“Um. Kind of?” He’d caught me off guard with his direct question, and I was trapping myself into a further misunderstanding.
“It’s okay. A lot of girls want to know that. You shouldn’t be embarrassed.”
Crap. No, I don’t care at all where you’ll be.
I needed to make things clearer, so I said, “I just thought my friend Lauren might want to say hi to you. You know who Lauren is?” At least I’d worked her name into the conversation. “You danced with her the other night…” He did know who Lauren was, right?
Blake’s eyes narrowed to slits while he stared at me. This was very uncomfortable, and I regretted doing it.
“I know who Lauren is. You’re reporting back to her where I’ll be today?”
At the risk of Lauren being very upset with me, I replied, “Yeah. She’d like to know where you’ll be. Where should I say?”
“Hmm. You can tell her I’m usually at the field. I think today’s soccer.”
“Okay, great. I’ll let her know. You do want me to tell her where you’ll be?”
“Sure. And Dahlia,” he waited for me to look at him before continuing, “why don’t you come along, too?”
I walked away before he could say anything more. I’d done what Lauren asked me to. When reporting back to her, I’d planned to tell her Blake wanted her to come. And I wouldn’t mention he’d asked me, too.
Following the camp cleanup, we attended the goodbye ceremony in the field for those leaving before July’s session. I had to smile when I saw Devin’s red-haired follower get on a bus leaving camp. And I’d also noticed Devin was wearing his name tag again. That other annoying girl who’d stolen it from him must’ve returned it because she was leaving today, too. Good. No more interruptions from them. Someone else would probably like him during the next session. But I’d planned to deal with that when and if the time came.
After the goodbye ceremony, we had lunch. I sat with Lauren and secretly watched Devin from across the room. Once we were excused, a crowd formed as we were all trying to get out of the dining hall to get ready for afternoon activities. While I waited, someone’s arm bumped me. When I looked, I saw it was Devin. He made sure no one heard him and whispered, “Check your pocket.”
The pockets for our secret pal gifts were still hanging up from the previous session. More pockets would be added today for all the new people arriving. I walked over to my pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. It said: Come swim with me.
Immediately, I went to find Lauren. She had moved all her belongings into my cabin and took the bunk across from mine. I’d moved to a lower bunk after one had become available today.
When I checked, she wasn’t in the cabin. So, I changed into my bikini and waited. Lauren eventually showed up.
“I talked to Blake for you today,” I announced, seeing the coast was clear to talk freely.
“You did? What did he say?” She grabbed my arm and proceeded to sit across from me on her bunk. She’d always been naturally affectionate, so unlike me. I wouldn’t have grabbed her like that in case she would pull away or something, even though I knew she wouldn’t.
“Not much. But he did imply he’d like you to go play soccer with him at the field.”
“He did? Okay, then I’ll need to change my clothes. What are you going to do today?”
“Well, I’m in my bikini, so…” I said as I looked down. It seemed obvious what my plans were. “I guess I’ll swim.”
She looked over and laughed. “Oh, right. Sorry. I’m really distracted.”
“Yeah, that’s okay.”
She changed her shoes and stood up to go. “Well, then while you’re swimming, I think I’m going to play the field.” She laughed at her play on words. “I assume a certain cute lifeguard is at the lake today?”
“Uh-huh. He left a note in my pocket asking me to go.” I grinned, not holding back my excitement.
Lauren’s eyes widened. “It’s like a secret date,” she stated. She almost looked envious.
“Kind of—except other people will be there, I’m sure, so we can’t do anything other than swim.”
“True. Do you think you’ll stay in your swimsuits?”
Playfully, I hit her. “Devin isn’t like that. He’s very good at keeping boundaries. Very.”
“Too bad. Blake’s not.” She smiled at me, and I figured they’d crossed a line. I waited for her to tell me the details. “Well, we haven’t officially done anything. But now that I know he wants me to come to soccer, I feel pretty sure we will.”
“I see.”
Part of me wanted to tell her Blake had invited me as well and to be very cautious with him, but I didn’t want to make her angry. She seemed so happy.
We left the cabin together and walked down the hill. She walked off toward the water fountain to get a drink, and I started down the path toward the lake.
When I came up to the dock, I saw Devin sitting on it. He was wearing a white T-shirt and a pair of navy swim trunks this time. Someone else was on lifeguard duty and sat in the official chair with a whistle around his neck.
Carefully, I walked up to Devin and took a seat beside him. He glanced over at me as his hair blew across his face. Impulsively, I reached over, moved the hair from his cheek, and tucked it behind his ear. He looked down, but I saw him smile. I wanted to place my hand on his but knew better. Instead, I placed my hands into my lap, waiting to see what he had in mind for us.
I saw him glance up at the water, so I looked to see what had gotten his attention. Only a few swimmers were out today. Others were sunbathing on the loungers. No one seemed to be paying attention to us.
“Come with me,” he said under his breath.
He stood up, turned around to face me, then did a backflip off the pier. I put my hands up, trying to avoid all the water splashing me.
With no hesitation, I stood up and jumped in, too. He started swimming, then flipped over onto his back to remind me how to do that. I copied his movements, as he continued his swim. He ended up taking me completely across the length of the lake to the other side.
