Monogamy Book One. Lover: This is one love for life and beyond time

by Victoria Sobolev

  I rest my head in the crook of his left arm as he explores me: his thumb touches the skin behind my ear gently, slowly, before unhurriedly tracing the outline of my face and stopping at my chin, then sliding down to my neck and cupping it in his palm.

  His gaze is focused on the movement of his fingers and filled with a greedy interest in my every curve. Once again, they trace the lines of my brows, nose, cheekbone, lips, and these exploratory caresses by a man’s fingers are kindling a fire within me. I’ve forgotten all about shame, inhibition, his question...

  Alex stares at my lips and I see his pupils expand, making his look darker, heavier. His breathing quickens, his lips instinctively part, and I can’t help but press my own against them, circling them with my tongue to find out what they taste like.

  He kisses me, tenderly rather than passionately, our bodies hardly touching except for our lips. I can barely feel his breath – still measured, almost elusive. From my cheek to my neck, his kisses trail slowly down, wandering over my skin. They are like butterflies flitting from place to place and I can already feel a wave building within me from somewhere deep down in my abdomen.

  Alex can feel it too and stops suddenly, his eyes staring into mine, studying me, wanting to see my reaction, and his gaze seems to plunge me even further into a cascade of emotions

  Slowly, unhurriedly, the ends of his fingers trace the inside of my thighs, from my knees upwards, and it’s as if my legs exist separately from my mind. They bend at the knees and struggle to move apart, but I still have some control over them.

  Suddenly, I hear him say quietly: ‘When you’re ready for me, just say “Alex”...’.

  I nod because my tongue feels paralysed – will I even be able to utter those four letters? – and, all the while, Alex continues his caresses. I can barely feel them and this is exactly what makes them so electrifying. It’s like he’s teasing me, accomplishing the unthinkable with my frigidity. I can almost feel the birth of my sexuality, it has rubbed the sleep from its eyes, but doesn’t yet understand where it is or what is happening. My mind, however, is in revolt and objects by trying to keep my hips on the bed and my legs preferably together, but it seems that this battle will not be won.

  Never before have I experienced such exhilarating, arousing sensations, such a strong sexual desire, and all he’s doing is touching me. And it is not even his touch so much as my yearning for it. At this moment, I am a witness to my own unimaginable metamorphosis and am horrified by my lust, this being the first time I have ever discovered and got to know it.

  My lover stops again, studying me, and I can bear his gaze no longer. Closing my eyes, I whisper, ‘Alex’. My damned legs go ahead and betray me after all and he does what I asked, so exquisitely and at such an unthinkably slow pace – my pace – that I don’t think there could be anything sweeter in the world.

  Then it’s all over. I try to snap myself back to the real world and will my mind to return to my sinful body. My heart feels like it’s trying to jump out of my chest, but that’s not surprising, perhaps, given what I have just experienced. And it was... amazing! How lucky we are as a species that we are able to derive pleasure from sex!

  I open my eyes and find Alex looking at me expectantly. As soon as I regain the ability to listen, he asks: ‘Do you want more?’

  Absolutely not! Ladies should beat a modest retreat after such excessively rampant proof of their shameful lust. I open my mouth to utter a confident and resounding ‘NO’, but instead find myself saying: ‘Yes!’

  I swear I have no idea how it happened!

  *** ‘Numinous’ by Hammock ***

  This time, Alex’s smile is broader. He moves closer and kisses me with feeling, pressing his lips so passionately against mine that I’m afraid the wave inside me is going to start rolling again and come crashing down over my already weakened mind from our last session. Suddenly, he pulls away and searches out my eyes again. His brown stare is so deep that I’m drowning in it, plunging to the very depths. Alex holds my gaze for a long time, and just as I start feeling something akin to weightlessness, his lips once again begin nibbling at my neck and they are not just touching but delivering the most tender of caresses.

  The desire to feel him inside me again is too much to bear and I call out his name: ‘Alex!’

