by Tyla Walker
We’re at our table laughing, talking about our lives. Having an awesome time. Then, there’s the food. Well, I get why people keep coming back here. The best motherfucking seafood I’ve ever had. And I’ve been to some good ones.
It isn’t until our dessert arrives that things get a little… steamy. Strawberries and a chocolate fountain.
“Wouldn’t it be something if you and I were naked and covered only in chocolate?” Tessa asks innocently. But in an instant, she realizes what she’d just said, and turns to me, biting her lip.
My cock starts to rise. Holy. Hell.
“Baby girl, you are the chocolate,” I say, barely above a whisper.
Fourteen
Tessa
I now realize that was just the first round. Of food, I mean. And like sex, once you've had a taste of the first, you'll need more.
So much more, the way my pussy tingles when Alex teases me by caressing my legs and ass, and anywhere else, but he doesn't really linger.
That kind of sensation, only, not precisely sexually. I ain't a pervert. We're talking about food here.
That's how excited I am for our next round of fancy eats. Did I compare my appetite and hunger with sexual arousal? Uh-huh. I did. Though, of course, if fucking Alex were on the menu, I'd go for that and that alone. All the fucking way.
I don't think I've ever been to a place this upscale before. This is where the upper class come and meet and socialize to brag about how much money they have. What new car they've added to their car collection. Which designer they're wearing.
Usually, I'd turn my criticize-the-motherfucking-rich-people mode "on." Talk about how the system is so askew, the rich are getting richer and the poor, even more miserable.
How the system favors only those, who can afford their 3rd Jaguar and neglects those who don't even have proper healthcare.
Plus, out of that minuscule percentage of those who belong to the tip of the pyramid, the 1% are those who are involved in charities and other such programs. Half of that 1% actually care, while the other half probably don't.
Okay, I need to stop now. I didn't come here to badmouth anyone that I would bad mouth had this not been set up as a romantic dinner with the man I can't imagine myself without. In my defense, I'm thinking about these things because, well I have to be honest, I'm nervous.
Yep. This military-woman who's got more balls than other men out there is nervous. I can't stand it. And yet, I like this feeling. Being giddy and giggly inside. Damn.
Pull yourself together, Tessa! I think to myself, hoping Alex doesn't notice that I'm getting the jitters.
The seafood platter is being served on our table and hot damn! It's huge! And it got my attention. I'm not even sure we can finish all of this.
Do I care about what Alex will think if he sees me pig out? Well, he's already seen me go hog for food before so… no. Still, I have to admit, part of me wants to pretend that I'm totally okay with a tiny ass Caesar salad.
"This is a fucking feast," Alex cuts through my spacing-out. He looks at me with that lop-sided smile of his, eyes glimmering in hunger.
"Hmmm, so good," I reply as I clench my fists in front of me and act cute. I try to. Hey, don't judge me. It's working because Alex lets out a curt laugh.
That voice. That deep, soothing tone. If sex had a voice, it would definitely sound like my date tonight. It's probably a bad idea to start thinking about the word sex again because I now find myself looking at Alex's face, his biceps, and his chest. Even his bulge. Fuck.
"Thanks for not backing out," I say, while I put some stuffed clams on my plate, along with a giant crab, I've never seen anything like it in my life.
"I know you're not really into things like that. Games. A relay to make things worse," I add.
We both laugh out loud and let our voices drown with the sound of plates and spoons clanging together, as the rest of the restaurant's guests enjoy their meals with us.
"No man left behind, that's our motto, remember?" Not that he needed to remind me. I smile.
He's right. That's our code. We never leave our comrades hanging. But why do I feel hollow, as though something weird had fallen in the pit of my stomach? Really? That's it? He's here simply because he was staying loyal to our fucking motto?
I try to hide my disappointment. I was hoping Alex would say something cheesy. Then again, I'm not sure he likes being cheesy. I'm not certain he knows I like "cheesy."
I look down at my plate and toy with whatever's on it with my fork. My appetite's gone.
"Tessa?" Alex says, and he looks at me sincerely. "I'm here because of you. Because… it's you. You know that, right?"
I guess he likes cheese after all, too. I want to explode, jump around, and squeal, but no. Instead, I keep my composure and tell him calmly that I understand what he means. Also, I put a little spice on it by biting my lip on purpose, to show him that side of me.
It works like a charm. Every. Fucking. Time. Alex's eyes turn darker, and he grins as he takes a gulp of water. I. Can't. It's the hottest thing ever! I stifle my giddiness and stuff my face with some crab meat. My God, this is melting in my mouth!
Just as quickly as I scarf down this hell-of-a-crab, a thought suddenly fills my head. Alex and I aren't real. This isn't going anywhere. We're here only for fun, and he wants me precisely for that alone. Nothing more. So I can't go falling for him day after day because he doesn't feel the same way for me.
Right? Even though he told me he likes me? I don't think it's the same with my feelings.
"Are you okay?" he cuts in, as though reading my mind.
I have to hand it to him. He knows how to read me well. Still, I don't let him think that he senses trouble.
