Wishes

by J. C. Owens

  He gradually pulled back, then pushed in slowly, watching Auri’s face for discomfort. When his little mate’s expression smoothed into pleasure and need, he sped up his tempo.

  Auri cried out, keening, his voice wavering with all he felt becoming far too much for his senses. When he thought he could take no more, Kanar suddenly pulled from him and put him on his hands and knees.

  For a moment he panicked, remembering, but then Kanar pressed into him, his hands coming to cover Auri’s, his voice whispering in his ear, reassuring. A rough tongue licked his neck, then teeth nipped softly, just enough to tantalize.

  Kanar began to slowly thrust, hands stroking over Auri’s body, then holding tight to his hips as he changed the angle and brushed over that spot deep within his smaller mate. Auri groaned as his balls tightened further. Kanar continued the assault on his senses, varying the speed and angle of his thrusts so Auri could not prepare himself for the sensations engendered. One hand went beneath Auri’s body, slowly stroking his shaft and he arched, beginning to pant.

  His body knew what it wanted, knew his mate could satisfy that want, and it responded accordingly, freely.

  Faster, deeper and Auri felt his mind go blank, there was only pleasure, only…

  He exploded, crying out, even as he felt Kanar thrust incredibly deep into him, seed pulsing into every crevice heating him from the inside out with his mate’s very essence.

  Kanar did not withdraw, but remained within, panting, half laying on Auri’s back. “My little mate, my little tiger…” he whispered softly.

  Auri closed his eyes. For once his mind was quiet, his senses content.

  For this moment, there was peace.

  Chapter Six

  Auri woke to sunlight pooling in his eyes, making him groan and cover them with one hand. The moment he moved, he wished he had not, for his head began to pound with the most hideous rhythm.

  He lay there limply, simply too worn and tired to think, but gradually the events of the previous evening came back to him and he began to remember uncomfortable reality.

  As memory flowed over him, he began to tense, wondering how in the worlds he was supposed to gracefully remove himself from this situation. What had been needed the night before now became an embarrassment on his part. He could clearly smell sex in the room and on him, and he blushed vividly as hot images paraded through his mind, his shaft trying desperately to harden in response. He carefully rolled away from the sun, managing to sit up, clutching warm covers to his body in belated modesty.

  To his relief, no one was in the room; Kanar’s side of the bed was cold. By the position of the sun, it was late morning and Auri groaned aloud with

  mortification. Now everyone would know he had given up on his former attitude and fallen headlong into the Felin leader’s bed.

  He rested his aching head in his hands. There was no one to blame but himself. Kanar would have let him leave last night. It had been Auri who had initiated things. Good things.

  He thrust the thought away. Not good things! He glared down at the bed as though it was at fault. With growing anger, he thought of what Kanar had said about spending time with each of his mates. So now Auri was one of the four. A number. Was he just the current favorite until the next came along?

  He felt ill at the very thought. He could not imagine being at peace with the thought of his lover bedding another. How in the worlds did they do it? Did they just not care enough for Kanar, or were their natures less possessive?

  He only knew his own heart was not so generous.

  When he finally exited the bedroom, once more dressed, it was to find a guard waiting for him, a note in hand. He gave it to Auri with a slight bow. Auri accepted it, but did not open it until the guard had safely returned him to his room.

  There, once he was private, he took it to the window, seating himself in one of the massive armchairs there before opening it, reading the beautiful cursive script.

  My Little Tiger…

  It was so very hard to leave you this morning. You slept twined around me and it made me sleep deeply and well as I have not for a very long time. If duty had not called, I could have happily spent the day in your arms. Do not believe this gift you have given me is accepted lightly. I know what it will cost you when you wake and begin to think too much. Know only that I love you, for you. I know you do not understand how I can love more than one, but I do, each in their own way, but you will not ever be forgotten or cast aside. Please try to understand.

