Shut up, Lauren. The last thing I wanted was for Devin to hear me sing, even though I wasn’t bad. Caroline jotted it down, and it looked like I was going to be singing for part of the skit.
Once Caroline seemed satisfied with all the brainstorming, she excused us to go to other activities but said we’d meet again tomorrow morning to start rehearsing.
“Why did you do that?” I asked Lauren once we were headed down the hill.
“Do what?”
“Volunteer me to sing.”
“Because you sang in some school productions.”
“But that’s different. Devin wasn’t watching me.”
Lauren started laughing. “Oh, so that’s why you don’t want to. You have a nice voice, and he’ll think so, too.”
I hesitated, then said, “I’ll do it on one condition. I get to choose the song.”
“Okay, that’s fair. Which one?”
“Let me think on it, and I’ll let you know.”
We started to head in different directions on the path.
“Hey, where are you going?”
“I just need to run inside the dining hall. Be right back,” I explained.
Immediately I checked my secret pal pocket. I saw a note. Anxiously, I opened it. It read: Come find me during the counselor hunt.
Once again, my heart started racing. We were going to have some alone time. He might not kiss me, but he’d definitely hold me. I’d take anything I could get at this point.
I left the dining hall and headed back to Lauren.
“What do you want to do?” Lauren asked once I’d met back up with her.
“I don’t care. Oh, but I’m going to do the counselor hunt this afternoon.” The game had been scheduled in place of our volleyball practice.
“Really? Why? The last one was such a waste of time.”
“Um, because I know where to find the counselor that I want.”
Lauren stopped walking and just stared at me. “Seriously?”
“Yep. So yeah, I’d like to play today.”
She nudged me. “I guess so. Wish Blake would do the same for me.”
“He makes out with you,” I reminded her.
“And I plan to let him do a whole lot more.” Her comment forced me to go quiet. “What?”
“I’m just worried. Don’t take this the wrong way, but what if you aren’t the only one he’s meeting and doing things with?”
“Thanks.” She looked hurt.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. You’re probably the only one.” But as I said this I was thinking the opposite. Blake just seemed the type to get into the pants of as many girls as he could. The girls here were more than willing, too. “Come on. Let’s go get ready for the game.”
Chapter Thirteen
All the campers were gathered on the basketball court around four. The counselors had already taken off to hide. We had a little over an hour to find them all. That meant I had an hour to be alone with Devin, and I planned to make the most of that time.
The director of the camp counted down, and then we were off. I waved goodbye to Lauren, then made my way to the craft cabin. When the coast was clear, I ran up the stairs and into the room. I locked the door behind me so as not to risk anyone walking in on us.
Devin was sitting in the chair again, and immediately I found his lap and cuddled against him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. We didn’t speak for a few minutes while he held me to him. My fingers ran through his hair, tugging on the wet ends.
“I was lifeguarding earlier since we didn’t have volleyball today. So I took a shower right before coming here,” he explained.
“I missed you,” I gushed.
Devin swallowed. “We’re here now.”
“Come with me,” I said, getting off his lap.
It caught Devin by surprise when I pulled him to a standing position.
“Where are we going?”
“Some place more comfortable.”
I sat down on the single bunk, while he hesitated, then sat down next to me. We looked awkwardly at each other.
“I don’t know if this is such a good idea,” he said gently.
Before he could object further, I fell over on the bed and pulled him by his arm to join me. We faced each other on our sides. Devin outstretched his arm so I could use it for a pillow. His hand then swooped through my hair while he stared into my eyes. This was the perfect opportunity to kiss me, but he continued to show self-control.
“Have you ever been in a serious relationship?” he asked.
“Yeah. I had a boyfriend when I was sixteen. We were together a year. He was a year ahead of me and left for college last fall. He broke up with me when I got back from camp last year.”
He raised his eyebrows. “How far did you go?”
“If you’re asking me whether we had sex, then yes. Surprised?”
“Yeah.” He looked down but kept his hand in my hair. When he looked at me again, he spoke. “When I look at you, I just see such an innocent young girl.”
“But I’m not.” I bent my leg so it touched his leg.
He swallowed. “How long were you together before you had sex?”
I added in my head. “I think about four months.”
His eyes remained on me. “Have you had sex with anyone else?”
“No. But I would with you right here, if you wanted me.”
Devin held the back of my head and smiled. “I know you would. That’s why I’m going to keep control. For the both of us.” He pulled my head to rest under his chin but continued to play with my hair.
“If the circumstances were different, then would you?” I stared at his chest, waiting to hear his answer.
He shifted positions to lie on his back and look up at the ceiling. “Depends. A few things would have to be different.”
“Really? So, let’s pretend we hadn’t met at this camp. What else would have to be different so you’d do that with me?”
“Well, that’s a start—me not being your counselor. Also, we’d need to be in a committed relationship so we could face anything that could go wrong. My past shows how much can go wrong. And finally,” he paused and took my chin to make me look at him again before continuing, “you’d need to be over eighteen.”
