The Spitfire Girls

by Soraya M. Lane

  ‘So what’s next, ladies?’ she asked, after a mouthful. ‘We travel to London tomorrow and then what? Will I be in the air immediately? Will you have me flying the biggest, baddest bombers on day one?’

  ‘We check you into the Savoy and then have you measured for uniforms at Moss Bros,’ May said in a no-nonsense tone. ‘And then it’s off to White Waltham, although your lot won’t be taking the train from Paddington like most of our girls. I have two borrowed Daimlers for you to drive up instead. Heavens, you can drive, can’t you?’

  Lizzie grinned. ‘Honey, I can fly a plane. Of course I can drive an itty-bitty car. And my first flight? When will that be?’

  ‘You’ll have your first flight when you’ve proven yourself to me,’ May said. ‘I don’t care whether you’ve been sent by the president of the United States himself, you will have to earn your stripes, Elizabeth. So, no, there will be no first flight in one of our expensive bombers on day one.’

  ‘Here’s to us then,’ Lizzie said, holding her drink high and ignoring May’s curt words. ‘And all those brave girls who’ve followed the call of duty.’ The empty chairs to her left caught her eye as they clinked glasses. Her girls had embarrassed her by not attending, but being tardy wasn’t a mistake they’d make again – not on her watch, and not when she was up against a commander as straight as an arrow.

  ‘To us,’ May replied, with a slow smile. ‘And to seeing what you Americans are made of in the sky.’

  Lizzie sipped her drink, ready for the challenge. Commander Jones was going to swallow her words when she saw her in the air. I’ll make you proud, Daddy. Just you wait and see.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ENGLAND, APRIL 1942

  MAY

  The train rumbled out of the station and May rested her head back against the seat, the motion making her crave sleep. She felt as if she hadn’t slept properly in years: her eyes were burning, her bones aching, begging to rest for longer than a few hours at a time. She remembered thinking she was tired before the war, when she’d wake up and wish for just one more hour of slumber, but she’d never truly known what tired was, and she hoped never to know sleep deprivation like it again once the war was over.

  Sleep had been hard to come by after Johnny had died; her nights had been full of horrific dreams that left her in a tangle of sheets, crying out for the brother she’d lost. Talking about him tonight, pretending he was still with them, had been stupid, but it had also been the only thing she could do to avoid falling to pieces.

  ‘Why do you get to fly off to war, when I’m stuck here twiddling my thumbs?’ she demanded.

  ‘Because I’m a boy,’ he teased. ‘And you’re supposed to be sitting at home knitting, waiting for your darling brother to return.’

  ‘Ugh!’ she screamed, throwing a book at him, furious when he caught it in one hand and calmly threw it back to her. ‘I hate you sometimes.’

  ‘The feeling’s mutual.’

  ‘But why? Why is it fine for you to go off and be a fancy fighter pilot, and I have to stay home? Why can’t I fly? Why is it so impossible to imagine that women could do it too? Why can’t women help to win the war if we can fly as well as men?’

  ‘Not women,’ Johnny said, his hands pushed into his pockets. ‘Just you. I’ve never seen another girl fly like you, May.’

  ‘Tell them about me,’ she begged. ‘Tell your superiors that I should be given a chance. I can fly a plane as well as you can and you know it. I can’t just sit here and let our country get bombed to oblivion without doing something!’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Johnny!’ she demanded. ‘Please.’

  ‘You think I could do that to our parents? And you think I wouldn’t be laughed off base, for a start?’ he muttered. ‘Seriously, do you know how ridiculous that sounds?’

  ‘Just go then,’ she whispered, tears choking her.

  ‘Come here,’ he said. ‘Give me a hug goodbye. I don’t want to leave like this.’

  May turned her back. ‘Just go.’

  She listened, knew he was still standing there in her room, that he was waiting for her. But when he came close and touched her elbow, she yanked it away.

  ‘I love you, sis,’ he called, as she still stubbornly refused to look at him, tears raining down her cheeks for the brother she couldn’t bear to be parted from. ‘I’ll miss you.’

