Happiness for Beginners

by Carole Matthews

  ‘Shall we get your caravan hooked up?’ Shelby says. ‘If you reverse the truck, then Alan and I can connect it to the tow bar.’

  So I do as I’m told and manoeuvre the truck into place. Alan, Shelby and Lucas get busy at the back end, removing the blocks from in front of the caravan wheels that have kept it in place since time began and hitch it up. I’ve tidied up inside and all of my belongings, such as they might be, are boxed up for the short journey.

  After a few minutes, Shelby bangs on the side of the truck. ‘She’s all yours, Molly. Take it slowly.’

  So I inch forward as carefully as I can and, behind me, I hear the caravan creak and groan as it moves for the first time in forty-odd years – possibly longer. I look in the wing mirror, but the caravan seems still very much attached to the land – as reluctant to leave as I am. I rev the engine a bit more, the truck strains a little and the sounds of creaking and groaning grow ever louder. Then suddenly there’s a moment of release and an almighty crash. I assume that the caravan has finally started to move.

  ‘Ok! Easy, easy!’ Shelby shouts. ‘She’s all yours.’

  I leave the engine idling and get out of the cab.

  ‘The last of the chickens are loaded into Alan’s car. Dick’s in there too looking very tetchy,’ Lucas says. ‘I’ll go with him and we’ll see you there. Dad can ride in the truck with you.’

  ‘Good idea. We’ll be right behind you.’

  So he and Alan jump in the car and head out with the sound of chickens squawking in the back and Dick crowing indiscriminately. When they’ve gone the farm seems strangely quiet and it’s unsettling to see it so deserted.

  ‘This really is it,’ I say to Shelby, tears not far from my eyes. ‘It’s just us that’s left.’

  He nods.

  ‘This has been a good home,’ I tell him, tearfully. ‘I have nothing but fond memories of my time here.’

  ‘And they’ll always stay with you.’ He catches my hand and holds it tight.

  ‘I’d feel infinitely better if we were moving out of choice and it wasn’t being torn away from beneath us. At least we’ve got a new home to go to.’ I smile at him, even though my heart feels as heavy as lead. ‘Thank you for stepping in to save us.’

  ‘I didn’t save you, I helped you,’ he says. ‘You’re the one that’s done all the hard work and you’re the one that will continue to do so. Do you need a minute by yourself?’ he asks.

  ‘No, I simply need to leave now. Get it over with.’

  ‘Your call,’ he says.

  So we climb into the truck together and, gingerly, I tow the caravan down to the gate. Lucas has left it open for us now that there are no animals who might take the chance of bolting to freedom, so I drive straight through and then pause in the lane. ‘One last time,’ I say to Shelby. ‘I’ll do it.’

  I get out and swing the gate closed before sliding the bolt. I lean on it for a moment and look out over the land that I’ve loved so much. It’s a mellow evening and the sun is starting to sink in a sky that’s already warming to pink. I think it will be a beautiful sunset tonight and the stars will be out in force. I’ll miss this place. I’ll miss it so very much.

  ‘Bye, Hettie,’ I whisper. ‘Love you. Wish me luck.’

  Then with a lump in my throat I climb back into the truck.

  ‘All right?’ Shelby asks.

  I nod and blink back the tears that are behind my eyes.

  Grinding the truck into gear and with Shelby’s hand resting gently on top of mine, I drive away.

  Chapter Ninety-Eight

  I trundle along as carefully as I can taking my caravan to its new site, but every pothole I hit makes me grind my teeth with terror. The caravan is making some alarming noises and I wonder if that’s usual.

  ‘It’s holding up nicely,’ Shelby assures me with a glance in the wing mirror. By that, I think he means it’s still attached to us. ‘We’re nearly there. Just a few more twists and turns.’

  I squeeze through the narrow lanes, dreading meeting anything coming the other way – I’ve no idea what I’d do if we did. I’m quite adept at handling the truck, even when it’s full of animal cargo, but towing a caravan with it takes me to a whole new level of anxiety. How people take these away on holiday and enjoy it is beyond me. I don’t think I’ve ever done any driving that’s been more stressful.

  ‘Not far now,’ Shelby encourages. ‘Home straight.’

  Thank goodness.

