It’s Not Home Without You: A Homecoming Novel #1

by C. Lymari

  “Please stop,” I pleaded. I couldn’t hear more of it. It would kill the mental image I had created for myself, but Rusty wasn’t kind. I didn’t deserve kindness right now.

  “Max, he fucking lost it. I saw him shatter right before my eyes. I saw him turn into something that would have disgusted you. Then when you finally become a childhood memory, you stroll back into town thinking everything will be just like you left it. I got news for you, Gabby, just because you left doesn’t mean the rest of us stopped living our lives waiting for your return.”

  My face was wet, tears streaming down my cheeks. It was a cold, hard truth, and Rusty was the kind of person who never shied away from telling it like it was. Rusty took a deep breath, calming himself, then walked up and wrapped his arms around me. I completely lost it and cried even harder, despite telling myself I had met my drama quota of the year.

  “I’m sorry, Freya. Please stop crying before you make me feel like more of an asshole.”

  “You are an a-a-ass-h-hole, b-but you’re l-lucky I love you.”

  “If it makes you feel better, I didn’t come here to fight with you. My wife wants you to come over for dinner. She also told me to get my head out of my ass and make it good with you. Now that we both shared our feelings and you made me feel like I grew a pussy, can we get back to normal?”

  And there it was, the elephant in the room, or in this case, the wife in the room, and she wanted to meet me. This worried me. What if she didn’t like me? Rusty had forgiven me, and I him, even if I would never forget he got married without me. What could I say? I wasn’t a saint.

  “I guess. I mean, I always thought I would be your best man or best woman. I could have worn a killer pantsuit, but thanks for depriving me of that moment.” He rolled his eyes at me and walked us to his car to take me home. “To make it up, I can be the godmother to your first child.” It was the least he could do.

  “Actually, that might be sooner than you expect,” he said with a silly grin on his face. Wow, this was crazy. Not only was Rusty married, but he would be a father. I waited to freak out, but it didn’t come. I guess I was making good on my drama quota.

  “Wow, dude, that’s crazy. How that happened?” It was a rhetorical question. What I meant was that life went on, even when I left to live a life I didn’t want so far away from my home. Time, it waited for no one.

  “I guess Eugene didn’t cover the birds and the bees talk. Gabby, when two people become intimate—”

  “Ew, dude, stop. That’s so not what I meant. Tell me the name of the poor girl you conned into marrying you. What was the color scheme at your wedding? I hope it wasn’t pink. I feel like it’s tacky. I mean, it’s okay for your sweet sixteen, but a wedding? Who was the poor sap who took my place next to you at the altar? How did you propose? How long after you met her did you know she was the one?”

  “Gabby, take a breather. Why don’t you come over for dinner tomorrow, and I’ll answer all your questions?”

  “I guess,” I said as I jumped out of his truck. “Two more questions.” I raised my index and middle fingers.

  “I have a wife waiting for me. Make it quick.” I could tell Rust was getting annoyed with all my questions. I rolled my eyes. “One, is this Bow? ’Cause I got to say, she’s fly. And two, do you think your wife and I will get along?” Rusty did nothing to ease my fear; he laughed and shook his head.

  “Have a good night, Freya. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at Emma’s.” I opened my mouth again to ask one more question but immediately closed it. Instead, I waved goodbye to him. I wanted to know what he had meant about Max becoming something that would have disgusted me, but the answer scared me. I was hoping Rusty said it in the throes of drama, but it wasn’t his style. It was hard to picture Max being anything other than what he had always been. Perfect. At least to me, he was. Once upon a time.

  16

  Freya

  Sixteen years old

  For the first time in my life, I felt like a princess, twirling around in my room. When I saw my reflection, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I looked like the other girls—sophisticated, sweet, not trashy. I worked my ass off all year washing dishes for Frank at Franny’s, and it was worth it. The cream gown was long and silky with lace and pearls. Sure, it was a little outdated; I found it at a vintage store. I felt a little like Daisy, and Max in a suit, he was a sight. Gatsby had nothing on him.

