Courage of Us

by Brooke May

  “Hey!” He smiles around a giant bite and leaves in a jog, laughing as he finishes the first one and takes another.

  Damn man.

  With a face-splitting smile on my face, I get back to work. It will be nice to get out of town for the day. Aside from going out the other night, I haven’t really done anything by myself in a long time.

  For the rest of the day, I make the batter and write instructions for one of my family members, likely my mom, for everything tomorrow. I frost the sugar cookies with blue snowflakes before I take off for the day and go home to dig through my garage to find my snow gear.

  “Where the hell are they?” I rip into another blue box I just pulled off one of the shelves in the garage. I swear I knew where my gear was, and now I can’t find it anywhere.

  I didn’t spend my entire time looking for them, though. I was inside looking through my closet to find something to pass off as sexy and warm for tomorrow. I made sure to try everything on, and for the first time in a long time, I felt sexy in the clothes I own and with my body. Duke coming back has changed everything.

  No.

  Me taking back my life and putting the control in my own hands has changed everything.

  And now here I sit on my knees looking through boxes of my crap in the garage about ready to pull out what is left of my hair. The chill floating around the garage goes unnoticed while I put another box back together and away before I reach for the next one.

  “There you are.” The box nearly drops on my foot, and I barely catch it before it does. “Shit.” Duke rushes over to me. “Let me help you.”

  “Thanks.” Pushing the longer pieces of my bangs away from my face, I peel the box open and behold, the missing snow gear. “Finally.” Sighing, I stand straight and pat my hands. I’m sure I smell like a mothball by now.

  Fan-fucking-tastic.

  You want to take these inside to wash them?”

  “What? Smelling like a mothball doesn’t do it for you?”

  “Patience …” He wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me tight against him. “I will take you any way, any scent, and any look as long as you come to me.” He flashes me a smile that nearly melts the panties right off me. He heats me up so quickly I nearly burst into flames each time, and being in his arms doesn’t help that raging inferno either. “But let’s get you inside and cleaned up.”

  Laughing, I let him lead me back into my house.

  “I hope you weren’t expecting dinner. I heated up some leftovers for myself.”

  “Oh, I’m good. I had a potpie my mom had packed me.”

  “Your mom still packs your lunches … erm … dinners?” My brow tweaks as I shuffle out of my coat and then head downstairs to put my things in the washer.

  “Only when she makes too much for her and my dad,” Duke informs me as he stays at the top of the stairs. “I’m going to steal your shower.”

  “Okay.”

  Overhead, I listen to the water kick on as I put the laundry into the washer and start it. Nothing will change the water pressure for Duke’s shower. My dad made sure to fix that years ago when my grandma was still alive. Instead of heading upstairs to get ready for bed, I use the downstairs bathroom and wash my face, then head back up.

  Duke is still in the shower after I change into my pajamas, but the water shuts off once I’m in the kitchen, making our lunches for tomorrow. The sound of the door opening and closing echoes through the otherwise quiet house, but Duke never comes into the kitchen.

  Assuming he grabbed a blanket and pillow, I walk into the nearly blacked out living room and think nothing of it as I head into my room. He must be tired from working all day. I’m not sure what the law enforcement does around here, but Duke looked pretty exhausted when he came into the garage.

  The light is out when I enter my room, but knowing the way to my bed, I crawl in and nearly jump out of my skin and the bed when I feel a very large, very firm body on the other side.

  “Holy shit!”

  “Chill out, snowflake.” Duke’s voice rumbles as he grabs me and pulls me to him.

  My body is rigid as he wraps an arm around my middle. My back is to his front as he nestles into me.

  “W-what are you doing?”

  “Accept it, Patience. This feels right, doesn’t it?”

  Slowly, my body begins to relax, melding to him and his warmth. It really does feel right.

  It feels perfect.

  He must sense my surrender and feel my body give way to his hold because he tightens his grip.

