Tough Enough (Tough Love Book 3)

by Trixie More

  “It excuses nothing, but I’ll tell you.” He forced himself to look at Ed, this man whose life had been tangled with his for so long. What would it be like to never wonder where Ed Walker was again? Never fear being exposed again? Doug couldn’t fathom it. “I was under the influence of the same chemical as you that day. The difference was, I had willingly agreed to take it. GHB. A friend of mine, who was important to me, offered it to me. Even if he hadn’t, I probably would have taken it. At that time, I was regularly using any drugs I could get. It’s my absolute belief that if I wasn’t using drugs, I would have never done that to you. The next day, what little I remembered, I thought was consensual. The video proved me wrong in that belief.”

  “Why...bait me? Force me?” Ed pressed.

  Doug rubbed his neck. There was no reason to bring Tommy into this. In the end, it had been Doug’s act, Doug’s disgrace. “I was, encouraged, and was weak enough to comply. The fault is mine.”

  He waited quietly.

  “The video?” Ed asked.

  Doug sighed. In the days after Tommy died, he’d helped the Kretlows box up Tommy’s things. Reading Tommy’s journals had been excruciating. His best friend has suffered right along with him. Doug tipped his chin down, looking at the table. “It was the hope of one person at the party, that I would have sex with him, would fall in love with him. He wanted to show me my own actions the following day. He arranged for the video. As you can imagine, the person taking the video was less than reliable. He thought it would make money as porn.” Doug felt the heat of shame on his face.

  Doug glanced at Helen and couldn’t resist a plea. “I spent the rest of my life pulling that blasted thing down. That’s one thing we have in common, Ed. You and I spent our lives trying to destroy that video.”

  He forced himself to shut up. They didn’t need to hear any excuses.

  “Why confess now?” Carl asked, suspicion manifest on his broad features. “You might not have ever been charged. Why not confess back then?”

  “Up until now, everything I’ve done, except for that vile act, has been to secure the future for my family and provide for them. When the video came out, I knew that my reputation and my company would dissolve. If that happened, I couldn’t provide for my family. I wanted to keep my business at all costs.” Doug spread his hands. “I was right about the consequence of losing my standing. My best employees, my best investors, fled when I was arrested.”

  He forced himself to stand straighter. Sophia needed to know he was strong in this. “I simply can’t live with myself anymore. My family has no right to expect that I’ll support them forever, as much as I want to. Your family has the right to know what happened that day, the higher right, the right to an apology.” His voice choked on the last word and once again he looked away. He would not allow this video to cause Sophia any more pain than it had to. He suppressed a sigh and faced the table again.

  “The law has changed. Ed has twenty years to report this now; there’s still time left. You’ll be in prison the rest of your life,” Carl said dispassionately.

  “I know.”

  Silence hung there for a moment.

  “And me?” Dorothy asked. “The trunk?”

  Doug looked at her. “I always liked you, and in some ways, I envied you. You were given the best of parents the day you were adopted. I used to wish that I’d been adopted too.” Doug gave a sour smile. “It’s juvenile. I know, but I admired your family.” His left leg was shrieking at him. “When I saw you were running a marketing campaign for Ed, I couldn’t believe it. I tried to get you fired...”

  “Tried?” said Dorothy. “Succeeded is more like it.”

  It was true, he knew. In comparison to what he’d already done by that time, messing with Dot’s job had seemed nominal. He realized now that it surely hadn’t been.

  “That was wrong. I’m sorry,” he said. What else could he do? “I tried to keep you and Walker apart but nothing worked.”

  He watched as Ed reached for Dorothy’s hand.

  “I knew if you saw the video, and remembered my tattoo, you’d know. That last day, something snapped in me. What I said when I plead guilty was true. I lost my mind. I had no plan for what to do next and it terrifies me to think what might have happened if I hadn’t been caught. In all of that, that’s what I’m grateful for. That I was caught.”

  Dorothy’s eyes were as big as saucers.

