by Tyla Walker
"Are you all right, old man?" Tessa taunts behind me.
"I just got bored of waiting for your slow ass, so I decided to take a break," I tell her.
I turn around and grimace at Tessa's beauty. She's only wearing her sports bra on a crop top and dark leggings, but her glistening physique makes my heart rate go down, and my cock goes up.
"No fair," she pouts. "You made me lead the rest of the squad back down the mountain, and I had to run all the way back up here."
"Excuses. Excuses. You were the one who wanted to talk. Is that how special forces surmount challenges? Pathetic," I chide.
"Listen, Alex, about the Special Forces… and about the other night…" she explains.
"It's over," I coldly interrupt. "We are done, Tessa. This has gone too far for far too long. I'll be the better man here and end this."
"Alex, wait, just listen to me," she pleads, walking ever closer to me.
I ignore her.
"You are a once in a generation kind of soldier, Cadet Stanley. And I'll be damned if I'll let your emotions get the better of you. Stand. Down."
"My emotions?" she walks faster towards me until she's melee combat distance. "Will you just fucking calm down and listen?"
Tessa lunges for my arm. But as soon as she grabs me, I raise my arm up and twist my body. I'm behind her, masterfully pinning her in an arm lock.
"I said to stand the fuck down, cadet," I whisper in her ear. "Playtime is over."
I hear her inhale a huge breath like she always does before she does something spectacular. She twists under her arm and to the other side, freeing her arm.
Using the momentum from the move, she grabs my wrist and twists it hard. The move involuntarily signals my brain to force me to roll over and hit the ground to avoid my wrist from breaking.
"Fuck," I cough as I lay on my back on the hard rock. She sits on me, cocking back her clenched fist.
"Listen! I'm not going through with the qualifications. The only reason I wanted to be Special Forces was that I'd be like John. But that doesn't mean I need to follow his footsteps to be like him, Alex. I need to follow my heart the same way he did when he saved my life. And my heart's screaming to be with you. "
Tessa's words shake my whole being... but I can't.
I can't move. Tessa's pin on me is perfect in every way possible. I can't subdue her physically. I have no other choice.
"You're a fucking idiot, Stanley. Fine, here's the truth. What did you expect? I'm gonna say that I feel the same way, and we ride off into the sunset together? Please, you're just a good fuck to make these fucking training bearable.”
I don’t stop there.
“There's always this one chick I need to fuck in every class because she just can't resist me. And you're just the lucky one that I let fuck me this year. Now get the fuck off of me, I've already gotten over fucking you already."
I gaze into her eyes like a madman. But every lie I say scars my very soul. You deserve better, Tessa. You're meant for great things.
She lowers her fist as I see the fire in her eyes grow dim. She slowly gets up and runs frantically back down the mountain.
I sit myself up back. My heart's in pieces. I tell myself that I needed to say those things to Tessa. But every lie I tell myself urges my eyes to water up.
"Fuck," I whisper. We're on a remote part of the forest where people can easily get lost and die. And in her condition…
I quickly get up and track her footsteps down the mountain. It takes me a few minutes, but her tracks are starting to finally get warmer, every footprint more erratically imprinted than the former.
As I see the forest's edge, I quickly run when I see the cliffside at the clearing.
If anything happens to her, I don't know what I'll do.
But I back down and hide behind a tree when I see Tessa on her knees, crying. I summon every fiber of my being not make a sound or try to comfort her. I clench my fist until blood slowly drips from it.
All this time, I feared that Tessa would hurt herself, when I'm the one that's committed suicide. When I hurt Tessa?
I killed my own heart.
Eighteen
Tessa
Fuck you, Alex.
I can't believe a man so incredibly gorgeous, intelligent, and well-endowed is terribly too much of a coward.
But I love him.
I love him too much for me to ignore. He's the man who literally makes me become the best version of myself. Behind all that ferocity and roughness is a kind man with a gentler heart.
I ain’t tryna be a dumb bitch here over a man. But let’s be real, he didn’t mean that shit. He may have said it but that’s not what he really feels. I know what’s at stake here.
No matter how much he may try to hurt me, my love for him brings me back to the man who appreciates me for who I am and who I want to be.
I can't give up on this.
The sun is beating down hard on top of me. How many hours was I groveling here? I quickly get up and run as fast as I can down the mountainside. I might have even broken my previous running record.
At the base, everyone calls out to me as they were worried that I took so long to get back that even Alex was already planning a search party. I run past everyone and head to the Administrative Building. I stop when I finally reach the phone.
You can do this, Tessa. I take ten deep breaths.
"Everything okay, Tess?" Johnny, the resident MP asks.
"If I don't make it through this phone call, tell everyone in my squad that I loved them," I joke.
I pick up the phone and nervously dial. Every ring feels like a bell being rung on those exotic funeral ceremonies. Someone from the other line picks it up.
"Stanley residence, John speaking."
"H-hi Stan, it's me, Tessa."
