The Girl You Gave Away: An absolutely gripping psychological thriller

by Jess Ryder

  I was utterly alone.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Jade

  May 2020

  Jade wakes and blinks into the darkness around her. There’s a soft chill in the air and a strange silence, which means it must be deep in the middle of the night. As her pupils adjust, shapes start to form: the dining table piled with clothes, the vintage dresses hanging on the rail like ghosts, the chair wedged under the bedroom door handle … Everything is as she left it when she went to bed.

  Things have not gone according to plan, and goodness knows, the plan wasn’t exactly complex or ambitious. She and Chloe were meant to be having fun – watching movies, giving each other makeovers, gossiping and having heart-to-hearts; doing girlie things, making up for all those lost years. But instead, her sister is trapped in the bedroom, more securely bound than ever after she made a bid for freedom last night, jumping out of the room like a kangaroo and hurling herself towards the front door. Luckily, it was deadlocked. There was a nasty struggle during which Chloe fell and banged her head on the sideboard. She wasn’t badly hurt, just stunned. After that, it was easy to drag her back to the bed and reapply the tape to her wrists. Jade’s glad that she bought two reels on special offer – if this is going to continue for a month, she’s going to need them.

  Poor kid. She was trying to act all grown up, but she was actually shitting herself with fear. It’s important that Jade keeps her in this state, because it’s easier to control her. She doesn’t want to kill her, even though that is the logical conclusion to this awkward situation. Her sister is no longer her willing accomplice; she’s her hostage and that has changed everything. If Jade lets her go, obviously she’ll run straight to the police, despite all her promises. In fact, the longer she keeps her captive, the less likely Chloe is to keep her word, which really leaves her no alternative. It would be a big step, though. A very big step.

  Jade leans back on her elbows and thinks. How would she go about it? Losing your rag and punching somebody in the face is easy; she’s done it several times herself and knows how quickly that red mist descends, how it feels as if some external force is pulling her strings. But proper, premeditated murder requires a lack of emotion, a coldness of heart, not to mention considerable planning and preparation, none of which are her strong suits. Does she have it in her to end a life? Specifically, her own sister’s?

  Maybe … just maybe she could kill someone if she really, really hated them, or feared for her own safety, although that would be self-defence, not murder. Jade can’t imagine how it might feel; she can only think of the practical considerations. Number one, say she killed Chloe, how would she dispose of the body?

  She doesn’t have a car, has never bothered to learn to drive. Even if she did have her own transport, she wouldn’t know where to go. Epping Forest, perhaps? It’s not that far away, but she couldn’t exactly call an Uber … unless the body was crammed into a suitcase, perhaps? Then she’d need a spade and a quiet place to dig. She knows from all those Netflix series that you have to bury the victim in a deep hole, otherwise foxes and dogs sniff the corpse out. It would take hours, and she’d never have the strength. It would be an impossible task. No, better to throw the body into the local reservoir, although she suspects the water might not be that deep, and with summer coming and another drought predicted … Her thoughts fold in on themselves, defeated by the limits of her knowledge.

  Let’s face it, she’s not going to kill Chloe, or anyone else for that matter, so she might as well go back to sleep and try to dream about something nice. She starts to snuggle back under the duvet, but her bladder is telling her to go to the toilet, just to be on the safe side. Sighing irritably, she swings her legs over the side of the sofa and stands up. It’s so dark, she can hardly see her way to the bathroom door, and trips over her trainers on the way.

  She flails about for the pull-string and pings on the light. Its sudden harshness makes her head hurt. Or maybe that’s because she’s dehydrated. She pulls down her pyjamas and is about to sit down on the loo when she hears a noise. It’s a familiar noise and yet she can’t place it. It’s coming from somewhere in the flat. She whips up her trouser bottoms and listens at the door.

  Somebody is moving about in the next room. Has Chloe escaped? How is that even possible? Then there’s a loud bang, a sound she does recognise. It was the front door slamming shut. Which means either that somebody has just left … or they’ve just arrived.

  * * *

  Unable to bear the uncertainty any longer, Jade rushes into the lounge. The light is on. Amy is standing there surrounded by suitcases. Her face is tanned, but she looks exhausted, her eyes puffy and red-rimmed.

