It’s Not Home Without You: A Homecoming Novel #1

by C. Lymari

  “Freya baby, I heard what you did for my baby brother. You know I was getting worried he wasn’t getting any, but I got to admit, I’m a little hurt you didn’t go for yours truly. I’m way more fun than Maxi.”

  I turned to glare at Prescott. While Juliet and Max took after their mother in the pale skin and russet hair, Prescott was like his father—dark hair, a chiseled jaw, tall, and more muscular than Max. I used to think Max was the nice one of the family, but I guess he was still a dick. He just hid it, whereas Prescott didn’t shy away from who he was. At the beginning of the year, Prescott didn’t bother me, but the closer my sixteenth birthday, the more he had started making advances toward me. I wasn’t stupid. He wouldn’t turn eighteen until the end of the year. In his head, he thought he had a small window of opportunity.

  “Fuck off, Prescott.” I tried to push him away from me, but instead of him backing off, he got even closer.

  “I was hoping you’d do that with me.” His smug voice was loud enough for everyone around to hear. To say it humiliated me wouldn’t come close to what I was feeling. No one said a thing. The guys laughed, and the girls looked at me like I was trash.

  Sticks and stones.

  I debated ditching and starting fresh tomorrow, but I knew I needed to get through today and the rest would become bearable. I was on my way to lunch when Nikki, Juliet, Jana, and Abigail cornered me in the stairwell. Well, if today isn’t my lucky day or what?

  “Oh, look it’s the slut who tried to steal my boyfriend.” Nikki crossed her arms, confident because she had her bitch posse with her. How fair—four against one? Life wasn’t fair and didn’t I know that firsthand.

  Still, I wouldn’t be me if I let prissy girls walk all over me. I was strong, and that had to count for something, even if I was about to get the shit beat out of me. “I find it funny you’re here blaming me as if I forced your boyfriend to kiss me. I’m a short girl, and he’s tall, but I guess in your dumb brain it makes complete sense that little, old me was strong enough to overpower him.”

  “Oh, please cut the dramatics, Freya. Everyone knows you’re easy.” Abigail rolled her eyes at me. Juliet and Jana stood closer but with bored looks, as if dealing with me was a waste of time.

  “Says the girl who screwed some guy from the visiting volleyball team after the meet we had last year. I don’t know about you, but that says easy to me.”

  Abigail’s eyes looked like they were about to pop out. I had detention that day, and when I heard grunts, I worried someone was hurt. Imagine my surprise to find little miss perfect with a guy from a visiting school. I gave myself a mental high five until Nikki slapped me so hard, I felt her ring scrape my face.

  “I know you’re trying to be like your mommy, but stay away from Max, you whore.” Nikki spat in my face before taking her bitch posse with her, leaving me behind with a throbbing cheek.

  Thanks, Mom, thanks a lot.

  It would have been easy to strike back, but for once I deserved it, so I let Nikki have her justice. I walked to the bathroom with my hand covering my face. I wanted to get a good look at it before I allowed anyone else to see it. My face was not only red, but there was a bright red line going across from Nikki’s ring. There was no way to hide what happened. Today was the worst day of my life. I thought nothing could top my mother abandoning me, but this new memory… it was fresh.

  When I heard the door open, I grabbed some cold water and splashed it on my face, trying to diminish the redness and somehow stop my cheek from swelling.

  I glared at Max through the mirror. He looked like he always did, all polished and prissy looking, except today I saw him for what he really was—an asshole.

  “What are you doing here?” I spat.

  “I heard what happened, I need to make sure you were okay.”

  I turned around to face him. “I’m fine.”

  “Shit, Freya, did Nikki do that to you?”

  “You mean your girlfriend Nikki?” I grabbed my backpack and tried to muster as much dignity as I could.

  “Listen, Freya, I can explain.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Don’t bother, Max. I don’t care for your explanations. I’m just easy, right? Freya Pratt the town whore, you didn’t even have to try. I made it so easy for you.” I tried to move past him, but he didn’t let me.

  “Do you really think so low of me?”

