Confessions: Julien (Confessions Series Book 2)

by Ella Frank

  As the bouncer checked his clipboard, Julien reached out and flicked one of her curls over her shoulders. “Thank you for the gift, petite poulette. Now are you going to let me get drunk enough to chase that blond guy down?”

  Jacquelyn nodded and drew a cross over the top of her heart. “Yes, yes. I’ll behave myself. Promis.”

  “You’re good to go,” the bouncer said.

  Jacquelyn held her hand out to be stamped and Ezra did the same, and once Julien was through and they were let past the rope, the doors opened and Julien glanced down at his hand.

  Shh…was written on a finger that covered a set of lips, and he had to wonder just what kinds of secrets were hidden behind that door.

  JULIEN SHOOK HIS head, and as the room started to spin, he put a hand on the ground to steady himself.

  “Jules?”

  Robbie… Julien thought, recognizing his voice in an instant, and then the curtain was opened up a little and he turned to seek him out. But when he focused on the face beside him, all he saw was Jacquelyn staring back at him.

  “Do you remember the song that was playing that night, Jules? The last song I heard before you made me leave? I do.”

  Julien blinked, trying to clear his head, trying to focus on Robbie.

  But it was no use. He was far away now.

  In another time. Another place.

  And nothing was going to set him free.

  Not the alcohol. Not sleep.

  And certainly not himself.

  TWO HOURS AND way too many drinks later, Julien was on the dance floor with the music and alcohol buzzing through him.

  Adam—wait, no, Aaron? Oh, he couldn’t remember—wrapped his arms around Julien’s waist and grabbed hold of his ass, and Julien was happy to discover that the body under that tight red shirt he’d checked out earlier was even better up close.

  Jacquelyn and Ezra were somewhere close by, making sure to keep an eye on him as he tossed back yet another shot, and as the alcohol burned a nice, warm path down his throat, Julien tipped his head back and ground his cock up against Aaron—oui, it’s definitely Aaron.

  “You’re so fucking hot,” Aaron said as the song switched, and when he flicked Julien’s earlobe with the tip of his tongue, Julien shut his eyes and groaned.

  Merde, it’d been a while since he’d gotten laid. Well, two weeks, at least. His last boyfriend—Brian—had ended things, deciding that he didn’t want to date someone who still lived at home and worked late nights every weekend. But that was the life of an apprentice chef, especially one fresh out of culinary school hoping to make a name for himself—so Julien had decided to hell with relationships; it was time to check out the single life.

  Julien put his lips against Aaron’s neck, and as he kissed his way up it, Aaron angled his head to the side and Julien used his tongue to taste the light sheen of sweat on his skin.

  “Mmm,” Aaron hummed, as Julien pulled him even closer, rolling his hips against him.

  “Dieu, you feel fucking good.”

  “Shit,” Aaron said as he pulled back and looked at Julien’s face, his lips wet and swollen. “Was that French?”

  “Oui,” Julien said, and went to pull him back against him. But Aaron put a hand on his chest and ran it down his front until he was massaging Julien’s cock. “Putain.”

  Aaron moved in close until his hand was trapped between their bodies, and then placed his lips on Julien’s cheek. “Will you take me home?”

  Home…? Julien blinked, the alcohol fogging his mind. He supposed he could take Aaron back to their place. Their parents were in France at the moment for vacation, but…

  “Take me back to your place,” Aaron said in his ear. “I want to feel this inside me.”

  And fuck, Julien wanted to put it inside him.

  He looked around, searching out Jacquelyn, and when he spotted her off to the side of the dance floor, he looked back at Aaron and took his hand in his. “Okay, let’s go.”

  “SHE DIDN’T WANT to leave.”

  Julien’s voice was flat as he looked Robbie directly in the eye, and even though there were only inches separating them, Robbie knew in that moment they were years apart.

  He’d barely taken a breath as Julien had been speaking, caught up in a story that was clearly one he rarely spoke of, and as Robbie sat there wanting to take his hand or hug him, he got the distinct impression if he were to do that, it would have the same effect as a crack in a pane of glass. One tiny fracture and the entire thing could shatter into a million pieces.