  “See?” His murmur causes a puff of air to blow by my ear and push some of my hair to hang in my face. Placing a kiss on the shell of my ear, Duke pulls me closer, and that is as far as he takes it. And I’m fine with that. I’m not ready to take our very palpable and very real chemistry there yet. Even if my body is screaming for it.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Duke

  WAKING UP SURROUNDED BY everything Patience for the second morning in a row is my idea of heaven and easily the most addicting thing I’ve ever encountered. Nothing feels more right than this here. It must still be early because Patience isn’t up yet. Her baker’s hours must not start for another thirty minutes, an hour, maybe? It doesn’t matter to me, not today. She isn’t going to work today; she’s going to be with me all day and tonight as well.

  I have a surprise for her. Before I could escape the store yesterday, both her mom and aunt caught me and hauled me off to where Patience couldn’t see us talking. They had meddled as usual and arranged for Patience not only to take today off but tomorrow as well. They also arranged for us to stay the night at the only lodge up on the mountain in our area.

  I’m pretty excited about it.

  Sliding my arm out from under her, I sit up as carefully as I can to turn and watch her continue to sleep. This side of the room is still coated in some darkness, but the pale pinks, oranges, purples, and yellows of dawn start to ebb their way into the window and bathe her in the light.

  She looks angelic.

  She looks just as my mind envisioned her when I was overseas, but the reality of her is so much better. Conjuring her beauty was a weak attempt to keep the darkness at bay and in the shadows of my mind where they belonged.

  I didn’t make it through seven years of active duty without some scars. I don’t have any that are visible, but they reside in my mind. So far, I’ve managed on my own; visiting with a therapist has helped keep me on the right track. I’ve never had a problem admitting when I needed help.

  Mostly.

  When it comes to Patience, I don’t know which end is up. She makes me feel crazy, and I don’t—didn’t know how to handle it for a long time.

  Pushing some of her hair off her face, I smile down at her. I’m going to figure her out now, and I’m going to accept every bit of help I can get to make her mine. Nothing will get in my way now.

  Not even myself.

  I need to get up and go to my bag to grab my meds before she wakes up. As much as I’m willing to medicate myself and make sure my mental state stays sane, I’m not ready to admit any of it to Patience. I know it’s stupid, and she would never be ashamed of me or think less of me, but a very small part of me doesn’t want to admit any weakness to the woman I am trying to convince to love me.

  I haven’t even told my parents yet, and that’s why I came home. Sure, I missed being here and wanted to come back, but I really wasn’t ready. It wasn’t until the end of my last tour that everyone started to notice changes with me. I wasn’t acting like I did before the attack and before I lost Rio. I accepted it when I was medically evaluated. I got the help I needed quickly, and in return, they let me finish my last month. But I was not allowed to re-enlist.

  I miss the Marines, but I’m thrilled to be here now.

  I didn’t think I would get this lucky. Patience’s divorce came at the perfect time for me. Maybe it didn’t for her, but I plan on making her forget about all the heartache Greg ever gave her.

&n
bsp; Starting today.

  I rushed home after I got off work and quickly packed a bag and loaded both of the sleds onto one of my dad’s trailers. Both are older sleds, the same ones we used when we were teenagers and allowed to go up on our own for the day to ride and pull each other.

  I’m glad I grabbed an extra helmet, as well. The gear Patience brought in from the garage last night didn’t include one. When we were younger, we always rolled our eyes at being forced to wear them, but now that I’m an adult, I realize how lucky we were that none of us ever got seriously injured or died from an accident.

  A loud, drawn-out yawn fills every empty void of the room. Patience’s lithe, tight little body twists and contorts as she stretches. I watch her body move on the bed as if she’s forgotten she isn’t alone in here.

  I nearly swallow my tongue when her night shirt lifts enough to reveal her stomach. She is perfection, but she is marred by two thick stretch marks that run up from under the waist of her sweatpants and continue up in a v shape under her shirt.

