A Seed Planted

by Cat FitzGerald

  “Well, I think that’s all I need for now, but I have to tell you. Selling that place is going to be a challenge. People just aren’t buying farms much anymore. If you were closer to town, some big developer might take it for commercial property. Your best bet is for somebody looking to build a subdivision. But I will do everything I can, and we’ll see what happens. I’ll send one of our runners by this afternoon to put up the sign. Thank you for your business.” The realtor stood and extended his hand, signifying the meeting was over.

  Julia stared at his hand for a few awkward seconds before reaching out to shake it. After much soul searching, she’d decided to put the farm on the market. It was a sad day, but she didn’t feel there was another choice. Of course, she could sell to Marley, but knowing he was there without her, was too painful to think about. It would be better to sell to strangers, take the best offer, and be done with it. She could finally move on and plan her future, make a life for herself somewhere new and exciting. Forget Marley.

  That might be the hardest thing to do.

  Julia stopped her car as the house came into view. She tried to see it through the eyes of a potential buyer, but all she could see were memories. Yes, it needed a paint job, and the roof could do with replacing. Thankfully, Grandma Jean had updated the wiring and plumbing several years ago, but there was still no central heating and air. That’s what fireplaces and windows were for, she said. She had relented and put window units in the kitchen and the servant’s quarters. The outbuildings were old but functional.

  Julia gazed at the porch where she’d spent so many wonderful moments with her beloved grandmother in the swing or rocking chairs. The house was past its prime, but it was beautiful still, the wrap-around porch beckoning visitors, the black shutters, once crisp against bright white paint, now a bit faded. The brick walkway was in great shape. Her Grandpa Will knew what he was doing when he laid that down so many years ago. Could she really let it go?

  She had to. Her memories would go with her as well as many of her grandmother’s belongings. She would find a bigger place that could hold all she wanted to take once she decided where she was going. Atlanta was a real possibility. Big enough to get lost in. No one knew her there, so she could blend in and forge a new life for herself, put the past behind. Again.

  She sighed and pulled around back to her usual spot. Marley’s truck was not there, so she didn’t need to worry about running into him. Although, it seemed he went to tremendous effort to avoid that. He’d been using the shower because there were damp towels in the bathroom. She’d gone in one day to see if there were any when she was getting ready to do laundry. The smell of him had stopped her cold. Was she doing the right thing? Yes! He’d made it clear he didn’t want a relationship with her, so there was no point in second-guessing herself.

  She went inside and pulled out the boxes she’d picked up earlier in the week. It was time to start packing.

  A week later, Julia had made little progress because she kept getting distracted by things she pulled out from the attic, or drawers, or closets. So many things had stories to go with them, and Julia allowed herself the luxury of tears as she rediscovered a life nearly forgotten.

  **************************************************

  Present Day

  Oh, what a special time that was! If she hadn’t put the farm up for sale, JuJu might never have found Grandma Jean’s notes. God always has His plans, and He certainly laid that day out in a way no one could have foreseen. She was making her plans, and Marley was making his, both of them giving up hope.

  JuJu wondered if someday her notes would be read and shared, memories bringing joy to a new generation. Packing and sorting over the past few weeks made that question more real. It was hard to know what to keep and what to get rid of. The garage sale was a huge success, friends and neighbors stopping by to see what she might be willing to part with. At the end of the day, it was just stuff. She had little need these days, and she didn’t want to spend her last years worrying about stuff. After all, as they say, no one ever saw a U-Haul behind a hearse.

  She was holding on to what was important and letting go of the rest. The Lord always provided, and He’d kept her and Marley from making the biggest mistake of their lives.

  On more than one occasion.

  Chapter 35

  Valentine’s Day, 1973

  Julia desperately tried not to think of today’s significance and where she’d been one year ago. Tired of packing dishes, she’d wandered into her old bedroom to do some sorting and organizing. After emptying the dresser of old clothes, she tackled the closet and the cedar chest. There wasn’t much to save from this room, so boxes for the garbage sat by the door. Saving the nightstand drawer for last, knowing her old diary was in it, she sighed and sat down on the bed. Might as well get it over with.

