Look Twice

by M. Garzon

  “Life’s a struggle, kid.” Dec’s eyes moved back to me. “You’ll fare better if you learn that early on. It’s not an excuse for going back on your word.” His voice still hadn’t softened.

  Jaden moved me to his side and tucked me under his arm. “We’re doing our best,” he reiterated quietly, “but the cat may be out of the bag in any case. Someone from the polo club saw us together in Florida.”

  Dec rubbed the back of his neck with a groan. “Imagine what it would do to your mother if she came over and heard people talking about the two of you. She has enough worries. And the rest of the family’s not exactly on board... give it to the end of the year.”

  Jaden’s face brightened. “Yes, sir.”

  Dec gave him a hard look. “If it was anyone but you, Jaden... well, he’d look worse than you do right now. Put some clothes on,” he snapped as he turned to go.

  After the trapdoor dropped I turned to Jaden. “That was a lot less apocalyptic than I thought it would be,” I said. I was somewhere between puzzlement and shock.

  Jaden nodded thoughtfully. “He’s been more understanding than we have any right to expect.”

  * * *

  I managed to talk Jaden into getting x-rays the next day, and I felt much better once we knew that nothing was broken. Jennalyn provided some homeopathic remedies, and our boarder Stephanie gave him an osteopathic treatment. Between the two of them, Jaden was well enough to umpire the polo club chukkers on Wednesday, and I went along, riding Hades. I had reminded Dec that Jaden and I used to ride to the polo club together twice a week the previous year and suggested that it looked suspicious for us to never ride together now, and he had conceded to the occasional ride.

  Hades was surprisingly good on trails; if he wasn’t I wouldn’t have ventured out with him because he was a valuable horse and he wasn’t mine. But since he was level-headed about it, I was happy for the opportunity to vary our routine. It made a nice change from ringwork all the time. I had taken Gran’s advice to let Hades stretch out and find his balance, and it had worked so well that I was doing it again, using the dirt training track that ran around the enormous polo field.

  I said hi to my friends at the polo club while Jaden went to find Jennalyn. Then I brought Hades out to the track. I shortened my stirrups to a good galloping length, tightened the strap on my helmet, and set off to the right. Just as humans favor one hand over the other, horses also prefer one leg over the other when cantering and galloping; it’s the leg they like to lead with and is thus called the ‘lead’. Almost all Thoroughbreds are left-leaded and so all racing is done counter-clockwise, but Hades was a Hanoverian and I had discovered that he was right-leaded, so I started out in the direction he was most comfortable in. He snorted in anticipation and tossed his head as we broke into a canter, and I grinned at his enthusiasm. Hades was pushy and overbearing and thought the world revolved around him, but I liked him a lot. With him, you always knew where you stood.

  The first time I’d galloped Hades he had been surprised. His lumbering stride was so long that he always gave the impression he was going fast, especially in the contained space of arenas and paddocks where horses were normally ridden. I suspected that he’d been asked to slow down his entire life, but never to speed up — so when I had let his canter stretch out to the point that he was galloping, it had been a little awkward. But this time Hades was ready and eager, and as I crouched over his withers he lengthened stride confidently into a ground-eating, thundering gallop. The very air shook around us as we flew, and I moved my hands further up his neck and stayed as still as possible, hoping he would barely notice I was there. But that’s not what happened. Instead, I felt his glee at moving with me, and my heart flew even faster than our joined bodies. This was what I loved, what I lived for — this feeling of complete union and understanding between two creatures so different that it was still a source of wonder to me that we could communicate at all.

  I let Hades decide when to slow down, and I was buoyant with joy as we dropped to a walk. I pulled my feet from the short stirrups and was patting his wet shoulder when I noticed Jaden and Jennalyn at the track’s edge. We sauntered over.

  Jennalyn’s brows were high above her stunning yellow-and-grey eyes. Jaden’s brows, however, were drawn tightly together over his narrowed eyes. His face was pale.

  “Did something happen?” I asked, suddenly worried.

