The Forever Dream

by Iris Johansen

  "I hope you're right," she said, her expression troubled. "It's a frightening responsibility you're facing, Jared."

  "Do you think I don't know that? Do you think I don't have doubts and insecurities like any other person?" He drew a deep breath. "Why do you think I reacted so strongly when you went for the jugular this morning? I believe what I'm doing is right, Tania, and I can't afford to have that belief shaken. Without it I'd have to admit to being the monster you called me."

  She felt a swift pang of remorse for her vitriolic attack. Perhaps Jared's actions tonight were even more understandable than she'd thought. She must have struck him to the heart in any number of ways. "You've got to admit that your reaction was a bit extreme," she said softly.

  "I was frightened," he said, with a simplicity that caused her throat to tighten with unshed tears. "Last night you gave me everything I'd ever wanted sexually in a woman; before you'd shown me all the qualities of your heart and mind that I'd dreamed of finding. Then you were taking all of yourself away from me. I thought I had lost you." His arms tightened around her. "I couldn't take our separation, little Piper."

  "Neither could I," she said huskily, one hand lifting to gently cover his. "I don't think I'd be able to stand the loneliness without you. I never thought about loneliness until I met you. I don't think it really ever existed for me."

  "And I never knew anything else."

  She'd known that instinctively since the moment she'd met him. "Not even with Lita?" she asked gently.

  He shook his head. "I loved her, but it didn't help the loneliness. I knew I'd only have her for a little while." His voice deepened from pain. "The hellish thing was that she knew it too. Her disease caused premature aging, but not senility. She could see what was happening to her body, but she didn't understand it. She was a pretty little baby when she showed the first symptoms. By the time she died she looked as if she were ninety." His voice was fierce. "And she was only twelve years old, damn it. Only twelve."

  "Jared—"

  "No one else is going to have to go through that. Do you know how tragic it is to see someone you love lose everything that makes life worth living for them? It's happening all the time, all around us, to everyone. But not anymore. Not now!"

  She could feel the passion in him reach out as a vibrant, living entity. She wanted to take away his pain, but she could only tighten her hand on his. "No, not anymore, love. You've stopped all the clocks. It can't happen now."

  She wasn't sure he'd heard her. His gaze was still on

  the snowfall, which was gradually growing in intensity. "When I was a boy, I read a book called Childhoods End. That title has stayed with me all my life. Our lives are so pitifully short that we scarcely leave adolescence before our minds and bodies begin to deteriorate. It's such a heartbreaking waste. God, I hate that waste."

  "Childhoods End" she repeated thoughtfully. "Its such a sad little phrase."

  "It doesn't have to be that way," he said. Suddenly the bitterness was gone from his tone of voice, replaced by a pensive quality. "It could mean something entirely different for us if we let it. It could mean mankind's entering into the maturity it's entitled to, ready to put aside toys of war and shackles of ignorance and reaching instead for peace and knowledge. It could mean that, Tania."

  She nodded but didn't answer, her throat tight and her hand clasping his. He fell silent, too, and they lay there with their eyes on the flakes drifting earthward while their thoughts dwelt on Childhood's End.

  Tania very carefully formed the snow into a hard-packed ball, aimed it with all the precision of a major league pitcher, and let it fly. It landed with a very satisfactory thunk on the nape of Jared's neck.

  "What the hell?" The imprecation was followed by several more that were considerably more obscene as Jared whirled from his contemplation of the valley below with a wariness that vanished immediately when he saw Tania standing a few yards away, calmly making another snowball, a mischievous grin on her face.

  "I should have known," he said, shaking his head. "You not only keep me waiting out here in the cold until you finish practicing, but you have the nerve to add assault to your sins."

  "I couldn't resist! You were much too solemn standing there." She weighed the snowball in her gloved hand. "In fact, you've been taking yourself much too seriously all this past week. I thought it was time I took you down a peg."

  "Oh, you did?" he asked silkily. His eyes narrowed dangerously and he glided toward her with a pantherish stride. "Life isn't just fun and games, pixie. It's time you developed a little respect for my worth. I've been letting you get a little too uppity lately."

