Jack of Hearts

by Christopher Greyson

  Janet gave Jack a delicate wave and sauntered back to her ivory BMW as another cruiser raced down the street.

  15

  Jumping to Conclusions

  “I’m going to take Lady and check out where the police went,” Jack said.

  “I’ll go with you.”

  Jack turned to go, but Ted grabbed his arm. “Wait a second. Alice is heading this way.”

  Jack looked out the window. Alice raced down the sidewalk at full speed. When Jack realized that she was running away from the direction the police had gone, his stomach tightened.

  Out of breath and gasping for air, Alice slowed to a stop on the walkway. She raised one hand in an awkward wave. “Hi.”

  Jack pointed. “Your shirt’s on inside out.”

  Alice’s lips pulled back into an I’m-so-sorry-that-I-have-to-tell-you-this smile.

  “What did you do?” Jack said.

  “Nothing. I didn’t do anything.”

  “Alice…”

  Ted raised a cautioning hand. “Now, Jack, don’t go leaping to any conclusions. I’m sure everything’s okay.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Stratton.” Alice shifted her weight from foot to foot. “But I tried to tell her no. I really, really did.”

  Ted turned to look at Jack, who smiled and said, “Don’t go jumping to any conclusions, Dad.”

  “Mrs. Stratton…” Alice said. “Well, she thought… See, I was like, ‘This is a bad idea,’ but none of them would listen. I tried to tell them, but… And who makes a fake rock to put a key in? And they were all dressed in black. I should have known something was up, but it was supposed to be a girls’ night—”

  “Alice…” Ted put his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe. Deep breaths.”

  Alice gulped in air.

  “Now, what happened?”

  Alice winced. “Your wife got arrested.”

  Jack and his father both paced the floor at the police station, going in opposite directions. Alice leaned against the wall, nervously tapping her foot. Every once in a while, either Jack or his father would throw his hands up and glare at the ceiling. Each time, Alice winced and grimaced.

  Finally, the door behind the desk opened, and Officer French walked out. He didn’t look happy.

  “Mr. Stratton.”

  Both men replied at the same time. “Yes?”

  “We’re releasing Ellie Harper, Ginny Peek, and Ruby Green.”

  “But what about my wife?” Ted asked.

  “She’s being charged,” French stated flatly.

  “Charged?” Ted and Jack both stepped forward.

  “I spoke with Hank Swanson,” Ted explained. “He’s the homeowner. He said he’s not pressing charges. He’s a family friend. The covering desk sergeant spoke with him, too.”

  “She’s not being charged with breaking and entering,” French said.

  “Then what could you charge her with?” Jack asked.

  “Resisting arrest.” French folded his hands in front of himself.

  “Resist—what?” Jack asked incredulously. “My mother?”

  “I tried to frisk her, and she caused an over-the-top spectacle. She made a number of allegations against me personally, too.” The color rose in French’s neck.

  “Can I talk to her?” Jack asked.

  French thought for a moment. “She hasn’t been processed. I’ll give you five minutes. She’s in there.”

  French led Jack and his father into the interrogation room. Alice started to follow, but with one sideways glance from Jack, she stayed where she was.

  Laura Stratton sat behind a metal table with her hands demurely folded in her lap. “Are they letting me go now?”

  Both Ted and Jack crossed their arms. Ted opened his mouth to speak, but Jack spoke first. “Mom, Officer French said you resisted arrest. Please tell me he’s got you confused with someone else.”

  “Don’t be silly, Jack. Of course I didn’t resist arrest.”

  Jack exhaled.

  Ted chuckled. “I knew there had to have been some mistake.”

  “I just refused to let him touch me. It was completely inappropriate.”

  Jack did a double take. “You what?”

  Laura sat up straighter. “You should have seen the way he touched Ellie. One second he told her to put her arms out, and the next thing you know, his hands are traveling all over her. And I mean all over her body.”

  “Mom…” Jack tapped the metal table. “You’re describing getting frisked. Did he grope or linger or do anything that was unprofessional?”

