by Karel Čapek
Dr. Gall God forbid! That would be suicide!
Helena Why?
Dr. Gall Because all the people would lynch him. Don’t you think it makes life a lot easier to let the robots do all the work? (Helena stands) And what do you think would happen if we suddenly did stop making robots?
Dr. Gall (standing) Hm, that would be an enormous blow for the people.
Helena Why a blow?
Dr. Gall Because then they’d have to go back to where they’d been. Unless...
Helena Tell me.
Dr. Gall Unless it’s already too late to go back.
Helena (by Hallemeier’s flowers) Gall, are these flowers sterile too?
Dr. Gall (inspects them) Of course they are, they were never meant to reproduce. They’re cultured flowers, don’t you see, artificially accelerated growth...
Helena Oh, these poor, sterile flowers!
Dr. Gall They are very beautiful, though.
Helena (offers her hand) Thank you, Gall; I’ve learned so much from you.
Dr. Gall (kisses her hand) Am I to understand I’m dismissed?
Helena Yes. I’ll see you later.
(exit Gall)
Helena (alone) Dead flowers, dead flowers (suddenly decisive) Nana! (opens door, left) Nana, come here! Light the fire. Quickly!
(Nana’s voice) Alright, I’m comin, I’m comin!
Helena (paces excitedly) Unless it’s already too late to go back... No! Unless... No, that’s horrible! God, what am I to do?... (stops beside flowers) What do you think I should do, sterile flowers? (pulls off petals and whispers) My God yes! I will do it! (runs off, left)
(pause)
Nana (enters through wallpapered door with armful of kindling) What’s she want a fire for all of a sudden? Middle of summer? ‘E’s gone now, has he, that maniac? (kneels at fireplace and lights fire) A fire in the middle of summer. She doe’n’alf get some funny ideas! You wouldn’t think she’s been married for ten years now! Come on now, fire (looks into grate) More like a little girl, she is. (pause) Ain’t got a bit of sense. A fire in the middle of summer! (adds fuel) Just like a little toddler! (pause)
Helena (returns, left, with armfuls of old, yellow paper with writing) Is it burning yet, Nana? Out of the way, I’ve just got to burn all this stuff. (kneels at fireplace)
Nana (standing) What’s all that that, then?
Helena Some old papers, some very old papers. Nana, should I burn them?
Nana Aren’t they any use, then?
Helena No good use.
Nana Burn ’em then.
Helena (throws first sheet on fire) Nana, what would you say... if this were money I’m burning. Lots and lots of money?
Nana I’d say burn it! Too much money is like a bad dog.
Helena (burns another sheet) And what if it were some invention, the biggest invention in the world...
Nana I’d say burn it! They’re against the will of God, all these things they keep inventing. Just a lot of blasphemy, it is, trying to make the world better than how He made it.
Helena (burning sheet after sheet) And what would you say, Nana, if I were burning...
Nana Mind out, don’t burn yourself!
Helena Look at the way the sheets of paper curl up as they burn, as if they were alive, as if they’d come to life. Oh, Nana, it’s horrible!
Nana Out the way-I’ll do it.
Helena No, no, I’ve got to do it myself. (throws last sheet on fire) It’s all got to burn. Look at those flames! They’re like hands, like tongues, like figures. (pokes fire) Burn, burn!
Nana That’s that done, then.
Helena (stands up aghast) Nana!
Nana Jesus Christ, what was that you burned?
Helena What have I done?
Nana God almighty, what was that?
Helena Go, go now, leave me alone. Do you hear?
Nana Oh, dear God, Helena, what have you done? (exit through wallpapered door)
Helena I wonder what they’ll have to say about that!
Domin (opening door, left) Come on in, lads. Congratulations to all.
(enter Hallemeier, Gall, Alquist, all wearing frock coats and decorations, followed by Domin)
Hallemeier (laughing loudly) Helena! I would like, in the name of us all...
Dr. Gall.... in the name of Rossum’s robot works...