  Jaden gave me an incredulous look. “Do you plan on risking your life every time you ride that horse? Or only when I’m watching?”

  I felt the flush of anger through my already-hot body. “Do you plan to get angry every time I do my job?”

  “This is not your job, Téa!” he growled at me through clenched teeth.

  “What would you call it then?” I demanded heatedly.

  Mateo swaggered up. “I would call it duende.” He held up his hand for a high five and I smacked it defiantly. “It means to do something with soul, to make a special connection. That was beautiful, muñequita.” His smile glittered whitely under his mane of wavy black hair.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled.

  I stole a glance at Jaden. His body was rigid and he was giving Mateo a look that caused me a twinge of worry for the latter’s safety. Jennalyn apparently felt the same way because she took Jaden firmly by the arm.

  “I need to show you what I meant about Piba’s foot,” she insisted as she pulled him away.

  I blew out my breath in frustration as I turned Hades toward home. I soon felt better though, because Mateo was right — we’d made a connection, Hades and me, and I felt sure our performance would improve as a result. Now if I could only do the same with Cal.

  When Jaden came home that night I went to find him in the barn. I silently pulled him into the recesses of Piba’s stall.

  “Are we okay?” I asked quietly. I didn’t look at his face.

  He gripped the tops of my arms and with blinding speed I was whirled around and pushed against the wall. His hard body pressed me against the rough wooden boards while his lips moved insistently against mine. I didn’t know whether he was fueled by anger or passion, and I didn’t particularly care. I gave in to the heat of his kiss.

  After a minute his lips moved to brush against my temple.

  “We’re more than okay, querida,” he murmured.

  I buried my face in his neck and inhaled his scent, which somehow managed to be comforting and exciting at the same time. I felt the rumble of low laughter in his chest.

  “There’s never a dull moment with you.”

  Twelve

  The hot breath of summer was blowing past rapidly. I wasn’t as busy as some years since I was only showing one horse, and he wasn’t traveling much yet. I brought my students to local shows, taught lessons, rode, and savored every warm, grass-scented evening spent with Jaden.

  One muggy August night Dec came into the kitchen, but he moved without his usual energy and immediately sank into a chair.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked from the sink.

  “Just a headache,” he said. He rubbed his temples.

  “Again? You seem to be getting a lot of them lately. Maybe you should see a doctor.” I finished washing my cup and turned around.

  “There’s no need for that. I’m just a little stressed, that’s all.”

  A mixture of guilt and worry washed through me. Dec was stressed because of money, and I knew that was due to our upcoming university education.

  “Okay,” I said reluctantly. “Goodnight.”

  I went up to Seth’s room. The walls were the same light blue we’d painted them when we were twelve.

  “Hey, try to convince Dec to see a doctor, will you? He won’t listen to me, but something’s wrong.”

  Seth looked doubtful. “Dec’s tough as nails, Sis. And he looks fine to me.”

  “Seth! We’ve already lost Mom. We have to take care of Dec while we can.”

  “Right, because he’s obviously too helpless and weak to make his own decisions.�
�� He laughed and dodged the swat I aimed at him. “Okay, okay, don’t hurt yourself. I’ll talk to him.”

  But Dec wouldn’t be swayed by Seth either. I started watching him more carefully and noticed that he seemed more tired than usual. He stopped complaining of headaches but I suspected he just wasn’t telling us about them. About a week later I came downstairs at bedtime and found him cradling his head in his hands.

  “Another headache?” I asked in concern.

  He gave a tired nod. “Been staying up too late working, I think.”

  I went and sat next to him. “Come on, Dec, it can’t hurt for you to get yourself checked at the doctor’s.”

  He shook his head impatiently. “I don’t have time for that, Téa. I’d waste hours waiting at one of those places.” He gave me a small smile. “Don’t worry, kiddo, it’s nothing.” He patted my hand before heading for bed.