  She looks at Jade accusingly. ‘What are you doing here?’

  Jade’s eyes flicker to the crumpled duvet on the sofa, the bin liners full of her belongings and – more worryingly – the dining chair wedged under the bedroom door handle. ‘I got chucked out of the hostel,’ she lies, although it is almost the truth. ‘I had nowhere else to go.’

  ‘It’s okay, but you should have asked.’

  ‘Yes … sorry … it was an emergency.’

  Amy takes off her coat. ‘I rang and texted last night, but your phone was turned off.’

  ‘Was it? Sorry.’

  ‘I’m knackered.’ She yawns. ‘I hate these late-night flights.’

  ‘Where’s Mia?’ Jade asks, although she’s already worked out the answer. There’s no way Amy would leave her mother in Lanzarote. Not unless …

  The look on Amy’s face confirms the sad news. ‘She passed three days ago.’

  ‘Oh my gosh!’ Jade lifts her hand to her mouth. ‘That’s terrible. Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘I did tell you. Pick up your fucking messages, you drongo.’

  Jade blushes. Oh yes, she remembers now. Somebody left a voicemail, but in all the drama she forgot to listen to it. ‘Sorry …’

  ‘I’ve had to come back to sort out the arrangements. I want to bring her home, if I can afford it.’

  Jade thinks about the ten thousand pounds Amy stole from her birth mum and finds that she no longer begrudges her the money. In fact, she’s glad she took it.

  ‘I’m so, so sorry. I liked your mum – she was really kind to me.’

  ‘Yeah, I know, she liked you too.’ Amy shifts the duvet and collapses onto the sofa with a thud. ‘The last few days were horrible, but it’s over now, she’s at peace, gone to join the angels.’

  Jade shifts anxiously from one foot to the other. ‘Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?’

  ‘Coffee, please – strong, two sugars. I can’t stay awake.’ She leans back and closes her eyes.

  Jade hesitates, unsure whether to make the coffee or wait until Amy falls asleep and then try to smuggle Chloe out of the flat. She goes back to the kitchen and paces about, her anxiety levels soaring to new heights. Her heart is beating uncontrollably fast and her fingertips are tingling.

  ‘Jade?’ Amy calls. ‘Jade?’

  She re-enters. ‘Yes?’

  ‘What’s that chair doing jammed under the door handle?’

  ‘What? Oh, nothing.’

  ‘Have you got something in there?’

  Jade feels her cheeks go suddenly hot. ‘No.’

  ‘You must have. What is it? A dog?’

  ‘No … I just, er … put it there to, er …’

  Amy gets up. ‘You’re not allowed pets, you know.’

  ‘It’s not a pet … Please – don’t!’ But it’s too late, Amy has already removed the chair and is clasping the door handle. Jade lets out an involuntarily squeak as she pushes open the door and switches on the light.

  ‘What the fuck?’ she says, rushing to Chloe, who has been woken by the noise and is cowering on the bed like a frightened animal. ‘Jesus Christ …’ She turns back to Jade. ‘Did you do this? You sick cow.’

  ‘It’s not what you think.’

  ‘Isn’t it? She’s a kid. What are you, some sort of pervert?’
>
  ‘No, no … She’s my sister.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Chloe. You remember … I showed you her photo.’

  Amy isn’t listening. She carefully removes the scarf from Chloe’s mouth. ‘Are you okay, love?’

  Chloe nods. ‘Think so.’

  ‘What did she do to you?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘I didn’t want her to leave, that’s all,’ Jade says. ‘I wanted her to stay a bit longer, but she wouldn’t listen. I had no choice.’

  Amy is unpeeling the wrist and ankle tape now. Chloe sits up and quietly puts on her shoes.

  ‘You’re sick, you know that?’ Amy continues. ‘I always knew you were weird, but you’ve got a screw loose. You need some fucking help.’