  Laura made a sour face. “The others may have thought it was okay, but I wasn’t about to let him touch me in that manner.”

  Jack looked at his father, but Ted just shrugged. Jack’s frustration rose. “Mom, was this cop just doing his job? I have to frisk people all the time.”

  “But those are criminals,” Laura explained. “I pay my taxes and I haven’t done anything wrong. I am a married woman. No one but your father touches me.”

  Jack shook his head. “French thought you broke into a house.”

  “But I didn’t. Ginny knew where Mary kept the key.”

  “It’s still B&E because Mary didn’t give you permission to enter, Mom,” Jack snapped.

  “I don’t care for your tone, young man.”

  “All I’m asking is whether this cop crossed a line.” His mother started to protest, but Jack held up a hand to cut her off. “Say a bad lady had broken into that house. If the cop frisked her the way he frisked Ellie, would he have been doing it in an unprofessional way?”

  Laura thought for a moment. “No. But it would still have been more appropriate if a female officer did the frisking. I told him that.”

  French knocked at the door and opened it up. “Time.”

  Laura started to stand, but French shook his head. “She stays.”

  Jack walked to the door. “Officer French, may I speak with you a moment?”

  French held the door open, and Jack stepped out.

  “I want to apologize for my mother,” Jack began.

  “Well, she was making some pretty serious accusations. You know…inappropriate touching, and…” he looked uncomfortable, “and things like that.”

  “She didn’t mean that you were touching anyone inappropriately,” Jack said. “I can assure you of that.”

  “Well, it sure sounded like it.” French tugged his belt a little higher. “And I had to frisk them. I mean, I know their age, but we have procedures to follow. I’d be in trouble if I didn’t frisk them.”

  “I completely understand. It’s just my mom wanted a female officer—”

  “She never requested that. She didn’t.”

  Jack saw the opening he was looking for. “She didn’t formally request it, but she did say she thought a female officer would be more appropriate.”

  “But she didn’t request one.”

  “Can you see where the communication got muddled? It happens. Look, I would consider it a huge personal favor if you could reconsider this.”

  “But what if one of these ladies decides to complain later? I need to protect myself. I didn’t do anything inappropriate.”

  “I know that. You know that, and my mother knows that. I’ll even have her sign something to that effect.”

  French scratched at his jaw. “You’re on the job. You know how it is.”

  “I do. And I agree with you. Just give me one more second to talk to her.”

  Jack went back into the interrogation room. Ted stood behind Laura, with his hand on her shoulder.

  “Okay. I got him to drop the charges as long as Mom apologizes and agrees to sign a paper saying he didn’t do anything inappropriate.”

  “I will do no such thing,” Laura said.

  Jack shook his head. “No. You will do exactly such a thing. You’re wrong on this, Mom. That guy was just doing his job.”

  Laura crossed her arms. “I don’t think it was appropriate.”

  “I’m not going to
argue with you, but I am going to say two things. One, you should have asked for a female officer right then. Two, jail is not a fun place.”

  Laura glared. “Fine. If you agree to help me find the real thief, then I’ll apologize.”

  “You don’t get to bargain, Mom. Your bargain is staying out of jail.”

  French knocked on the door again.

  Jack huffed. “We’ll talk about it at home. Just say you’re sorry, Mom.”

  French stepped into the room, and Laura stood. “Officer French, my son has made it clear to me that I owe you an apology.”

  16

  No Pressure

  “I still think it was inappropriate.” Laura took a seat at the kitchen table and accepted the teacup Ted held out to her.

  “Do you want to talk about inappropriate?” Jack stepped forward, and Alice kept a tight grip on his hand. “Going into a house where someone is currently robbing it. That’s ‘inappropriate.’”

  “It’s not inappropriate,” Ted huffed. “It’s dangerous. Foolish. Reckless.”

  “Ted,” Laura said, but she didn’t look up at him.

  “It was, Laura. You could have gotten yourself killed.”

