Jack of Hearts

by Christopher Greyson

  “I’m right here, Mom.” Jack felt his cheeks redden. “A little too much information.”

  Ted chuckled and nudged Jack. “You’re old enough now, Jack.”

  “No, Dad, I’m not. There are some things you’re never old enough for. The method Mom is using to motivate you to lose weight is one of those things.”

  They settled into their seats. Ted drove, with Laura in the passenger seat and Jack in the back.

  Laura immediately turned around and started firing off questions faster than Marvin called bingo numbers. “Did you just get in? How was your flight? Is the rental car big enough? Did you get any sleep on the plane?”

  Jack covered everything about the trip except one little detail—Lady. Before he could figure out a way to explain that he had to bring a giant dog with him, they pulled into the driveway.

  Jack cleared his throat. “Ah…did you guys happen to listen to your messages when you got home?”

  His father took a deep breath. “No, but by the sound of your tone I have a feeling that I should have.”

  Jack chuckled nervously. “Kinda. I called, but you were in the Bahamas, and… Well, we had a slight issue back in Darrington before we left.”

  As Jack’s dad got out of the car, his mom whispered, “Is everything okay?”

  “That depends.”

  “Jack, what’s wrong?”

  Ted crossed over to open the door for Laura. He glanced around. “Where’s Alice?”

  Jack got out. “She’s here. But we also had to bring—”

  Lady suddenly bounded around the corner of the house and headed straight for Jack, barking nonstop.

  Ted stepped between the charging dog and his son. He pulled himself up to his full five-foot-five height and commanded, “Sit!”

  Lady skidded to a stop and sat down.

  Jack stood there, blinking, as if he’d just seen a magician make a woman vanish before his eyes. “How’d you do that?”

  “Jack…” Ted didn’t take his eyes off the enormous dog in front of him. “Slowly back up and get in the car.”

  “Dad, it’s—”

  “Shh… Don’t talk. Slowly get in the car.” Ted started to back up. “Don’t make any sudden moves.”

  “It’s okay, Dad,” Jack said. “It’s my dog.”

  “Is that Lady?” Jack expected his mother to faint, but she hurried out of the car. “She’s adorable.”

  Lady seemed to forget all about Jack. Her back arched high as Laura scratched behind her ears. She pressed against Jack’s mother and wagged her tail.

  “Lady!” Alice called from somewhere behind the house.

  Ted’s glasses lifted from his nose as one eyebrow arched high. “That’s not a dog. It’s something out of The Lord of the Rings.”

  “Lady!” Alice flew around the corner of the house and slowed to a stop. Her knees were dirty, her new dress was torn at the hem, and several leaves dangled from her brown ponytail. Her face flushed bright crimson. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Stratton.” She offered an embarrassed one-handed wave as she walked forward and grabbed Lady’s collar.

  “Alice.” Laura looked her up and down with a sympathetic frown and gave her a big hug. “Are you okay, honey?”

  Alice nodded as she tucked an errant strand of hair back in place. “We were around the far side of the pond. Lady saw Jack in the car and took off. I managed to hang on when she jumped a little fence, but when she charged through a wall of bushes, I got stuck.” She held up a length of frayed, broken nylon cording in her free hand. “Stupid leash.”

  “Alice.” Ted smiled, and Jack could tell he was trying to stifle a chuckle. “It’s nice to see you in person. I’d shake your hand, but I’m worried about losing it if I get too close to your werewolf.”

  Alice sighed. “She’s harmless…unless you try to hold on when she decides to run.”

  The window on the house next door slid up, and Gladys stuck her head out. “Laura! Laura Stratton!” She wiggled one finger like a reed in a hurricane. “Guests are not allowed to bring wild animals.”

  Ted waved. “That’s not quite right, Mrs. Crouse. But thanks for telling us.”

  “Even if they could bring a dog,” Gladys continued, “I’m sure they’re supposed to be properly restrained.”

  Alice paled and tightened her grip on Lady’s collar. “I’m sorry, ma’am. She broke her leash and—”

  “That’s no surprise considering the size of that beast. It looks dangerous.”