  ‘I’m sorry … I didn’t mean … I was just trying …’ Jade’s voice starts to break up, as if she’s hearing herself on the end of a bad line. ‘I wasn’t … wasn’t going to … I’d never … It was your fault, you started it …’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Yes, you. It was your idea to trace my birth mum and … and …’ She hesitates.

  ‘And what?’

  ‘I know what you did, Amy,’ she says, trying to retrieve lost territory. ‘So before you start throwing your weight around …’

  Amy stiffens. ‘How dare you talk to me like that? This is my home.’

  ‘Actually, it’s Mi—’ Jade starts to say, but Amy cuts her off.

  ‘My mother has just died. I’m grieving. I come back and find you squatting here and your sister tied up in Mum’s bed!’

  ‘Yeah … We’ve both done bad things. We’re in this together.’

  Amy starts to say something, but there’s a sudden burst of movement from Chloe, who tears past them and runs out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

  Chapter Forty

  Erin

  May 2020

  I’d had some hangovers in my time, but this was the worst I could remember. After Tom and Holly left, I climbed the stairs on my hands and knees and crawled into bed. I woke up at six a.m. Yesterday had been a lost day, and today was probably going to be the same. There was a searing pain in my head and I felt sick again.

  I staggered blindly into the bathroom, unable to face even the gentlest of light, and splashed my face with cold water. Everything hurt. My breath smelt foul and my mouth was gritty and sour-tasting. As I bent my head to drink from the tap, the contents of my brain seemed to slide forwards, boring into my eye sockets. I stood up, clutching my temples, and groaned at myself in the mirror. Why had I poisoned myself?

  Grabbing my dressing gown, I gingerly made my way down to the kitchen. The stink of the alcohol and the empty bottles from the night before made me retch. I picked up a large pint glass, filled it with water and drank it down in one go. Then I knocked back another. Rehydrating myself was essential, even though it made my brain freeze. I had to pull myself back into the land of the living.

  I managed another half-glass, then went back to bed. But I couldn’t sleep, my mind busy with thoughts of Chloe, wondering where she’d spent the night, hoping she was safe.

  At about eight o’clock, I heard the sound of the doorbell. At first I buried my head in the pillow to block out the noise, hoping that whoever was there would give up and go away. But this wasn’t the postman or a political candidate; whoever was out there urgently needed me to answer.

  ‘Coming! Coming!’ I called out as I stumbled down the stairs. My head was still aching and I felt weak all over. As I reached the bottom step, a sudden fear struck me. Please God don’t let it be the police. I was in no fit state to receive bad news. Steeling myself, I opened the front door.

  ‘Chloe!’ I gasped. She ran into my arms, almost knocking me over. ‘Oh my God, it’s you. You’re safe!’ We hugged and rocked, and both of us started to cry.

  ‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ she said. ‘Really, really sorry.’

  ‘Shh, there’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re home, that’s all that matters.’

  ‘Let me go, please – I can’t breathe.’ A car horn beeped impatiently. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t have any money for the taxi.’

  I grabbed my purse and ran to pay the driver. I was so happy to have her back, I didn’t even flinch when he asked for seventy-five pounds, and virtually skipped back into the house, despite my hangover.

  She was sitting in the living room. There were grey hollows beneath her eyes and her skin was very pale, apart from some odd red marks on either side of her mouth.

  ‘Are you okay?’ I said. ‘What’s that on your face?’

  ‘Nothing. I’m fine. Just tired, that’s all.’

  I sat down next to her and we cuddled up, repeating how pleased we were to see each other. I saw her studying me curiously. ‘How about you, Mum? You look a bit … Are you ill or something?’

  ‘No, not really. I’ve just been worried about you.’

  Chloe glanced at the debris on the dining table. ‘Looks like someone’s been having a party.’

  ‘Hardly … That was all me, I’m afraid. I went on a bit of a bender last night.’

  Her eyebrows rose. ‘What? But you never drink.’

  ‘Hmm, well I haven’t drunk for a long time, but I used to. A lot. Too much. When I was younger. Your age, even.’ I took a breath. ‘Actually, I’m an alcoholic.’

  ‘Wow … that’s hardcore. You never said.’

  ‘No … I thought I’d beaten it. But obviously not.’