“Do I have to be over eighteen for you to kiss me?” I asked, feeling hopeful.
“No, but we need to be away from the camp.”
I sighed. Nothing I said was going to convince him, and I would have to let it go.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, showing me concern.
“You know what’s wrong,” I muttered.
“It’s a summer crush that you’re feeling for me. It’ll pass once you’re home.”
His response made me push up so I could look at him. “No, it’s not. I might only be a seventeen-year-old in your eyes. And I might not have had the experiences you’ve had. But I know the difference between a crush and love. When I first saw you, you were a crush. But since we’ve spent time together and talked like this, it’s developed into more. I wish you could see that.” My eyes searched his to try to read his thoughts. “Do you really only see me as a camper who is infatuated with you?”
Devin stared at me, then deeply sighed. “I believe you think you like me more,” he said very gently. “I hope it’s not only infatuation.”
“You mean that?” I pursed my lips together, waiting for confirmation that I’d heard him right.
“Yeah,” he replied. “I’d like more than just a dalliance with you.”
His play on words with my name made me giggle. “Me, too.”
Devin sighed again while I organized my next question in my head. “If you don’t plan to kiss me, then why are you willing to do this with me? To lie on this bunk with me and hold me?”
He didn’t respond right away but appeared to be thinking over his answer. Finally, he said, “Because I like you, and I’m not showing complete self-control. I want to be next to you. Is th
is wise to do? No. But I’m doing it anyway. I realize if I appear to reject you in any way, it would really hurt you.”
I liked his answer. A lot.
I settled my cheek against his chest again, then watched it rise and fall in a steady rhythm. “What do you think is the attraction between us?”
Devin was quiet and thinking again. His hand continued to play in my hair. “I’m not exactly sure. We both have abandonment issues.”
“How so?” I propped my chin up on his chest so I could watch him while he spoke.
Devin supported his head using his free hand under it. “Your birth parents relinquished you. It’s natural you’d have some abandonment issues from that, whether you realize it or not. My dad walked out on us when I was in middle school. I’m sure I have some issues with that even if I try to convince myself I don’t care. And now I’ve done the same thing to my own child. Their child.”
It was touching to listen to him talk about his daughter. Impulsively, I tenderly stroked his cheek. “She’s still your child in your heart. She’ll always be yours. I was thinking she’ll probably like swimming and have no idea why. Just like I like volleyball but have no idea where that came from.” I then slid my hand down and found his so we could hold hands. When I looked up at his face, his eyes were closed, and he seemed content. “Do you want to see your dad again?” I whispered.
Devin’s fingertips massaged my palm, and it felt nice. “I guess so. I wish he wanted to see me. So, yes.”
We fell into a comfortable silence while we listened to campers running around outside the building. It was crazy to me that we’d progressed to this stage from the first night I saw him. He understood me, and I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. If nothing else, he’d probably be my friend for life. But I still wanted more than a friendship.
We didn’t have much more time to be with each other, but I was savoring what time we did have left. Devin’s hand glided through my hair once more before he stretched out. At any second he’d tell me that we had to go.
“Can’t we just skip dinner? I never eat anyway.”
“I noticed that. You’re going to waste away if you don’t start eating.”
Then I bluntly asked, “Why did you and Marissa break up?”
Devin’s hand abruptly stopped moving in my hair. The question must have come out of nowhere as far as he was concerned, but I’d been thinking about it for days. “That’s for another time.” Devin nestled his lips against my hair. “We have to go,” he whispered.
As he sat up, he gently pulled me up with him. Reluctantly, I got off the bed.
He walked to the cabin window, looked out, and turned back to me. “It looks like the coast is clear. Let’s make this quick.”
Devin opened the door and motioned for me to run out.
Once I was outside the craft cabin, I took off down the stairs and rounded the corner. Then my face felt like it had hit a brick wall. Stunned, I took a step back and saw I’d run into Blake. There wasn’t any excuse I could give this time. So I turned away from him and walked toward the basketball court, where the other campers were waiting. When I glanced back, Devin had just come down the stairs. He stopped and looked at Blake, then walked past him as if nothing had happened. Blake had caught us. Now, what did he plan to do about it?
***
Dinner was a nightmare to get through. I needed to talk to Devin about what Blake saw, but I wasn’t sitting anywhere near him. Finally, I had my chance to talk when I saw him get up to refill his drink. Snatching up my own cup, I met him by the beverage table. He knew it was me even though he didn’t look.
“Blake saw us,” I whispered.
“I know,” Devin said as he poured some lemonade into my cup, then topped off his own.
“What’s going to happen?”
“Nothing.” Then he turned and looked at me. “Don’t worry. He won’t say anything.”
“But how do you know?”
“I just do. We need to avoid being alone with each other for a few days. But I’ll see you at volleyball practice.”