"Darlin'!" John shouts in joy as a dog barks in the background. "How's boot camp treatin' ya? Ol' Nessie here is missing you bad."
My heart melts as I hear her, the sweetest dog in the world, barking cheerfully.
"Awww, give her a kiss for me, will you?"
John sighs. "All right, tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong, John! I was just calling to check up on you," I lie through my teeth. How do I begin?
"Listen here, young missy," John scolds. "We've been through hell and back already. If there's anyone in the world who knows if something is wrong with you, it's John Stanley. Now, spill!"
There was no use of trying to ease him on it, "John, I need advice."
"Well, if there's anything this old-timer can give, it's advice," he gloats.
"I have this friend at camp. And he's just making mincemeat of the training so far," I start.
"Go on," he says.
"Here's the thing, my friend says to me that his heart just isn't into the Special Forces. Don't get me wrong, he still wants to serve his country to his dying breath, but he realized that maybe being the best soldier in the field isn't the only way to serve your country."
"Hmmm," Joseph comments.
"I guess he realized everything after he was sent to shadow one of the drill sergeants. I-I think he's even fallen in love with him, funny, right? But–"
"Okay, I got it," John interrupts.
"You do?" I ask with high hopes in my voice.
"Yes," he assures me. "I want you to tell your friend to just do it. Follow his heart. Don't mind the immature people around him, if there are."
I feel as if a large boulder is lifted off my chest, "Wow, really?"
“Yes, now, well, will you just man the hell up and tell it to me straight?"
"I'm a woman," I whisper.
John sighs, "Woman the hell up, then!"
Here I go.
"I want to quit qualifications, and sign up to be a drill sergeant," I quickly blurt out. The line is silent for almost a full minute.
"You frickin' what!?" John's voice cracks from shouting at the handpiece. "What in tarnation are you spoutin' on Tessa? You are one heck of a s
oldier. Your admission into the Special Forces would even greatly advance female soldiers to apply and improve as soldiers!"
I can hear the gulp as I nervously clear my throat, "I shadowed Alex, John. And in following him, I saw that being the best soldier isn't just about being the best in killing insurgents. It's about protecting what's important to you.”
“And Alex does it so well as a drill sergeant. He imbues his trainees with wisdom and meticulously nurtures their growth as a soldier and as a person. And I know it might sound silly to you, but that to me is just as important or even more important than just going to the field and killing as many enemies as possible or even healing them. Alex protects the soldiers he trains by teaching them how to survive."
I give him a very lengthy explanation. I think about how I thought I had to be near trauma because of my trauma. But really, building myself up into a better person? That’s my real lesson. That’s my real passion. That’s what I think God put into me as my mission, as what I can do better than anyone else.
John laughs. "Go ahead."
"Wait. That's it?"
John's voice suddenly becomes calmer, "Tess, when I took you out of that house all those years ago, all I ever wanted for you was for you to grow up happy, have as many kids as dogs you have, and die old. When you said you wanted to be like me, I was actually more terrified than glad.
And to make it worse, you only wanted it because I wanted it. As a soldier, you need to find your own purpose. And that nonsense you yammered on earlier shows you really thought about this through. It is your heart's desire. Go for it, and please be happy, darlin'."
I wipe a tear from my eye, "It won't be that of a problem either, I'll just have to train for a year and get promoted so I can be with Alex."
"Sounds good, I'll talk to the higher-ups about this," he agrees.
"Thank you so much!" I exclaim. "You don't know how much this means to me."
Finally, all that's left for me is to endure a year of training…
"Oh, and one more thing," John adds.
"Yes, John?" I ask nervously.
"I wanna meet Alex, the guy who your 'friend' seems to be in love with."
Nineteen
Tessa
Determinedly, I knock on his door.
I hear the shuffling of feet from the other side of the door. Despite my resolve of confronting Alex about our relationship, there's this nervousness I feel at the bottom of my stomach.
Thoughts of maybe he doesn't want me anymore, perhaps that it's all really about sex. I'm probably the only one who's really pushing for this relationship. These thoughts plague me.
The doubt that's been gnawing at my insides threatens to overwhelm me into leaving and giving up. But my desire to continue my relationship with Alex, makes me stay rooted on the spot before his door.
It's love this time, and not a fling.
It's worth it. Alex's worth it. I know what to do, and I'll do it for us.
Finally, the door opens, and a solemn face of Alex greets me.
"Can we talk?" I say brusquely.
Alex observes me for a while, probably recognizing from my face my intention to not leave until I get what I came here for.
He steps aside, and I come in. His living room is messier than usual, and I finally take note of his less than clean look.
"Tessa, what is it?" he asks.
Without a word, I hand him the papers that are already in my hands. He accepts them, confused before he finally understands what the documents in his fingers mean.
"I talked this over with John," I say before Alex can utter a word. "He helped me figure it out. I'm going to the U.S. Army Drill Sergeant School."