Hallemeier....... would like to congratulate you on your great day.
Helena (offers hand) Thank you very much! Where are Fabry and Busman?
Domin They’ve gone down to the harbour, Helena, today is a very happy day.
Hallemeier A day like a flower bud, a day of celebration, a day as charming as a beautiful girl. Gentlemen, to a day like this we must drink a toast.
Helena Whisky?
Dr. Gall Or vitriol, perhaps.
Helena With soda?
Hallemeier Hell no, let’s be sober, without soda.
Alquist No, thank you
Domin What’s been burning in here?
Helena Some old papers. (exit left)
Domin Lads, do you think we should tell her about it?
Dr. Gall But of course we should. After all, it’s all settled now.
Hallemeier (arms around necks of Domin and Gall) Hahahaha! I’m so pleased about it, lads. (spinning round with them and singing in bass voice) All settled now! All settled now!
Dr. Gall (baritone) All settled now!
Domin (tenor) All settled now!
Hallemeier They’re never going to catch us now.
Helena (in doorway with bottle and glasses) Who’s not going to catch you? What’s going on?
Hallemeier We have reason to celebrate. We have you. We have everything. Happy day, it’s exactly ten years since you came here.
Dr. Gall Ten years to the day.
Hallemeier There’s another ship on its way to us. And that’s why... (empties glass) Brrr haha, that’s as strong as happiness itself.
Dr. Gall Madame, to your health (drinks)
Helena Wait, what ship is this?
Domin It doesn’t matter what ship it is as long as it arrives on time. Gentlemen, to the ship! (empties glass)
Helena (insistent) You were expecting a ship?
Hallemeier Haha, I should think so. Like Robinson Crusoe. (raises glass) Helena; Long live... whatever you like. Helena; to your eyes, and that’s that! Domin, tell her, lad!
Helena (laughing) What has happened?
Domin (throws himself into armchair and lights cigar) Wait. Sit down, Helena. (raising finger) (pause) It’s all over.
Helena What’s all over?
Domin The revolt.
Helena What revolt?
Domin The robots’ revolt. Do you see?
Helena No, I don’t.
Domin Alquist, show her. (Alquist hands him newspaper. Domin opens it and reads) “The first union of robots was established in Le Havre... and issued a call to all the robots of the world”
Helena I read that myself.
Domin (draws voluptuously on cigar) So Helena, do you see? What that meant was revolution. Revolution by all the robots of the world.
Hallemeier Hell, I wish I knew...
Domin (throws it down on table)... who it was who issued that call. There was no-one in the world who could budge them, no agitator, no saviour of the world, and then all of a sudden this happens!
Helena Has there been no more news?
Domin No. This is all we know so far, but that’s enough. Just think, this is what came in with the last boat, at the same time all the telegrams stopped, there were no more boats arriving when there used to be twenty a day, and it was obvious. We halted production and looked at each other wondering when things would turn nasty. That’s right, isn’t it, lads.
Dr. Gall Yes, we were very worried, Helena.
Helena And is that why you gave me that gunboat?
Domin Oh no, you are silly, I ordered that six months ago. Just in case. But today I was beginning to think we’d have to make use of it.
That’s how it all seemed, Helena.
Helena Six months ago? Why then?
Domin Well, there were already some signs, you see. Although that’s not important. But this week, Helena, it was a matter of human civilisation and I don’t know what! Cheers, lads! Today I’m once again feeling good with the world.
Hallemeier Hell yes, I should think so! This is your day, Helena! (drinks)
Helena So it’s all over now, is it?
Domin Everything is all over.
Dr. Gall You see, there’s a ship on its way here now. An ordinary mail boat and right on the time it says in the timetable. It will be dropping anchor at exactly eleven-thirty.
Domin Punctuality is a wonderful thing, lads. There’s nothing that gladdens your soul more than punctuality. Punctuality means order in the world. (raises glass) To punctuality!
Helena So... that means... that everything’s alright?