  I start this day with a glint in my eye and a lightness in my step…

  Thank you, Little Tiger.

  Your Mate, Kanar.

  Auri’s hands shook a little as he refolded the paper, carefully realigning the creases. He laid it on his lap as he sat in silence, staring out at the falling snow. How well his mate seemed to know him, when he knew nothing at all about Kanar.

  As to understanding this culture, this harem… He leaned his head back on the chair, feeling despair envelop him. He could see no way to achieve

  that aim.

  * * * As if in response to those very thoughts, the next day Bredan introduced him to the other two mates. Auri had been eating breakfast with Neel in a small inside courtyard when the sound of footsteps made them look up.

  Neel greeted the newcomers with a smile and by name, so he obviously knew them already. Auri’s appetite fled as he realized the identity of those who had joined them. He looked away from Bredan’s warning frown, tentatively taking stock of the two new human men.

  Who seemed very interested in him.

  The first one, taller than Auri, with lovely gray eyes and hair a few shades lighter than Auri’s own, leaned forward and offered a hand.

  “I am very happy to meet you, Auri. My name is Ilian. My goodness, Bredan was right. You are very beautiful. The hair, the eyes… I am so glad Kanar found you. Sometimes it is hard with three. Four will be good. Where do you come from? I heard you were an important person on a space ship. That must have been exciting. It can be exciting here too. We will find excitement for you. You must not be bored. You won’t be bored. I will make sure of it. You will be happy. You have a gorgeous body. Long and lean. Why do you cover it up all the time? It is too hot to wear so much. Oh, your hand has calluses. I love calluses. You must have been a very hard worker. Did you like your job? We will find you a job here you will like. What, Bredan?”

  Bredan gently took a dazed Auri’s hand out of Ilian’s gripping fingers.

  “Ilian, you know how you tend to overwhelm people. Give Auri a moment. He cannot take in everything you just chattered about.”

  Ilian leaned forward to look deeply into Auri’s wary eyes. “His eyes are absolutely beautiful, Bredan. You did not tell me how beautiful.”

  Bredan sighed.

  “Ilian, cease. Give the man a moment to breathe. He just met you.”

  Auri looked up at Bredan gratefully, his expression a little desperate, a flush high on his cheekbones. Please don’t let Ilian bring up the night before, please…

  Obviously the gods were not listening.

  “I am so glad you had sex with Kanar last night. It is a wonderful start, and he has been so happy today. I love when Kanar is happy.” He patted Auri’s thigh consolingly. “Don’t worry, you get used to Kanar’s size, and then it is purest heaven.”

  Auri shrank down in his seat, staring at Ilian in horror. He thought his face might just burst into flames it was so hot. Did this man have no shame? No sense of propriety?

  Obviously not.

  “So which position did you like best?”

  Auri wanted to faint. Please let him faint, or sink into the floor, never to reappear.

  “Ilian!”

  The other man sat back in his chair, pouting a little. “I just wanted to show him we care.”

  “There are other ways to do that without embarrassing the poor man to death.” Bredan laid his hands on Auri’s shoulders. “Forgive Ilian. He tends to speak whatever comes into his mind, bu
t his heart is in the right place. Fortunately.”

  Bredan held up a hand when Ilian would have started again. “Let Ciris have a turn now.”

  Auri gripped the arms of the chair with whitened fingers.

  The other man was small, tiny almost, with delicate features and slightly slanted eyes of dark brown. His hair was naturally streaked with shades of gold and brown, and his manner seemed to be the exact opposite of Ilian. Thank the gods.

  He had a hard time looking straight at Auri, and it took several moments before he could whisper a soft greeting. A soft flush painted his cheekbones, his hands weaving through each other anxiously.

  It all made a person want to protect him, he seemed so fragile.

  Auri found himself leaning forward, touching the little hand in wordless comfort, giving a gentle smile to soothe the younger man’s obvious nervousness.