  “She’s a wonderful dog,” Laura protested.

  “And they don’t have a parking tag.” Gladys pointed at the rental car. “They have to check in at the office if they’re staying overnight. When they do, make sure they ask if that…that thing is allowed.”

  “All righty, Mrs. Crouse.” Ted bowed, making a show of it. When he straightened, he smiled and gave her a sweeping wave. “You have a nice day.”

  “They’re not staying overnight?” Gladys asked.

  “Nice seeing you, Mrs. Crouse.” Ted whispered to Jack, lips as motionless as a ventriloquist’s, “When she sticks her head in, pull your car into the garage.”

  “I’m going to call the main office to check about the dog,” Gladys threatened. She shut the window hard and disappeared.

  Ted hurried to the garage door. “Pull it in now!”

  Jack hesitated.

  “Don’t just stand there, Jack. She’s calling the clubhouse and the phone’s on the other side of her house. She won’t see you pull in.”

  Jack jumped into the rental car and parked in the garage next to his mother’s car. “Why don’t we just check in?” he asked as he exited the garage.

  “Just in case they do have some silly rule about dogs and overnight guests. Sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”

  Jack’s jaw dropped in sync with the garage door behind him. “Dad, I could have used that tip when I was seventeen.”

  Ted laughed and gave him a playful shot in the arm. “Some advice has to wait until the recipient has the maturity to understand it.”

  Jack pointed at Gladys’s house. “Do you really think she’ll complain?”

  “I guarantee it. She lives for making other people’s lives miserable.”

  “You sure were polite to her.”

  “Killing her with kindness. So far, it’s not working. She’s still not nice, and she’s still breathing.”

  Laura draped a comforting arm around Alice’s shoulders. “Why don’t we all go in and get settled?”

  “You’re sure it’s okay for Lady to stay here?” Jack asked.

  Alice’s neck lengthened and she shot Jack a disbelieving glance.

  “Of course!” Laura patted Lady’s head. “She’s just as welcome as you are.”

  The inside of the Strattons’ home was typical Floridian: high ceilings, tile, fans, and central air running full blast. The single-floor home had a living room to the right, a bright kitchen in the back, and two rooms off a little hallway on the left.

  Lady’s claws clicked off the tile as she sniffed excitedly and pushed open each door to look around.

  “I have the guest bedroom all set up for you, Alice.” Laura pointed left. “And we’ll make up the couch for you, Jack.”

  “I’ll be fine out here. Jack can have the bedroom,” Alice offered.

  Jack shook his head. “Sorry, babe, not an option. Don’t even try. My mom wouldn’t hear of it.”

  Laura patted his cheek. “I wouldn’t. I have sweet tea in the kitchen. I think I’m getting the hang of making it. Ted, why don’t you give me a hand while they get settled?”

  “You’d like me to give you a hand making tea that’s already made?”

  Laura pulled him toward the kitchen. “They just got off the plane, and they don’t need us crowding them,” she whispered.

  Ted turned to Alice. “I cleared out a bureau. Make yourselves at home. Does the grizzly bear need anything?”

  Alice shook her head. “We stopped and picked
up food. Are you sure it’s okay if Lady stays, Mr. Stratton? We could try—”

  “Of course she can stay. And call me Ted.”

  Laura tugged on his arm again and succeeded in drawing Jack’s father down the hallway.

  “Make yourselves at home!” Ted called back.

  As soon as he was out of sight, Alice spun around. Her words were low and clipped. Each one popped. “You didn’t ask if Lady could stay before we got here?”

  “I—”

  “You told me that you called them.”

  From the red tinge at the top of her ears, Jack could tell that she was more embarrassed by the breach of etiquette than she was angry. “I did call, but my dad must have his phone in airplane mode or on silent. I left a couple of messages.”

  “Asking if a one hundred twenty-pound dog can stay at their house warrants more than a message.” She put her hands on her hips. “You need to speak to them.”

  Jack tilted his head and studied her pose. “You look just like Aunt Haddie when you stand like that.”