  “Let me go. I swear to God, you’ll regret it if you don’t. I thought you were different, but you’re a bigger jerk than even Prescott. At least he doesn’t hide who he is,” I seethed.

  Max let go of me, his face becoming a little cold, but that didn’t stop me.

  “I thought you were different.” My voice wobbled at the end, and I hated myself for it. Why was I so weak? Max’s face became warm again. He tried to grab me, but I kneed him in the nuts.

  Hard.

  “I said don’t touch me!” I walked out of the bathroom with my head held high despite my bruised cheek and the gossip going around me.

  Stick and stones.

  7

  Freya

  It took two trips back to Pete’s to get all the material I would need for my shed/closet. Emma ruined the happy high I had from the Americano the moment she told me she needed help with the Sunday crowd. Here I thought I was starting fresh on Monday.

  Since Grandpa and Vic weren’t back yet from their fishing trip, I pulled my big girl panties on and headed over to Rusty’s house. As I was on my way, passing the Dunnett factory, it hit me. I didn’t know if Rusty even lived at home anymore. Rusty’s grandparents loved me, or they used to love me. I didn’t feel like visiting old Josie and Becket right now to ask for his whereabouts. I figured he was probably at his dad’s auto shop.

  Well, since I was nearby, I decided I might as well get it over with.

  The auto shop was full. The smell of motor oil hit me as soon as I stepped foot out of the truck. I wasn’t old Freya who would come to Haywards auto shop every day after school. Those privileges where probably revoked the same day I hopped on a bus out of town.

  “Hello.” I smiled at the teenager who walked out to greet me. Ian Moore, his nametag read. Oh God, please tell me Rusty didn’t break best friend code and hired Jana’s relative. I left, so Rusty probably didn’t care for BF code.

  “I’m looking for Rusty.”

  “What for?” The kid gave me a once-over. I got the feeling he didn’t like that I asked for Rusty.

  “That’s between me and him.”

  “He’s with a customer in the last stall. You can wait here for him. I’ll call him over.” I didn’t let him finish; instead, I pushed the employee doors open and strutted inside. Some people turned and gave me weird looks while others whistled. I didn’t remember all of them but was surprised to see how much the ones I recognized had changed over the years. I made my way back until I spotted Rusty’s blondish hair. He was facing away from me; this was a good thing.

  He wouldn’t see me coming.

  “You’re the only one I can trust with my baby. Thanks for taking great care of her.” I heard part of the conversation Rusty was having with his customer, but that didn’t stop me. I was on a mission, and nothing could derail me.

  Or so I thought.

  “Russell Joel Hayward.” I stood right behind him and saw the shock on his face when he turned to face me.

  “Oh shit,” Rusty muttered.

  I was about to take another step toward him, but then he moved to the side and I froze.

  The man behind him was silent, his eyes locked on mine. The way the light hit his face made his mossy eyes stand out and turned his russet hair more vibrant. He was always tall, but now he seemed bigger and broader, more muscular. He certainly wasn’t the boy I left behind. He was all man. Unlike Rusty, who was glaring at me, Maximilian looked at me like he didn’t even know me. He wasn’t angry, sad, or devastated. He wasn’t glaring at me or putting off a vibe that I affected him. He looked at me like I was never anything to him.

  Li
ke I didn’t matter.

  For once I was at a loss for words. When Max opened his mouth to speak, I braced myself for the words I had prepared myself to hear if this day were ever to happen. I was ready for him to call me a selfish bitch, maybe even a whore. God knows he would think that, but that’s not what happened.

  “Freya,” Max said in that calm voice of his, and a part of me that I thought was dead and didn’t exist anymore woke up. All it took was to hear his voice, and I felt like a live wire. “It’s been a long time, you look well.” Max put his hands in the pockets of his pants and smiled.

  I couldn’t get a word out, scared that if I opened my mouth, I would scream. Time ceased to exist. All I could think about was the past, like the time he picked me up for our first date and he couldn’t stop grinning at me. I tried so hard to push back to the present, but it wasn’t happening.