  ‘I’ll miss you, too,’ she whispered to herself, as she fell onto her bed and cried. When she heard the bang of the front door, she went to her window and pressed against the glass, one hand raised as she watched her brother leave.

  May clenched her jaw as she fought the memories, as she relived the last day she’d seen her brother before he’d been taken from them. Why had she been so stupidly immature? She quickly wiped at her cheeks, her body turned away from Ruby slightly, grateful that she had the window seat.

  ‘Do you think it was unusual that the others didn’t turn up for dinner?’ Ruby asked quietly.

  May forced her eyes open, not wanting Ruby to see how exhausted she was, or how much she was struggling. She’d never told anyone about Johnny, about how deeply the loss had cut into every part of her being, and she meant to keep it that way. She’d been quick to laugh, before he’d left; always the one to sit up late with him and his friends playing cards, go to dances, sneak off to run barefoot across the grass down to the river for a swim. But now it was so much easier to shut herself off and not feel anything, other than her determination to keep her girls alive and to help end this bloody war. Seeing Lizzie with her carefree attitude and easy smile had rattled her more than she’d realised. She’d never been rude or full of herself like the American, but something about her had reminded her of how fun life had once been.

  ‘Highly unusual,’ she agreed, clearing her throat. ‘They’d only been at sea for just over a week, and they’re not exactly here on vacation.’

  ‘She was something else though, wasn’t she?’ Ruby commented, her eyes wide. ‘I mean, the things she said!’

  May raised her eyebrows and did her best to reply diplomatically. ‘All we can do is hope that our newest pilots remember what we’re all doing this for.’

  ‘Well, I think it’s all just an adventure to her.’ Ruby sighed. ‘I’ve never met anyone like her.’

  May shut her eyes again, deciding it wasn’t such a bad thing for Ruby to see her sleeping. If she were a man serving his country, would she be so concerned about getting some well-deserved shut-eye? Sometimes she felt as though she had to work ten times harder than any man, fly double the planes and do it all with a big smile and her lipstick perfectly in place. She imagined Johnny teasing her about wearing lipstick for a flight, asking whom exactly she was trying to impress. It was a weird, bone-deep pain, knowing that he was gone, but still feeling like he was with her.

  She heard a rustle of paper and opened her eyes, but it was only Ruby unfolding a letter.

  ‘From your family?’ she asked politely, glad of the distraction. It wasn’t often she let her thoughts drift to Johnny, and she wondered if it was the alcohol bringing down the barrier she was usually so good at keeping in place.

  Ruby smiled across at her. ‘My fiancé, actually. I’ve been waiting to read it since we left London.’

  ‘You’ve had a letter all this time, burning a hole in your pocket?’ May asked, incredulous. ‘You silly girl! You could have asked me for a moment in private or read it on our trip here.’

  Ruby shook her head. ‘I take my job very seriously and . . .’

  ‘How often do you hear from him? Every other month?’

  Ruby’s shoulders dropped. ‘Sometimes. But I’ve been waiting to hear his thoughts on my joining the ATA, so it’s been months, actually, and . . .’ Her voice drifted off as she clutched the letter. ‘I’m certain that he’ll be supportive but there’s this little niggle of doubt in my mind, and I almost don’t want to read it to find out. His mother was furious with me for even making an application to join you.’

&nbs
p; May sat forward, her tiredness momentarily forgotten as she clasped Ruby’s hand. ‘Loving your fiancé and looking forward to his letters doesn’t make you weak, Ruby. The more we have to live for and look forward to after all this, the better we’ll be at our jobs. It’s what gives us our fighting spirit.’ She smiled. ‘And I bet your man is incredibly proud of you.’

  Ruby’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Now read away, and don’t you hide another letter for my benefit. You need to embrace your family, and your fiancé, and any contact you get with them.’