  I did worry, though. My instincts were telling me something was off, so the next day I saddled Cal and rode to the polo fields. There were several doctors among the club’s members, and since it was Saturday some of them were bound to be playing. Cal rubbernecked annoyingly at all the strange sights and new horses, but I was on a mission and ignored his behavior. Jaden was away teaching a clinic that week so we were on our own.

  I found Caley and enlisted her help.

  “Isn’t Richard a doctor?” I asked as we headed to the field.

  “Sort of — he’s a dentist,” she said. “Lucas is an MD, though.”

  “Huh, I’m surprised I didn’t know that.” I’d known the tall, good-looking player for two seasons, but then, we mostly discussed polo. When I found Lucas he readily agreed to the favor I asked of him.

  The next day Dec was leaning on the fence watching a lesson when Lucas pulled up in his Mercedes. He strolled over carrying an honest-to-goodness old-fashioned doctor’s bag. I grinned.

  “Dec, do you remember Lucas?”

  Dec nodded as they shook hands, then shot me a suspicious look.

  “I know you don’t want to waste time sitting in a doctor’s office, so Lucas kindly agreed to do a quick check-up right here,” I said innocently.

  Dec gave me a look that said ‘tell me you didn’t’, but he threw up his hands. “Oh, all right then.” He led Lucas to the house.

  I turned to Seth, who was teaching in the ring, and gave him a thumbs-up.

  Lucas came and found me in the barn before he left. “It’s a good thing you insisted on a check-up, Téa,” he said seriously. “Your dad’s blood pressure is dangerously high. He’s agreed to see his own doctor for treatment.”

  I thanked him profusely and ran to the house. Dec was just coming out of the kitchen and I paused, uncertain.

  He smiled at me. “You know, I think you’re a bit like your mother after all.”

  “You’ll take care of it, won’t you?” I asked anxiously.

  “I promise, honey.”

  * * *

  “Don’t worry about it, guys. My mom’s got high blood pressure too, and she was fine as soon as she got treatment,” Kabir reassured us that week.

  Julia and Teri were also with us, cleaning tack and talking about our upcoming school year.

  “It’s amazing that you got into CalTech, but it sucks that you’ll be so far, dude.” Seth grimaced. “And what’s your dad gonna do when you’re gone?”

  Kabir was one of the few kids we knew who worked almost as much as we did. His dad owned the only general store in Julien, and Kabir helped out there most days. His mom was an accountant in the city so she was gone long hours. Kabir’s dad was nice; he gave us candy as though we were still ten years old and told a lot of bad jokes.

  “I may not be smart, but I was smart enough to marry a smart girl!” he’d tell us, wagging his finger.

  Kabir leaned his brawny frame against the wall and grinned.

  “There’s a reason I only applied to colleges far away — it’s my one chance to live away from home. As a good Indian boy, my fate is sealed.” He sobered, plainly not ecstatic with his status. “I’m supposed to live at home with my parents until I find a nice Hindu girl to marry.”

  “You don’t have to do it that way,” I suggested.

  He shook his head. “You know my parents, Téa. They’re even trying to find a husband for you. It’s bad enough my sister’s such a rebel.”

  “What’s wrong with Priya?” I demanded. I rather admired her, personally.

  “She’s twenty-seven, a lawyer, and still has no intention whatsoever of getting married. She just wants to travel the world, which is fine as long as you’re not Indian.” Kabir laughed.

  I made an impatient noise. “Kabir, you’re as Canadian as I am. And your parents have been here for thirty years.”

  “I guess culture doesn’t change that fast, and families have cultures all their own.”

  I reckoned that was true. My impetus for attending university was partly a desire to be a fitting match for Jaden, but I had to admit that our family’s values played a role. In our family, education was valued above individual ambition, and loyalty and duty above all else. Maybe that was part of the reason why Seth and I were so reluctant to tell Dec about the search for our biological father.

  “Speaking of families, how’s the hunt going?” Teri asked.

  “So far, it’s a big fat zero,” Seth said. It was just our friends in the tackroom, but he lowered his voice nonetheless. “We called another two men last week, and they weren’t him. Or at least they weren’t admitting to anything. And now the lawyer who’s been getting us the info is going on vacation for a month.”

