an early night? You look a bit frazzled."

  "I'll do that." She wished he'd leave. She was more than frazzled, she was confused, and there was a raw ache in her breast that had something to do with the memory of the pain on Jared's face this morning when she'd been striking out at him. "Don't worry about me, Kevin. I'll be fine in the morning."

  "I hope so. It's not at all comfortable being the catalyst for all this turbulence. Not only are you hurt and upset, but Jared's a menace! I've never seen him in such a savage mood."

  "I wouldn't be overly concerned," she said with a sad little smile. "His mood may be savage, but Jared's always in control. He'll never let his temper get beyond the limits he sets for it."

  "I'm glad you're so confident," Kevin said dryly. "I'm not nearly as sure, and I don't think you would be either if you'd seen him at dinner. He's been in the library all day just staring into space, and I don't think he likes the pictures he's seeing. He reminds me of a delayed explosive, with the timer primed and ticking. I don't know what went on between you two this morning, princess, but whatever it was, it had a highly dangerous effect. It would be wise to be very careful around him for a while." He moved toward the door. "Now that I've delivered both physical sustenance and dire warnings, I think it's time for me to leave you in peace."

  She automatically moved aside as he opened the door. "Good night, princess." His index finger gently touched her cheek in a gesture that was a near-caress. "You're a very special lady, and I like you very much. I can't tell you how I regret hurting you." Before she could speak, the door had closed behind him.

  She turned away and walked slowly over to the table where Kevin had set the tray. She lifted the domed aluminum cover and gazed at the sandwiches on the delicately flowered plate for a moment before replacing it with distaste. Perhaps later she'd be able to eat a little, as she'd promised Kevin. Now she felt even the vegetable soup wouldn't slide down her throat. Maybe a little fresh air would help. She'd been so upset she hadn't even noticed how stale the air was in her room.

  She wandered over to the French doors and stepped out on the balcony, leaving the door open so the icy wind could curl through the room behind her. The sharp cold was oddly welcome as she stood staring out into the darkness. It gave her something more substantial to struggle against than the emotional phantoms that had been plaguing her all day. With a little shiver, she folded her arms protectively across her breasts as a particularly piercing gust of wind struck through her gossamer scarlet chiffon robe. It must be close to freezing, she thought absently. The weather had been very mild for autumn in Canada, where heavy snows were commonplace at this time of year, but there was a moist chill in the air, indicating that Indian summer was now a thing of the past.

  Indian summer. Such a bittersweet phrase for the golden period preceding the frosts of winter. Her time in Jared's arms last night had been her own Indian summer. She just hadn't thought that the frost of reality would bring the season to so swift an end.

  "Are you planning to jump off the balcony or do you think catching pneumonia will accomplish the same end?" Jared asked caustically from behind her. "Suicide is one way of assuring you don't have to live in a sterile world, but it's not one I'd think you'd choose." Before she could answer, his hand on her arm was guiding her forcibly back into the room and closing the balcony door with a decisive click.

  Her surprise was swiftly superseded by anger. "I'm growing a little tired of your interference, Jared. I've taken care of myself for a good many years without your help, and I don't need it now or in the future."

  "You made that more than clear this morning," he said tersely. He released her arm and stepped back from her. He was dressed casually, as usual, in dark cords and an olive-green sweatshirt, but there was nothing casual about his demeanor. He was as charged with electricity as a lightning bolt, his face taut and lean with tension and his silver eyes burning fitfully. "You don't need any help from robots or icemen, right? I'm the villain of the piece, who is going to destroy all your plans for the future."

  "I lost my temper. I shouldn't have said all those things," she said, frowning. "Not that they weren't true, but voicing the obvious doesn't help anyone. It certainly won't change what you plan on doing."

  "You're damn right it won't change my plans," Jared said, blazingly angry. "Because I happen to believe in what I'm doing. I'm not going to deny that there will be a hell of a lot of problems to overcome, but if I didn't think it worthwhile, do you think I'd be willing to take on the whole world? Do you think I'd be here on this god-awful mountain wasting my time, when I could be working, if I were the destroyer you think me?"