  Maximilian wasn’t having the same problem as I was. It was like he didn’t care if I was even there.

  “Well, I need to get going. Have a good evening both of you. It was lovely seeing you again, Freya.” He got in his Mercedes and drove away.

  I thought I knew pain when I left the three men I loved the most seven years ago. I thought I knew pain when I walked in on Ashton cheating on me.

  But no, that didn’t compare to what I was feeling right then. Pain was standing in front of a person you once loved with all your heart, only to realize they must never have loved you at all.

  “This doesn’t mean I’m not mad at you,” Rusty said as he hugged me tightly. I didn’t know how he knew Max affected me so much, but he did, and I was grateful. I didn’t deserve his friendship; he was one of the best things that ever happened to me. The reason I never said goodbye to him was because, if anyone could talk me out of my decision to leave, it was Rusty.

  “He d-d-doesn’t even h-hate me,” I managed to say without crying. “That’s good. This is good. Now I can truly move on,” I said, trying to convince myself more than anything. I stepped back, so I could look at him. “Rust, I owe you the biggest apology out of everyone.”

  It was crazy how much he had changed, but he was still Rusty, the boy who was always there for me because he knew that I had no one other than Grandpa. His hair was still a few weeks past needing a haircut, he was still rocking plaid, and even though he was still angry with me, I knew deep down in my heart he would forgive me. Except Rusty wasn’t talking. He was just staring at me, and it was giving me the heebie-jeebies.

  “Rusty, say something?”

  He stood a little taller and crossed his arms. This wasn’t a good sign; this meant he was still angry. “I’m waiting for that apology. I have yet to hear a word.” He raised a brow at me then gave me the tiniest tip of a lip. That tiny little smile was hope that everything would work out just fine.

  “Rusty, I am so—"

  “I heard kneeling while apologizing works wonders.” The asshole smirked at me while looking down at the floor. I looked down at my outfit and at the dirty, oily floor, and then around at all the people at the shop.

  “Are you serious?”

  Rusty nodded. Aw man, this would suck. I looked around the room once more and got on my knees in front of my soon-to-be-dead best friend.

  “Russell Joel Hayward, ever since I can remember, there have been two men in my life I knew I could always count on. You and Grandpa. You two were my constants, you both have been my only family. Goodbyes are hard, and the day I left, I had already said goodbye one too many times to one too many people, I couldn’t bear to repeat it. I was such a dick and a crappy best friend, but I’m here now, if you’ll still have me. Now if you could please accept my apology because my knees are hurting and I can feel the grime from the floor climbing up my legs.”

  “Forgive the pretty girl already, Rust. I know I taught you better than that.” Rusty’s father, Joel, came over and helped me off the dirty floor.

  “Freya, good to have you back, girl.” He hugged me and kissed my cheek.

  “It’s good to be back, Joel.” I hugged him a little tighter. When he stepped away, I opened my arms at Rusty who grinned and yanked me into a bear hug.

  “I missed you,” he murmured in my ear.

  “I missed you more,” I replied, my voice getting swallowed by the hoots and shouting from the boys in the shop.

  “Your wife will kill you when you get home,” one mechanic I didn’t recognize shouted.

  Did he say wife?

  “Your wife!” I shouted in shock. A wife would imply Rusty was a married man. A wife meant he got married without inviting me. Oh, man did that hurt.

  Rusty gave me a sad smile and played with his ring finger, and what did you know? There was a gold wedding band on it. “Got married two years ago.”

  “I’m happy for you.” My voice was weak. I was still in shock, but I meant it.

  8

  Max

  Seventeen years old

  “Come on, Russell, tell me where she’s at?” It was the third day in a row I had come to Hayward’s family’s auto shop hoping that Russell would tell me where I could find Freya. I was still sporting the black eye he gave me Monday after school, and I didn’t care because I deserved it. I thought I ought to let Freya cool down before I attempted to talk to her again since it didn’t go so well in the bathroom. Just thinking about it made me cringe.

