I almost collapsed. That was the voice of my forever. I put my head on my door, closed my eyes, and started shaking. I was afraid to look. Ethan walked over to me and pushed the door open. He moved me into my room. With his hands on my waist, he used his whole body to hold me up and help me walk. In every way I was his. He carefully closed the door behind us. Then he turned me around so I was facing him, and he hugged me so tightly.
I needed him to be my best friend, my protector, and my boyfriend. There’s just something that words can’t describe about having someone from home, someone who has known you for years, hold you when you are sad.
With his face pressed against my neck Ethan softly said, “I need to breathe you.” He took a deep breath and walked me to my bed. I was still in shock. I was confused and elated, and I was feeling a little embarrassed because I was seconds from chasing another guy. I pushed my face into his shoulder and gripped his shirt in my hands. Was this real?
“What are you doing here?” I asked with tears still falling.
“I came to get a kiss from the one and only girl for me. And, since you wouldn’t see me last Saturday, I figured I’d have to fly all the way from New York to Charleston to get it.”
I would not have pushed him away for anything in the world! He leaned me back onto my pillow and stretched out beside me. He put his right arm under my head and his left hand slid across my abdomen onto my hip. We were lying in that exact same position seven months prior.
“Now, I am truly all yours,” he whispered in my ear.
He pulled my chin so my face was about an inch from his. We were breathing the same air. He reached down and slowly pulled my leg from behind my knee over his thigh. He slid his hand from my knee, back up my body to my face without ever losing contact. All of him pressed to all of me. I think we became one person in that moment. The one moment that changed my forever had arrived. Ethan kissed me, and kissed me, and kissed me.
We stayed wrapped around each other kissing. I was so glad I had waited for him, for this. I had never wanted anyone else but him. I knew I would never want anyone else but him. Ethan was the man I was going to marry someday. He was finally my only one, my forever. I was never going to let him go.
Chapter 13
Ethan didn’t ask me about Clark. I guess he got all the information he needed about us and our relationship in the few minutes they spoke. I would have told him anything he wanted to know. I had nothing to hide from him. My priority in life was making sure I would have nothing to hide from my husband and nothing to be ashamed of with my husband, whoever that was going to be. It can be done. It’s old fashioned. It’s very difficult sometimes, but it can be done.
Ethan and I eventually stopped kissing. However, I did not make it to the theater. I didn’t really need the extra credit anyway.
Still lying together on my bed, Ethan softly brushed my hair out of my face and off of my neck. He looked so sweet and serious too. “Evi, I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me why you are crying, okay?”
“Okay, I won’t, but I do want you know that, I, I said goodbye to someone.”
“Fair enough babe. Let’s focus on us now, and let’s go.”
“Where we going?” I asked wiping my tears.
“You decide. You’re in charge.”
“Anywhere, anything?” I was able to form a smile.
“Yes,” he replied nodding and smiling at my childish excitement.
Feeling more energized I responded, “Oh boy! How long do we have Ethan?” I asked grabbing his shirt.
“Twenty-four hours.”
“Twenty-four hours? That’s all?” I said to him.
“That’s a lifetime in my world,” he said as he leaned down and kissed me like he had done it a thousand times. Maybe he had, in his mind?
I couldn’t think about tomorrow. I wanted every minute with him that day, and all that night, and the next day.
I left Piper a note, “I’ll be home late Sunday. Do not worry. Tell my mom not to worry if she can’t get in touch with me. I’m leaving my phone!” I started packing some things for the night.
“Do you have a bag packed?” I asked him.
“I have everything at my hotel room. I flew in last night. I took a cab to my hotel, got some sleep, woke up this morning, and waited for you to have a chance to get moved back into your room.”
“You flew in last night? From New York?”
“Yes, you said last weekend when you wouldn’t see me that you’d be moving back into your dorm this morning. I knew I would have this weekend off, so I did some research, found a great hotel, booked a flight, and here I am. I really love this city. No wonder you wanted to move here. It’s beautiful, so historic, right up my alley.”
“I’m sorry about last Saturday. I just wasn’t ready to see you yet. The next time I faced you, I wanted to either be over you completely or I wanted, well, I wanted this. I’m so glad I ditched you.” I said laughing at him.
“I’m glad you did too. I wasn’t sure what I would have said to you last week. It probably would have been really difficult only having a few hours together anyway. I know it may sound strange, and I won’t go into details about why, but I feel like I know so much more about you today than I knew even a week ago. I didn’t have doubts last week, and I certainly have no doubts this week. I just feel closer to you now. I’ve wanted you with me for a long time. I’m sorry it took me so long to come for you.”
“It’s okay. Everything happens in the right time. Maybe we both had things to learn about ourselves and about other people before we were going to be ready for each other.”
I think he knew I was talking about Hannah, and he probably assumed I had been seeing someone too. He didn’t ask though.
I added, “I loved being friends with you. I got to know a side of you that I may not have ever seen if we had started dating when I was fifteen! Gosh that was so long ago.”
“That’s true,” he said.
“Okay, let’s go,” I urged.