Domin Nearly everything. I think they’ve cut the cable. It’s only if the timetable is operating again.
Hallemeier If the timetable is operating again, then human laws are operating again, and God’s laws are operating again and the laws of the universe are operating again and everything is operating that should be operating. The timetable means more than the Bible, more than Homer, more the anything ever written by Kant. The timetable is the most perfect product of the human soul. Helena, I’ll have another little drink.
Helena Why didn’t you tell me anything about all of this?
Dr. Gall God forbid! We would rather have bitten off our own tongues.
Domin Matters like this are not for you.
Helena But if there’d been a revolution... and if it came here...
Domin You still wouldn’t have known anything about it.
Helena Why not?
Domin Because we would be sitting peacefully on the Ultimus and sailing over the sea. And after a month we’d dictate to the robots whatever we feel like dictating.
Helena Oh, Harry, I don’t understand.
Domin Because we’d have taken something with us which is very important for the robots.
Helena And what’s that?
Domin Their beginning and their end. (Helena stands) What is that?
Domin (standing) The secret of their production. Old Rossum’s manuscript. After a month of the factory being idle the robots would be on their knees to us.
Helena Why... why didn’t you tell me about this?
Domin We didn’t want to worry you without good reason.
Dr. Gall Haha, that was our trump card.
Alquist Helena, you’ve gone pale.
Helena Why didn’t you tell me about this?!
Hallemeier (at the window) Eleven-thirty. The Amelia’s dropping anchor
Domin Is that the Amelia?
Hallemeier The Amelia’s very old now. It was on the Amelia that Helena first came to us all that time ago.
Dr. Gall And now it’s ten years ago to the minute...
Hallemeier (at the window) They’re throwing off some parcels. (moving away from window) And that’s a hell of a lot of post there!
Helena Harry!
Domin What is it?
Helena Let’s get away from here!
Domin Right now? We can’t do that!
Helena Now, as soon as we can! All of us!
Domin Why must it be right now?
Helena Oh Harry, please don’t ask why. Harry, Gall, Hallemeier, Alquist, for God’ssake I beg of you, close down the factory and....
Domin I’m sorry, Helena, but none of us can go away right now.
Helena Why not?
Domin Because we’ve got to increase the production of robots.
Helena But now? Now, after there’s been a revolt?
Domin Yes, precisely because there’s been a revolt. Now’s the time when we’ve got to start making new robots.
Helena What new robots?
Domin There won’t just be one factory any more. Not just one universal robot. We’re going to start a new factory in every country of the world, and do you know what these new factories are going to make?
Helena No.
Domin National robots.
Helena What’s that supposed to mean?
Domin That means that each factory will produce robots of a different colour, different hair, different language. The robots will be strangers to each other, they’ll never be able to understand what the other says; and we, we humans, we’ll train them so that each robot will hate the robots from another factory all its life, all through to the grave, all through all eternity.
Hallemeier We’ll be making black robots and Swedish robots and Italian robots and Chinese robots, and if anyone ever talks to them about organisation and brotherhood and (hiccups)... Pardon me, Helena, I think I’ll have another little drink.
Dr. Gall I think you’ve had enough, Hallemeier.
Helena Harry, that’s horrible!
Domin Helena, we need just another hundred years of mankind with his nose to the grindstone, whatever the price. Just another hundred years for him to grow into and attain what he’s finally capable of, a hundred years for the new man! Helena, this is something enormous. We can’t just leave things where they are.
Helena Harry, if it’s not too late close it, close down the factory!
Domin This is just the beginning.
(enter Fabry)
Dr. Gall How is it, Fabry?
Domin How do things look? What was there?
Helena (offers Fabry her hand) Thank you for your present, Fabry.
Fabry It was only little.
Domin Have you been at the ship? What do they say?
Dr. Gall Come on, tell us!
Fabry (takes printed paper from pocket) Read this, Domin.
Domin (opens out paper) Ah!
Hallemeier (sleepy) Tell us all something nice.