  Ciris looked up at him through his lashes apprehensively, then relaxed as he saw the genuine concern in the other mate’s eyes.

  “I am very pleased to meet you, Auri,” Ciris finally managed in a soft tone, his fingers squeezing Auri’s just a little. “I have heard so many things about you. How beautiful you are and how you are a warrior…”

  Auri flushed, wondering if he had also heard how very difficult he had been since he came here. He wanted to be defiant about it, but he could not upset Ciris.

  “I was a little worried you would not like us,” Ciris continued timidly. “I did not want someone here who would be mean when we are all so very happy.” He smiled then, lighting his whole face. “But you are very nice. You will fit in well.” He patted the hand Auri still had on his. “You do not seem to be a happy person, but we will show you how. Kanar and all of us will love you. You will not have to be lonely anymore.”

  Auri just stared at him helplessly, unable to respond. Did the younger man truly believe Auri would fit in? How could he not see the difference between them? Willing and unwilling. And how had he known how lonely Auri felt inside?

  As though realizing Auri needed space, Bredan smoothly interjected.

  “Our breakfast is here now. Seat yourselves, Ilian and Ciris, and we will eat with Auri and Neel.”

  Auri tried to be pleasant enough during the meal, but he was not a conversationalist and he found it difficult indeed to respond to the light-hearted banter the others seemed so adept at.

  They did not seem to mind; they included him with various comments, but without forcing him to respond. They did not seem dismayed at his reticence, instead just accepting him as he was.

  It was surprisingly freeing and strange, though he could not let his caution down.

  He had never trusted anyone, and he could not begin now, especially when his heart was on the line.

  * * * After that breakfast, Bredan seemed determined that they all spend more time in each other’s presence. Auri stayed silent most of the time, watching them, wondering when they would turn on him.

  That they did not only made him more anxious. He could not understand this camaraderie at all.

  * * * Auri found himself settling into a routine that gradually dulled his defensiveness. He took breakfast in the morning with Kanar and all the mates, who he was beginning to see as people and not the enemy. Then there was time for exercise of choice—and there were many choices. He preferred variety, so he took three days of running—he even managed to mostly ignore the five guards who ran with him—two with weight training, and two learning the art of the sword. The Felinians no longer used the sword in battle of course, but it was tradition, a remnant of their past they honored. Auri was fascinated by it and with his natural grace and athletic ability he soon found he had an aptitude for the dance of steel.

  Since Kanar also loved the sword, they found themselves deep in conversations about it, and often practiced together, Kanar delighting in teaching Auri this ancient skill. It became another link in their bond.

  Noon was time to rest after eating. With the heat and humidity of spring just around the corner, sleep beckoned by midday. The other mates often slept in the communal room, which was joined to all the mates’ personal rooms. Here was a giant circular soft mattress nested with pillows of all sorts. Bredan, Ilian and Ciris would lay down curled around each other and sleep for at least two hours. Auri was always invited, but the thought of them touching him, even innocently, was uncomfortable to him and he declined, wondering how they managed to be so easy with each other.

  Kanar had not yet given Auri the freedom to go down to the docks, but with all his other activities, the need was somewhat lessened and he did not protest too much. His mate said the reason was they did not as yet have enough security down there for him to go. When Auri scoffed, Kanar had been very serious. He had told Auri there were many groups of Felin he ruled over, and one group had gone rogue and created trouble among the others, sometimes staging attacks to gain supplies and once, a mate.

  Auri had seen the pain on Kanar’s face at his inability to bring the human back to his real mate, one of Kanar’s friends from another area.

  From that point, he had not asked further, finding he had a certain trust Kanar would tell him when security was needed, and he was not using this as any kind of excuse to keep Auri close. Trust was strange to Auri; he was not a trusting kind of person, and this said much of his feelings for his mate.