  At last, the farm comes into sight and I turn into the lane, breathing a sigh of relief. The yard is still full of colourful people, using colourful language, but all the animals – as far as I can tell – are still safely in their assigned homes. Lucas and Alan are unloading the chickens who’ll go into their new run.

  There’s a piece of hard-standing conveniently near to the barn and I’ll set up the caravan on that. I’ll be near to the gate, near to the animals and I can set up my trusty bucket shower once more behind the buildings for some privacy. Perfect. And do you know what? My heart lifts just that little bit.

  ‘I’ll back the caravan into place,’ I tell Shelby.

  ‘It would be a lot easier if you could reverse straight into the pitch,’ he says, rubbing his chin. ‘This looks slightly tricky. The angle’s not easy. Have you reversed while towing a caravan before?’

  ‘No.’ But how hard can it be?

  ‘Just take it very slowly,’ he advises, a more worried expression on his face than I’d like. ‘Keep looking over your shoulder to see where you want to be and then turn the wheel in the opposite direction to the way you would if you were reversing without anything attached to the back.’

  ‘Right.’ I think I got that. Look one way. Reverse the other.

  ‘It will move quite quickly, but make sure you hold it or you’ll jack-knife.’

  And we definitely don’t want that. I feel a gulp travel down my throat.

  ‘Then when you get to where you want to be on the pitch, turn the wheel in the opposition direction again. Got it?’

  ‘Yes,’ I say more confidently than I feel. Opposite direction. Opposite to the one it went in before or a different opposite? I’m not sure. I’m certain it will all become clear when I start to move.

  Shelby must see the fear on my face as he says, ‘We can always push and pull it into place, once you’ve got it more or less on the pitch. We’ve got plenty of muscle here.’

  Though the muscle are all currently standing and watching me while stuffing their faces. So are the students. In fact, it seems as if everyone has stopped to watch. Bev looks frightened to death. My mouth goes dry. ‘Can you get out and guide me in?’

  ‘Will do.’ He turns towards me and smiles. ‘You did well, Molly. I’m proud of you.’

  I feel myself flush. ‘Thanks.’

  Then he jumps out of the truck and goes to stand at the back of the caravan. I wind down the window so that I can hear his instructions. I manoeuvre forwards and line up with the rectangle of concrete, which seems to look quite a bit smaller now.

  He waves me backwards. ‘This way. This way.’

  I reverse as steadily as I can.

  ‘Left hand down, Molly. Left hand down.’

  I’ve got an audience now and I’m starting to sweat.

  ‘Left! Left! The other left!’’ Shelby shouts.

  I steer back the other way. There’s a feeling of resistance and then, suddenly, the caravan seems to let go.

  ‘Whoa! Whoa!’ Shelby shouts. There’s an alarming crash followed by a collective gasp from the gathered crowd. Have I overshot the concrete to one side? I didn’t think so.

  Leaning out of the window, I call back, ‘Is it stuck?’

  Shelby grimaces worriedly at me. ‘Maybe a little worse than that.’

  Instantly, I’m out of the cab and go to see what the problem is.

  ‘Oh.’ I stand and survey the damage.

  ‘This may be terminal,’ Shelby says.

  He’s not joking. Though I’m perf
ectly parked on the hard-standing, only the floor of the caravan is still very much attached to the tow bar. Unfortunately the rest of it isn’t. The top of my home and its contents have parted company with the bottom and is currently sitting forlornly in the patch of dried-up mud beyond the concrete, sides collapsed in, windows popped out.

  I’m too shocked to speak or to cry. ‘Did I do that?’

  ‘I think it may have just spontaneously died,’ Shelby offers. ‘The move was clearly too much for it.’

  I knew that my dearly beloved, knackered caravan was fragile, but I thought it would live to fight another day. Seems I was wrong. I run my hands through my hair and look at the wreckage that was once my home. We’ll have to tear our way in to get my boxes out. My crockery is likely to be smashed to smithereens. I could have done with another five years out of that. Maybe more. It looks as if that may have been optimistic. ‘That’s the end of it, isn’t it?’

  Shelby puts his arm round my shoulders. ‘I’d say so. It’s gone to the big caravan park in the sky.’

  ‘I’m homeless,’ I say more calmly than I feel. ‘Where am I going to stay?’