  Julia reached in to retrieve the diary, planning to rip out the pages and burn them before throwing the remains in the trash. As she stuck the tiny key in to unlock it, the small book fell to the floor upside down. She bent down to pick it up, and turning it over, she noticed a different handwriting. What is this? I didn’t write anything else after I got pregnant. I never stayed overnight here again. This is Grandma Jean’s handwriting. What in the world?

  August 22, 1965

  Dear Lord, my baby girl is off to college. She’s got so much hurt inside her I don’t know if she can ever get free of it. I know she can’t without your help, but I don’t think she’s talked to You in a long, long time, so I’m going to talk to You on her behalf. Father God, you know she’s got a good heart, and she loved You once, but life with Malcolm and Martha just wore her down. She made bad choices, Lord, I know that, but she had to face too much at such a young age. I wish I’d done more, made her come live with me. I’ve sure got my regrets where JuJu’s concerned, and I ask Your forgiveness for not doing enough to protect her. Please watch over her, keep her safe. Let her know You love her. Help her find her way back to You somehow.

  “No! No! Grandma Jean, it wasn’t your fault! It wasn’t! You tried, you tried so hard, but I wouldn’t listen.” Julia sobbed out loud. She couldn’t believe her precious grandmother felt guilty about what happened. How could she have thought any of that was her fault? If it hadn’t been for her, things would have been even worse. The pain in her chest was almost unbearable. To think of Grandma Jean carrying that burden made her sick. She went to the bathroom to wash her face. The tears would not stop. Shakily, she made her way back to the bedroom. She didn’t want to read anymore but had no choice. Staring at the diary as though it might bite her, she took a deep, shuddering breath and picked it up again.

  September 23, 1965

  Dear Lord, it’s me again. I got a postcard from JuJu yesterday. She didn’t say much, but she didn’t have to. I can read her through the words. Or the lack of them, I guess I should say. The front of the card is a picture of her school. It’s big and looks a bit scary. I imagine it is, especially for JuJu. She’s never been away from home until a month ago. You can watch her. Protect her from the evil one who wants to destroy her. He’s tried already and had his way too much.

  I ask you, Father, to give her strength to fight him. She can’t do it alone. I wish I could be with her, but I can’t. She’s grown up now, on her own, and doesn’t think she needs anybody. But she needs You, Lord. Oh, how she needs You.

  For the next hour, Julia read of her grandmother’s love and prayers for her, her journal in JuJu’s own diary, for almost three years. As she reached 1968, the year of her college graduation and Grandma Jean’s death, she wasn’t sure she could go on. Heart completely broken and emotionally spent, she knew she must. She’d already cried more tears than she thought one body could produce. She flipped the page.

  January 1, 1968

  Dear Lord, thank You for another year. A couple of times there, I wasn’t sure I’d see another one pass, but here I am. It’s hard to believe I haven’t seen my girl in such a long time. I miss her so much, but I’
m very glad she called over Christmas. I admit to being disappointed she didn’t come for a visit. It was so good to hear her voice, but she still sounds so sad, Lord. So sad. I’m not giving up, though. Your Word says to pray without stopping, and You will give me the desire of my heart. And You know my desire is for JuJu to come back to You. I don’t need or want anything else. Even life. You can take me any time if it will bring her back to faith in You. She needs You so badly, but she doesn’t know it. Help her, please. I love her so much, but I know You love her even more.

  Julia remembered that conversation, not knowing it would be the last time she heard her grandmother’s voice.

  Christmas Day, 1967

  The sharp jangling of the phone startled Jean out of her sleep. She’d dozed off in the midst of her knitting, and it took a few seconds to orient herself. She stood up to make her way to the kitchen before remembering the second phone she had installed in the family room. Plopping back down in her easy chair, she reached for the receiver.