When he sat down on the sandy slope, I joined him. The cool water lapped around our legs. I shivered but wasn’t sure if it was from being cold or from the thrill of being alone with Devin.
“You got my note.” Devin didn’t look at me when he spoke.
“Yes, I did.”
“I’m glad you showed up.” Now he looked at me.
“You knew I would.”
He smiled, then looked back toward the opposite shore. He watched some of the other swimmers playing in the water while I stared at his profile, liking some of the stubble on his jaw. There wasn’t a single flaw on his face. He had a perfect complexion.
Devin eventually looked back at me and saw me studying him. He looked off again. I wondered what was happening here.
Finally, he spoke. “Dahlia… We have to be careful.”
I immediately replied, “I know.”
Devin looked curiously at my face, then looked off, shaking his head. “I could lose my job if we aren’t.” He looked back to see my reaction to his statement.
I certainly didn’t want him to lose his job because of me. But I didn’t want to lose him either—the potential for something other than a counselor/camper relationship was what I wanted.
“I wouldn’t want to be responsible for you losing your job. I know you need it. But I don’t—I can’t stay away from you. Please don’t ask me to.” My voice was barely above a whisper. The thought that Devin might suggest we not talk anymore this summer devastated me. I hardly knew him, but I felt like I did. And I knew I wouldn’t enjoy camp if he weren’t a part of it with me. I might as well go home, then.
Devin was quiet for a minute, maybe contemplating my request. It appeared he was watching some campers who were diving off the pier. Then he looked back at me. He sighed, and I worried what he would say. He opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated. Finally, he replied, “I don’t want you to
stay away. I’m saying we have to be discreet.”
This was good news. Devin wasn’t rejecting me but informing me of the rules. I could handle being discreet if it meant he still talked to me.
“I understand.” I nodded enthusiastically to prove I did.
“Do you? Because I want to be clear so you don’t get hurt. This is as far as we go.”
I had to stop myself before speaking, because his words confused me. Like swim buddies?
Needing him to clarify his motives, I asked, “Um, what does that mean?”
“It means… I have to be the adult and make sure nothing more happens between us. We’ve already crossed some lines.”
I didn’t like how he stressed he was the adult in this relationship. In a few weeks, I’d be one, too. “But I’ve heard counselors and campers have gotten around the restrictions.”
Devin shot me a look like he couldn’t believe I’d hinted we should. “If you mean counselors haven’t behaved as such with campers, then yes—I’m fully aware of that. But as far as we’re concerned, I won’t take that risk.”
So, was he willing to take any risks?
In a panic, I asked, “Are you going to avoid me?” And I realized I’d whispered my question.
Devin looked off at the other side of the lake and said, “No.” Then he turned and looked directly at me. His gaze had softened. “I know you want to hear this. I’m interested in you, too.”
I wanted confirmation I’d heard him right. “You are?”
He was staring at me and replied, “I am. And so, I’m going to ask you to trust me—even when my actions might make you think differently.”
When I didn’t respond, he nodded at me. This told me it was okay to trust him.
“Okay.” I let out the breath I’d been holding.
“But, Dahlia,—”
Here would come the bad news… I held my breath again to hear what the “but” was.
“—no one can know I have feelings for you.”
He watched to be sure I understood, so I nodded to show I did. He sighed and looked off. I did, too.
“We should head back before people notice we’ve been sitting here a while.” He started to go, but I grabbed his arm.
“Devin, what did you think when I came to your cabin last night?”
He didn’t respond but instead pulled me by my hand to start the swim back to the other side of the lake.
We grabbed our towels as soon as we got back to the dock and dried off. There was no talking at this point, and the situation felt a little emotionless on his part. I’d hoped he would want to take more risks with me since I was pretty sure Blake would for Lauren. She was lucky Blake didn’t seem to care who caught him. Devin wasn’t willing to be that way for me.
We began to walk away from the lake and back to camp, but we stayed silent. This left me wondering when we might talk again. Just as we were approaching the middle of camp, I spotted Aaron. He was drawing something while sitting by the lower campfire circle.
“Do you still want to know his story?”
I realized Devin was referring to Aaron. Suddenly my face lit up. Not only would I learn about Aaron, but also Devin would linger to talk with me.
“Yes, please.”
“He was the only survivor of a car crash. His parents and sister died. And because of it, he suffered brain damage. He’s had to relearn pretty much everything.”
Devin told it so bluntly. I hadn’t expected such a terrible story.
I looked over at Aaron, then back at Devin and said, “That’s horrible. How long ago?”
“He was around twelve. He’s sixteen now but has the mentality of someone who is around ten, I think. That’s why he says really odd things and doesn’t handle social situations appropriately.”
“I had no idea… Who takes care of him now? Do you know?”
“He was adopted after the accident. Something you two have in common. And like you, he lost his DNA family all in one day.”
Shock was taking hold of me now, and I needed some time to process the information.
“Thank you for telling me.” My heart just ached for Aaron.
“It’s interesting how you were drawn to me and to him.” Devin waited for me to respond.