  “Why don’t you just search online?” Julia suggested.

  “It’s a common name,” I explained. “It could take years to find him that way.”

  I didn’t sleep well that night, troubled by dreams of chasing strangers who remained always just out of reach. I was cranky when I dragged myself into the kitchen the next morning.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Seth asked.

  “Nothing. What’s wrong with you?” I countered, witty as always.

  He tried to glare at me, but we both burst out laughing. When we were kids we’d go on that way for hours, one inane comment after another causing us to literally roll on the floor.

  Halfway through the morning, Seth waved me over to the main riding ring. He was standing inside with his horse Winter, who was watching him with a very confused look on his chestnut face.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  Seth looked embarrassed. “Well, you taught Kermit those cool tricks last year... I thought maybe Winter would like to try something new.”

  I felt my face light up. “Why didn’t you say so! Do you have the clicker?”

  He handed it over, grinning sheepishly. “Yeah, but I don’t know how to use it.”

  I grabbed it and bounced over to the smallest paddock, which was partly shielded by hedges so we’d have some privacy. “C’mon, this’ll be fun!”

  It was fun. Winter and Seth had a great rapport, and although Seth and I worked together every day, it had been a long time since we’d collaborated on a project. Winter’s willing nature made him a joy to teach, and by the day’s end, he had not only grasped the idea of the clicker but even learned to bow.

  “I’m gonna teach him to rear tomorrow,” Seth said excitedly as we went into the barn. Even Winter looked excited.

  “You’re going to what?” Dec’s voice caught us up short.

  Seth faltered. “I-I’m just teaching Winter some tricks, that’s all.”

  “Why on earth would you teach a horse to rear? That’s not the kind of behavior you want to encourage,” Dec said.

  “He’d only do it on command,” I said, glancing at Seth. The joy was gone, and I mentally kicked Dec for being such a wet blanket.

  Dec looked at each of us. “If you have extra time on your hands you should be putting it to more productive use. Painting the jumps, for instance — they’re a disgrace.”

  I nu
dged Seth as we went around the corner. “Tomorrow we’ll work away from the barn,” I murmured, and he half-smiled in response.

  The next morning was a muffled, woolly sort of day, grey but warm, and we set out shortly after breakfast. Seth rode Winter bareback with a halter and lead rope, and I rode Cal. Winter’s chestnut coat was only a shade lighter than Cal’s, but the similarities ended there. Winter was as relaxed as Seth, but Cal still overreacted to everything so much that I couldn’t risk riding him in just a halter, although I’d done it with Blaze at that age.

  Winter was of mixed breeding; he was what we’d commonly refer to as a ‘grade’ horse, and he was one of the loveliest examples I’d seen. He was a shade under sixteen hands and looked like a somewhat stocky Thoroughbred, although the smattering of small round white spots on his coat suggested a ‘color’ breed somewhere in his ancestry — maybe some Appaloosa or Paint.

  We found a nice level field to practice clicker training in. Winter seemed to enjoy it as much as the day before, and even Cal watched with interest.

  “How’s he doing?” Seth asked, seeing the look I was giving my horse.

  I blew out a long breath. “Not great.” Seth was the only person I’d been honest with. “He’s learning, and I think he’s trying, but... he just doesn’t feel good, you know? We haven’t connected.” It wasn’t a good explanation, but it was the closest I could get.

  Seth pursed his lips. “D’you want me to get on him?”

  “Sure.” So far I was the only person who had ever ridden Cal, but it could be helpful to get another rider’s perspective.

  I took Winter’s lead rope and handed over Cal’s reins. Seth patted Cal’s neck as he took them.

  “Hey bud, Uncle Seth’s gonna hop on you for a minute, okay? Let’s see why your mom’s been giving you such a hard time.”

  After Seth mounted, Cal’s head went up sharply and he stood stock still, all four legs rigid. Then, slowly, he twisted his head around to a comical degree and checked to make sure that it really was Seth up there.