Falling Again in El Salvador

by Julie Danvers

“But how did you know I was here?”

  “A little social media detective work. Also it’s a coffee shop. Any given coffee shop, on any given day, has a fifty-fifty chance of you being inside it. The odds were increased for this one, though, because I heard through a friend of a friend that you had a job interview at your old hospital today. It wasn’t too hard to predict that you’d stop for coffee afterward.”

  Her eyes didn’t leave his. Why had he come all this way?

  She had a feeling it wasn’t just to buy her a cup of coffee.

  Although she did gratefully accept the cup. They headed outside into the sunshine.

  As she sipped her coffee, he explained. “I did come because of your note. Because everything you said in it was right. And because it made me realize, finally, that you weren’t leaving because you didn’t care. You were willing to give up everything for both of our sakes, all over again. And I was so afraid of the past repeating itself that I couldn’t even see the future that was unfolding right in front of me.”

  She smiled. “If I’d known this would be your reaction, I’d have left a better note five years ago.”

  He winced. “I should have called you after the accident. I should have known you would want to know. I was such an idiot.”

  She put a finger to his lips. “Neither of us made the brightest moves five years ago,” she said.

  “But I should have at least told you about it when you got to El Salvador,” he said. “I guess I didn’t because it felt as though you were looking at me in a way that you never used to. I wanted you to think that I was this brave person, someone who took risks and went on dangerous medical missions because I had courage. Not because I was someone who’d been through an accident, lost his chosen profession and didn’t feel he needed to be as careful as he used to be.”

  “Oh, Bryce. You were so worried about what you lost. Didn’t you notice what you’d built for yourself? Didn’t you think I’d see that?”

  “I wanted you to see that. I hoped you would. But I was worried you’d compare me to who I used to be.”

  “Well, you were right about one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  She smiled. “I was looking at you quite a bit.”

  He laughed.

  “I can understand why you didn’t tell me, but I wish you had,” she said. “If only for the sake of being honest with each other.”

  “Honesty is always a good idea,” he agreed.

  “In the interest of total honesty, I should say that I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Am I too late, though? It sounds like you’ve already got your old job back. If you’re settling into your old life here, I’ll understand.”

  She swatted his shoulder playfully. “My old job? Are you kidding me? That’s not what I’m here for.” She told him about the Medicine International liaison office she would be heading.

  She carefully emphasized that the job would involve lots of travel, especially back and forth to Central American countries. In fact, there might even be a chance to build a strong relationship between the hospital and an El Salvador office.

  “Wow,” he said. “With all of that excitement in your life, I wonder if you might have room for someone who’s just...ordinary.”

  She looked him square in the eye. “I don’t know anyone who is just ordinary.”

  “But you do. You know me. And I’ve worked very hard to be okay with being ordinary.”

  “Bryce, you are not ordinary.”

  “I am, though. For years, I’ve been trying to be okay with the idea that I’m not gifted anymore. I’m not the person who handles all the challenging cases. I’m not the person who pulls off miracles in the operating room. I’m just a normal person who tries hard to be a good doctor. And it’s taken me a long time to be okay with just being a normal person, because for so much of that time, I was competing with my past self. Instead of just trying to be me.”

  “And so you needed to get away from everyone else who was comparing you to your past self.”

  “Exactly. Because I had to accept that instead of being talented and admired and a star in the operating room, I was just plain old Bryce Hamlin. And being around other people who knew me in the old days made it so hard. Because if we’re being honest, what’s really so great about being plain old Bryce Hamlin?”

  “For one thing, I’m in love with him.”

  The words had sprung from her lips, unbidden. She hadn’t meant to say them. She hadn’t planned it at all. But from the moment she’d seen Bryce at the coffee shop, she’d known it was true, even if she hadn’t yet formed the words consciously in her mind.

  She loved him. And no matter how he felt, she wanted him to know. She’d spent five years of her life without Bryce.

  Five years, five months and twenty-three days, her brain supplied helpfully. The time that had passed, to the day, since she’d left that horrible note for him.

  But she didn’t want to spend another minute apart.

  If writing the first note had been like tearing her heart out, writing the second had been like stomping it into the ground. But just like last time, she couldn’t see any other way out of the situation.

  Fortunately, Bryce could. She still wasn’t sure what she’d written in that note to compel him to seek her out, but she supposed it didn’t matter. He was here now. It was still hard to believe that he’d actually come all this way, that he’d found her. As they walked together, she slipped her arm into his. Partly to be companionable and partly to prove to herself that he was really there.

  Her words still hung in the air between them. She’d taken a risk. But even though she didn’t know what he would say, she didn’t wish her words unsaid. Bryce had talked about the future. If they were going to have a future together, they’d need to be completely honest with each other, starting now. And the honest truth was, she loved him. And even if he didn’t feel the same way, she needed him to know.

  He took her hand, his brown eyes dark and wet. “You’re in love with plain old Bryce Hamlin, huh?” His voice sounded rather dazed.