  The words came easily to her; she just wasn’t so good at putting them into practice herself. She quelled her emotions as she remembered her own family. Her mother, who’d always seemed so statuesque with her straight shoulders and bright blue eyes, had been a tiny figure, doubled over, at Johnny’s funeral. And she’d been the same when May had left, curled in an armchair, barely even able to look up. Whenever May thought of her now, that was all she could see, and the memory haunted her almost as much as her last conversation with her brother.

  Ruby’s eyes had already dropped and she held the letter like a precious flower, greedily soaking up its contents as May watched her. But then her face fell, and all colour seemed to drain from her cheeks.

  ‘Everything all right?’ May asked, feeling a familiar wave of anxiety. She still remembered reading the letter about Johnny that told her he was gone, and the pain of seeing those words on the page.

  Ruby looked up, eyes filled with tears. ‘Can I read it to you?’ she asked, her voice trembling.

  ‘Of course. Share away.’

  Ruby frowned, staring at the paper before reading:

  ‘My darling, you know how much I loved to fly with you, and I am very much looking forward to flying together once more when I return after the war is won. But, sweetheart, you’ve upset Mother terribly, and I would appreciate it if you could end this little, well, expedition that you’re on and return home as soon as possible. I admire your ability, of course, but I agree with her that it’s not appropriate for women to be in the air during wartime. What must your own family think? I understand that you might be annoyed to receive this – Mother made it clear that you thought you’d have my support on this matter – but I cannot have you upsetting her or flying with those other women. This is a job for men, and, well, I don’t want to discuss the matter further. I expect to hear that you’ve apologised and mended things with her, because I certainly don’t want this to come between us. You’re a wonderful pilot, Ruby, when we’re flying for fun, but it’s a serious business flying during the war, and I cannot condone it.

  I am doing well, although dreaming of home-cooked meals, a good bed to sleep in and coming home to you, of course. It’s a thrill and honour to be flying such incredible planes, but I’d rather be home.

  Yours always, Thomas.’

  Ruby looked distraught as she dropped the paper to the seat beside her, and May smiled sadly, seeing what his words had done to her. She wasn’t surprised that her fiancé wasn’t supportive – far too few men were, despite the assistance the women gave them every day in the air. ‘I take it his mother has been in touch with him about her disapproval?’

  ‘Disapproval?’ Ruby choked, shaking her head. ‘I think that would be putting it mildly. Her intention was to write to Tom and insist he call our engagement off. She didn’t actually think I’d go through with it, so perhaps she waited and thought I’d change my mind.’ She brushed her cheeks with her fingers, then her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘I honestly thought he’d support me on this. I thought he’d be so proud, and that he’d tell her to sod off. And he’s gone and said exactly what I was worried about – that I’m good at flying for fun. I knew he’d think I wasn’t good enough without him as my co-pilot.’

  ‘For some reason, men find it incredibly hard to understand the capabilities of women,’ May said carefully. ‘And your man might come around to it, but right now he’s under the influence of his mother, so you either quit and keep them both happy, or you prove to him exactly how capable you are. And don’t for a second let me hear you doubting your own abilities, because I will not stand for it. Am I making myself clear?’ May would have wrung Tom’s scrawny neck if she knew where to find him. ‘And it’s not just me who needs you, Ruby. Our country needs you, because without us? There would be nowhere near enough planes going to the front. There would be no planes coming home from the front to be repaired. Do you hear me? Our boys need us more than they even know.’

  ‘Yes, loud and clear.’ Ruby stuck her chin out and May recognised the steely glint in her eye, the change in her demeanour as her words sunk in. ‘I won’t be quitting.’

  She nestled back into her seat, carefully folding the letter and putting it in her pocket. The poor girl should have been able to happily re-read that letter each night to boost her spirits, but instead every time she thought about it she’d remember that her man didn’t support her. At times like this, May was pleased she didn’t have a sweetheart, for the very reason that she didn’t need anyone doubting her abilities or trying to tell her what to do. Dealing with her own mother and everything they’d been through as a family was more than enough for her and, in any case, she had no room left in her heart. It was too broken to let anyone else near.

  ‘Do you have a special someone?’ Ruby suddenly asked, breaking into her thoughts.