  She backed away, her dark eyes sparkling. "I'd forgotten your kingly destiny, O Honorable Master." She pressed her hand to her heart in mock horror. "What punishment are you going to mete out to me?" Quick as a flash her expression changed to deviltry. "Oh, well, I might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb." She threw the snowball in her hand with lightning swiftness. She didn't wait to see it hit his cheekbone with a soft splatt but turned and streaked away through the birch grove with a shout of laughter.

  She could hear him pounding after her, his feet crunching the snow, and his exultant laughter. She didn't realize how close he was, however, until she was brought down by a neat tackle worthy of an end for the Pittsburgh Steelers. She was swiftly rolled over on her back and he was astride her, his hands pinning her shoulders to the snow-blanketed earth. "Now," he said, looking down at her with supreme satisfaction. "What were you saying about punishment?" His face was lit with mischief, and he looked more boyish than she'd ever seen him. Her heart lurched with the queer melting tenderness that was almost always with her now.

  He swiftly opened her tan sheepskin jacket. He gathered a handful of loose snow in one hand and gazed appraisingly at the open throat of her tailored blouse. "I think I have a few ideas on that score," he said teasingly.

  "No! You wouldn't put that down my blouse," she

  protested, her laugh bubbling. "I'll get you for this, Jared Ryker. That's cruel and unusual punishment."

  "Still unrepentant?" He shook his head disbelievingly. "Not only that, but actually threatening. I'm afraid something definitely has to be done. But I wouldn't think of dumping this down your blouse and getting it all wet. You might catch cold." He released her other hand and was swiftly unbuttoning her blouse. "We couldn't have that, now, could we?"

  "Jared!"

  His hands were swiftly parting the material. Suddenly the teasing mischief died as he looked down at her. "Naked and lovely and ready," he said thickly, his gaze on the swelling perfection of her breasts.

  "Not ready for this," she choked out breathlessly, her eyes wide and startled. The exuberant playfulness of the previous moment was fading before the languid heat that was beginning to surge through her. It was oddly erotic to be here in the icy snow with her breasts bare beneath the hot kindling of Jared's gaze.

  "I think perhaps you may be," he drawled. "Let's see, shall we?"

  The hand holding the loose snow slowly moved over her, and he let it flow through his fingers like sand, over one taut breast.

  She inhaled sharply. The shock of cold against her warm flesh caused a burning sensation that was electrifying. "Kinky. Very kinky," she pronounced.

  His gaze narrowed on her face. "But I think you like it," he murmured, "which is all that's important, love. All I ever want is to give you pleasure." His gaze held hers compulsively. "Do you want more?"

  He didn't wait for an answer, but scooped up more snow with both hands. This time, instead of letting it drift down upon her, he kept it in his hands, with which he encircled one breast.

  "Roses in the snow," he said softly, his smoky gaze fastened on her bare skin.

  She was gasping when his lips descended on the engorged crest of her nipple. She groaned as she felt the wildly arousing contact of the frigid snow and the hot, moist warmth of his mouth and tongue teasing and tugging at the distended tip. Her back arched li
ke a bowstring and her hands reached up to tangle in his hair and bring him closer to her. The strong suction increased, until her hips were thrusting and rubbing against him with mindless urgency.

  He broke away from her with a gasp, his head lifting to reveal a face flushed and heavy with need. "I think we'd better call a halt," he said hoarsely. "Otherwise, I'm afraid you're going to end up totally naked in a bed of snow. We'll be much more comfortable back at the chateau." He gently brushed the snow from her breasts before buttoning up her blouse. He swung off her, stood up, and stretched out a hand to pull her to her feet. He brought her close for a quick kiss. "If I can wait that long."

  His hands were shaking slightly while he fastened the wooden buttons of her jacket, and she stood as docilely as a child, accepting his ministrations. He linked his hand in hers and started back toward the distant chateau.

  "Oh, I'm sure you can wait," she said impishly. "We all know what an iron man you are, Jared." Her eyes were dancing. "Besides, a man of your experience shouldn't become rattled by a little erotic foreplay, kinky though it may be." She arched a brow inquiringly. "Do you know any more interesting little variations, by the way?"