  But with an enigmatic smile, and without lifting his head, he replies: ‘Not yet...’

  His lips move lower, caressing my shoulders and arms, kissing my stomach, then move back up and brush against my breasts for the first time. This man hasn’t touched them once and doesn’t seem to have even looked at them, but now his incredibly gentle mouth is doing something unimaginable… My senses are so dazzled that I’m seriously worried I won’t manage to shout ‘Alex’, but he already knows and does what I have only been able to think about, more passionately this time and a little more intense. Each thrust is so inexpressibly welcome that I don’t just need them, it’s like I’m suffocating, exhausted from a lack of oxygen and he’s providing it – again and again.

  My mind seems happy elsewhere. I am in a state of complete and utter prostration and am trying to concentrate with great... no, with enormous difficulty. I open my eyes but something is wrong with my vision, the image is blurry. I finally manage to focus and once again see his eyes – mischievous, contented, almost triumphant – and hear the same question: ‘Do you want more?’

  ‘Yes!’

  Good God, who is saying that to him? And why does their voice sound so much like mine?

  Slowly and gracefully, this sex god raises himself up, throwing his head back slightly in his own unique way, his movements so fluid that they alone would be enough to drive you crazy. My hand in his, he not so much leads me as lures me after him in the direction of the shower, but my legs are barely listening.

  The warm water brings me to my senses and I start to look more soberly at the world around me and see... his body. Dear God... how? How did you learn to create such beauty? And why is this guy showing it to me? Doesn’t he know how it affects me? I no longer need his caresses to take me to the edge, just looking at him is enough!

  Alex stares into my eyes again, taking advantage of the moment while he can still communicate with me, while I’m still in my right mind. With the slightest movement of his hand, a mere suggestion of it, he turns me to face the wall. He does it so effortlessly that I feel like a balloon in his hands, light, almost weightless, and so compliant, understanding all of his pleas and responding to every one of his commands.

  With another barely perceptible movement, his hand moves my hair aside, exposing the back of my neck, then his palm slides down the length of my spine and I’m already trembling. I can feel his hot breath on the nape of my neck and have no idea what’s going on: it is so utterly pleasurable that I’m seriously wondering what exactly it is that I’ve got there. Thinking is still possible at this point but not for long, because his relentless lips and tongue start nibbling and a hitherto unknown sensation spreads out across my skin like ripples on water, similar to pins and needles but brimming with sexual excitement. It is like nothing on earth and I want to lose myself in this feeling forever, but I’m not me today, I’m just my body, which is demanding the main course. It uses my voice to groan ‘Alex!’ and immediately gets what it has been waiting for.

  ‘Lean against my hands,’ Alex says quietly, but I hesitate because it takes me a moment to understand what he’s actually asking of me.

  ‘Don’t be afraid,’ he coaxes in a hot whisper. ‘You’ll like it, I promise!’

  Then quite clearly giving up all hope of me ever understanding, he does it himself. Lifting up my hands, he places them on his own, leans himself back against the wall, lifts me up slightly, and finally does what I had asked of him originally. And... something indescribable happens! I don’t know what he makes contact with – that mythical G-spot, perhaps, or maybe I’m just completely intoxicated from the caresses of this unbelievably experienced and tender man – but I have never f
elt anything so good in my LIFE! It is as if I am no longer a person of flesh and blood but a frenetic bundle of energy, slashing space into sections, tearing it into pieces, breaking it into fragments. I can’t even distinguish where it ends from where it began. It is a relentless flow of the strongest sensations I have ever experienced – unbearably satisfying and much desired – and I lap them up greedily.

  It takes me a long time to recover and I have a vague recollection of Alex literally catching my exhausted body as it slides to the white marble floor, then holding and kissing it. Exactly how I end up in bed escapes me, however; I’m guessing he probably carried me.

  As soon as reality starts flooding back in, I desperately try to figure out what just happened. It takes time, and not until quite a while later do I see Alex. Stretched out next to me, his head resting on his arm, he is watching me come to my senses with the sweetest smile I have ever seen. As soon as my gaze falls on his face, he says that word again.

