It’s now or never. Need to fill Mom in on what’s going on in my head.
Walking into the house, I find my parents in the family room. “Want a beer?” I ask my dad, knowing I’ll need some liquid courage to get through the upcoming conversation.
“Yeah, and can you grab your mom a glass of wine?”
I nod to show I heard him then go into the kitchen and grab our drinks. Once I hand them out, I sit there facing my parents, not knowing where to start. Finally, I say, “I’m sorry. I’ve got no excuse for staying away except that my head’s been so fucked up, I figured it was the best thing to do. I realize now that it wasn’t and for any worry or concern I’ve caused, I can only apologize.”
“Nicky,” Mom says, her voice filled with emotion. “You don’t have to apologize. Once we heard what happened, we knew it was messing with your head.”
“That’s no excuse, Mom, and you and I both know it. Y’all have always been my safe place, where I can be me and let shit go. My only explanation is I didn’t want the younger kids to see me like I was. I still don’t sleep well and have nightmares more often than not. But Reese has the name of a trauma therapist that he used, and he wants me to check the dogs at the sanctuary and start training one as a service animal.”
“You may not have come home, but you found another safe place to land, Son,” Dad states.
“Yeah, you’re right. The guys are awesome and being able to work with the animals at the sanctuary has helped a lot more than I realized. I hate going home so soon, but I have no choice, there are a few pregnant animals that I need to keep watch over. I also don’t know how often I’ll get here, but I’ll be back as often as possible.”
“A certain pretty girl and her little one aren’t the reason, are they?” Mom asks, a grin on her face.
“They are, but, Mom, she needs time to heal from the hell she went through. It’s not my story to tell, but she’s had it rough and I know I only know the tip of the iceberg.”
“We’ll take care of her, Nicky. You focus on you. If she’s meant to be yours, it’ll happen regardless of whether it’s right now or months from now.”
“I hope you’re right. I know I’m broken and need to fix that before I can be anything to her.”
“Son, you’re not broken. You have shit to deal with, true, just don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. Make sure that young lady knows the score, so you don’t accidentally hurt her.”
“She knows, Dad. Promise.”
* * *
I lay in bed that night, content for the first time in years. Now that I’ve got a plan in place, I can be the son and brother I’m supposed to be, both here and at the clubhouse. And someday, the old man, husband and father that Shayla and Amelia need.
Shayla
I lay in my new bed that night, grateful for everything that has happened since that day I broke down. Thinking about Nick and his kisses, I feel a shiver wrack my body knowing that at some point, he’ll want more. And when he does, I’ll be ready.
6
Brody
Two Weeks Later
“Order up!” I call out, hiding a grin as I watch Shayla grab the plate and carefully carry it over to the waiting table. Even with one arm in a cast, she manages to handle her assigned tables with a smile on her face. Going back to what I’m doing, I feel my wife’s arms wrap around me and I smile. “She’s doing good, Firefly.”
“Yeah, she is and now that she’s eating regularly, she’s picking up some weight. I don’t think Nick’s gonna recognize her when he comes next time.”
“You know it’s not going to be easy for either of them,” I caution, flipping the omelet over expertly.
“I know, honey, but I want him happy. I want him to have what we have.”
“He’ll get there, Jayce. He’s got shit to deal with and he’s the kind of man who will deal with that before he brings it into any relationship. Besides, I talked to Reese this morning. He’s been going to group therapy for military vets and Reese said that already, he can tell a difference. He’s not as uptight and he seems to be getting more rest.”
“I’ve been so worried.”
“I know, baby. But we raised him right and he’s got a brotherhood that will help him through this because many of them have dealt with the same stuff.”
“We raised a good man, didn’t we?” she asks.
“One of the best,” I state. “Now, I gotta get back to work, these omelets won’t cook themselves.”
Shayla
I walk into the office and spy Amelia sitting up and playing. Already, she looks so much better than she did even just a week ago. “Hey, pretty girl, whatcha doing?” I ask as I pick her up. Laughing at the babbling that Amelia is doing, I look at Jaycie and say, “Thank you for watching her. In fact, thank you for everything, even though that’s not nearly sufficient to express how I feel.”
“We’re glad you’re here, Shayla. How’s the house working out?”
“It’s so odd to live someplace that’s ‘mine’ and know that if I leave a towel on the floor, it’ll still be there when I get back home. I love it and am so grateful that Nick brought me to y’all.”
“He’s doing okay, Shayla,” Jaycie says.
“What? I didn’t ask about him,” I reply. I can feel a blush heating my face.
“I know you didn’t, but I wanted you to know. He’ll come around when he can.”
“I don’t expect him to, though. I mean, he said some things, but that was probably in the heat of the moment.”
“Oh, he doesn’t say anything he doesn’t mean, but he’s dealing with stuff and knowing my son, he’ll want to make sure it’s all out of his head before he shows up.”
“He’s not the only one.”
“Do you still love Amelia’s father?” Jaycie asks.
“I never loved him. He was…a friend. But I…I can’t talk about how she came to be,” I state, tears filling my eyes.