"Hey, hey," he says with that charm of his. "Don't sweat it. I was joking. Fooling around is what makes this fun, right? Nothing serious or whatever."
And just like that, my heart sinks, and I act as though I'm perfectly fine with what Alex had just said. With an oppressive gloom around me, my throat feeling a little pain, I pretend that I'm alright.
Fifteen
Tessa
I touch my stomach. I'm very full because the food tastes absolutely amazing! I smile as I gaze at the stars. After the fancy dinner, we didn't go home but went sightseeing instead.
This is the reason why I'm on top of Alex's car hood right now, gazing at the stars. This is supposed to be a very relaxing date, but right after we had our dinner, something popped up in my mind.
As much as I don't want to think about it, it's a reality that I have to face. It's almost time for me to leave. I'll be gone for a long while, and I don't know where it will take me.
I wonder if he'll still be around after my training. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and not everyone can undertake such a chance. It's not cabbage that you can just buy.
Who would have expected that this fling would turn out to be… something else? I frown as I thought about all the things that we did during this time. Damn, it might not be that long, but it's memorable and unique.
I feel so much reluctance to go away because I want more time with Alex. Am I selfish and stupid? We both know that what we have is only a fling, but… but what happened for it to turn out like this?
Love has crept on me. I'm not sure about him, but as for me… I can't stop. Alex has crept inside my heart, and it's too late for me to stop him. He has occupied a big space in my heart, and it's not going to go away even if I will it.
So many things have happened, and this has been weighing on my mind for a long time. Dreams or love? Opportunity or the beat of your heart?
What would you choose? What do I choose?
"Do you like it?" Alex asks me as he sits beside me on top of the hood. We're on top of a cliff that overlooks the city. The lights of the buildings are like stars glittering, but I still think that the stars in the sky are a lot more beautiful.
"Yes, it's wonderful here," I reply to him. Alex and I don't talk about feelings, and I don
't want to be the one to open up. It hurts, you know. If he doesn't like me the same way that I do, then it will be a pain in my ass.
I won't like it. I would hate it! I shake my head, trying not to think about such thoughts. My heart is at risk, and it has been pre-falling for a long time now, I just didn't notice.
No one should be blamed for it, not even me. Who tells you to fall in love? Not yourself, right?
"Damn," I curse in a whisper.
"What did you say?" Alex asks me, turning to me. My head snaps to him, and I smile.
"Nothing," I tell him. Alex looks very handsome under the moon.
"Hmm, are you sure?" He asks me as he moves closer to me. Alex's hands snake around my waist, and he places his chin on my shoulders. We look like an average couple, but… we're not.
It's such a shame. For the first time in my life, I feel strongly for a guy, and this is what happens.
Only a fling and limited time for us to spend together. It makes me tired and wants to just go and forget everything. I wish I can have the best of both worlds.
"What do you think? Would you like to do it again? Eat fancy food, I mean," Alex tells me. I nod my head.
"I would love to as long as someone else is paying for it," I joke. Alex looks like he's ready to devour me.
"I can pay as much as I can as long as I can devour you," Alex grabs my chin and we're face to face. My eyes trace the contours of his nose. He's fucking perfect in almost all aspects.
It's not a wonder why I fell in love with this man. I'm only human, after all. Alex treats me well, and he has always been a gentleman. He's also a brilliant lover, a master of the art of sex.
He can grab any woman if he wants. I would love to be his… toy in any way he wants. It would have been purely about lust if I didn't fall in love. Now, I find it hard to extricate myself from him.
I want to be with him. Maybe it will be a lot better if I slowly stay away from him? I should find excuses to not see him anymore, but… it pains me so much. The mere thought of it makes me sad.
Alex kisses my forehead and the tip of my nose.
"What are you thinking? It's so deep. I can't fathom it. There's this look in your eyes, and I don't like it."
Look in my eyes? The love or the pain? I want to ask him so many questions. The urge to confront him is ever-present. I want to ask him how he feels about me, but I can't!
I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to suffer because of unrequited love. We started as lust, and we'll end up that way, right?
I'm a coward when it comes to my feelings. It's not easy opening up to anyone, especially to someone that holds your heart. The person can treasure it or just crush your heart to smithereens.
I don't want to ever do it!
"Quit thinking about it, have fun with me," Alex hugs me and drags me down from the hood. "Let's have some fun. How about dancing under the moon and the stars?"
"Oh," I roll my eyes, pretending that I don't like it, but my heart's beating fast. "I never thought that you have a romantic bone in you."
"Hey! I'm a romantic man, and women fall all over my feet," Alex says to me confidently. I shake my head and laugh out loud.
"Let me feel it then!" I tell him. We both laugh together, and he starts spouting jokes.
I smile, feeling the moment. I have a feeling that after this night... it won't be the same, ever again.
Sixteen
Alex
Damn. Reality is getting closer, and it's something I can't deny. Sooner or later, Tessa's out of my hands. She's going to go somewhere, and I won't be there.
This is absolutely one of the most challenging partings I'll ever have. I read the message over and over again, it comes from the head office. The letter reminds me of Tessa's leaving soon.