  "I didn't say you were a destroyer."

  "No, it was closer to baby-killer, wasn't it?" he said

  bitterly. "Forgive me for paraphrasing you. Let's see. Robot, baby-killer, robber. Have I left anything out?"

  Had she said all that? She'd been so upset, she might have accused him of almost anything, but she couldn't believe she'd been so viperish. "No, I guess that about covers it," she said wearily. "I don't remember everything, but I imagine that comes pretty close." She started to turn away. "Now I wish you'd leave, Jared. This conversation isn't going to lead either of us anywhere we want to go."

  His hand snaked out to close on her wrist and whirled her back to face him. "The hell it's not," he said between his teeth. "It's going to bring us exactly where we want to go. I admit I'd hoped for a great deal more, but we can't have everything. I'll just have to make do with what you're willing to give me. Who cares about trust and understanding, anyway? I've done without them all my life and haven't suffered any major traumas."

  Not even loneliness? The thought was so ephemeral that it was gone before she was conscious of it. "I'm not willing to give you anything," she said, trying to shake off his hand. "Last night was a mistake that won't be repeated. We're too far apart in every way that matters, Jared."

  "I wouldn't say that." His lips curved cynically. "What happened in that bed last night mattered more than you're willing to admit. They say good sex is ninety percent of any relationship, and you can't deny that we were fantastic together. Besides, I may be the only man who can give you what you want, so don't be so eager to show me the door."

  "And what do I want?" she asked sarcastically. "You?"

  "I wouldn't flatter myself," he said. There was a flicker of remembered pain in the depths of his eyes.

  "No, I'm referring to the reason for this rhubarb you've been throwing. I gather from your rather inarticulate raving this morning and what I found out later from Kevin that my primary sin in your eyes concerns the birth-control factor. You want to have a child, and you aren't going to be able to have one."

  "How coolly you say that," she said bitterly.

  "But then, what would you expect from a robot?" he asked smoothly. "I'd hate to disappoint you." He paused. "But you won't be disappointed, will you, Tania? Because I'm going to give you that baby you're so crazy to have."

  "What?" Her eyes widened in shock.

  "Isn't that what you want?" he asked, pulling her unresisting body into the circle of his arms. "You want a child to love. A child is safe. A child won't demand more than you want to give. Hell love you all your life and never expect you to be more than a nurturer and friend." His arms tightened around her. "That's much safer than letting yourself be committed to me, isn't it? Because I'd ask that you give me everything you are—now and in the future. I wouldn't be interested in halfway measures."

  "You're not making sense." She was struggling to free herself, her hands pushing against his chest. "You don't know anything about the way I feel."

  "That's right. I don't have any feelings myself, so how could I hope to understand your sensitive, maternal yearnings?" His face was granite-hard, and for the first time she felt a twinge of fear. "But it doesn't necessarily require emotion for the process of procreation, so that shouldn't be a drawback. You might eve
n enjoy it. I didn't hear any complaints last night."

  Then he was lifting and carrying her to the canopy bed across the room. For a moment she was too stunned to struggle. "I can't believe this," she said. "This isn't like you, Jared."

  "I should think you'd be grateful. You presumably believed every word Kevin told you about the horrors of the repercussions of my work. Poor unsuspecting society! You didn't come to me and ask my opinion or what I intend to do. You just judged me and tried to throw me out of your life."

  "You mean it won't happen?"

  "I hope to God it won't," he said. "I'm going to do everything I can to prevent it, but I can't give guarantees." He placed her on the velvet counterpane. "And that's what you want, isn't it?" He sat down beside her, his hands pinning her shoulders to the bed. "Don't worry, Tania. I'm going to be the king of this brave new world, remember? They need me to make all the clocks of the world stop. Everyone knows that a king has to have an heir, so your baby will be safe. It's all very neat and tidy in my sterile robotic world."