Jaycie comes around the desk and pulls me into her arms. “It’s okay, you don’t owe me any explanations. Just know I’ll listen if you ever need to talk, okay?”
I nod before stating, “I better get this little girl out of your hair. We’ve still got the grocery store to hit before we get home.”
“Let me give you a hand. You’re off tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah. Not that Little Miss will let me sleep in or anything.”
Laughing, Jaycie says, “Those days are behind you, at least until she hits her teenage years. Then you’ll sleep with one eye open to make sure she stays out of mischief.”
Nick
“Nick, look at them!” Corrie states. “Beautiful babies, all of them. Thanks for staying last night when you realized she was in labor.”
“No worries. It’s my job, remember?” I reply. I love the peace I’ve found working with the animals and as much as I still have to work through, being around animals who have been thrown away helps me on a daily basis.
“So, Reese mentioned you’ve been looking at maybe training Bosco?” she asks as she works to clean the cage and give the new mother fresh bedding without disturbing her babies.
“Yeah, he’s the right age and from some of his mannerisms, I think he’ll do well.”
“Then he’s yours to train.”
“You know I’ll pay for him,” I reply.
“You know I won’t let you,” she retorts, grinning at me.
“What are you arguing with my old lady about?” Reese asks, coming into the birthing area.
“She won’t let me pay for Bosco,” I tell my president. “At least let me cover the vetting costs that the sanctuary has put out for him.”
“We got a grant that covered those, remember?” she replies. “Besides, you more than earned him with the extra time you’ve put in out here to make sure the animals are integrated and healthy.”
“You won’t win, Nick. Besides, I was looking for you because we need to have a quick meet.”
I nod and head over to the sink t
o wash my hands. “That works. I don’t have the group tonight.”
I watch Reese walk over to his wife and pull her into his arms. “See you later, Slugger,” he murmurs before kissing her. I grin seeing the dazed look on her face as Reese pulls back. He swats her on the ass and heads towards me, whistling. “Group’s going well then?” he asks as we head out to our bikes.
“Yeah. Seems a lot of us come home and have trouble integrating. Glad that I’m not the only one, but damn, it’s hard hearing the stories from the guys who’ve lost their wives and families.”
“Is that why you’ve stayed away from Shayla?”
I give him a look before saying, “I’m giving her time to heal from her own shit, man. You didn’t see her, but she had been on her own for a few weeks and still had visible bruises.”
“I suspected she had been hurt based on how wary she was the day we met her. I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t had Corrie with me, she wouldn’t have said a word.”
“Yeah, she was covered in bruises.”
“How did you manage to see those?”
“I walked into the room she was using, and she was in a towel. If I ever see that fucker, he’s dead,” I state. “Now, we gonna keep yakking or head to the clubhouse?”
Reese shakes his head at me before swinging his leg over his bike and firing it up. Raising his arm, he motions for us to head out.
* * *
We grab a few beers before heading into our meeting room. “Bout time y’all got here,” Matt states, as we take our seats.
“You got a hot date or something?” I ask, kicking back and popping the top on my bottle before taking a long pull.
“Naw, he’s gotta go check on that little waitress from The Steakhouse,” Porter replies.
“The one who takes care of us whenever we go in? What’s her story?” I inquire, genuinely curious. One of the good things to come from the group therapy is that I’m tuning in more to those around me instead of wallowing in my own fucking head.
“She’s a single mom, going to college too. Something about her is all. I’m intrigued,” Matt says.
“You wanna deal with possible baby daddy drama?” Porter questions.
“Don’t think there’s a baby daddy in the picture, at least not from what I’ve seen.”
“So, what’s holding you back from going after what you want?”
“Jesus Christ on a cracker, when did we grow pussies and start sharing our feelings?” Motor asks. He’s always coming out with inane sayings that are unlike any other we say.
The room fills with laughter at his comment. “You’ll see once a chick ensnares you,” Reese states. “Now, let’s get down to business, shall we?”
* * *
Later that night, alone in my room, I think about Shayla. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and I decide that I need to let her know I haven’t forgotten what I said.
Nick: Hey, it’s me. You and that sweet girl settling in okay?
Shayla: We are, thanks to your folks. This place is awesome. How’ve you been?
Nick: Good. Getting ready to train a service dog for myself.
Shayla: How exciting? What kind?
Nick: He’s a mutt, maybe some Pyrenees in him, definitely some Labrador.
Shayla: So, he’s a baby moose?
Nick: Yeah you could say that, but I’m a big guy so I need something bigger than a little dachshund.
Shayla: LOL.
Nick: I’m sorry I haven’t been back in a few weeks.
Shayla: Nick, you said yourself you had stuff to work through. I didn’t expect to see you every day.
Nick: I know, but I feel like I let you down.
Shayla: I don’t think you could do that if you tried.
Nick: I’ll be up this weekend, weather permitting. You want to do dinner?
Shayla: I’d like that.
Nick: Then it’s a date. I’ll let you go get some sleep.
Shayla: Good night, Nick.
Nick: Night, beautiful.