  “I could tell by the look on her face. She didn’t want to leave. She was having fun. So was Ezra.” Julien’s eyes shifted until he was looking off over Robbie’s shoulder, and a small smile curved his lips. “She wasn’t drunk, but she was having fun…”

  Robbie swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling as though it had a lump lodged in the back of it. He had no idea what was going on behind the glazed expression now entering Julien’s eyes, but it was devoid of all emotion as his face went blank—like an Etch A Sketch that had been shaken.

  “But I convinced her,” Julien said, his voice cracking. “I told her this was what she’d wanted for me. Right?”

  Robbie reached for Julien and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and as he slid down on his side and put his head in Robbie’s lap, Julien whispered, “She didn’t want to leave. But she did…for me.”

  “I TOLD you he was sexy,” Jacquelyn whispered, and bumped into Julien’s side as the two of them stood with Ezra outside Shh…and waited for Aaron to hail a cab.

  “Oui, you did.”

  “And that’s the only reason I’m agreeing to leave right now. For your poor, pathetic sex life.”

  “Sure. So it has nothing to do with the way you were climbing Ezra on the dance floor?”

  “Well…maybe a little.”

  Julien laughed, the alcohol making him feel nice and relaxed. “You’re so charitable, petite poulette. Merci.”

  “Je t’en prie,” she said, and winked at him just as Aaron held his hand up and a bright yellow cab pulled up to the curb.

  He looked over at the three of them and gestured that they join him, and Jacquelyn aimed a sultry look at Ezra, who wrapped an arm around her shoulders and directed her to the van, and Julien followed.

  When they reached Aaron, he slid open the door of the cab and said, “After you,” and Jacquelyn looked back at Julien and mouthed, Manners… He’s a keeper, before turning back to Aaron. “Merci beaucoup.”

  He aimed a heart-stopping smile her way as she slipped into the first seat and Ezra moved in beside her, his hand landing somewhere that made her giggle. Julien then moved into the back, where Aaron sat down beside him.

  “Oo-la-la. Pretend we’re not here, boys,” Jacquelyn said, subtle as a sledgehammer. “Snuggle all you like.”

  “Ferme-la,” Julien said, but chuckled, which only made her laugh harder.

  “Come on, you two,” Aaron said, as Ezra slid the door shut. “No speaking French around the ignorant Americans.”

  “Promise,” Julien said as the interior light dimmed and Jacquelyn gave their address to the driver. Aaron then leaned over and kissed Julien’s ear, and as the cab headed off, Julien sat back and let the alcohol and arousal swirl through his veins until they were pulling into the driveway of their home and Jacquelyn was unlocking the back doors of the house.

  “Shit, this place is crazy big,” Aaron said, as his eyes travelled around the rooms they led him by.

  “Totally our thoughts the first time we saw it,” Jacquelyn said, leading them all down to the bar area.

  “Your parents?”

  “Of course,” Julien said, laughing at the idea that any of them could own something like this at their age.

  “Right,” Aaron said. “I’m over off Stone Canyon Road. Still with my parents too.”

  Ahh, a neighbor… Julien probably should’ve guessed that by the designer clothes Aaron was wearing.

  “Oh, would you look
at that. You’re so close,” Jacquelyn said when they finally reached the bar, and Ezra handed her a bottle of water from the fridge. “That’s nice. Isn’t that nice, Jules?”

  For once, Julien agreed. It was nice, and he wouldn’t mind seeing more of Aaron—like, now, preferably with his clothes off. “It is,” he said, and walked over to Aaron, who was standing in the middle of the room. “Do you want something else to drink, or…”

  Aaron gave a flirty smile that made Julien want to take him straight to his bedroom and get inside him. But as Julien tugged him close, Aaron pulled a small plastic Ziploc out of his pocket and said, “What about one of these instead?”

  Julien looked at the small pills in the clear bag, and he was about to ask what they were when Ezra said, “Is that E?”

  Aaron nodded. “Some of the best money can buy,” he said, and then leaned in to nip at Julien’s lower lip. “It makes sex fucking unreal.”