  She was staring up at him with compulsive fascination. She'd never seen him with that look of bold recklessness on his face. His eyes looked almost feverish, and there was a ferocity about him that appeared dangerously close to release. "Don't do this, Jared," she said quietly. "I'll fight you, and if you do succeed in raping me, I'll never forgive you."

  He'd released one of her shoulders, and his hand was swiftly unfastening the tiny buttons of her scarlet negligee. "It won't be rape. You're a very passionate woman, and I have a great deal of patience when it suits me. Remember? It's going to be a very educational night for you, Tania. You're going to find out that it's possible to want completion so much you're even willing to ask a monster like me to give it to you." He had unfastened the last button and was opening the scarlet negligee and slipping it off her shoulders and down her arms to reveal the matching silk gown beneath it. "I like this gown. It

  reminds me of the costume you wore the first time I saw you. You looked like a lovely flame maiden." He thoughtfully rubbed the material of the low bodice of the nightgown between his thumb and forefinger. "I watched you dance, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to do this." With one lightning movement his hand clenched the neckline and jerked downward, ripping the gown from bodice to hem.

  She gasped, her hands flying out instinctively to cover herself. "Are you crazy?" she cried, her dark eyes blazing up at him.

  "Why no, Tania," he said mockingly. "I'm just being the man you think me. I wanted you naked in the fastest possible way, and I wanted to point out the difference between the act of rape and seduction." He was removing the tatters of scarlet silk from beneath her body, and he held them up like a teacher with a scientific specimen. "That was an act of violence, a preliminary to rape." He tossed them carelessly aside. "Lesson one. I will now proceed with the seduction."

  "The hell you will." Her hand cracked against his cheek with all the strength she could muster, the impact sounding like the snap of a whip. At the same time she rolled with frantic speed to the other side of the bed and was on her feet and racing toward the bathroom. She was only halfway there when she felt Jared's arm encircle her from behind and jerk her back. He picked her up kicking and struggling frantically and carried her back to the bed.

  But this time she wasn't stunned or bewildered into a semblance of meekness. She was angry. She felt as if every breath she was drawing should have been steaming with the fury that was coursing through all her veins. Her fists were striking at him with each step, and when he bent to lay her on the bed, one hand grabbed his hair

  and pulled with all her might. When the flash of surprised agony caused his grip to loosen, she rolled away and aimed a lethal lack at his solar plexus with her hard dancers foot. He gave a grunt of pain that made her smile with savage satisfaction, and she was scooting to the end of the bed before he could fully recover.

  Then she heard a low, muttered curse behind her and the mattress dipped under his weight as he dove after her, just managing to grab her hips as she was slipping off the bed. His powerful hands dug into her soft flesh as he jerked her back on the bed, and she gave an involuntary cry of pain.

  "Damn it, see what you've done," he said raggedly.

  "What I've done?" He was the one who'd injured her, she thought furiously. He still wasn't being any too gentle as he dragged her up to the center of the bed until her head was on the pillow. He swiftly straddled her, using just enough weight to keep her immobile, the rough denim of his thighs rubbing against her naked hips, his chest moving rapidly with the force of his breathing.

  He was staring down at her, and if there had been leashed savagery in his face before, it was blazing open and free now. His dark hair was wild and tousled, and the livid mark of her hand was still visible on his cheek. Her fist swung up in an attempt to give him a matching blow on the other cheek, but he caught her wrist before it connected.

  "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he grated out as he pinned both her hands above her head. "Do you want to hurt yourself?"

  "I told you I'd fight you!" Her eyes were flaming with rage. "I don't want you, and I don't want your crown prince of a baby. You'll have to hurt me, and I don't think you'll do that, Jared."

  "I won't hurt you," he promised grimly. "But I see right now that I'm going to have to do something to keep you from hurting yourself."