  ‘More?’

  And I don’t know who it is, but someone replies: ‘Yes!’

  I’m so weak that I can barely understand what’s going on.

  With his usual smile, but with an added touch of mystery, Alex gets up and leaves the room. It is almost completely dark now and I can hardly think straight. In my imagination, there are fleeting seconds when I am not in this bedroom, but floating down a river of peace and tranquillity, of euphoria, of oblivion, of semi-consciousness and happiness, especially happiness – all-consuming and endless.

  There is just one thought tumbling around in my pleasure-sodden brain: ‘Jesus, it feels sooo good! So damn good!... so... good...’.

  I gradually regain my ability to think (albeit very slowly) and wonder where he is. Listening carefully, I can just about make out the sound of a knife cutting something solid on a glass surface.

  I’m glad it’s dark, because it means he won’t be able to see me and I won’t feel such deep shame when he looks in my eyes. Yes, shame! Shame that my body reacted so strongly both to him and to his touch, and shame at those damn ‘Yeses’ that weren’t mine. I don’t know who said them, but it wasn’t me. It might have been my voice, but it definitely wasn’t me!

  Suddenly, I see Alex. He is walking around the apartment completely naked with that unbearable grace and fluidity of his, and this complete lack of shame at his own nudity, this freedom, drives me crazy and excites me. My whole life I have been like a tightly coiled spring and it has always taken me a lot of work to relax. A simple little thing like an orgasm takes a gargantuan effort – it is a special occasion that happens every once in a blue moon. Yet here I am, on the brink of ecstasy from just looking at another man whose confidence and sense of freedom from everything – prejudice, boundaries, shame, inhibitions, limitations, restrictions – amaze me. Alex is completely at ease and I get the feeling that he lives in perfect harmony with himself, his body, and the world around him.

  Before long, he appears in the bedroom holding candles, some of which are already lit. He arranges them on the floor and by the headboard and lights the others. There are so many that it gives the impression of a starry night sky. The room is light once more and his brown eyes will be able to see me easily.

  Mortified, I hide under the sheets, desperately trying to think of how I can go back on the ‘Yes!’ that I’m telling you was not said by me! It’s not that I don’t want to, I really want to, especially given that everything has been getting gradually more intense and I can’t wait to see what lies ahead – Jesus, it makes me shudder to even think! – but I’m burning with shame. Alex probably thinks I’m some crazy, depraved whore who has never been satisfied before, but that’s just not true, not true at all. I’m absolutely fine. Honestly! I wanted new experiences and, ultimately, they all come with a certain amount of perversity!

  Alex comes back into the bedroom and I still haven’t thought of a way to stop him. If I’m being honest, there is little hope of my brain stepping in, so I simply surrender.

  *** ‘I Miss You’ (Tommy Jacob Remix) by Ta-Ku ***

  He is looking at me so tenderly that I think he even understands, but there is no going back. I mean, I did say ‘Yes’, didn’t I?

  In his hands is an enormous plate of carefully peeled and cut up fruit that he places on the floor before lying down next to me. He kisses me and with his kiss I get a mouthful of fine wine. It is delicate and semi-sweet like Chardonnay, but I know it must be in a higher price bracket because the taste is incredible.

  ‘Do you want more?’ he asks, in the kind of voice that was probably only ever used by the Olympian gods.

  ‘No,’ I reply. The wine is amazing, but I have finally managed to establish contact with my brain and programmed it to only say ‘No’, threatening it with reprisals if it says just one more ‘Yes’. Harsh ones!

  ‘Then you’ll have to feed me,’ he says, his eyes half closed. ‘I’m exhausted!’

  With these words, my sex god lifts the plate onto the bed, carefully selects a piece of fruit and puts it between my lips. Then he kisses me and pulls it into his mouth with a skilful movement of his tongue, his lips brushing against mine so lightly that I almost don’t feel it, but the action itself makes me instantly aroused.