  May tried to make herself more comfortable, wishing they’d stayed the night at the hotel with the Americans instead of trying to make a point and travelling back so late. ‘No, I don’t.’

  ‘Well, you’re lucky then,’ Ruby said, still tearful. ‘Worrying about them not coming home is the worst.’

  May fought not to lose her composure. ‘I’m sure it is.’

  Sitting silently, keeping her pain to herself, it was as if she’d been punched in the stomach, the wind knocked out of her as somehow the right words came out, words she always said because it was easier than admitting how heartbroken she actually was, how acutely she knew the feeling of waiting for news, only to find out that a loved one had been taken.

  They sat quietly then, the rumble and vibration of the train helping May to block out her thoughts. She snuggled deeper into her jacket, drawing it tighter around herself as she gave in to a few stolen moments of the sleep that she needed more than she’d ever needed it before. Before the nightmares clawed at her and made her too terrified to fall into slumber until the next night, when it started all over again.

  ‘Benjamin,’ May said to her flight mechanic, her hands so cold she could barely wiggle her fingers as she stood in the hangar the next morning at dawn, ‘I need you to double- and triple-check everything for me again. I just, I don’t know, I have this feeling that we’ve pushed our luck, that we can’t keep on flying without one of the girls . . .’

  ‘Stop,’ he said calmly, passing her his mug of coffee. ‘Have some of this. How long have you been up? Did you even sleep last night?’

  She looked down at the coffee, and when he bumped the mug gently upwards she finally raised it and took a sip. She wasn’t about to tell him that sleep was a luxury she could barely afford with the workload and stress that she’d been under lately. Or that she’d merely catnapped the night before on the train ride home.

  ‘Thanks,’ she murmured.

  ‘Now come with me. I want to show you this Spitfire.’

  May followed. Within minutes her pulse slowed as Ben walked her through every part of his drill, and every important part of the engine.

  ‘When you understand how an engine works and what I do to make sure it’s running well, you don’t have to fear the unknown,’ he said, taking back his coffee and drinking down what was left of it. He led her around the Spitfire to another that was in the same hangar. ‘We can do this every day, and I can walk you through what I’ve done, and triple-check what I’ve already double-checked, or you can trust that I want to keep our pilots safe, too.’

  May s
tared at him, painfully aware that he was treating her as his equal, just as her brother always had when it came to planes. He’d loved nothing better than to beat her in the sky, but he’d never made her feel that she wasn’t every bit as capable as he was.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘You’re welcome.’ He grinned. ‘But you do owe me a coffee.’

  She nodded. ‘Of course. And sorry for being such a pain, making you show me around when you have so much work to do. I’m just so grateful you transferred here to White Waltham with us.’

  Ben’s laugh was belly-deep. ‘You’re not a pain, May. You’re in command of a squadron of pilots, and you’ve shown me that nothing is more important to you than keeping them alive.’

  She smiled back at him, wanting to be happy, wanting to enjoy his company. But smiles no longer came easily, even when she wanted them to. Not after the trauma of the last few years.

  Three hours later, with her head pounding from the rough sleep she’d had on the train home and the multiple cups of coffee she’d already consumed, she walked inside the main office building to a heated argument that made her forget all about Ben for the moment. There were a handful of pilots gathered, standing quietly on one side of the room, and a very angry-looking Elizabeth Dunlop standing in the centre with her hands planted on her hips.

  ‘Absolutely not!’ Lizzie exclaimed, her voice loud and her accent unmistakable.

  May looked between a furious, red-faced Lizzie with her four pilots standing demurely beside her, and Doc, who appeared as livid as the American.

  She fought the urge to collapse onto the nearest chair and massage her temples. It had already been a long morning, and by all accounts it wasn’t going to get any easier now that their guests had arrived.

  ‘What’s going on in here?’ she demanded. When Polly had come running for her, she’d made it sound like a bloody war was about to break out, and she hadn’t been wrong.

  ‘This imbecile is trying to tell me . . .’