  He caught both wrists in an iron grip and stretched sideways, his other hand searching while his gaze remained fixed warily upon her. It was a few moments before he found what he was searching for and straightened. He had the silk rags of the torn nightgown in his hands, and he released her for the briefest moment, while he tore a long, narrow strip before tossing the remnants of the nightgown aside. Then she realized what he was going to do.

  "No!"

  Her hands reached out like claws to tear at him, but he grabbed them both, and a moment later they were firmly trussed together with the scarlet silk and he was bringing her arms over her head to tie the silken rope to the cherrywood column supporting the canopy.

  "Let me go, Ryker," she said between her teeth. "I won't let you do this to me. I won't be tied up like some lowly slave for your pleasure."

  "If I let you go, you'll begin to fight me again and probably hurt yourself." He smiled bitterly. "And then you'll blame me for that too."

  He pulled the olive-green sweatshirt over his head and threw it carelessly on the floor beside the bed. "You're so afraid of being dominated, you're willing to give up everything we might have together." His hand was on her braid, deftly loosening the tresses before combing his fingers through it, letting the satin strands run between his fingers with a frankly sensual pleasure. "Well I'm not about to permit you to do it, pretty Piper. I'm going to keep you any way I can, and I'll use lust or need or even that domination you're so frightened of to do it."

  She tugged futilely at the silken bonds, twisting her head back and forth to try to avoid Jared's hands in her hair. She felt so helpless that a surge of panic pierced the anger that electrified her. She was more vulnerable than she'd ever been in her life, and the man astride her wasn't the patient, gentle lover who'd brought her such a rainbow of ecstasy the night before. He was a stranger with blazing silver eyes and a hard, bitter mouth and words that hurt her even while they filled her with rebellion. "You're wrong," she spat out. "You'll never dominate me, Jared. Not you or anyone."

  "I think I will." He swung off her supine body, stood up, and began to unfasten his belt. "I never wanted to, you know. You never believed that, but it was quite true. I wanted a partner, not a slave." He was quickly stripping off the rest of his clothes. "Well, I'm not going to have that, but I'll salvage something for myself."

  He was naked now as he came back to the bed and sat down beside her. His hand gently cupped one small breast. "You have such lovely breasts, sweetheart. Shall we start with them?"

  She glared up at him with silent defiance. His hands were moving to the sides of he
r breasts, pushing gently inward to bring the mounds into swelling prominence, then his head was bending with deliberate slowness until his lips were just a breath away from one taut rosy peak. "So pretty," he said thickly. With every word, she could feel a little burst of warm breath against the sensitive nipple. "And so responsive. See how beautifully the little bud is beginning to blossom?" His tongue brushed her, and she inhaled sharply at the jolt of fire that light touch sent spinning through her. How could her body be this treacherous? He was stroking the nipple with his warm, skillful tongue while his thumb gently rubbed the other into engorgement. "Think about the baby I'm

  going to give you, love. Think about how he'll love these sweet breasts when they're full of milk. Will his lips feel like mine, Tania?" Then his mouth was enveloping her with a strong, gentle suction while his hand kneaded and teased the swollen mound. She was unable to suppress a gasp as the evocative words followed by the erotic pull of his lips combined to cause a flood of heat to every part of her body. She didn't know how long his lips continued their sensual play with her breasts, alternating from one to the other, stroking, sucking, nibbling. It seemed like forever in the delirium of desire he was invoking within her. Her body was becoming excruciatingly sensitive, stretched taut and helpless by the silken rope, while his lips and teeth engendered a feverish heat. She felt each caress as a little shock that was almost painful.

  Her head moved back and forth on the pillow. "No." Her voice was a choked moan. "No, Jared."

  His head lifted, his eyes glazed. "Too much?" he asked huskily. "Then we'd better move on, hadn't we?" His hand slid down her body to gently rub the softness of her belly. "Will you like having my baby tucked in here, soft and secure? It's such a lovely, tiny haven. It's hard to imagine that it could hold a life." His hand moved caressingly down over her soft flesh to the juncture of her thighs. "But you can take a great deal, Tania. I found that out last night. Open your thighs, sweet."