  "Hundreds," he assured her blandly. "That little example was purely impromptu. As you say, I'm a very

  experienced man. Would you like a demonstration when we get back to the chateau?"

  "Demonstration?" she asked warily. There was a flicker of mischief in Jared's eyes that boded no good.

  "Actually, I was thinking of those pink satin rope you were threatening to use on me," he said, his lips twitching. "Let's see, if we tied each of your ankles to the bedposts and . . ." He broke off as her elbow landed in his midriff with a force that belied its playfulness, gather you don't like the idea." He chuckled. "I guess I'll have to think of something else, though that one did have a certain appeal. Think about it, love. You stretched out so beautifully open and welcoming, with me bending over you, going in and out and around. Moving slowly, then—"

  "Jared!" She found she was thinking about it, and it made her knees feel weak as melted butter. And judging by that mischievous glint in his eyes the maddening man knew exactly what she was feeling, damn it!

  He gave a whoop of laughter and scooped her up in a bear hug, whirling her in a circle. "Sorry, sweetheart. I couldn't resist." His lips covered hers in a kiss that was honey-sweet and infinitely loving. When he raised his head, she caught her breath at the clear, glowing joyousness in his eyes. "We don't need that kind of titillation," he whispered gently. "We don't need anything but this."

  He was right, this golden radiance of warmth and beauty was all they'd ever need. Her arms slipped around his waist, loving the hard, supple feel of his smooth, corded muscles. Loving the gentleness and the strength.

  "Uh-hum!" The cough was discreet. "I'd diplomatically disappear, but I have a message for you, Jared," Kevin said from behind her.

  Tania started to turn, but Jared's arms tightened

  possessively, and he spoke over her head to Kevin. "So give it to me," he said lightly.

  "The senator will be arriving this evening for dinner. He wants to talk to you." Kevin’s voice was grave. "It sounded as though it might be fairly urgent."

  "Really?" Jared's face was suddenly an impassive mask. "I can't say it comes as a surprise. I've been expecting him to make a move since the last time we had the pleasure of his company. It will be interesting to hear what he has to say."

  Kevin's voice was cautious. "Move? That's rather cryptic. I'm not sure what you mean."

  "Don't worry about it, Kevin. I have an idea everything will be clarified for all of us very soon." He slowly released Tania and stepped back.

  As she turned to face Kevin, she caught an odd expression of regret on his face. Regret? Then he smiled, and she thought she must have been mistaken. "I never worry," he said lightly. "I have it on the best authority that worry gives you terminal acne."

  She chuckled. "What authority?"

  "My teenage sister. She should know. The poor kid has more spots than a leopard."

  Jared had a faraway expression on his face. "Tania, why don't you go back to the chateau with Kevin? I think I'll go for a walk."

  "Do you want company?"

  He shook his head, and when he saw her look of hurt surprise, he dropped a light kiss on the tip of her nose. "I have some thinking to do, and that can be pretty difficult with you around, pixie. Go with Kevin." Then he was turning and walking swiftly away, his hands jammed in the pockets of his jacket.

  Judging by the remoteness of his demeanor, he'd probably forgotten about her already, she thought, puzzled and exasperated. She hadn't seen that look of cool absorption on his face since that first afternoon, and it filled her with a vague unease. He'd changed from passionate lover to almost complete stranger in the space of a few minutes. Why should Corbett's arrival have such a radical effect on him?

  She was frowning as she fell into step with Kevin. "Do you have any idea why Corbett is coming?"

  "I can make a few guesses, just as Jared can," he admitted frankly. "But I haven't been taken into the senator's confidence, if that's what you're hinting at. He prone to play his cards very close to the chest, and I'm just a lowly aide, remember?" His glance was speculative. "There's every possibility that his visit concerns you, however."

  "Why do you say that?"

  He shrugged. "Just guessing. I do know he's bee closely monitoring your relationship with Jared sin you were shot. Betz's reports have been very detail and complete on that score."