“What do you mean?”
“Perhaps you sense things about a person like that—like one adoptee to another. Loss. Anyway, I’ve got to get changed before dinner.” He leaned into me and spoke near my ear. “You felt good in my arms last night.” Then he pulled away and quickly said, “I’ll see you later.” He smiled one last time at me, then let go and headed to the craft cabin.
Even though I loved his confession, reality set in. I realized Devin wasn’t going to kiss me this summer, and I was going to have to accept it. This was as far as he was willing to take things physically.
I began the hike up the hill toward the cabin to change my clothes for dinner.
“How was the swim?” Lauren asked, once I’d entered the cabin.
“It was okay,” I said.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” Her expression showed concern.
Since no one else was in the cabin, I decided we could talk there. I didn’t bother to take off my bikini but pulled a long-sleeved shirt on over it instead. Then I put on some jeans that had most of the knees ripped out. Once all my clothes were on, I fell across the bed.
“It’s what didn’t happen,” I informed her.
“Well, he can’t make moves on you in broad daylight.”
“Thank you. You’re quite helpful there. He made it clear he wasn’t going to—anywhere. That would include in dark places.” I looked over at her to see her reaction.
Her mouth gaped open, then she made a sad face. “I’m sorry. But hey, the summer isn’t over yet. Maybe he’s just saying what he thinks he needs to say.”
“You think so?”
“I do. Now let’s go to dinner and see our guys.”
That suggestion made me grin. Seeing Devin was all I wanted to do.
***
Dinner was pretty boring. I knew where Devin was seated, and I felt sure he knew where I was. But that was it. At the end of the meal, the director got up and announced that we were drawing our secret pals next. Most of the new campers and counselors had arrived after lunch.
Our table was called, and we got in a single file line to draw out names. My paper said: Marissa Thomas. Her name sounded familiar, but I wasn’t sure why. Once we all had drawn a name out and were seated back in our places, they went over the things we could do for our pals.
We would have a little free time before meeting with our new family groups because the counselors were headed to a staff meeting at seven. We all got up at the same time to leave the building.
I wasted no time and moved quickly to catch up to Devin, who was walking alone toward the director’s cabin. He eventually noticed I was walking beside him. I knew I was being aggressive, but I didn’t really care.
“You want to help me figure out who my secret pal is and deliver things?” I asked, trying to think of something neutral to talk about.
“Sure.”
After pulling the folded piece of paper from my pocket, I handed it to him. He looked at the name, stopped abruptly and looked around, then looked at the paper again. He handed it back to me but didn’t say anything.
“What’s wrong? Do you know who she is?” I asked.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he muttered. “I’ve got to run to the staff meeting. See you later.” He ran his hands through his hair and took off quickly, leaving me very confused.
***
Devin didn’t come to the campfire tonight, which was very strange. Counselors were expected to attend all activities and keep eyes on their campers. Did something happen at the staff meeting? When the campfire was over, I was so disappointed but had no choice but to head to my cabin. More than anything I wanted to go find Devin.
All of us in the cabin got ready for bed and then crawled onto our bunks. C
aroline turned off the lights, but most of the cabin was awake and talking. Lauren had moved over to lie down on my sleeping bag so we could whisper.
“You seem really down. Wasn’t he at the campfire?” she asked.
“No. I don’t know where he was.”
“Maybe he had a headache or something and went to lie down,” she suggested. “Where’s his cabin now?”
I responded, “He took over Dave’s cabin since he left.”
“That one’s close to this one. I’ll cover for you if you want to try to talk to him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. He has to get his cabin ready for bed, too, so he can’t leave to talk to me. And what would people think if I knocked on the door and said I needed to talk to him in private?”
“Good point. So, ask me about Blake.” She switched the topic abruptly.
“What about Blake?” I asked, but didn’t care.
“He talked to me when we were leaving the campfire. He’s going to find a place where we can meet. You know—discreetly.”
“What?” This surprised me. I sat up a little. “How far do you plan to go?”
“Whatever we feel like doing. I’m eighteen, which makes me legal, remember? It’s not quite the same situation as you and Devin. No offense.”
Feeling apprehensive about this news I said, “But still… He’s a counselor. He could get into a lot of trouble and lose his job. And I don’t want anything to happen to you either.”
“I thought you’d be ecstatic for me. I would be for you if you told me Devin wanted to meet you somewhere to hook up.”
I could hear the hurt in her tone. But this conversation was making the hairs on my arm stand on end. I didn’t think Blake should be this willing to do things with her regardless of her age, so it made me think he’d done it before and maybe with a lot of girls. I didn’t want to see Lauren get hurt.
Not wanting to make her feel bad, I said, “Just be really careful.”
“Aren’t I always?” She laughed as she moved back to her bunk to go to sleep.
Chapter Ten
I woke up feeling a knot in my stomach. Questions swirled in my head. Where was Devin during the campfire? Was he sick? It surprised me he wouldn’t try to find me somehow before bed, even if just for a hug. Hopefully, I’d see him at breakfast and get some answers.
Edge of Eighteen: A Slow Burn Summer Camp Love Story Page 11