  “Seriously? I wanted to make a good first impression, and that wasn’t it.” Alice sniffed and looked away.

  “You don’t have to impress my parents. They already love you.” Jack draped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze.

  “They don’t know me.”

  “True…” Jack joked.

  Alice elbowed his ribs and held back a grin. “Be nice or I’ll tell Lady that the plane really was all your idea.”

  At the mention of her name, Lady turned around. Her big brown eyes connected with Jack’s. She stared at him for a moment before she let out a satisfied huff.

  “There.” Alice leaned her head against Jack’s chest. “I think she’s forgiven you.”

  “Ha.” Jack frowned. “She wasn’t saying that. She was saying something like, ‘You’d better sleep with one eye open because I’m going to pay you back for the plane.’”

  Alice laughed. “Don’t be silly.”

  Lady trotted to the bedroom door. She turned around, stared at Jack, and huffed again. But this time, Jack swore she smiled.

  6

  Beware of Alligators

  Ted pointed at the sign posted a few yards away, close to Gladys’s property line. It read: Beware of Alligators.

  “Don’t worry though. If you leave them alone, they leave you alone.”

  Jack stopped to study the water. “Have you seen any?”

  “From a distance. I saw one walk across the Johnsons’ yard one time.” Ted pointed four doors down and then walked back toward the house. “It looked like a dinosaur.”

  Jack stared a moment, nodding, and then caught up with his dad outside the lanai. “You need a gun.”

  “What? I’m not hunting them.”

  “Not just for the alligators.” Jack pointed at the sign. “That sign is going to keep you and Mom safe about as well as the so-called ‘gate’ at the front of this place.”

  “I don’t need a gun.”

  “Statistically, you being older and—”

  “I have two.”

  “Seriously, Dad. I know the crime rate is low, but I think—”

  “I am serious. I got one for myself and one for your mother.”

  “You bought Mom a gun?” Jack felt his eyebrows traveling in different directions. “I can picture her holding a plate of cookies, but not a gun.”

  Ted looked around as though they were about to be caught doing something bad. “Good thing Alice isn’t around to hear that. Your mother’s a better shot with a gun than I am. And of course I got her one too. Let me give you a life lesson, son. Your mother and I, we have each other’s back. That’s what marriage is all about, right?”

  At the mention of marriage, Jack cleared his throat and changed the subject. “This whole retirement community setup is awesome. Anything else you want to show me?”

  “Nope. That’s the end of the tour.” Ted opened the back door, and the two of them went inside.

  Alice and Laura sat at the kitchen table, flipping through the pages of a photo album. A stack of five more sat at Laura’s elbow.

  Alice looked up and clapped her hands in delight. “You were so cute.”

  Jack groaned. “Mom, don’t embarrass me.”

  “I would never dream of it, dear.” She turned back to the photos. “Jack was eight,” she explained. “School was doing a Thanksgiving Day play.”

  “Not that picture…” Jack leaned against the counter.

  Ted handed him an iced tea. “Artificial sweetener,” he whispered and stuck out his tongue.

  “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Laura continued. “Mrs. Swanson did a fabulous job on your costume.”

  “I was a turkey.”

  Alice’s feet tapped the floor like a rock drummer doing a solo. “You were an adorable turkey.”

  “And this is Jack and Ted performing.” Laura pointed at a picture of the two of them on a stage.

  “Were they in a play?” Alice asked.

  “It’s actually a comedy routine.” Ted tipped an imaginary hat. “Like Abbott and Costello.”

  “Abbott and Costello were two vaudeville comedians,” Laura explained. “These days they’re mostly known for a silly skit called ‘Who’s on First?’ but they did a number of movies.”

  “Long before your time,” Ted said.

  “Anyway, Ted and Jack won first place!” Laura said proudly.

  Jack sighed and shook his head. “It was a junior high talent show, Mom, not America’s Got Talent.”

  “It was still first place. They did a math skit,” she said to Alice. “It was hilarious. Only Ted could make math funny. He’s been teaching again, you know.”

  “I thought the doctors wanted you to take it easy, Dad.”