  As far as Julien was concerned, sex was always fucking unreal.

  Over the past few years he’d embraced their new “American life,” and the situation his father’s money afforded them, and he and Jacquelyn had become regulars at most of the clubs. That meant he hadn’t lacked a boyfriend or partner if he’d wanted one—or two—and sex had never been a problem.

  One thing he’d always avoided in the past, though, was the drug scene. It’d never been something he was into. But Aaron was making a compelling case, as he slid an arm around Julien’s waist and palmed his ass.

  “Oh… I want to try that,” Jacquelyn said in a tone Julien was positive Ezra could not refuse. “What do you think, chéri? We’ve never done it together. And it’s just this once.”

  Julien didn’t hear Ezra’s response; he was too busy studying Aaron’s gorgeous face, and when he licked his lips, Julien told his brain to shut the fuck up and just go with it. What could it hurt if it was only once?

  “I’m in,” Ezra said. Then he wrapped an arm around Jacquelyn and kissed her on the head adding, “We’ll be fine,” obviously sensing Julien’s hesitation.

  Jacquelyn nodded, a grin on her face, as Julien shrugged and held his hand out to Aaron.

  Aaron took three pills out of the bag and handed them over, and then popped one in his mouth and swallowed, but before Julien did the same, he said, “You want another drink?”

  Aaron shook his head and pointed to the game room. “I’m gonna head in there and wait for you. But don’t be long. This’ll kick in quick, and I want you close…real close to me when it does.”

  As Aaron walked off, Julien kept his eyes on the tight ass he planned to get in very soon, and then he turned and headed to Jacquelyn and Ezra. He gave Ezra his, and then Jacquelyn held her hand out and said, “Come on. Hand it over.”

  Julien dropped the tiny pill into her hand, and when she brought it up to her mouth and washed it down with a swallow of water, she said, “Now yours. Don’t back out now.”

  “I think I’m going to stick to bourbon. I want to remember everything I do to him tomorrow.”

  “Okayyy. TMI,” she said as she took Ezra’s hand, and as she dragged him off, Julien laughed and waved them away.

  He ended up having to track down a new bottle from the storage room, and as Julien poured himself a glass, he could hear the throbbing bass of the music Jacquelyn had switched on.

  Julien picked up the glass of alcohol, and just as he was about to head in to find the others, Ezra shouted, “Julien? Fuck. Get in here, man! It’s Jacquelyn.”

  The glass Julien was holding slipped free of his hand, smashing all over the bar floor. But none of that registered as he bolted around the end of the counter and rushed into the game room to find Jacquelyn holding her head and rocking back and forth, mumbling to herself.

  “What happened?” Julien asked no one in particular. “What’s the matter with her?”

  “So hot…” she said as she tugged at her dress, which was barely any material at all, and Julien took hold of her shoulders and stopped her. “I’m so hot.”

  “Jacquelyn? Jacquelyn?” he said with more force, warning signs flashing in his head. “Look at me.”

  “I feel…strange, Jules,” she said as she swayed on her feet, and then her breathing began to come faster until it was erratic and choppy, and she shook her head again as if trying to shake something free.

  This was not normal. Something was wrong. He’d been around people high on E and they usually got super energetic, extremely alert, and sometimes overly sexual—but not this. Never this.

  Julien whirled around to glare at Aaron and Ezra, who were standing behind him with wide, manic eyes—both high as fucking kites.

  “Call an ambulance,” Julien shouted at Ezra, and when he just stood there, Julien let go of Jacquelyn, grabbed hold of Ezra’s shirt, and yanked him in so close their noses touched. “Call a fucking ambulance. She’s having some kind of reaction.”

  As Julien’s words finally seemed to get through, Ezra shoved a hand into his pocket and fished out his phone. Julien made sure to watch him hit 911, and then he looked to Aaron and said, “Stay the fuck with him and tell them whatever they need to know. You tell them what she took.”

  Julien turned back to see Jacquelyn now sitting on one of the couches in the room, clutching at her head. He rushed over to her and crouched down, his alcohol buzz somehow shoved aside as he stared up into her flushed face.

  Fuck, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to help her. “Jacquelyn?”