  He knew those feelings were going to be tested, whenever it would his turn for the “communal night.” Each mate got a night with Kanar to themselves, something Auri enjoyed immensely. Two nights were for Kanar’s business feasts and one was a communal night, when the mates took turns going to Kanar’s bed in twos. Apparently this was a wonderful thing according to the others, and they were most enthusiastic about it. Auri was horrified. His name as yet had not been called for it, and he was eternally grateful. But he knew sooner or later it would happen, and he could not, in all honesty, predict how he would handle it. He tried not to think about Kanar with the other mates, tried to believe it was only him his mate slept with.

  On this night, as they all sat eating supper together—the only night they did—Kanar as usual chose the two mates who would stay. Auri was hardly listening. He heard Bredan called, then stiffened in horror as Kanar called Auri’s own name. His head snapped up and he stared at Kanar, who simply looked back calmly as though nothing about this was unusual.

  The other mates turned to look at Auri, as though waiting for a violent reaction. He dropped his gaze to his plate, fingers clenched around his fork. He wanted to fight this, but the expectation of the others that he would do so made him stubborn.

  He nodded, not looking up, and heard several exhalations, either of surprise or relief.

  From that point on, he could not eat. He just pushed the food around his plate to make it look as if he had. He kept his eyes lowered, unable to look at anyone, and his former misery returned. This was not a place for him. He should have known it could not be as simple as it had begun to feel.

  * * * When the meal was finished, the other mates filed out in their own time, each giving Kanar a lingering kiss. Auri could not watch; he sat by the farthest window, trying to quell the shaking of his fingers as he stared blindly outside into the courtyard below. The torches had been lit, and he could see the Felinian guards occasionally as they walked through their security watches. Now and then a Felinian would walk by with his arm about a human mate, and always the aura between them seemed one of love and trust.

  Auri let his pounding head lean against the cool glass, wishing he had such a thing, could let himself open to something similar. Although he slept with Kanar, cared for him, he could not let himself feel more. All his life he had been wary for good reason and now it constrained him, imprisoned him more surely than his exile here among these foreign people. They offered him a sort of freedom he had never known. He had but to reach out and accept it. He closed his eyes in weary despair. Nothing in him would ever allow that.

  In this place of comfort and companionship, peace and loving r
elationships, he had never felt so alone in his life.

  A gentle hand came down on his shoulder and he leapt, startled, whirling to face the person, his breath slowly calming as he realized it was Ciris. His gentle eyes held a certain understanding, a caring

  compassion that made Auri want to weep.

  He gritted his teeth, refusing to show weakness even to this gentle soul. These people had no reason to truly care for him. They did not know him, not really.

  “I know this is hard for you, Auri. Don’t think I don’t understand. It was very difficult for me when I arrived here. I am not a forward person and I was virgin as well.” He flushed a little and looked away for a moment. “I found it difficult to open to this culture, to accept its freedoms.” His eyes met Auri’s again. “It took a long while for me to get to where I could be with the others as you will be with Bredan tonight. In time I found an acceptance within me for what they offered, for it is much more than just sex. It is love, and that is always hardest to understand and let in.”

  Auri took a deep breath, biting his lip, but all he could do in answer was nod. He had not the strength to speak of what he felt.

  Ciris bent forward and laid a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Do not fear this, Auri. Bredan is much more than he seems. He is talented at understanding how to best find each of our needs and meet them in whatever way necessary. He will not do things that harm you or make you unhappy. Know that. He would never, ever hurt you, any more than Kanar could hurt you now, whatever has happened in the past. Let them in, Auri. You will not regret it.”

  He stroked soft fingers down Auri’s cheek and gave a small smile before turning to leave with Ilian. The other mate gave Auri a cheerful wave before he put a hand on Ciris’s shoulder and guided him out. The door shut behind them with a thud of finality that made Auri shudder.

  He heard the rustle of cloth and looked over his shoulder to see both Kanar and Bredan undressing. He flushed uncomfortably and looked away, unsure what to do.