  ‘This is probably a good time to point out that I have a perfectly serviceable six-bedroomed manor house not a ten minute drive from here.’

  ‘That might as well be the moon,’ I point out. ‘I have to be with my animals. I can’t leave them. They need me here.’

  Shelby raises his eyebrows. ‘How did I know you were going to say that?’

  But it’s true. I can’t leave them and go swanning off. What would they do without me?

  Chapter Ninety-Nine

  It’s been a long, tiring day and more than a little emotional but, finally, we get it all done. There’s a little lingering warmth in the sun when Shelby brings a case of champagne from one of the mini-buses and pops open half of the bottles.

  ‘Thanks to everyone for coming today. Couldn’t have done it without you, guys,’ Shelby says to everyone. ‘To Hope Farm Mark 2! And to Molly!’

  ‘To Molly!’ they echo.

  So we toast our new farm with warm fizz in paper cups. The kids get orange juice.

  Bev comes to hug me and we hold onto each other without speaking, rocking gently.

  ‘Bloody love you,’ she sniffs eventually and we both cry a bit.

  When we’ve drained our cups, I thank all our helpers and shake their hands. They’ve done a great job and I couldn’t have managed without them. Amid much back-slapping and air-kissing and high-fiving, they troop back to their minibus and throw up dust as they leave. The kids and the parents who are still here also head off for the day and I can’t wait to see them all again on Monday. The catering truck packs away its wares and departs too.

  Bev and Alan come over and my friend says, ‘We’re going now. Will you be all right?’

  ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Have you actually got anywhere to sleep tonight?’

  ‘Not yet,’ I admit, ‘but I’ll sort something out.’

  ‘I suppose there’s no point me asking you to come home with us?’

  ‘Not a lot.’

  She shakes her head at me. ‘We’ll be back in the morning. First thing.’

  ‘Have a lie-in,’ I tell her. ‘I’ve got it covered. Couldn’t have managed without you today.’

  She hugs me once more and I can tell that Bev is on the verge of tears again. She strokes my hair like Hettie used to. ‘You’ll be OK here. I promise you.’

  ‘I will,’ I assure her.

  ‘Look after her,’ Bev says to Shelby. Then she and Alan climb into his car that’s probably full of chicken feathers and worse and off they go.

  The only people left are Shelby, Lucas and me.

  We walk over to the gate and lean on it while we look out over the fields. The actors have made a great job of putting up some new fencing. Sweeny and Carter are in one field, the alpacas opposite them. Buzz and Ringo are beyond them. All is well. I let out a happy, but weary sigh.

  ‘Tired?’ Shelby says.

  ‘Exhausted.’

  ‘Don’t tell me. You’ve still got all the animals to feed.’

  I laugh. ‘Of course. It’s business as usual. They’ll probably be cross that dinner’s later than usual.’ From the plaintive bleating that’s coming from the sheep, you’d think they were all starving to death.

  ‘I’ll start them, Molly,’ Lucas says. ‘You and Dad finish this off.’ He passes me a half-full bottle of champagne and then heads off into our new feed shed with Little Dog and Big Dog at his heels.

  ‘I’ll be fit for nothing after this,’ I say nodding at the fizz.

  ‘You’ll certainly sleep soundly,’ Shelby agrees. ‘Speaking of which, where might that be?’

  ‘We’ve got plenty of barns. Some of them are probably less leaky than the caravan and there’s fresh new straw in every one.’

  ‘Hmm,’ Shelby says. ‘This is sounding more appealing than I first thought.’

  ‘You’re staying?’

  He sighs at me. ‘Of course I am. You don’t think I’d let you be here by yourself?’

  ‘I’ll be fine. I promise.’

  ‘I’m staying,’ he insists and frankly, I’m not going to argue with that.

  ‘We could see if we can break into the caravan and grab some blankets?’

  ‘All of the joys,’ Shelby teases.

  ‘Shall we do it now?’

  ‘Not yet.’ He takes the bottle from me and fills our cups. Then he looks at me and I can’t tell what’s written on his face, but he takes a deep breath before he says, ‘I have something that I need to tell you.’

  Chapter One Hundred

  ‘It’s about Hollywood,’ Shelby says and he stares ahead, unseeing, deep in thought.