  My eyes landed on the promise ring Max had given me at his promposal, and I felt flutters. It made me feel better about him leaving. The University of Chicago wasn’t that far, but it felt like a world away sometimes. He promised to come back, but what if he didn’t? I shouldn’t worry about it. At least not now.

  “Freya, I love you.” Just thinking about it made me shiver all over again. He finally told me he loved me last week, and I cried that night. Other than my grandparents, no one had said they loved me. Tonight would be the night. I would lose my virginity to him. I was ready, and it was Max; he would never hurt me.

  “Freya, Max is here.” Grandpa knocked on my door. He had a disposable camera in his hand. I didn’t even know those still existed. He went from calling Max “that Dunnett boy” to actually saying his name. I thought Grandpa secretly liked him, but he was a stubborn old man and would never admit it.

  “You look beautiful. You have your mama’s smile. It was a beautiful smile,” he said sadly. I, on the other hand, felt nothing when he talked about my mother.

  “Cool, she gave me good genes,” I said low enough so my grandpa wouldn’t hear. I sometimes wondered if I looked like my father, but who knew, since I didn’t have one of those. My birth certificate was missing a name, but I was okay with it because I had my grandpa’s name.

  The first thing I saw was a beautiful bouquet, but it wasn’t of roses or any flowers. It was made of those small balloon hearts, the ones with the straws and never seem to deflate.

  My boy never got me flowers.

  Max pulled me to his body and whispered in my ear, “You are by far the prettiest girl in this town. You look like a princess.” Damn, my boy was smooth, and he didn’t even know it. Max just spoke from the heart, and that was everything. He pulled out a beautiful corsage made of lace flowers, woven with crystals and a feather.

  Never fresh flowers.

  Throughout the dance, I held on to Max a little tighter, trying to remember how he smelled, how he looked at me, and what song was playing. I needed to capture every moment, so when he was no longer here, I could remember him like this.

  The looks we got from everyone had stopped. After being together for almost two years, we were old news. Between Max and Rusty, no one dared to say mean things to me, and I was more than okay with it. Plus, after Prescott left, life wasn’t all that bad.

  “You happy, baby?” Max’s breath fanned the skin on my neck, causing me to shiver in his arms as we danced. I turned to look at him; his green eyes went dark when I licked my lips.

  “I love you, Maximilian. You make everything perfect.” I pulled my boy’s head down so I could kiss him for the whole school to see. We stopped dancing, but that was okay because Max and I danced to the beat of our hearts. No one else had that beat but us. “Let’s get out of here. I have a feeling Rusty’s good luck is about to run out,” I said as I dragged Max away from the dance floor.

  “I wouldn’t mind sticking around to see him get his ass kicked by three pissed-off chicks.”

  I shook my head, ignoring his comment.

  When we made it to the old water tower, I smiled. This was it, this was the moment that everything would change, but it didn’t scare me. Taking the next step with Max felt right. Sex complicated things, but making love changed everything. And I knew that Max and I were about to make love. How could it not be when he treated me like I was the most valuable thing he had? Good thing Sunny Pines didn’t have the resources back then to install cameras on this tower like they had with the new one. If they had they would be seeing a lot of Max and me tonight.


  The ladder was old, but it wouldn’t break; it wasn’t the first time Max and I had hung out up there, but tonight it would become our spot. I turned back, giving Max a coy smile. That was all the warning he was getting from me. Max was grinning as he looked from me to the ladder. He had no idea what awaited him. I was thankful for the side zipper on the dress. It would give me the element of surprise. I walked ahead as Max leaned against his car. “Do you want to climb up first, or shall I?” I asked as I slowly unzipped the dress without him noticing.

  “Baby, I don’t see how you’re getting up there without tripping.”

  I smiled at him as I let the dress drop.

  The look on his face was priceless.