Ethan put his hand on my lower back as we walked out of my room. We passed one of my friends in the hall and she gave me a look that said “Who the heck is that?” I waved at her subtly and kept walking. I wasn’t ready to introduce Ethan to anyone. I just wanted to get somewhere alone with him.
We took my car to his hotel. He was staying downtown in a hotel by the waterfront park. “Do you want to go for a walk, eat or get settled a bit?” he asked me.
“I want to do all three, but let’s put my bag in your room first.”
Ethan carried my bag for me. We went up the stairs to the second floor. He scanned the key card and opened the door for me. Again, he placed his hand on my lower back and escorted me into the room. He tossed the key onto the dresser and placed my bag on the floor.
The first thing I noticed was that there was only one bed. Time to grow up Evi, I thought to myself. “This room is beautiful Ethan!” I walked to the window to check the view and sure enough, he was in a room with a view of the water.
“That’s the Cooper River,” I told him. “That enormous bridge over there is the Cooper River Bridge. Legend around here is that the Atlantic Ocean is formed where the Ashley and Cooper Rivers meet. That’s actually something I’ve known most of my life from vacationing here with my family.”
Looking out the window with me he asked, “Are you going to be comfortable here tonight Evi?”
I responded confidently, “Yes, very comfortable. There’s nowhere else I could even imagine being. This is where I belong. Can you see that?”
Ethan stared out at the view. I’m sure he was nervous. He looked like he had just brought home a new toy and he couldn’t decide if he wanted to put it on a shelf and look at it, or take it back to the store. As the “toy” in this scenario, I didn’t like either of those options. I could sense that I needed to take control of this weekend.
I turned him so he was facing me and softly asked, “Ethan, since we only have one night together, our first ni
ght together, can we spend it right here? The whole day and evening, then tomorrow too, until I take you to the airport? We can eat here and spend every minute with nothing to think about but each other.” I had waited for that, for him, actually my entire life. I wanted every minute of it with no interruptions.
“Yes. Let’s do that.” He smiled approvingly.
“Alright, we need food. Should we go for a quick walk and order food to go, or call room service?” I asked.
“Let’s walk, I want to smell the air,” he replied.
“Okay, let’s take a quick walk out onto the pier, sit in a swing for a little while, then get our food to go.”
I thought to myself, So much for spending every minute in the room.
He agreed, “Yeah, that sounds good.”
My hope was that Ethan would be more talkative when we returned. He really seemed terrified. We had never had a difficult time talking to one another, quite the opposite in fact. Maybe opening this new door made him feel like his role with me had changed. I would get him loosened up soon.
We exited the hotel and stepped onto the cobblestone street. The stroll to the pier was a very short distance. Once there, we walked until we found an unoccupied swing. When we sat down beside each other, he reached over and pulled both of my legs over his. I was so glad he was feeling more confident about us. Maybe he was just in shock for a little while.
Settling together, I rested my head on his chest and asked him how many times I was going to get to see him over the next few months. “Just for now, all I can give is time during weekends and holidays Evi. I can come here for one weekend in April and one in May. Then by June, we should be able to spend at least three weeks together at home.”
That sounded wonderful to me. I heard ‘three weeks together at home, and for the first time in months, I couldn’t wait for the school year to end.
“That sounds great. Can we stay at this hotel when you come visit me?” I asked eagerly.
“Sure, I really like it here,” he replied.
“I really like making plans with you,” I said.
“Me too, this is different. It feels good. I’m sorry I’m so quiet right now. I have just been processing this, just trying to understand it. All of a sudden, I feel like we just met.”
“It’ll pass. I feel like we’ve been together for years, so don’t worry about being quiet. Besides, it’s no secret that I talk enough for both of us.”
Ethan smiled in response and looked out toward the water, then back at me.
That entire time, we had been facing each other as we talked. He finally leaned towards me and kissed me. Then he kissed me again and again. I felt like he was trying to decide if I was real.
He didn’t need to worry. I didn’t need to worry.
“I’m ready to get something to eat now,” he said.
Ethan stood and pulled me to my feet holding both of my hands. I guided us to a local sandwich shop nearby. We enjoyed the cozy restaurant, and after we ate lunch, instead of going back to our room, we decided to walk around the market and tour one of the historic buildings downtown.
Despite the initial plans we had made to spend all of our time in our room, we didn’t actually return to the hotel until early evening. And by then, it was time to eat again. We ate a light, quick dinner before going back to our room.
When we walked into the room, Ethan asked again, “Are you sure you’re going to be okay here tonight Everclear?”
I replied with conviction, “Yes. I’m fine. I really am glad to be here with you. I do want to get ready for bed though if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course it is.”
I went to the dressing area and changed into a little tank top and a small pair of boy-shorts that I usually sleep in. I washed my face and brushed my teeth.
After a few minutes, I came out with my hair wrapped up on top of my head. I liked that I didn’t feel uncomfortable with him seeing me in my natural state. I had spent the night many times at his house. My usual look when I was around Ethan was a ski bum style; messy hair, baggy clothes, and no makeup were a norm for me in Idaho. Stepping toward him, I smiled, shrugged my shoulders holding my hands out to my sides, and I simply said, “This is me. I’m done.”