  “Me too,” she whispered.

  After that, there was nothing left but the formalities. William turned off the video and handed the SDHC card to Edward. He took out the settlement papers and passed them to Carl and Dorothy to sign, and Doug gave thanks that there was no push back on the terms. Alice would keep her condo. The Kretlows would not be involved. The cashier’s check was handed over to Carl, who handed it to Dorothy. Over two million dollars in all, with more on the way once the rest of his funds were returned. Through it all, Helen held her cross, her face soft and sad.

  “I guess it’s fitting,” Walker said, looking at the SD card in his hand. He looked Doug in the eye. “Now you’ll know what it’s like to wait for a video to surface and ruin your life.”

  Doug felt very old. “Actually, that’s not how it is. That’s how it was, before today, but now, I’m simply waiting to pay.” He thought of Sophia. He was going to miss her deeply. “I’m going to Florida to see my sister. I’m going to live on her boat. When you bring charges, let Will know. I’ll return willingly for trial.” He stood again, and this time, he allowed himself to grunt against the pain.

  “I should get an officer right now,” Ed said.

  Doug stilled and waited.

  Walker sighed.

  “Go to Florida,” he said. “I’ve got the video when I’m ready.”

  Doug nodded and slowly, slowly walked out of the room.

  Chapter 35

  It had been such a long day. Sophia was exhausted, and Doug wasn’t much better off. He’d been into the city that day to settle with Carl Johansen. At least that was behind them now. Really, the only thing left to decide was what she needed to do about Doug’s confession. She couldn’t bear it. She couldn’t bear hurting him. Yet, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she needed to tell Ed Walker what she knew. What she wanted was to go to sleep and not dream.

  Please no more dreams, she thought.

  Maybe she’d get lucky. First, she had to get through a family dinner. At least she had Derrick and Allison and Doug all here.

  “Are you okay?” Her mother looked at her with compassion from her seat at the far end of the table. Sophia wondered if her parents sat at opposite ends every night.

  “I am,” she said. Beside her, Doug put his warm hand on Sophia’s leg. “It was just a lot to do, to tell the investigators everything over and over again.”

  “Well, it’s nice to see you looking yourself again,” her father said, glancing at her and saving his frown for Doug. For his part, Doug didn’t seem to care about anything her father or mother said or did. He was polite, distant, and not a whit deferential, although he’d thanked them often for letting him recuperate in their house.

  “You’d been getting rather sloppy with yourself for a while,” her father finished.

  Derrick laughed. “You really never learn, do you, Dad?”

  “Dorothy called me today,” Allison said, then she gave a little jump. Beside her, Derrick was frowning. “Stop kicking me.”

  Sophia put her fork down. She had no appetite. “And?”

  “She said you settled today.” This was directed at Doug. Allison was staring at him stone-faced. “Why would you do that, Doug?”

  Sophia was confused. Of course, he would settle. “What do you mean?”

  “Allie. Leave it,” Derrick said.

  “What is she? A dog?” Sophia said to her brother. “What do you mean?”

  Allison looked a little chagrined. “You don’t know?”

  “Know what?” Sophia said.

  “I settled with Carl today,�
� Doug said. “I also settled with Ed.”

  “How could you settle something like that?”

  “What are we talking about?” her mother asked, looking between them.

  That shut them all up. It was not dinnertime conversation in the least.

  “I had a civil suit against me for the same thing that I went to jail for,” Doug said calmly. “I settled today, and now it’s closed.”

  “Oh, well, that must be a relief,” her mother said, still looking puzzled.

  “Absolutely, Mrs. Moss, absolutely.” Beneath the table, Doug gave Sophia’s leg a squeeze.

  The sound of water running in the shower stopped. Sophia rose and shut the door to the guest bedroom, making no move to leave the vicinity of the door. Standing there, the sounds coming from the bathroom washed over her with aching familiarity. The few weeks he’d been recuperating in her room had done what none of the other experiences with him could do. They’d made him familiar. Doug showered at night, taking a long time under the spray. The hottest water must be what he used, with no fan, leaving the room steamy.