  I didn’t notice them the other night; her underwear was far too distracting.

  What the …?

  Patience has never been very big. I’m surprised she managed to have breasts. She has never been able to hold any amount of fat on her body, but her curves tell me otherwise.

  What happened to you, snowflake?

  “Mmm … good morning.” Her amber eyes are bright as her lids pop open. She looks breathtaking.

  “Good morning, gorgeous.” Laughing, she rolls away from me, but I won’t let her escape. Grabbing her shoulder, I roll her back to face me. “You are, Patience. You are the most breathtaking woman I have ever seen.” I don’t allow her to make up some excuse she has fed herself for years. In a brief second, I seal my lips to her and silence her.

  As I pull away, her lips stay puckered and her eyes remain closed. This look right here means I got through to her. Now I hope I can continue to do so.

  “Let’s eat some breakfast, dry your gear, and take off. I want to enjoy the day.” Jumping out of bed, I dart out of the room, concealing my erection, and head out to get my pills to take before she comes out. “I’ll go move your gear!” Shouting back into the room, I jog downstairs to find the washer and dryer exactly where her grandma had them.

  I get up into the kitchen at the same time as she walks in and goes straight to the coffeepot.

  “Are raspberry and blueberry muffins okay for breakfast?”

  “That sounds great to me.” I can’t leave the kitchen without touching her again. I woke to her cuddled up to my side, and I’m hooked now. “I’m going to go throw some clothes on.”

  At my mention, she finally notices I’m only in a shirt and boxers.

  “Eyes up here, Patience.” I tap her chin so her gaze returns to my face. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Oh, okay.” She blinks, a slow blush slinking across her face. “I’ll get the muffins ready. You still like yours warmed?”

  “Of course.” My lips ghost across hers before I head back to her room, grabbing my bag off the coffee table to get dressed.

  It doesn’t take me long to throw my thermals and clothes on, then I decide to throw some clothes into my bag for Patience. I know I’m going against all personal boundaries by doing this, but I really want to surprise her.

  I try not to make it look like it is heavier than when I went in when I take it back out to the living room and drop it by the front door. My muffins are already sitting at the head of the table, waiting for me.

  Steam rolls off them, and the aroma greets my nose in the most heavenly of ways. Taking a seat, I peel the wrapper from around one of them, and with the first bite, something across the room from me nestled on the mantel of the fireplace catches my eye.

  It looks like a vase with a lid on it, an urn maybe? A cold chill crawls up my back at the thought of Patience keeping her grandma out in the open of her living room. It is a little small to fit her grandma’s ashes in, but then again, I don’t much about—

  “Here you go.” Patience sets two cups of coffee down, plain and black just the way I like it. “Where are we going today?” Her eyes light up as her hands wrap around her LaClare Café mug.

  “I thought we could hit a few of the places we used to go, you know off the beaten trail?”

  “Sounds fun.” Taking a quick sip, she raises her eyebrows. “You do know that most of those places are off-limits now, right?”

  “The Patience I knew didn’t mind bending some rules to have fun.” It’s my way of throwing down the gauntlet.

  “Fine.” Sitting back, she accepts my challenge. “Let’s see if those years in the sand and sun have dulled your already old man driving skills.”

  “Oh, you’re on, snowflake.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Duke

  MY FACE IS RED, stinging, frozen, and displaying a permanent smile as I glide over the snow on my sled while I try to catch up to Patience. This has been a fantastic day. After we finished breakfast, Patience quickly got ready, and we headed up the mountain before the morning traffic rush.

  When I had watched the weather yesterday at work and saw it was going to snow last night up top, I wanted to be the first ones on the fresh snow. I just hoped it would be powder and not too icy or hard.