  “Total honesty, remember?” She was still nervous, because he hadn’t yet told her how he felt, but she gained confidence from knowing that her words reflected what she really, truly wanted to say to him. “You said that I’ve been looking at you in a different way. And maybe you’re right. But it has nothing to do with the fact that you were riding a motorcycle, or negotiating with gang leaders, or going on midnight rides through the mountains to deliver vaccines. It never had anything to do with that.

  “I fell in love with your kindness, Bryce. I fell in love with the look on your face when you hand a baby to a new mother. I fell in love with your determination to protect everyone in your care. And none of that has anything to do with you being a gifted surgeon. It has to do with you being a committed doctor and a compassionate human. That’s who plain old Bryce is.”

  “Wow,” said Bryce. “He sounds like a pretty swell guy.”

  “I think so. When he’s not being a complete lunkhead.”

  “This ordinary Bryce...he sounds like he has a lot of people depending on him.”

  “Oh, yes. There are colleagues back in El Salvador who are counting on him to return as soon as possible. There are patients who need his help. And there’s a ten-year-old boy whose heart is aching for him to return.”

  “Well—” he took the arm that was entwined with hers and pulled her close to him “—it sounds like plain old Bryce has a pretty amazing life. Awesome job, great friends and colleagues, and...someone who loves him.” He put his arms around her, touched his forehead to hers. “And he loves her right back.”

  He kissed her then, his lips demanding that her mouth open, and she yielded readily to the touch of his mouth on hers. For a moment, she was completely lost, the sensation of his kiss invading her senses. And there again was
that cedar spice smell, tingling at her nose.

  Suddenly, she had an idea. She wasn’t sure how Bryce would react but...total honesty, she thought.

  “Wait,” she said, pulling away from him. She got down on one knee, still holding his hand in hers. His eyes widened. She definitely hadn’t planned on doing this today, but now that they were here, she knew it felt right. Five years ago, Bryce had wanted to propose to her, but he’d been rejected before he even got the chance. She wasn’t going to put him through that again. At that time, she’d led him to believe that she wasn’t serious about their relationship. She wanted him to know, here and now, that she was ready for commitment.

  As she took his hand and knelt before him, a flutter of nerves overtook her stomach. Damn, this really is nerve-racking. What if it’s not the right time? What if he says no? No wonder it’s hard for so many men to get up the nerve to do this.

  Anxiety washed over her. She could feel Bryce’s hand shake a little, but she held it steady in hers. If there was ever a time to jump in with both feet, this was it.

  “I want to ask you something.”

  “Cassie.”

  “Just let me finish. I want to do this properly. Five years ago, you were going to put your heart on the line for me. And now I’m going to put mine on the line for you.”

  “Cassie.”

  “I don’t have a ring, or anything. But we can—”

  “Would you look at your hand?”

  She looked at her hand, the one he was holding. The copper spark of the motorcycle ignition ring winked back from her from where it rested around her ring finger. Her mind seemed to be working very slowly. She kept looking back and forth from his face to her hand, trying to absorb what had just happened. Then she stood up with a start.

  Finally, she managed to croak out a question. “How long have I been wearing this?”

  “I’m not exactly sure, but I think it was somewhere around the words total honesty.”

  “That long? I can’t believe I didn’t notice!”

  His smile went from ear to ear. “Then it must feel pretty natural for you to wear it.”

  She was still staring at the ring in amazement. He put both arms around her. She leaned into him and he nuzzled her hair.

  “If our goal is to be totally honest, then I want to start by being honest about how I feel.” He tilted her chin up toward his. “I love you, Cassie. I love everything about you, but most of all, I love your adventurous side. I love the part of you that pushes me past my limits. I don’t know how I’ve managed to get through the last five years of my life without you, and I don’t want to waste another minute anywhere other than by your side. I love you, and now that I’ve finally got you back, I’m going to hold on to you with both hands.”

  He kissed her deeply, but after a moment she had to break away. She was smiling too hard to hold his kiss. There were tears in her eyes, which he brushed away. “Happy tears, I hope?” he said.

  “You know they are.”

  He kissed her again. “Now, I don’t want to be presumptuous. But given that you got down on one knee just a moment ago...can I assume the answer is yes?”

  “That would be a safe assumption.”

  He buried his nose in her hair again. “We can get you a real engagement ring. I’ve been holding on to this as a good luck charm. I just used it because I happened to have it handy. The moment I saw you, I knew I had to take the chance. We’ll head to a jewelry store tomorrow and you can pick out something beautiful.”

  “Oh, no,” she said. “This one is perfect. It’s already beautiful. Besides, we don’t have time to go ring shopping. We’ll need to get started on wedding planning soon if we want to get married before we head back to El Salvador.”

  The smile on his face told her everything she needed to know about his desire for a quick wedding. “It sounds like a plain old New York City Hall wedding might be in order for plain old Bryce Hamlin.”