  He was considerate as well, opening the door, wiping down the mirrors, bundling up the towels, and washing them himself, no matter how many times Tessa told him she would do it. He hung new towels for the next person and shut the light, thumping by her doorway in a Henley and loose shorts of all things. They’d arrived at the door just a couple days after he had, so she guessed he’d been looking for a way to be respectable at night.

  Sophia sighed and leaned against the white wood door. Soon he would pass by. If her door were open, as it sometimes was, he would stop, lean into the room and smile at her. That damn smile. Then he would ask if she needed anything, if she was turning in and wish her good night. Inside her, feelings rolled and twisted in her chest. There was no denying herself this moment of longing as he passed by, his footsteps halting just a bit as he passed. Then he moved on, the cane thumping gently, and she heard the door to his room close.

  The room wasn’t as dark tonight. Doug had been too tired to pull down the shades, and the waning moon still shed some light. Doug lay on his back and listened, unsure what had woken him. There were no sounds of discomfort coming from Sophia’s room. He relaxed a bit, and then the sound of a door opening caught his ear: soft footsteps in the hallway, the turning of the doorknob.

  “Sophia?” he whispered.

  “Yes.” Her voice was quiet.

  She walked up to the other side of the bed and got in.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I had another nightmare,” she said, and his throat constricted.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “Come here.”

  She was soft and cool in his arms as he pushed himself to a sitting position and pulled her close.

  “You saved me that night,” he said. “Thank you.” Her hair smelled clean like it always did. Her breathing was soft and regular. At least she wasn’t upset.

  “Do you want to sleep in here with me?” he asked.

  “Oh, yes.” She sighed, exploring his chest with her fingers. He frowned.

  “You should get some rest.” On the dresser was a copy of his confession. He hadn’t given it to her yet. In his bag, which was packed, was a plane ticket to Florida. It was time for him to leave her, let her get back to something closer to the life she deserved.

  “I don’t want to rest anymore,” she said. Slim fingers traced the top of Doug’s shorts, the tips brushing against his already burgeoning penis.

  “Sophia.” He had to tell her. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

  “Shh,” she said. “That’s tomorrow.” She settled herself against him, running her tongue along his neck, biting his earlobe. He tipped his head, blocking her. The sensations were so intense; he should not lose control.

  I know you don’t want to do this,” he said. She needed to leave him; he was a murderer twice over, his life a wrecking ground. Everything he ever swore to never do, he’d done.

  “Poor Doug.” She sighed. “I thought you could sense when a market was about to turn.” She twisted and straddled his lap, facing him. “Does this hurt?”

  “No, but...”

  She settled her bottom against his cock, moving side to side gently. “Still okay?” She kissed his forehead, and it was like a benediction.

  “You’re a good man,” she said.

  “Don’t.” He couldn’t take it.

  “Why not?” She tipped her head and kissed his blind eye. “You’re brave.”

  Oh, God.

  She kissed his other eye. “And loyal.”

  “Please stop.” His voice broke. He raised his chin, blinking hard.

  She stopped talking and that? Was the real blessing. She bent forward, licking his neck, flicking her little tongue in the hollow beside his Adam’s apple. Shivers wracked him. This assault on his senses was divine and terrible. He could feel the silk of her hair against his stomach as she worked her way down his chest, soft fingers splayed over his shoulders, her mouth hot and wet as it slid over his chest. He closed his eyes to feel every nuance, the pressure in his cock, in his heart, and his eyes. He ran his hands over her back, finding the bottom of her nightshirt and pulling it off her. When had he given in?

  “Mmm,” she hummed and slid backward, her breasts pressed to his thighs, her mouth easing from side to side, lower, lower...would she take him in her mouth? Did he want her too? He honestly didn’t know. In his hands, the covers crumpled as he gathered them in his fists.