I lay there wondering if there’s anywhere like the Steakhouse that I can take her. Then I think that it might be too much for a first date. I mean, Reese proposed to Corrie there and Shayla and I are a long way from that! Fuck, I haven’t dated in so long, I don’t even know the protocol any longer. Guess we’ll figure it out when I get there.
Shayla
I’m shivering when I get out of my shower the next morning. “Temperature must have dropped overnight,” I say out loud, a long-time habit. “Good thing Nick took me shopping for more clothes.” Quickly dressing in a pair of sweats and warm, fuzzy socks, I head into Amelia’s room. “Good morning, sweetness,” I say, seeing my daughter awake and gnawing on a teething ring. “It’s cold outside today, Amelia, so looks like we’re staying in.” I talk to her while I get her changed and dressed, then carry her into the kitchen where I put her in the high chair so I can fix breakfast.
At Amelia’s screech, I laugh and say, “Patience, baby girl. Mama wants to make you something warm to eat.” I quickly make a pan of scrambled eggs and then butter two pieces of toast before returning to the table with a plate and a sippy cup of watered-down juice.
Once breakfast is finished, I clean up the kitchen and then carry Amelia into the living room where I sit her down with some of her toys. Noticing how bright it is outside, I look out the window and gasp. “Amelia, it snowed last night!” The baby, unimpressed, continues to bang her toys around. “Guess it’s a good thing I really didn’t have to go anywhere. I wonder if Nick will still be able to come?”
Grabbing my e-reader and the remote, I turn the television on to catch the news only to see that there’s a severe winter storm and the weatherman is predicting another ten inches of snow by the weekend. “Guess that means no date for Mama, Little Miss,” I say, settling in to enjoy the day off, grateful that we’re no longer living out of the van.
7
Nick
I wake up the next morning eager to take Bosco to meet my family and Shayla. Already the dog has mastered basic commands and I’m impressed that twice now, he’s awakened me in the middle of a nightmare. I hope he does well with the kids. Once I’ve showered and dressed, I head down to the kitchen, praying that Corrie has come by and cooked. Finding the kitchen empty but the coffee pot hot and ready, I pour myself a cup and then start rummaging for something to eat.
“You’re heading out today, right?” Matt asks, coming into the kitchen.
“Yeah.”
“The weather’s gonna be pretty bad, man. May wanna take extra shit just in case, y’know?”
“My folks have a generator at the diner and at their house since they lose power seemingly at the first flake of snow hitting the ground. I’ll be good.”
“What about your woman?” Matt inquires.
I think about Shayla’s house and realize it doesn’t have a fireplace. “Maybe I should grab those kerosene heaters.”
“I’ll help you get them loaded.”
“You trying to get rid of me or something?”
“Naw, just know what the weather’s gonna do and would prefer a brother to be safe and not on the road.”
“Appreciate it,” I say as we take care of the few dishes we’ve used. “Let me go pack a bag and I’ll be down with Bosco in a few.”
Shayla
I answer the knock on the door, surprised to see Jaycie. “Hey, what’s up?”
“I don’t know if you’ve heard the weather report, but we’re expecting a lot more of the white stuff. Do you want to come back with me in case you lose power?”
“Um, I’d rather stay here but maybe Amelia could go with you? I mean, she’s better now, but why take a chance?”
“Okay, let’s get a bag packed for her. Think of it like this, you’re getting a mini-break which I know you probably haven’t had since she was born.”
I laugh because Jaycie’s correct. Other than when I work, I’m with Amelia twenty-four seven and as much as I love my daughter, I’m craving a lit
tle bit of solitude. Within minutes, I’ve got a bag packed for Amelia and am kissing her goodbye. “See you in a day or so, sweet girl. That is if Gramma Jaycie lets you go!” Jaycie just laughs as she carries the baby down to the waiting vehicle. My heart melts when I see she already has a carseat waiting in the backseat. I stand there waving until I can’t see them any longer, then lock up and settle in with my book.
Hours later, I wake up from an unexpected nap and see it’s grown much darker outside. Going to the window, I see the snow blowing around and realize that quite a bit has fallen during my impromptu nap. Remembering what Mrs. Masters, my group home parent, had taught me, I fill up several pans and cover them before putting them on the stove, then fill up both bathtubs before getting a bucket and placing it in my bathroom in case the power goes out and I have to flush the toilet. I put both my phone and my e-reader on their chargers so they’ll be fully charged, and locate the flashlight. Then, I turn the television back on to see what the weatherman is now predicting.
Nick
Checking in with Reese, I tell him, “Gonna go on to my folks’ place since this weather usually means that my dad works constantly because his employees are unable to get there.”
“You sure it’s not for Shayla?” Reese teases.
“Well, I don’t mind seeing her either if I’m being truthful,” I reply, a grin on my face.
“Go on, the animals will be fine, and I’ll get Motor to do the security. Just be careful, y’hear?”
“Absolutely. Just don’t ask me to text you when I get there.”
“If my old lady wants to know, you’ll do it,” Reese states.
“Fine, I’ll send her one then.”
Nick: Black Tuxedos MC Page 5