"Tessa, no! Your goal— you wanted to be part of the Special Forces!" Alex exclaims, clearly agitated, his hands slightly crumpling the documents. "You can't just give up on your dream because—because of—"
"Us?" I finish for him. He stays silent, looking away from me, his expression torn, and the doubt that's eating me up before starts to disappear as the realization that perhaps Alex does want to continue our relationship as much as I do settles in my mind.
If he genuinely didn't care for me, for us, he wouldn't have such a strong reaction. From all the time that I knew him, the time I spent with him, I'm entirely sure of this one aspect of Alex Dean.
"Do you still want us—our relationship— to continue, Alex?" I ask bravely to which he whips his head back to me. I look at him squarely in the eyes, begging him to answer.
He looks at me intensely, and I'm starting to lose my nerve, but he speaks, "Yes."
I bite my lip.
"Do you love me?" I ask, and I hate how my voice falters in the end, but I determinedly look into his eyes.
His face is conflicted, his mouth opening, then closing, and I wait with bated breath.
"Yes," he says simply, and his eyes convey his answer to be true.
My heart soars, and a grin starts to form on my mouth. Oh God, Alex wants me! He loves me! He—
"But I can't let you give up your dreams, Tessa!" He bursts out, his face upset. "I don't want to get in the way between you and the Special Forces. I know how much this means to you. You've worked so hard for this!"
I look at him, stunned and disoriented, still reeling from the fact that the man who holds my heart loves me back. But I force myself to focus back to the present.
"I was about to — I planned to discharge myself from the service just so I could be with you. I couldn't bear to lose you because I love you too much, but I don't want this! For you to quit—"
Unable to take it anymore, I jump to Alex, and I wrap my arms around him. Automatically, he does the same.
"Hey, hey, you don't need to worry about this," I soothe him, now sporting a beaming smile. "I've decided. I want to do this. For us."
"But, your dream…"
"It's never about the Special Forces. All I wanted was to make John proud, and I told him about us. He understands and wishes for me to be happy. He even tells me to follow my heart."
I gave him a cheesy smile, but I can still see Alex's uncertain.
"And if you really ask me what my dream is," I continue speaking with a soft smile. "Well, that would be to spend the rest of my life with you, Alex."
He freezes, his mouth opening slightly, and he looks at me in so much wonder that my face flushes in embarrassment.
I take this opportunity to lead him to the couch, and I deposit him there gently. Without wasting a second, I curl up on his side, and he immediately goes to embrace me in his arms.
"Tessa…" he starts but clearly unsure of what to say next.
Oh, this guy! So hardened and strict in front of the recruits, and yet, when it comes to matters like this, he looks totally lost.
I smile at him fondly. "Do you want me to tell you more? About my dream, I mean."
He nods and buries his face in my hair, his hands starting to trace patterns on my arm.
"Well, I dream for us to be married on a white beach, and then we'll live in this beautiful house with a large garden. We'll have about three to four kids, I never told you, but I want to have a large family. And also, when I'm a Drill Sergeant, I'd like to scream with you at the recruits, and we'll be known as the terror couple and then…"
We continue for a while like this, and when I've run out of words, Alex leans down and gives me a long, gentle kiss.
"Are you nervous?"
I look at Alex with amusement, and I notice him fix his dress shirt for what feels like the hundredth time since we left his place.
"A bit," he admits, his brows furrowing when he saw me smirking. "This is my first time meeting John Stanley. He's important to you, so I want to make a good first impression. There's also the fact that he's a famous war veteran…"
"Oh come on, he won't be giving you a hard time," I say comfortingly as I smooth my own dress. "Well, not much."
I give him a cheeky smile when he pouts at me. He looks very dashing tonight, especially since
he's out of his army clothes. The pants particularly do wonders for his legs and ass.
Oh God, I just love this wonderful and handsome man so so much! I can't wait until we get home later!
Finally, we arrive at the Italian restaurant where we arranged to meet with John, and he's already waiting for us at our reserved table.
"John!" I exclaim happily, giving him a kiss on his cheek. "I feel like it's been so long since we saw each other in person. I really missed you."
"Me too, darling," he replies, his familiar kind eyes lighting up in merriment. "You look wonderful tonight."
"Thanks, you too," I beam at his compliment before tugging my boyfriend nearer. "I'd like you to meet my one true love. John, this is Alex Dean. Alex, this is John Stanley."
The two men don't speak to each other immediately. They're observing, sizing up the other.
John must have liked what he sees because he smiles first.
"Before anything else, I'd like to make this clear to you, Drill Sergeant Dean," John says pleasantly. "If you ever hurt my darling daughter, you'll find yourself in a world of hurt. You'd wish for a sooner death when I'm done with you."
I raise my eyebrows as he sticks his hand out. To my surprise, but I probably shouldn't be surprised, Alex takes his hand in a firm shake with a broad grin on his face. Frankly, I'm torn on which one of them is more deranged.