  “Hello?” Goodness, she sounded like a creaky, old woman. “Hello?” she repeated, louder this time.

  “Hey, Grandma Jean. Merry Christmas.”

  “Oh my, darling, how are you? It’s so good to hear your voice.”

  “I’m fine. Busy with school. How are you?” JuJu didn’t call often, but when she did, she always turned the conversation away from herself.

  “Honey, I’m just fine for an old lady. The Lord has been good enough to get me through another year, so I can’t complain. No one wants to listen anyway. I want to hear about you. How is school? Are you up there by yourself over Christmas?”

  “School is fine. No, I’m not here by myself. A lot of kids live too far away to go home, plus I’m working part-time over the holidays at a department store. The extra money’s good.”

  “Baby girl, if you need money, I’ll send you some. You don’t need to be working while going to school.”

  “No, Grandma Jean, it’s fine. I enjoy it, and it gives me something to do since I don’t have classes right now.”

  “Well, all right, if you’re sure. But, you know I’ll be glad to send you some money if you need it. Please promise you’ll let me know, okay? You know how much I love you. And, don’t ever forget the Lord loves you even more. I know you don’t believe that, but it’s true, and I’m going to remind you every time. Don’t forget, JuJu. Please don’t forget.” Jean willed herself not to cry because she knew it would upset her granddaughter, but it was too late.

  “Grandma Jean, I have to go. It was good talking to you. I love you.”

  “You, too, sweetheart, I love you more,” Jean replied as she heard a click. Now, she could let the tears come.

  **************************************************

  Julia wasn’t sure her heart could take much more. Guilt was tearing her apart as she remembered hanging up on her grandmother just as she heard her say, “I love you.” She’d not called again, and five months later, Grandma Jean was dead. Was she doomed to spend the rest of her life carrying this burden?

  Not if you give it to Me.

  Julia glanced up at the door, expecting to see Marley there. Am I losing my mind? I keep hearing voices. She shook her head and forced herself to keep reading.

  Valentine’s Day, 1968

  Dear Lord, I’m asking You specifically today to let JuJu know how much You love her. This day is hard for a lot of people, but for those who know Your love, it is very special. I pray that she might remember what she learned in Sunday School about how You died for her. People use the color red on everything, but I’m not sure if they think about what that red means. Red is the color of the blood You shed for us. For me. For JuJu. And the hearts represent Your love that made You do it. We are a mess without You. Sometimes, we’re still a mess, but with You, we’ve got hope. Give my girl some hope, Lord.

  Julia continued through the tears but had to stop and wipe her eyes several times to see clearly. How could she have been so blind and stupid?

  March 24, 1968

  Dear Lord, spring is in the air! I feel it in these old bones, and I’m so glad cold weather is on its way out of town. This year’s been a little harder than most, but it’s okay. The mosquitos need killing off anyway. I love spring because it means new life, and that’s what You brought, Lord. New life! I pray You will bring new life to my baby girl this year. She’s graduating college in a couple of months, can You believe it? Open her eyes, Lord, to see You and to know that You have been watching over her all the time. I don’t know if I’ll see her again on this side, and I’d sure like to know that she’s going to join me in Glory one day. Thank You, Father, for what You’re going to do. I trust You. I love You.

  April 23, 1968

  Dear Lord, I’m not doing too good. You know that, of course, but I’m a little anxious about JuJu. I know You’ve got everything under control, but I would sure appreciate a sign that You’re working in her life. I don’t think I will see her graduate, Lord. I won’t see her again, to hug her and tell her I love her, tell her how important she is to You. Please, Lord, before my time is up, could You just let me know something? Just a little sign is all I ask. I hope she got the birthday card I sent.

  Julia closed the diary on her grandmother’s last entry. She had died less than two weeks later. Julia didn’t know for sure if Grandma Jean got her sign, but being a godly woman, she felt sure God had answered her prayer. And today, after all the years and heartache, Grandma Jean’s baby girl found her way home. Yes, Grandma Jean, I got the card.