  “Don’t be so dramatic.” Laura sipped her tea and brushed an auburn curl from her forehead. “We just wanted to catch Mr. Hubbard in the act.”

  “Who?” Jack asked.

  “Everyone in the book club has a different suspect in mind,” Alice explained, “each with a different motive. Ruby thinks it’s Mr. Hubbard, Ginny thinks it’s Flo, and Ellie thinks it’s a gang of criminals who retired here but decided to go back into business to supplement their pensions.”

  “This is like the AARP version of Clue,” Jack muttered.

  Ted laughed.

  “It’s not funny, Ted.” Laura shot him a look.

  Ted pointed at Jack. “He said it.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “You did!”

  “Boys, stop.” Laura’s teacup clinked against the saucer as she set it down. “Besides, the Orange Blossom Cove Bandit is Janet Ferguson.”

  “The senior supermodel?” Jack said.

  Laura glared. “Supermodel? She’s not that attractive.”

  Alice swatted his arm.

  “Janet stopped by tonight,” Ted said.

  Laura’s hazel eyes narrowed. “She is behind it.”

  “Mom,” Jack said, “she was here when you guys were breaking into that house. So Janet can’t be the bandit.”

  “Or maybe she came over to distract you while her accomplice was breaking into the Swansons’.”

  “She came over to join your book club, Mom. Listen to yourself. You sound…” Jack let his voice trail off as his mother’s stare bore down on him.

  “If you think my theory is so out in left field, who do you think is behind these thefts?”

  “I don’t know, Mom, but whoever took off across the backyard wasn’t a typical seventy-year-old grandmother. They were moving super-fast.”

  “But they got a head start on you. You were sleeping.”

  “Unless they had a rocket-powered walker, there’s no way they outran me.”

  Ted tried to cover his laughter with coughing.

  Laura glared. “If you’re not going to contribute constructively to the conversation, Mr. Stratton, please go into the living room.”

  Jack saw Alice’s shoulders begin to shake, and he knew what that meant: she was about to start giggling. Don’t laugh or my mother will go through the roof, he tried to communicate with his eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” Ted said. “I just pictured Flo trying to hold onto a rocket walker as it zoomed across the… Excuse me.” He clamped his mouth closed and hurried out of the room.

  “Well?” Laura’s steady gaze landed on Jack. “Are you going to help me or not?”

  “If I do, will you and the Golden Girl Commando Squad stand down?”

  Alice pushed off from the counter and dashed toward the door. She was turning crimson, stifling a laugh. “I’m going…to check…on your dad.” She disappeared.

  Jack’s mother folded her arms. “Agreed.”

  “Okay, then. I’ll look into it.”

  Out in the living room, Ted roared with laughter.

  Laura stood. “I’m going to go freshen up.” She glowered at the living room door. “Please quiet down your father.”

  As his mother stomped down the hallway, Jack went into the living room. Both Alice and his father were red-faced and wiping away tears.

  “Golden Girl Commando Squad.” Ted giggled. “That’s perfect.”

  “Knock it off, Dad. Mom’s already upset.” Jack turned to Alice. “And what about you?”

  “I’m so sorry. I got the giggles and couldn’t stop. You made me laugh.”

  Ted wiped his eyes. “It’s your fault, Jack.”

  “It’s not funny.” Jack narrowed his eyes at Alice. “I still think you put my mom up to that stakeout.”

  “I had nothing to do with it, I swear.” Alice’s hands touched her chest. “I thought we were going to watch Wheel of Fortune or bake or something. Then all her friends came over dressed like ninja grannies.”

  Ted stamped his foot and laughed. “Stop! I can’t hold back if you keep this up!”

  The doorbell rang.

  “Dad.” Jack waggled his finger. “I’m serious. Quiet down or go outside.”

  Alice pressed her lips tightly together and looked at the floor. Her shoulders trembled.

  With a sigh, Jack went to open the front door.

  It was Gladys Crouse. She stepped inside without waiting for an invitation. “Is your mother back from the police station? How much was her bail?”