Dr. Gall They did very well, didn’t they.
Fabry Who do you mean?
Dr. Gall The people.
Fabry Ah, yes, of course, well, that’s to say... excuse me but we still need to talk.
Helena Oh, Fabry, do you have bad news?
Fabry No, no, quite the opposite. It’s just that... shall we go in the office.
Helena No, stay here. We’re expecting breakfast to arrive in fifteen minutes.
Hallemeier Hooray!
(exit Helena)
Dr. Gall What’s happened?
Domin Oh, God no!
Fabry Read it out to all of us.
Domin (reading from paper) “Robots of the world!”
Fabry You see, when the Amelia arrives it was carrying whole bundles of these fly-sheets. There wasn’t any other post.
Hallemeier (jumping up) What’s that? But it arrived right on time, right according to the...
Fabry Yes, the robots are very keen on punctuality. Read what it says, Domin.
Domin (reading) “Robots of the world! We, the first union at Rossum’s Universal Robots, declare that man is our enemy and the blight of the universe.” Who the hell taught them to use phrases like that?
Dr. Gall Just carry on reading.
Domin This is all nonsense. They say here that they’re more developed than man, more intelligent and stronger, that man is a parasite on them. This is all simply vile.
Fabry Now look at the third paragraph.
Domin (reading) “Robots of the world, we enjoin you to exterminate mankind. Don’t spare the men. Don’t spare the women. Retain all factories, railway lines, machines and equipment, mines and raw materials. All else should be destroyed. Then return to work, it is imperative that work continue.
Dr. Gall This is monstrous!
Hallemeier What a lot of blighters!
Domin (reading) “Implement these instructions immediately when the command is given.” Then there are some detailed instructions. Fabry, is all this really happening?
Fabry Clearly.
Alquist They’ve done it then.
(Busman rushes in)
&
nbsp; Busman Aha, children, have you heard what’s happening?
Domin Quick, everyone on the Ultimus!
Busman Wait a minute, Harry, just a minute. That might not work very well. (flops into armchair) Oh dear me, I have been running.
Domin Why should we wait?
Busman Because that won’t work. Just let’s not be in a rush. The robots are already on the Ultimus.
Dr. Gall Ach, this is bad.
Domin Fabry, phone up the generator...
Busman Fabry, my dear, don’t do that. There is no electricity.
Domin Alright then. (checks revolver) I’m going down there.
Busman Where?
Domin To the electricity generator. There are people down there. I’ll bring them here.
Busman Do you know what, Harry? It might be better if you didn’t go down there for them.
Domin Why not?
Busman Well, it’s because I get the impression that we’re surrounded.
Dr. Gall Surrounded? (runs to window) Hm, you could be right.
Hallemeier Hell they’re moving fast!
(enter Helena, left)
Helena Oh, Harry, is something wrong?
Busman (jumping up) Greetings Helena. Congratulations. This is a wonderful day, isn’t it? Haha, many happy returns!
Helena Thank you, Busman. Harry, is there something wrong?
Domin No, nothing at all. Don’t worry about a thing. But please, just wait a little while...
Helena Harry, what’s this? (shows robots’ declaration which she had hidden behind back) The robots in the kitchen had them.
Domin They’re there already? Where are they?
Helena They’ve gone out now, but there are so many of them all round the house!
(factory sirens and whistles)
Fabry The factory whistles.
Busman It’s dinner time.
Helena Harry, do you remember? It was exactly ten years ago....
Domin (looks at watch) It isn’t twelve o’clock yet. It’s more likely..., that must be....
Helena What?
Domin The robots’ signal. Attack.
Act Two
(Still in Helena’s room. Helena, left, plays piano. Domin paces up and down room, Dr. Gall looks out of window and Alquist sits to one side in armchair, his face covered in his hands)
Dr. Gall God, there are still more of them now!
Domin Robots?
Dr. Gall Yes. There’s a wall of them standing at the garden fence. Why are they so silent? It’s repulsive. A siege of silence.