  Ted took off his glasses and started to clean them. He glanced up at Jack and then back down. “Well, down here there isn’t that much to do, so I’ve been doing a little tutoring. Volunteer. It’s just a few hours a week.”

  Jack’s mother shook her head. “It’s more than a few hours. He even started raising money for a scholarship for inner-city children.” His mother raised her eyebrows. “The Chandler Carter Math Scholarship.”

  Jack coughed and pinched the bridge of his nose. His foster brother Chandler had wanted to be a math teacher, but died serving in Iraq. An image flashed in Jack’s mind, of Chandler smiling like a kid at Christmas. That his dad would start a scholarship in Chandler’s name made Jack proud, but any thought of Chandler also made his chest hurt.

  Alice squeezed Jack’s hand. “That’s very nice of you, Mr. Stratton.”

  Ted turned to his wife. “Time to change the subject, Laura. You’re embarrassing both me and Jack. So, how was the plane ride, Jack?”

  Jack scanned the kitchen and then cocked his head, listening. “Wait. Where’s Lady?”

  “In the guest room.” Alice pouted. “She doesn’t want to come out.”

  “Why not?”

  “She’s scared.”

  Ted chuckled. “What could scare that dog?” He opened a cabinet.

  Laura shook her head. “Ted, you just had a snack,” she held up her phone, “twenty minutes ago.”

  “I was just getting…some ice water.” Ted took down a glass. He leaned over and whispered in Jack’s ear. “The CIA has nothing on your mother. I nibble on a cracker and she knows it.”

  Laura crossed her arms. “You asked me to keep you on track.”

  “I think I was too weak from hunger when I made that request.”

  “Don’t be silly. I sliced vegetables and put them on the bottom shelf if you can’t wait.”

  “Do you know Laura’s secret to getting me to lose weight?” Ted asked Alice.

  Alice shook her head.

  “She ties pork chops to my ankles and makes me walk around the pond. I have to run for fear the alligators will get me! But if I make it home alive, she cooks up the pork chops for lunch. Those pounds fall right off!”

  Alice gla
nced up uncertainly at Jack, who cracked up laughing, along with his father.

  Jack rubbed Alice’s blushing neck. “Really though. What’s Lady scared of?”

  “Geckos. She went out to the lanai, saw one, and freaked out.”

  “Beast is afraid of a little lizard?” Jack laughed again.

  “Totally freaked out. She ran into the living room, and just her luck, there’s a statue of a gecko on the mantel. She started barking her head off at it.”

  “The poor baby,” Laura said.

  “Baby is right,” Jack said. “Scared of a tiny gecko.”

  The sounds of claws tapping against the tile floor announced Lady’s entrance into the kitchen. She was chewing on something wide enough to stick out both sides of her mouth. It flopped up each time she brought her powerful jaws down.

  “Oh, Lady…” Alice said, her voice rising.

  Lady opened her mouth, and the remains of a drool-covered sneaker plopped onto the tile with a wet smack.

  “My new running shoes!” Jack’s hands went to the sides of his head.

  Lady let out a satisfied snort and trotted away.

  “They cost me over a hundred bucks!” Jack called after her. “I’m taking it out of your food!”

  “Maybe I can clean it,” Alice said.

  “No. Beast mangled it.”

  Alice picked up the sopping-wet shoe. “I can wash it.”

  Ted put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m afraid that shoe is beyond saving.”

  Alice turned to Laura, who wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

  “Toss it.” Jack pointed to the trash can. “She nearly tore the heel right off.”

  “Does Lady have a habit of chewing on things?” Ted asked nervously. He walked down the hall to peer in the guest bedroom.

  “You’ve got nothing to worry about,” Jack said. “She only chews on my things.”

  “I think Lady’s still upset about the plane ride,” Alice explained.

  “And now she’s turned back into the werewolf that hates me.”

  “Don’t be silly, honey,” Laura said. “Dogs chew on things. I’m sure Lady doesn’t have a bad bone in her body.”

  “You have no idea how it was when we first got her. And now I’m back to square one.”