Ethan was sitting at the foot of the bed with the remote in his hand. When he looked my direction, he seemed surprised. I loved that his expression made me feel like this was the first time he’d ever really looked at me. He stood, put the remote on the bed, and walked over to me. There was no way for me to distinguish between feelings of fear and excitement.
Ethan pulled my hair down, then brushed my cheeks gently with the backs of his fingers. He kissed me so softly. I didn’t know if he was scared or if his years with a serious girlfriend left him feeling very comfortable in this situation. I believe he was giving me a few more minutes to relax though, because after he kissed me, he said, “Why don’t you just rest for a little while. I’m going to go take a shower.” He kissed me one more time and said, “You’re beautiful Evi,” before walking away. I kissed his hand.
When the door clicked, I scanned the room for some distraction. Not being interested in the television, I went to the window to see the view at night. Elegant was the word I chose. I pressed my forehead against the glass and stared at the water. The view relaxed me and made me realize I was quite tired. I turned, picked up the remote, and crawled into the bed. Once I was propped and comfy, I searched for something that would hold my interest.
Ethan came out of the dressing area wearing a pair of shorts. I sat up, stared for a few seconds, then, I turned off the TV. I wanted him to know that he could come to bed. I was fine and completely comfortable with him.
Once he was in our bed, I turned off the light. The room wasn’t completely dark because there was light coming in through the curtains. I could still see his face. We pulled each other close. He rolled us so he was on top of me, and I naturally shifted him into a more personal position. He kissed me like he had waited his entire life for me. His hands explored almost every inch of me. We never let go of each other the entire night. I wished those hours could have lasted forever.
Sunday morning, I awoke to Ethan rubbing my back and my neck, and he was stroking my hair. He slid half of his body over me and whispered, “I don’t want to memorize anything about you. I want learn everything about you. I won’t get to touch you again for a few weeks, so I need to make sure I know how you feel and how you look when you go to sleep and when you wake up. I’ve always dreamed about your eyes, but now, your expressions are mine. I have to keep you close.”
His lips moved across my back and down my arms. My body could not, or would not, move. I soaked up every second of his affection. Finally, I whispered, “Whether you know it or not, my expressions have always belonged to you.”
We forced ourselves out of the bed early so we could enjoy our time together. After having breakfast, we returned to the room. Ethan showered first and was sorting his things when I got in the shower. When I came out, he was standing in his uniform. I was speechless, completely speechless. I know most girls swoon over a man in uniform. I get that, I really do. However, in my mind, I think because I loved him so much, I saw a man, I saw Ethan, and I got that familiar feeling that he didn’t belong to me. He was on his way to back to West Point because he belonged to them. That was the instant I realized I wasn’t going to be his priority for at least another six years, or probably even more. I was only going to be able to cherish the few moments we could steal together.
Fear set in to my heart. He read my body language and put one hand under my chin. When he turned my face up towards his I said, “Ethan, I don’t want you to go. You’re going to be so far away. It scares me. You’re leaving!”
I had been conditioned to say goodbye to him and every time it hurt, but after having him with me for a night, it hurt more than ever before.
“I’ll be back soon, I promise. You’re mine now. You’re all mine. We belong together. I’m not goin
g to let much time pass before seeing you again. Trust me.”
His words and his deep voice made me feel a little better. I had to accept that he would get back to me as soon as he could. The situation left me no choice but to believe him. He kissed me and we left. I drove Ethan to the airport and went back to my dorm to face the next few weeks. I had plenty of work and studying to keep me busy, and so did he.
Chapter 14
Ethan’s next visit in April was much like the one we had had together in March. He flew to Charleston late on a Friday night. I got him from the airport, and we went straight to the King Charles Inn for the weekend. We stayed close to the hotel for those 2 days, although I did take him to tour my campus. We held onto each other every minute of each day and we fell asleep each night with our bodies intertwined.
When Ethan left Charleston after our second weekend together, I anxiously awaited news from him about our upcoming May weekend. I joyfully went about my life dreaming of our times together.
At the end of April, another Friday night was upon us, so of course my friends and I were ready to go have fun. This means we were going to The Venue. The weather was very warm and Byron was working, so we couldn’t wait to go dancing. Ethan had already told me he wasn’t able to visit that weekend, nor had he mentioned when he would be coming back. I wasn’t too concerned; I was aware that school kept him endlessly busy. I was also becoming more and more accepting of the fact that he belonged to something else, with the exception of the few hours I got him on the occasional weekend. Ethan and I both knew we would be together in June though. There was no taking that away.
Piper and I slipped into very short, cutoff denim shorts. My top for the night was a sheer, short sleeved, poncho styled shirt that tied at the waist, and my cowboy boots pulled the ensemble together perfectly. I was going out with my hair down, style courtesy of the current humidity level. Also, no boyfriend, no one to impress, meant very little makeup.
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