  On Tuesday when she didn’t show up to school, I went to her home, and I sat there for a good two hours before I got desperate when no one answered the door. Then I went straight to Russell’s job until he gave me her phone number. But no one answered when I called. Here I was again, glaring at him while he worked, and I wasn’t going anywhere until I got a response.

  “Shouldn’t you be spending time with Nikki?” he replied while bent over the hood of his truck.

  “For fuck’s sake, how many times do I have to tell you she isn’t my girlfriend? She told people we were together, and I never said otherwise; that was my mistake. If you must know, yesterday morning, I told her she wasn’t my girlfriend. I didn’t know where she got that ludicrous idea from. You can even ask Emma; she saw the whole thing go down.”

  I knew how irrational it was. Freya was just another girl—but that was a lie. She wasn’t just any other girl. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I didn’t know how I knew it, but she was the kind of girl who defined your whole life. The type of girl you’d look back on when you were reminiscing the past, and you’d be happy that she was a part of it.

  “Jesus, Rusty, throw Max a bone already. I hate to see him look so desperate.” If my father could hear Mr. Hayward, he would lose his shit. I was a Dunnett, and we didn’t beg. We took. That kind of mentality was how my mother coped with my brother’s man-whoring. According to my mother, he was just sowing his wild oats. Prescott was just a dick. Usually, I would defend him to whatever end because he was my brother, but I heard what he told Freya, and for the first time it made me hate him. Just the thought of him with her made my blood boil. Still, I waited patiently for Russell as he wiped his hands clean with a rag then walked to me, not happy, but I saw the gleam in his eyes when he saw my black eye.

  “Freya and her grandfather go camping every once in a while. After what happened on Monday, Eugene took her camping for a few days. She’ll be back on Saturday.”

  I couldn’t help the smile that broke across my face. I knew what to do to get her to forgive me.

  “Thank you, man,” I said as I rushed to my car.

  “Yeah well, I ain‘t apologizing for that eye,” he yelled.

  “I wouldn’t expect you to.”

  My good mood evaporated as soon as I got home and saw that my brother had friends over—Nikki amongst them. I nodded at them but walked straight into my room. I wasn’t up for socializing. I was mad at both of my siblings, and if my parents caught wind of it, Father would say something along the lines of “You can’t be mad at your family for that girl.” Making Freya sound diseased or something.

  When I came out of th
e shower, towel wrapped around my hips, Nikki was lying in my bed.

  “Get out.” My clipped tone left no room for argument.

  “Aw, baby, you can’t still be mad at me?” She’d dropped her tone to a seductive purr, but instead of turning me on, it annoyed the hell out of me.

  “I had already told you, Nikki, that I’m not interested in you like that. Now could you please get out of my room?” I was a polite person, but she was testing me.

  “Max, everyone is interested in me like that.” She leaned forward on her hands and knees, giving me a clear view of her tits, but again, I felt nothing.

  “Nikki, I said get out of my fucking room. I don’t want to date you, I don’t want to be your boyfriend, and I have no interest in fucking you.” She flinched at my tone. Nikki hadn’t expected me to talk to her that way. This didn’t surprise me; I was the nice one, it was true, but I also wasn’t a pushover.

  “All for that freshman whore.” She scoffed and walked out of my room before I could tell her off for calling Freya a whore.

  * * *

  Freya

  Camping was officially over. The green sign said Sunny Pines was twenty-six miles out. In twenty-six miles, I would be back to my own personal hell. If homeschooling were an option, I would have done it in a heartbeat, but Grandpa didn’t have the resources, and I wasn’t a coward.

  I loved Aunt Pauletta and Uncle Rob, but they were a handful and a little nutty. Every year we went down to the Dells, where they owned a cabin, and stayed with them for a few days. After seeing my scratched face and my refusal to speak about it, Grandpa made the arrangements for us to go for a quick visit. Since it wasn’t warm enough for a dip in the lake, and nowhere near cold enough for sledding, I mostly sat in the hot tub thinking of all the ways my life sucked, but how I wouldn’t change a thing because my grandpa was the best. As long as I had him, things weren’t so bad.

  “Well, I’ll be damned.”