  ‘Drink does really bad things,’ she said solemnly.

  ‘Yes, it does, and we must talk about it more, but right now I want to know about you. What happened?’

  She shrugged. ‘I ran away, that’s all. I didn’t like it so I decided to come home.’

  I could tell she wasn’t giving me the full story. ‘Were you with Jade? Did she persuade you to go?’

  ‘No, it was my idea. She took me to this flat where she’s been staying. It belongs to this woman called Mia who died. It wasn’t very nice there, creeped me out. Then Mia’s daughter came home and … She wasn’t best pleased that I was there. She got cross with Jade, so I left.’

  ‘Is that it?’

  ‘Yes. That’s it.’ Something about her tone told me it wouldn’t be wise to question her further. ‘I’m starving. Can I have a cooked breakfast?’

  ‘Of course.’ I got up and she followed me into the kitchen like a baby duck imprinting on her mother.

  ‘Was there any particular reason you decided to run away?’ I asked carefully, as I took eggs and a packet of bacon out of the fridge. ‘I’m not angry with you or anything. If you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s fine too, but I just … just wondered if Jade had said something to upset you.’

  ‘She told me about the foetal alcohol thing, if that’s what you mean,’ Chloe said. She paused, observing my reaction. ‘And yes, that was the reason.’

  ‘Oh … I thought it might have been. I’m sorry you had to find out that way.’

  ‘Yeah, well it really upset me because Jade’s my sister and it’s horrible for her. She was brain-damaged and it can’t be cured – she just has to put up with it. And I feel extra bad because I’m fine and so is Oli, and we have a really good life and she’s just … like, well, completely messed up.’

  ‘Yes, I know, I know …’ I stared at the eggs and bacon, willing them to cook themselves. All the strength seemed to have gone out of me.

  ‘And that’s not fair, is it? ’Cos it’s not her fault. You did that to her and it could have been avoided.’

  ‘Yes, yes, you’re right. It’s unbearable; I can’t tell you how bad I feel.’

  ‘I know you didn’t do it deliberately, but Jade’s paid the price.’

  ‘Yes, that’s true. But I didn’t realise, darling, honestly, I had no idea that alcohol could have such terrible consequences. I was very young and extremely stupid. I was taken in by this much older guy and he basically abused me, only I didn’t r
ealise it at the time; I thought I was in control, being all grown-up …’

  Chloe screwed up her face. ‘So you’re saying it was his fault?’

  ‘In a way … Not totally; I mean, he didn’t force me to have sex, although legally it was rape because I was only fourteen, but I didn’t see it that way, not then, I went along with it. It was a kind of self-harming. He took advantage of me, used me. Got me pissed and high so he could do what he wanted to me. Refused to wear a condom. When I told him I was pregnant, he swore he wasn’t the father, and then later I found out he had a girlfriend all along and she was pregnant too.’

  ‘What a bastard …’

  ‘I shouldn’t have got involved with him. I should have had the strength to walk away. But I was unhappy at home. I didn’t get on with Granny and Grandad; I never felt wanted. I was looking for love but in all the wrong places. I made a terrible mistake and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.’

  Chloe took my hands and looked into my eyes. ‘It’s not all your fault; other people were to blame too. Like you said, you were abused. You’re not a bad person. You’re kind and generous and really caring. We love you ever so much. You’re a great mum.’

  ‘Am I?’ I said, my eyes instantly welling with tears.

  Chloe handed me a tissue from the box. ‘Don’t cry. It’s shit, but we’re going to be okay. Can I use your phone to call Dad? I expect he’s been worried sick too.’

  ‘Of course. Where’s your phone? Have you run out of battery?’

  She weighed her reply for a few moments, then said, ‘No. I lost it.’

  I knew she wasn’t telling the truth but I didn’t challenge her. It didn’t seem to matter, because she was home and we’d forgiven each other.

  While I got on with the breakfast, Chloe rang her father and repeated the same story about where she’d been and what had happened. Her account was so similar it sounded rehearsed. Tom said he’d let the police know she was safe then come straight over with Oli. I wondered if he meant they were returning for good or just visiting, but didn’t dare ask.