  I’ve been bracing myself for this announcement, but the minute it raises its ugly head, my stomach turns to liquid. I’m dreading this moment. In my mind, I’d hoped that Shelby would stay here not just for the night, but long enough to see us properly settled here before departing for his new life in America. It looks as if I’m about to be disappointed. I can’t even bear to hear what arrangements he’s made for Lucas. Shelby hasn’t discussed them with me, so I can only assume that I’m not to be included in them.

  When he doesn’t say anything further, I venture to ask, ‘When are you planning to leave?’

  He turns to me and gives me a half-smile. ‘That’s the thing, Molly. I’m not.’

  It takes me a moment to process that. ‘You’re not going to America?’

  ‘Correct.’

  ‘What about the job as gun-toting, psycho-baddie?’

  ‘It won’t be me after all. I turned it down.’

  ‘Should I be pleased or sad for you?’ On a personal level I know that I’m happy for myself that Shelby won’t be going away, but I also know just how much this role meant to him. It was his move into the big time, the starry stratosphere.

  ‘A bit of both, I guess,’ Shelby says. ‘It was a fantastic opportunity and Malibu did look quite nice.’ There’s a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he says it, but a hint of regret too. ‘But you helped me to see that there were too many sacrifices to be made for it. I need to stay here for Lucas, you’re quite right. If I’ve got to play Farmer Gordon Flinton for the rest of my life then I’ll do it. I’ll do it for my son.’

  ‘There’ll be other chances, I’m sure. When Lucas is a little bit older and is back on his feet again. Hollywood won’t forget you.’

  ‘I think that they very much will. Besides, I’m not sure that I want it any more,’ he confesses. ‘There’s a big price to be paid for that kind of fame and fortune. It sounds alluring and I have to admit that I was flattered to be offered it. Who wouldn’t be? It’s been spending time with you and at the farm that has made me realise the important things in life. The kids here are fantastic. They’ve overcome so many difficulties. You, Bev and Alan have so much patience and show them a level of care I could never have imagined possible. My world has always
been so shallow and, if I never work again, I’ve been amazingly lucky. Most people would kill for half of the success I’ve enjoyed.’

  ‘I’m sure it hasn’t all been a walk in the park. You’ve had your share of sadness too.’

  ‘I know. But it seems so silly, so vacuous to go chasing that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, when I already have so much.’

  ‘Did you ever tell Lucas about the job?’

  ‘No,’ Shelby says. ‘I think it’s best that he doesn’t know I was even considering it.’

  ‘My lips are sealed.’

  ‘If I’m going to be around more, I’d like to help him to achieve his dream of being a poet. I don’t know exactly what I can do, but I’ll help him all that I can.’

  ‘He’ll be pleased to know that. He’s very good.’

  ‘I can see that and I’ve been blind to Lucas for a long time.’

  ‘But not now,’ I remind him.

  He grins at me. ‘Not now.’

  In the background, over by the barn, I can hear Lucas moving from pen to pen, saying hello to the animals, chatting away as he feeds them. He’s such a changed boy since he started here and I can’t tell you how happy I am that he’s going to be staying here too.

  ‘I was so frightened that you’d take Lucas away and I wouldn’t see him again.’

  ‘I know. While I was examining my soul and my conscience, I did very much take that into account. I realise that you care for him way beyond your professional duties.’

  I laugh. ‘I shouldn’t have favourites, but I’ve had a soft spot for Lucas since the minute he arrived.’

  ‘You’ve done wonders with him,’ Shelby tells me and I feel myself glow with pride. ‘And that’s another reason that I wanted to stay here. I want us to be together too.’

  I look at him open-mouthed. ‘Us?’

  ‘Is that so strange?’

  ‘No, no. I’d quite like it.’

  Shelby rolls his eyes at me. ‘Good, because I’d quite like it too.’

  ‘What I mean is … well, of course … that would be wonderful.’ Then I run out of words. I can’t say fancy things. If I think of them at all, it’s about three hours after the relevant moment. Yet I know that Shelby understands how I feel without me having to spell it out. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t. Of all the ways that I’d pictured this day would end, this didn’t feature in it at all. ‘But do you think Lucas would be happy for us? Would he like us to be together permanently? I don’t want him to think that I’m trying to replace his mother.’