  “So hot,” she said again, as she tried to focus. She blinked erratically and reached for him, and when she missed and fell forward, Julien grabbed her. “I’m so hot, Jules.”

  Julien put a hand to her forehead, and she was right—she was burning up.

  He leaned her back in the chair, about to go and get some ice. But when he went to stand, her hand clamped around his wrist and her confused eyes found his.

  “Don’t,” she said, shaking her head, and Julien turned his hand around so he could take hold of hers. “Don’t go.”

  Julien looked over his shoulder, conflicted. Ezra was pacing the floor with the phone to his ear, and Aaron—Aaron was nowhere to be fucking found.

  Julien turned back to Jacquelyn, and a tear ran down her cheek. “I’m scared, Jules…don’t leave me.”

  Julien fell to his knees in front of her and peered into the face that was so much like his own. Jesus, how could he have given her that fucking pill?

  “Don’t be scared,” he said, and Julien wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince her or himself as he stroked a hand over her hair, pushing it behind her ear. “Ezra called an ambulance. They’re going to be here in just a—”

  He never got to finish his words, though, because Jacquelyn’s head jerked to the left, and then her entire body torqued and froze at an unnatural angle. Not a second later, she pitched forward.

  “Jacquelyn…? Jacquelyn!” he shouted, and barely managed to catch her as she began to seize. Her body started to twitch and convulse uncontrollably, and all Julien could do was watch in horror, helpless, as he laid her out on the floor and turned her on her side.

  Tears streamed down his face as he moved down to lie beside her, taking one of her hands in his, and that was when he started to pray.

  In English.

  In French.

  In a combination of both.

  He tried everything he could, from apologizing for Aaron and the E, to offering himself up instead, and he did it over and over, determined that someone would hear him. Someone would help him.

  He wasn’t exactly sure how long it took the ambulance to get there.

  He wasn’t sure how he got from his parents’ house to the hospital.

  But the next thing Julien remembered after lying down beside Jacquelyn and bartering his soul with God was coming to in a hospital room and realizing that God had listened.

  Because Jacquelyn was gone. In a better place, they kept telling him.

  And him? He was left there to suffer
in a hell of his own making.

  ROBBIE’S TEETH DUG into his lower lip as he tried to fight against the overwhelming emotions he was experiencing. Julien’s body shook against his where he’d curled in on himself and buried his face at Robbie’s hip, and the agony in his voice as he’d spoken of Jacquelyn’s final moments was heart-wrenching.

  After the wave crashed down over him, Julien turned those haunted eyes up toward Robbie, and that was when he finally lost the battle. Robbie let his tears fall free as he brought a trembling hand up to stroke it down the line of Julien’s jaw. He was so incredibly beautiful, this man lying in his arms.

  So incredibly beautiful and so unbelievably broken.

  “Julien,” Robbie whispered into the heavy silence that now surrounded them, and he wanted to tell Julien that what had happened that night wasn’t his fault. That Jacquelyn was the one who wanted to take the drug. That Aaron was the one who’d given it to her. But Robbie knew Julien would never look at it that way. He would look at it that he was her big brother. He was the protector. And he had ultimately been the one to put that drug in her hand.

  That line of thinking was so very Julien. Wasn’t Robbie always the one that thought of him as the nurturer? The one looking after all those around him?

  A tragedy like this wasn’t something Julien would ever forgive himself for. But maybe he could look at things differently one day—maybe, Robbie thought, and lowered his head to press his lips to Julien’s.

  As Julien’s dazed and tired eyes fluttered shut, a sigh left him, and Robbie wondered if he would feel better in the morning for having unburdened himself tonight.

  That was a question he’d have to wait to get an answer for, though, because Julien’s breathing was now even and steady as he lay there on the floor in the protective child pose.

  Robbie then noticed Julien was holding on to something, and he angled his head to the side to see a book in Julien’s hands: Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.

  God, Robbie thought, as he stroked his fingers through Julien’s hair. The sadness you must feel…

  He shut his eyes, and as he thought of the loss Julien lived with daily, he fully opened his heart to the man asleep in his lap.