  “She didn’t get bailed out, Mrs. Crouse.”

  “They sent her straight to prison!” Gladys’s face lit up as if she’d just gotten a gift.

  Laura’s bedroom door flew open. She marched down the hallway and stopped with one hand on her hip. “I didn’t get bailed out because I did not get arrested—because I did nothing wrong.”

  “But I saw the four of you get taken away in the police car.”

  “The whole thing was a big misunderstanding, Mrs. Crouse.” Ted stepped up next to his wife and slipped an arm around her waist.

  “But you broke into the Swansons’. Why didn’t you get arrested?”

  “Because we didn’t break into the Swansons’. We were looking for the real burglar.”

  “Well,” Gladys grumbled, “what I heard is that you four missed the boat. There was a burglary at the Swansons’. Someone stole her sea turtle wind chime.”

  “I knew we saw a flashlight,” Laura said. “Did you see anyone in the backyard?” she asked Alice.

  “I was kind of busy running from the police.”

  Now it was Gladys’s turn to put her hands on her hips. “Well, I guess you can chalk up another theft to the Orange Blossom Cove Bandit. I don’t think your little book club is going to crack that riddle.”

  Laura stiffened. “We most certainly will. And now that my son has agreed to help, we’ll know who’s responsible very shortly.”

  Gladys peered up at Jack. “Are you a detective?”

  “He’s a policeman,” Laura said proudly.

  “I’m sure he’s perfectly able to direct traffic, but solving crimes—”

  Laura inhaled sharply. “He will solve it. Now, we were about to go to bed.” She marched over and opened the front door.

  Gladys turned to go, but stopped just outside. “Well, your son will have to find the bandit fast. How long is he here? A week? No offense, but how could he possibly catch the bandit when the entire police force hasn’t found a clue?”

  “Good night, Mrs. Crouse.” Jack shut the door behind her.

  Laura scrunched her shoulders and glared. “We’ll show that busybody. I’ll have Carl email his list to Alice. He’s the one with the”—she swirled her hand above her head and whispered—“hairpiece. He’s documented every item that’s been stolen, and entered
the whos, whats, and whens in a spreadsheet. And Jack, you should get on to bed now, so you can start first thing in the morning. I know you’ll catch him.”

  “Talk about no pressure, Mom.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Laura squeezed his hand. “I know you can do it.”

  The look on her face made Jack’s chest tighten. If there was one person on the planet he most didn’t want to disappoint, it was his mom. But how was he going to catch this bandit in less than a week?

  17

  Theories and Lists

  Jack woke up to the smell of eggs and the sound of pans rattling. He rolled out of bed, went to the bathroom, and then walked, bleary-eyed, into the kitchen.

  He hadn’t expected company, but there they were. Ellie, Carl, Ginny, Ruby, Alice, and his father were all crammed around the kitchen table while his mother stood at the stove.

  “Clear him a space,” said Ruby.

  “You can sit right here, Jackie.” Ellie pointed to the only open seat.

  Jack rubbed his eyes and scowled at Alice and his father, who looked as if they were about to suffer another laughing fit.

  As Jack sat down, his mother plopped a heaping plate of food in front of him, along with a large cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice. Jack closed his eyes and said a quick prayer.

  When he looked up, all eyes were on him. His mother laid some papers beside his plate.

  “Carl printed out the master list,” she explained.

  “He’s recorded everything.” Ellie patted the back of Carl’s hand. “He’s very detail-oriented.”

  “He emailed me a copy, too,” Alice said.

  “It’s all there,” Carl said. “But I still say we were close to figuring out the pattern.” He tapped the papers. “Another stakeout and—”

  Jack held up his left hand and picked up his coffee with his right. “No more stakeouts. None. Period.” To make sure he got his point across, he made eye contact with everyone in the room, particularly his mother. Then he took a sip of coffee. “What do you mean, pattern?”

  “Carl thinks there’s a pattern to the thefts.” Ginny fiddled with her glasses cord.