I shake my head as I throw away my blanket. I jump down my bed, getting ready to do my exercises. Damn! I need to let out some steam, or I'll keep thinking about it.
I wash, change my clothes to my running attire. How many miles should I run today? I need more than my usual. I stretch for a few minutes and begin my morning exercise.
As I run, I feel the refreshing air and sunlight hit my skin. It feels different than usual. The wind helps me to think better. It calms my heart and my mind.
I keep thinking about Tessa, and the only solution on my mind right now is to straighten our relationship and maintain our fling status, nothing more.
Isn't it perfect? I don't do love, and the feelings I'm feeling for her is brand new to me. Notions such as love are as foreign to me as an alien. Maybe, someday in the future, but not today.
Not to someone I consider as my student. It's unethical and something that I find not worth doing… until I met Tessa.
We have this fuckin fling, and it turns out to be something more. The urges I feel when Tessa's around are not all about lust, but I keep wondering if it's worth it?
I have rules to follow.
Probably, yes. Perhaps, no. Who knows? Everyone has their own feelings and beliefs. I take a breather on the side and drinks my water.
It's been almost thirty minutes since I run around this place. This feeling, love, keeps developing between us, I need to cut this to the bud.
I text to cancel my date with her. Flings don't have romantic dates, right? And you don't cook for someone at all unless he or she is in a relationship with you.
Tessa has a bright future ahead of her, and I can't possibly hold her down, or it will be selfish of me. It's hard, but I need to do this for her too.
Not for me, but for her. Maybe she's going to be angry with me, but I can take it as long as she succeeds. I'll be happy to see her happy.
My phone rings and I pick it up.
"Hello?" It's Tessa on the other line.
"Yes? Tessa? Is there something you need? I'm quite busy," I coldly say to her. I want her to think that I'm neglecting her. It's best if she walks away from me in her own initiative. If I have to be cruel...then, so be it.
"You canceled our date? Why? Can I help you with anything?" Tessa asks me. My heart beats fast when I hear the adoration in her voice. Damn, she's definitely in love with me.
As I to her.
Fuck! It's getting harder to do the right thing. I don't even know what's the right thing anymore!
"What are you doing right now? Alex?" She asks me again. It seems something's holding my tongue, and I can't talk. I can barely breathe because of the suffocation I'm feeling.
I want her with all that I have, but I'm so afraid of my feelings. Love is going to make a person go out of control, and I don't want it. I want to always have power over my heart and my feelings.
"I have so many things that I need to do. Do I need to report them to you?" I snap at her. I frown, even I'm surprised because of my answer. There's silence on the other line.
"I see that you're quite busy and stressed," Tessa sighs. "I can come over and take care of you if you like. We can have some fun to forget your frustrations. We can drink too."
This is why I'm getting a lot more frustrated. She didn't get angry! Tessa worries for me first before herself. Damn! How can she be this way?
It's hard enough thinking that I'm going to hurt her, and it's harder knowing that she's so kind to me.
"I don't have time," I answer calmly, but I didn't apologize to her. This is what I want to happen.
"Goodbye," I say clearly.
I hang up, and only the beep of the call remains. My heart feels like it's about to explode. It's painful and confusing. Feels like my head rammed to a pole, and it fucking hurts like it's breaking.
"I miss her already," I murmur to myself as I sit down on the sidewalk. I place my head on my knees, trying to contemplate what to do next. Fuck it all!
I keep cursing because of my incompetence. Who told me to develop feelings? It was a casual fling. No dates, no emotions attached, and no anything other than to fuck, fuck, and more fuck.
That's how it's supposed to be!
But right now…
it's very far from it. Feelings got involved, and it's killing me. My phone rings again, and it's Tessa.
I just watch it continue to ring and didn't answer. There's no point about this, I'll only bring more pain to myself.
Texts keep coming. I refuse to read all of them. Why? Because I might change my mind and see her. I might just confess to her.
She's going to succeed, and I can't be the reason for not achieving it. If I do that, I'll blame myself for it. It has always been her dream to become a successful woman in her chosen field.
I run back to my place with the air blowing my face, calming me down. I feel free, and my decision keeps on getting clearer.
This is it. I'm doing the right thing!
Seventeen
Alex
The morning fog is thicker than usual. Each breath I take gets heavier and heavier the farther I go. But the discomfort is but a scratch compared to the mental anguish enveloping me right now.
I finally reach the meeting spot, a scenic spot overlooking the vast green forests of the area. Mountains roll over the horizon with the sun peeking beside them. This area is perfect for training soldiers in spotter and sniping skills.
The challenge given to my recruits is to spot rare birds in the area before I could. Every sense in your body needs to be able to comb through the expanse and quickly focus on a particular creature once detected and then identify the species.
I never beat Tessa even once. The woman possesses a surprising ability to 'feel' her targets. When she gets her mind to it, the whole forest must look like a damn open vast plain to her. I pity the poor fools who will be unlucky enough to be in her sights.
Am I one of those fools?
I sit beside a huge rock near the cliffside and recount my whirlwind of an affair with her. Since day one, I've always been in her sights. I mean, I can't blame her, I'm one heck of a specimen. But so is she.