  When he licked his lips, I could see the vein in his neck speeding up. The bra I wore was lovely, like two silver seashells, and my lace panties were held together with two bows on the side. You could say I’d given this some thought. Busting my ass waiting tables was totally worth it to see the look on my boy’s face.

  While he was frozen, feasting at the sight of yours truly, I used the opportunity to climb. “Max, you coming? I’m cold,” I yelled when I got to the top. If I weren’t so nervous, I would have laughed at the way Max ran.

  The blankets I brought earlier were in place, waiting for us. I thought about using candles, but the stars shining above us was more than enough. I was already lying down by the time Max finished climbing.

  “Baby... fuck… Do you have any idea how gorgeous you look right now laid out like that? This is torture.” Max’s voice was strained. His hands were fisted at his sides, and the way he licked his lips only made me more confident.

  “Why is it torture when you can touch?” My voice may have been innocent, but we both knew exactly what I had asked for. Max and I had fooled around a lot. We’d done everything but always stopped before we had sex. Well, Max always stopped. He wanted to make sure I was ready, and if I showed one second of hesitation, he would stop. He wasn’t like most guys, who were jerks if they got to the point of closing the deal and nothing happened. Max was on another game level; he never made me feel bad for saying no.

  But tonight—tonight, I was saying yes.

  “Freya,” he rasped, and I felt the vibrations all over my body. The ache between my legs intensified. Max took off his jacket without breaking eye contact with me. When he loosened his tie, a little whimper left my lips. I could almost picture him years from now, doing that after he got home from work.

  When Max was down to his boxers, I licked my lips. Baseball season was good for my boy; he looked yummy. He was lean and athletic, but he was gaining muscle. His abs did things to me just by looking at them. It felt like an eternity before he knelt on top of me. Both our chests rose and fell with our heavy breathing, and all I could hear was the frenzied beat of my heart.

  When Max’s fingers grazed my calf, I whimpered. His eyes had a possessive glint that thrilled me. Slowly, he glided his hand over my bare leg, causing goose bumps to rise. Every inch he moved higher, I felt like I was coming more undone.

  When he put my leg behind his hip, he finally kissed me. Instantly, I brought him closer while my legs wrapped around his waist. Max was hard, and I ached so badly as soon as he pressed against me. I bucked at the friction.

  “Fuck, baby, I will not last if you keep making those sexy, little noises,” he growled. I was about to tell him to stop turning me on, but then he kissed behind my ear.

  “Max,” I moaned loudly. He knew how much that drove me wild.

  “You can finally scream my name here,” he said as he kissed from my neck to down between my breast. With his mouth, he pulled my bra cup down, the graze of his teeth making me squirm when he sucked my nipple, only to release it and blow on it.

  Oh. My. God.

  “Max, I need you.” My voice was needy, sounding foreign to my own ears. My boy knew what he was doing, taking his time to torture me in the best way possible.

  “I know, baby. I’m trying to make this good for you. Once I get inside you, I don’t think I’ll last.”

  Max kissed my ribs, his head going lower with each kiss. My heart beat furiously. I was scared I would pass out; wouldn’t that be embarrassing? When Max licked my navel, I almost came out of my skin.

  “Max,” I was not in control any longer. I was so close to coming, and my boy was in the mood to play. With both hands, Max pulled the strings that held my panties together. The scraps of fabric glided across my skin as he finished yanking them out of the way.

  “Fuck,” he moaned. “Open for me.” And slowly I did. It was something he liked to do. He wanted to watch the wetness he caused. He liked to know he did that. One could say my boy had a possessive streak in him. I loved it.

  “So fucking pretty,” he murmured before I felt his tongue plunging into me. My eyes rolled back, and I opened my mouth, but no coherent words came.

  “Max!” I held on to his hair as my back arched. His hand held me steady as he feasted on me. When he sucked on my throbbing clit, I lost it. I was sure the whole town could hear me screaming his name.

  “Oh, fuck me,” Max cursed. That didn’t sound like he was happy to be getting it on. I turned to look at him, confused and a little hurt. My boy’s face was crestfallen. Did he not want this?