  I feed him like this for quite a while and manage to eat a fair amount myself, but by the end of that dinner, my body is already burning with an inhuman passion. It seems nothing special, but his taking food from my mouth – the union of lips and tongues, our shared eating – completely destroys my last remaining defences.

  The whole time, Alex does not take his eyes away from my mouth and it’s not just a look – I watch as his desire flares up and gets hotter. I know that my lips excite him and probably my tongue too, and this knowledge has a powerful effect on me. Energy flows previously unknown to me begin circulating around my body and the very desire that so many talk and write about, and about which I had absolutely no idea until now, begins spreading through my veins, my cells, my atoms.

  My arms also seem to be rebelling against me as they wrap themselves around his neck, my fingers buried in his hair. Good God, his hair – it really is breathtaking! Its softness and smell are driving me crazy and I just can’t resist the urge to run my fingers through it again and again. I desperately want to grab hold of it and pull him to me, but I don’t dare.

  Alex gently removes my hands and pushes them up above my own head. It seems he has other plans this time and intends to enjoy himself. And how! To begin with, he starts sniffing me. This desire to find out my smell is shocking and arousing at the same time, but I know it won’t last long because the guy is clearly determined to get some pleasure himself.

  I can feel the tenderness of his lips and the softness of his breathing on my neck as he kisses me and inhales my scent. His tongue tastes my skin, its touch shameless, but so exquisite. Suddenly he pulls away and, a second later, plants a lingering kiss on my wrist as if taking his time deliberately to torment me. His lips and tongue move unhurriedly up my inner arm to my elbow and upwards, and when they reach my armpit, I feel him greedily inhale with a light, barely audible groan.

  With obvious effort, he tears himself away from what is definitely not the most exquisite part of my body, his eyes black and dangerous, and he’s almost panting from the excitement written all over his face. For a moment, it even seems as if he is about to flip me over into my least favourite position and just rape me, but no. His expression soon clears, but now he seems to be savouring rather than studying me, his eyes almost eating me up.

  Then he kisses me – all over! – but the kisses are different. They are for him this time: passionate, hot and greedy. They caress my skin and also bring him pleasure at the same time, judging by his shallow, rapid breathing. His breathing is so ragged, in fact, that I keep thinking he doesn’t have enough air. And it is only now that I realise what an exceptional and passionate lover Alex is.

  An unstoppable force I have never experienced before is making my desire for him so intense and so
hungry that my legs treacherously throw themselves open to greet him. Using everything I have to hold back the shout bubbling up inside me, I call his name as quietly as I can, but he chooses to ignore me. He hasn’t got what he wants yet.

  What he wants is what I cannot abide; it is what I have between my legs. He wants to explore it and does so, and it is so incredible that I don’t need to shout ‘Alex!’ because everything just happens. But I was wrong to think that he would let up. Oh, no. He continues in the same vein until I utter his name again, and only then does he listen and satiate himself by giving me the full treatment. I honestly can’t think of any other way of putting it! It seems Alex had been very patient while pleasuring me because I really didn’t expect such fervour and voracity from him.

  And it turns out that the impossible is possible, after all. Five orgasms in a row! It’s far beyond my personal best; it’s something in the realm of fantasy. I had long convinced myself that I was built differently from other people, that something was wrong with my brain or my body. I had sought to correct it, read books, even thought about going to see a sexologist, but it turns out that I just hadn’t met a maestro capable and willing enough to extract this music from me – these melodies of sexuality and sensual pleasures.

  When I come back to my senses once again, completely exhausted, I am surprised to see the same question on his contented face, but this time I’m smart enough to answer with a chaste ‘No’. Alex kisses me tenderly, already completely different from how he had been earlier, wraps his arms around me and we fall into a deep sleep, almost like a married couple.

  *** ‘Another Love’ by Tom Odell ***

  I am woken in the morning by something strange going on with my hands. I open my eyes and see Alex kissing my fingers.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I ask in surprise.

  ‘Kissing your fingers.’