  Julia slipped to her knees and bowed her head, tears falling on the pink chenille spread. In spite of her rebellion and outright rejection of God, she knew He had, indeed, been with her all the time. All the pain was brought on by her own choices, and she alone was responsible for the consequences. It wasn’t Malcolm’s fault or Martha’s fault. Yes, they pretty much failed at parenting, but she had a grandmother to make up for it, and she chose self-pity instead of hope. And now, she was choosing forgiveness. Accepting it for herself, and offering it to her parents and others who let her down. Julia wiped her face again and lifted her head heavenward with peace in her heart.

  She sat on the bed again and picked up the diary, turning to her grandmother’s last entry. Taking the pink and white feathered pen, she wrote a new one.

  February 14, 1973

  Dear Lord, please let Grandma Jean know I’ve come home.

  Chapter 36

  February 15, 1973

  Julia awakened to the sun shining on her face. Glancing at the clock, she was surprised to see it was eight thirty. She’d not slept that late since the weeks following her car accident. She yawned and stretched lazily, remembering yesterday’s joy and the new life she now possessed. With renewed energy, she jumped out of bed and took a quick shower but not before peeking out the window to see if Marley was here. She’d not heard him come in last night or leave this morning. She was anxious to talk to him about her new status, but also hesitant because she didn’t want him to think she was faking. She would catch him tonight even if she had to stay up late to do so.

  Finishing up in the bathroom, Julia dressed and made her way downstairs, wondering why she smelled coffee. Marley! She quickened her step only to be disappointed when she entered the empty kitchen. The coffee was made, but no one was around. An envelope addressed to her was on the table.

  She recognized Marley’s handwriting and tore it open.

  Dear Julia,

  I’m writing to let you know I have found a place to live in town. Since the farm is up for sale now, I’m sure you won’t have any trouble selling it. The animals have plenty of feed, and the hay is stacked in the barn. I’m sure you can handle everything, but if you need any help, I’m sure Joe at the hardware store can stop by. Take care, and I wish you the best.

  Marley

  “No!” Julia crumpled to the chair and put her head in her hands. “No, Lord, this is not how it’s supposed to be. Why is this happening?”

&nbs
p; Trust Me.

  This time, Julia didn’t look around for a source of the voice. She recognized it now. Sighing, she closed her eyes in prayer.

  **************************************************

  March 1, 1973

  After checking on the animals again and refreshing their water, Julia quickly headed back to the house. Marley had gone out of his way to make sure all was taken care of, and she appreciated it, but she missed him. Pulling her jacket tightly around her, she put her head down against the cold wind. The unusually warm weather of the last week had disappeared. The sky turned dark with ominous-looking clouds overhead. There was a storm brewing for sure. Coco trotted close beside her, whining at the thunder Julia could not yet hear. Just as they pulled open the screen door, the first fat drops splatted on their heads.

  “Hurry, girl, let’s get inside!” The big chocolate Lab did not have to be told twice. Letting the door slam behind her, Julia hurried in and shut them away from the howling wind and rain. “I think this calls for a fire tonight, Coco, what do you think?”

  Woof! Woof! Coco responded, tail wagging rapidly.

  Julia put soup on the stove to heat and went into the family room to start the fire. Coco dropped to the hearth rug and immediately fell asleep. Pulling a blanket off the back of the sofa, Julia snuggled up with her grandmother’s Bible, and read until she heard the sound of hissing from the stove that told her the soup was ready. Setting the worn book on the coffee table, she padded in sock feet to pour the hot soup into an oversized mug. Returning to the sofa, she pulled the blanket over her legs and carefully sipped the hot liquid. Coco opened one eye and closed it again, apparently having no interest in tomato soup.

  Mesmerized by the flames, Julia’s mind wandered over the past few days. It was difficult to comprehend how different she felt. The guilt and misery that hung over most of her life was gone. She hadn’t forgotten it, but she viewed it now with objectivity rather than anger and despair.