  She was right about some of the trails we once took being closed. But it didn’t stop us from going on them anyway. When we unloaded the sleds, we didn’t see a single Forest Service personnel or Game and Fish anywhere, only a couple of other riders getting ready to head out, so we took it upon ourselves to have a little illegal fun.

  How are they supposed to stop us from going to certain places if there isn’t anyone up here patrolling or making sure the trail heads are closed off for good?

  Patience and I took off on one that led to a cool cave we used to camp in year-round and would warm ourselves in before we headed back out to finish our day of fun. Thankfully, there weren’t any bears hanging out in there.

  We ate lunch there like old times and then headed back out. We didn’t bother starting a fire this time because it wasn’t so cold to need one.

  I gain on her only because she starts to slow down. I should have never let her ride the faster of the two, but dumbass me forgot which one it was when she hopped on and took off without me.

  “Everything okay?” I shout over the motors as I pull up next to her and look out at the vast park in front of us. The trees surround the meadow, making it look like a white lake. If it wasn’t for the rocks sticking up in various places, the island of trees in the middle, and the fact I knew exactly where we are, you would believe it is a body of water.

  But Patience has stopped because of the wolves off to one side of the park. It’s too cold for elk to be up here this time of year but not the moose. The small pack is feeding on one as we watch them, and the rumbling of the snow machine motors does not halt them at all.

  “Aren’t they beautiful?” She sounds almost angelic at her amazement.

  I look at them, having a hard time breaking away from Patience’s rosy cheeks and nose and the pout of her lips as they create a puff of steam coming out in even intervals.

  “I guess.” I shrug and go back to watching her. She’s the beautiful one. “They can be destructive and deadly.”

  “But that’s what makes them so beautiful. They can be that way, but most times, they are just trying to live like every other creature. It isn’t their fault that they aren’t the exact native species to our area. They don’t know any better.”

  This is definitely something I will not be getting into with her. I just won’t be going wolf hunting anytime soon.

  We spend a bit of time sitting there; Patience watching the wolves and me watching her. I could admire this gaze forever. But a chill crawls under my snow gear and skin, telling me it is time to get going. We have spent all day running around our old stomping grounds, and now I think it’s time to tell her the next part of our weekend.

  “
Ready to go? The sun will be going down soon.”

  Wrapping her arms around herself, I know a chill is finally hitting her as well. “Yeah, I’m ready for some heat.” She laughs and revs her sled to turn it around and start the trek back to the truck.

  Taking one last glance at the pack, I find them finally acknowledging us, but that is it. Patience doesn’t drive nearly as fast as she did earlier to day. We are starting to lose the light, and that means things can pop out on you if you aren’t paying attention.

  By the time we reach the parking lot of the lodge where the truck and trailer are, the sun has gone down enough that we need the lights on the sleds to load them.

  “I’ll load mine first?” she shouts when I pull up next to her.

  “Go for it!” Shouting back, I watch with nerves knowing how she isn’t too good at this, but she manages to load it just fine. It’s hot as fuck watching her handle the giant piece of machinery between her legs with ease and confidence. Finding a woman who can handle something like loading a sled in the way Patience just did is a rare treat.

  It just makes her that much more sexy and desirable to me.

  She’s consuming me all over again.

  All day, watching her lean and move with the sled as though it was an extension of her body was a fine sight to see, especially when she would stand and use all her weight. I got a generous view of her snow pants-covered ass.

  I don’t have to get off my sled because she moves the ramp over and turns to watch me. It must be a Montana thing because fuck, seeing her in snow gear and loading a sled gets me harder than anything sexy she could possibly wear for me in the bedroom.

  “What are you waiting for?” Her arms cross under her tits, and I’m thankful for the layers; hers and mine. I don’t think I could handle seeing the swell of her chest along with her outfit. My pants and snow pants are doing a wonderful job of concealing my growing erection.

  “Yeah.” Wheezing, I guide my sled up on the trailer and then pull both keys before we strap them down. “Let’s go get checked in and get something warm to eat.”