  It was freaking me out.

  I was on the verge of jumping down the water tower; that would be less humiliating. “Max... is everything okay?”

  “I didn’t bring a condom. I wasn’t expecting this.” He looked so heartbroken and angry at himself it made me laugh. I glanced down at his hard-on. It was harder than I’d ever seen it before, and I’d seen it plenty of times.

  “It’s okay, Max—”

  “Baby, please shut up. I will not be one of those guys and think with my dick and give you the whole ‘I’ll pull out’ shit. I wouldn’t do that to you. I love you, Freya, but please put your clothes on before my willpower evaporates.”

  “Lucky for you, I stole this from Rusty’s truck earlier this week.” Removing my bra, I took out the condom I had stashed on the side. Before I could hand it to him, Max ripped it from my hand and was putting it on.

  “Have I told you how much I fucking love you?” Max kissed my nose then my lips.

  “Always, but it’s my favorite thing to hear, so I don’t mind.” I grinned at him. Then we both got serious, knowing things would change. I held on to his shoulders when he pushed inside me.

  “So... fucking... tight,” Max rasped. I put my face in the crook of his neck. His smell relaxed me. I never felt more at home than I did when I was in his arms, and in that moment I knew no one else would ever make me feel like this. Home was a feeling, not a place, and as long as I laid my head on Max’s shoulders, I would always be home.

  “Fuck,” he whispered in my ear while I winced as he took my innocence. It was over quickly, but it was still the most beautiful I’d ever felt. Wrapped in Max’s arms, our souls became one. It was everything I’d ever dreamed of and more. Our first time was something special. Max loved me, and nothing could ever taint that memory.

  “Freya,” Max said a while later. My head rested on his naked chest, and both of us were under the blankets, looking at the dark sky covered with a mantle of stars.

  “Mm-hm.”

  “I’m going to community college next year,” he said.

  My world stopped for the second time that night. “Max, you can’t.” I would not be selfish. As much as I wanted him, as much as I needed him, I couldn’t let him do this. “Max, no, you are going to Chicago, and that’s final.”

  He put a finger to my lips. “It’s already done. I can see you every day. It’s just two years. When you graduate, we’ll figure out.”

  The news changed everything, yet nothing. I knew there would be backlash from his parents, but Max was stubborn, and when he made up his mind, that was it. He wouldn’t be swayed.

  I told myself he had made that decision on his own, and that I wasn’t selfish.

  Not at all.
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  17

  Max

  All night I was restless, watching the time go by, waiting for the sun to break out. I knew Russell liked to be at the shop early. I got out of the bed carefully; I didn’t need to wake Abigail. I didn’t need her to think something was wrong when I wasn’t sure myself. I didn’t want her asking questions about a past I never discussed. I didn’t need to worry about the past either, but yesterday I let Freya get to my head.

  Fuck, just knowing she was back in town made those forgotten memories real again. I was at Emma’s working because it was quiet and peaceful, but mostly because I wanted to see her to know she was real. To know I hadn’t made her up. I needed the sting of pain I felt when I saw her to remind me of what she did to me. So, I sat there, dreading having to see her because, every time I did, it was a reminder of one of the lowest points of my life. The words of her letter kept playing on repeat like a jammed CD.

  When Freya finally walked in, looking as beautiful as ever and ranting about exes, a part of me was glad she was just as affected as I was. I thought I would apologize, talk to her alone, and try to get answers. Then I could finally close the Freya chapter of my life just in time for my wedding. It was crazy, I knew it was, but then she turned and told me I was cool, that I wasn’t a pain in her ass, diminishing what we had once again. All the anger I thought I worked through came back tenfold, so I wrote those words on the board and got the fuck out of there.

  “Babe, where are you going? I thought we were having breakfast with Prescott and Rachel,” a sleepy Abigail asked through hooded eyes. Usually, looking at her soothed me, but right now the effect was anything but calming. Instead of answering her, I kissed the top of her head.