  Tania felt a flush mount in her cheeks that was mo from annoyance than embarrassment. "You mean he knows that we're sleeping together," she said crossly "There's something obscene about all this curiosity concerning Jared's sex life."

  "He knows you're sleeping together, eating together, spending every moment in each other's pocket. Neither of you has exactly made your association top secret. You've been the most blatantly in love couple that I've ever seen."

  They'd been so absorbed in each other that they hadn't given a damn who was aware of it. "That should have made Betz positively ecstatic," she said caustically "I'm right where he originally intended me to be, ' Jared's bed, keeping his charge contented."

  "Oh, you've been doing that, all right," Kevin said, a gentle smile on his face. "He lights up like neon whenever he looks at you. I never thought I'd see Jared Ryker in such a reckless state of euphoria. It makes one a believer in the old maxim about the world's being well lost for love."

  "I don't know what you're talking about," she said with indignation. "Reckless? Everyone has been nudging me toward Jared with all the diplomacy of a bawdy-house madam, and now you're hinting that it's somehow dangerous!"

  "Did I give you that impression?" he asked ruefully. "I didn't mean to frighten you, princess. I've never been known for my silver tongue. Of course there's nothing for you to worry about. I suppose I'm so used to political shenanigans that I get a little uneasy when I see an absence of intrigue."

  "If there's nothing to worry about, then why is Jared acting so strange?" That bothered her more than any of Kevin's hints. Their relationship was still too new for her not to question any fresh nuance.

  "I imagine we'll find out when Jared chooses to tell us. By the way, the senator prefers that we dress for dinner, so you're going to have the opportunity to dazzle us."

  Chapter 13

  Several hours later as she walked gracefully down the staircase, Tania was a dazzling sight. The uneasiness that had started as a whisper had been growing to a shout as the day wore on. Jared hadn't come back to the chateau until it was almost time to dress for dinner, and even then he'd retained an air of abstraction. He'd quickly showered, dressed, and left the suite to join Corbett in the library for drinks before she was out of the shower. That he hadn't waited for her signaled that she might need all the reinforcement she could muster, and she'd dressed accordingly.

  Her velvet gown was of a rose so vibrant, it was almost red, with a
high-waist regency cut that was very flattering to her petite figure. It left her upper breasts bare, and the graceful little train made her feel splendidly regal as she swept into the library like a young czarist empress.

  "Enchanting!" Sam Corbett rose to his feet, sleekly impressive in his black tuxedo. "I see that you’re beautifully recovered, Miss Orlinov." His smile was charming. "With special emphasis on the adjective.'' He turned to Jared, who was leaning against the mantle with a cocktail glass in his hand. "It's not often that this chateau has housed such a ravishing lady, even in the

  olden days. It makes one want to cherish such a lovely captive, doesn't it, Jared?"

  The words were spoken lightly, but Jared stiffened imperceptibly, and his eyes narrowed. "A curious choice of words, Corbett. I'm sure you're aware that Tania is no longer a captive, but a guest."

  "So I understand," Corbett said genially. "A circumstance that we're all exceptionally happy about, I'm sure. You mustn't take umbrage at my every verbal faux pas, Jared." For a moment there was a flicker of mockery in his hazel eyes. "I have a very romantic soul, and the idea of a castle with its own resident captive princess has a certain appeal."

  "Fantasy is fine in its place," Jared said with equal smoothness. "It's only when it intrudes upon reality that it can become dangerous."

  Kevin had come forward from the bar across the room and handed her the Perrier and lime he knew she preferred. "Speaking of princesses, I like your hair in that coronet of braids," he told her lightly. "You look quite regal."

  "Thank you, Kevin. This is all quite flattering, but so many allusions to royalty are making me a little uncomfortable. I may be a capitalist by choice, but my Bolshevik upbringing still gives me an occasional twinge." At least Kevin was directing his conversational gambit at her, she thought grimly. She was well aware that the interchange between Jared and Corbett had as many dangerous undercurrents as the river Styx.

  "Then we'll change the subject at once," the senator said with a flashing smile. "We wouldn't want you to suffer even the slightest pain or discomfort." He turned to Jared. "Isn't that right, Jared?"