  She kissed him. “Sounds perfect.”

  “Are you sure that’s okay? You don’t want a big wedding?”

  She poked him in the side. “I want a fast wedding. I’ve spent the past five years not being married to you, and I don’t think I can take it for another minute longer than I absolutely have to. Besides, people are waiting for us in El Salvador.”

  “My poor motorcycle. At least it gets a chance to live on with us.”

  “It’s the perfect ring. It tells our story. I wouldn’t want anything else. Unless you want to keep it for luck?”

  “It’s brought me all the luck I need,” he said. And they were quiet for quite some time after that.

  When they did stop kissing, Cassie wanted to know how Bryce had had the courage to slip the ring on her finger. “How did you know I’d say yes?”

  “I didn’t! I knew that it might all end in disaster. But I had to take the risk. I remembered what you said about living rather than just surviving. I wanted to live, so I decided to put the ring on your finger and see what happened. I knew that even if you didn’t say yes, it was the right thing to do.”

  “How come?”

  He snuggled closer to her. “Because I’ve realized that bravery has nothing to do with the danger you’re facing and everything to do with what’s in your own heart.”

  She wrapped her arms around him and considered her own heart. Broken and repaired, a hundred times over. But for all the trouble her heart had caused her, it was hers, and it was the kind of heart that showed who she was. Maybe her heart hadn’t started life in the strongest shape, but with enough love and care, it had healed. And that made sense to her. Learning to love, she knew now, wasn’t about guarding your heart or trying desperately to keep it from getting broken. Love wasn’t about protecting your heart from getting hurt. It was about trusting that it would heal when it did.

  * * *

  If you enjoyed this story, check out this other great read from Julie Danvers

  From Hawaii to Forever

  Available now!

  Keep reading for an excerpt from His Blind Date Bride by Scarlet Wilson.

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  His Blind Date Bride

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  CHAPTER ONE

  IVY ROSS CURLED up on her sofa and sighed at the messages on her phone. It was late, she was in her pyjamas, and her current foster dog, Ruff, was curled up on her lap.

  He was pretending he was sleeping. She could tell, because every now and then he turned his head slightly and gave her the side-eye when she stopped rubbing his belly. He was a scruffy sort—like most of the foster dogs she looked after—and his origins were completely unknown. He looked like some kind of small terrier cross, with his short stature and sandy-coloured fur, and he was definitely a little temperamental.

  But Ivy could deal with temperamental. She’d been Flight Surgeon so often, on a variety of navy vessels with mainly male personnel, that she took it all in her stride.

  Ruff nuzzled into her leg as she lifted her phone again and tried to ignore the ache of loneliness that had settled in her stomach. She’d done it all. Pursued her dream career and made it in a workforce dominated by males. It had been her goal for so long. But it seemed that in her pursuit of her goal she’d lost a little of her life along the way.

  Her phone buzzed again and she looked at the response on the dating app. Being away on regular deployments, often for months at a time, meant relationships were difficult.

  Most guys she’d met—mainly very nice—weren’t interested in a woman who often ended up working thousands of miles away, surrounded by hundreds of other men. And that suited her more than she let on to her f
riends. Having her heart broken once was enough. Being told she wasn’t enough once was enough. Paul was now a distant memory in her past, but the scar that he’d left had made Ivy reconsider her whole outlook on dating and relationships.

  Ivy had never mixed business with pleasure, and had always refused to date a work colleague. Too complicated. Too much hassle.

  The dating app worked. It kept her friends happy and sometimes amused by the tales she could tell. But it also allowed her to guard her heart from any future hurt. The world could see she was dating, and potentially ‘looking’ for some kind of relationship, whilst secretly it saved her from a lot of awkward questions.

  She had a one bed, one bath rented apartment on the bay of the island of Coronado, just opposite the city of San Diego. It was beautiful, if a little costly, and thankfully pet friendly, set in a complex with good facilities. The drive across the San Diego-Coronado bridge always gave her a rush of feelings of luck and belonging, to stay in such a beautiful city and be part of such a great organisation.

  But lately coming home to a comfortable, but empty, apartment had left Ivy feeling lonely. Living in a beautiful place like this could be hard. She constantly heard life all around her. On a daily basis she caught glimpses of couples and families going about their everyday lives, all reinforcing the fact that she was on her own.

  It had led her to dog fostering—taking a troublesome character from a local shelter for a few weeks at a time to try and help familiarise them with living in a home again, and hopefully making them more adoptable.

  Ruff was number six. He was proving to be a bit more difficult than the rest, probably because he was older and seemed set in his bad habits, which involved chewing anything at all. His three-week furlough with her was due to end tomorrow and Ivy couldn’t pretend she wasn’t a little sad. But apparently the shelter had a family lined up to meet him, so it was all for the best.

  Ivy shook her head as another message popped up in one of the other dating apps. Currently she was registered on three—all under pseudonyms. The last thing she wanted was to be discovered by one of the sailors she served with.