  She slid a finger beneath his waistband, and his cock jumped. He could practically feel his brains running out his ears.

  Sophia’s hair slid and slipped over his legs, an erotic counterpoint to her raising herself and pulling down his shorts, taking his briefs with them. He couldn’t see anything, but he could feel everything, could hear her breath coming faster, the rustle of the sheets as she worked her way backward until he was as naked as the day he was born. He held his breath and felt her leg slide along his right leg, the other slipped beside his left, and then the exquisite brush of her pubic hair against his cock, a brief moment in time before she settled on him, warm, wet, and heavenly. She slid back and forth against his rigid prick, the sweet slickness of the glide drawing a grunt from him. He hadn’t even noticed when she’d removed her bottoms. Being sightless brought loss and surprise in tightened spirals.

  Breath, on his ear.

  “Okay?” she asked.

  “Yes.” He was praying to her. If it was blasphemy, he didn’t care.

  Soft hands on the tops of his shoulders, her body left him, her weight on her hands and then on only one hand. He exhaled as she grasped him firmly and lifted him. He felt wet on the very tip of him, warmth there but no entrance. The feel of fingers on either side of the round top of his cock as she parted herself and then sublime heat wrapped itself around just an inch of him, not taking any more into her. He sucked in a breath and held perfectly still, not wanting to move, not willing to take the action that would fully join them. This coupling was her doing.

  He felt it the moment his thoughts returned, and his hands left the sheets for the first time since he’d peeled off her shirt. The firm, warm feeling of her waist in his hands seemed to hang in his mind for minutes, though it was only a moment. Every moment with her was so much more to him. Days were years, minutes, eternity. He clenched his jaw and held her there, balanced on him.

  “You shouldn’t do this,” he said. He felt Sophia’s plush mouth on his cheek.

  “I love you,” she said and slid out of his hands, setting herself on him while he squeezed his eyes shut tight to hold back the flood of emotions inside him.

  Joined fully, him deep inside her for only a moment, she rose and settled again, rocking back and forth as she began to speak in a hushed voice.

  “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you,” she said.

  “Ahhh, God!” He couldn’t stop the words, emotions crowded inside his chest. She was killing him.

  “Shh,” she said. �
��Hush.” Her hands moved over his hair, the newly shaved bristles sending a shimmering sensation to his scalp that brought him back to himself. He heaved out a breath.

  “You should leave,” he said. This intimacy was all wrong for her, but if she kept this up, he wouldn’t be able to hold back.

  “Sophia,” he begged. “Please.” He didn’t even know what he wanted from her anymore.

  She rose upward, releasing him, slid along his length and took him in hand again, slid back down him, and seated herself. The rocking started again. Wet kisses on his neck surprised him and then left him. She stilled and leaned forward, laying her cheek against his chest, no longer moving, letting him slip from her. He felt the loss of her.

  “I can’t leave you alone,” she whispered.

  He sat forward, curling his arms around her, one high on her back, the other low around her waist. How could he protect her from himself? Her smooth shoulder slipped across his mouth. He pressed his lips into the crook of her neck, and she put her arms around his head the way he loved best. His chest felt full to the top like it was being split open from inside. A hot tear slid over his cheek. At first, he thought it was hers.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said. “So sorry, but...”

  “I’m not,” she said. The soothing skin of her palm rested on Doug’s shoulder again. He threaded his fingers into her hair, feeling the elegant shape of her scalp. “If only…”

  He didn’t let her finish, didn’t think he could stand it.

  “Everything about me causes you pain,” he whispered, his shamelessness rampant between them. “You should go.”

  “That’s just it,” she said, brushing her fingertips across his cheeks. She trailed them down his chest and along the rude length of his prick. “May I?” she asked.

  Doug groaned. How could either of them still want this? He shouldn’t. She was warm, naked, and in his arms. She’d told him he was a good man.

  “Sophia...” Her name came out more growl than welcome.

  She wrapped her fingers around him, stroking softly, spreading her wetness and his along his shaft.