Before I could respond, Devin turned and walked back to his seat. I watched him, waiting until he looked back at me. And after he did, I turned and walked out of the dining hall. This made one more meal I skipped.
***
I couldn’t sleep, so when the girls got up to serenade the boys, I joined them. We hit a couple of the other cabins before we came to Devin’s. All the boys came out to watch us sing. Devin was the last one to step out onto the porch. I knew he saw me.
The serenade protocol was to sing, then go around and hug everyone before moving on to the next cabin. Devin stood on the steps of the cabin and leaned against the railing with his arms crossed. Girls lined up and each gave him a hug, while I remained out in the open below the cabin receiving hugs from the various boys. Then everyone moved on to Blake’s cabin, but I lingered behind. The boys from Devin’s cabin walked past him and inside to go back to bed.
Devin motioned for me to come over, so I did. He met me at the base of the stairs and surprised me by pulling me into him for a hug. His fingers tugged at the hair tie that held my hair back. He pulled it out completely, so my hair spilled down my back. His hands moved through my hair.
“I have a request,” I whispered.
“Oh. What’s that?”
“Could I borrow your music player and earphones?”
“Right now?”
“Yes. I’ll be careful not to get caught. I mean we’ve done a lot of riskier things, I’d say.”
Devin laughed. “That we have. Okay. I’ll be right back.”
He let go of me to head back up the stairs. I watched as he entered his cabin. As I waited, a breeze blew my loose hair across my cheek. I moved it off my face.
After a minute, Devin came back outside and down the stairs. He handed his player, earphones, and charger to me, all of which I took and slipped inside my sweatshirt pocket.
“You don’t have to give it back right away,” he said.
“Thanks.” I took hold of him and hugged him to me again.
“Stop skipping meals because of me,” he said into my ear.
I pulled away to look him in the eye. “Then please don’t avoid me all week.”
“Dahlia…” He couldn’t say any more, and he had to let go of me, or it would look suspicious if anyone passed by. He turned to go back up the steps, then stopped. After hesitating for a moment, he looked right at me and said, “I won’t avoid you completely. I’ll make some time for you. Somehow.”
Devin saw me smile, giving him the go-ahead to return to his cabin.
Chapter Fourteen
Week Five
Every day I looked forward to the one-hour practice for our volleyball tournament because it meant I was around Devin and didn’t have to worry who saw us together. All I had left were these practices because he hadn’t left me any notes to meet him. I was worried Devin would act differently toward me since Blake had caught me leaving the craft cabin, but he didn’t. He treated me the same way, with a lot of compliments on my playing ability. I was glad he thought I was good, because our first playoff game would be this Friday.
And then there was the issue I had with Marissa, who was annoying during the practices. She constantly complimented Devin on his fine playing skills. I’d even worked out an impersonation of her and thought I’d show Devin sometime in the future. But then he might find me immature, so I thought maybe I shouldn’t.
At least Devin didn’t compliment Marissa during the practices. He was more considerate of my feelings and made me feel good. Whatever she had done last summer must have been huge for him to be like this. He was nice to everyone. But with her, he was civil, but his tone lacked warmth. She seemed to be working hard to break his coldness toward her.
Caroline used up even more of our free time by making us practice every day for the lame skit. Continuing to use Devin’s dated MP3 player, I’d found a few songs I liked. I asked Lauren if she thought she could play or at
least attempt a few chords of any of the songs I’d shown to her. Then I’d fill in the rest with what words I knew. We finally agreed on something, and I’d surprise Devin with it since I knew he’d know the song. It would be more or less performed secretly for him but in front of an audience.
I had no idea what was going on with our skit other than it seemed dumb. All Lauren and I had to do was perform our song in the background for one part of it. Seemed easy enough. Hopefully, the audience would pay more attention to the acts in the foreground than to my singing.
My secret pal continued to give me items, so I had a good one this time. Not only did I get candy but a lot of handmade items, too. I’d also made Aaron a visor and gave it to him during family group.
When I opened a folded piece of paper from inside my pocket, I realized it was a poem. It said: The hair of a maiden so dark, to gaze at is not sufficient. The tresses cascade beneath her shoulders in radiant beauty. To run fingers lovingly through the ends is a dream from which not to be awakened.
What? I reread it a few times making sure I understood it. I thought a guy had to have me and probably plagiarized a poem. Or maybe it was intended for another girl and was placed into the wrong pocket, which was easy to do since all the pockets were clothespinned side by side along a rope. I was sure it had to be a mistake—but a funny and ironic one since it was a poem about hair, and Devin loved mine, apparently.
On the way out of the dining hall, I dropped candy into Marissa’s pocket. Usually, I did a lot more things for my secret pal, but I just didn’t have it in me to do much for her. Maybe she’d gain weight after eating all the candy I’d given her.
Lauren talked me into hanging out with her while she made a necklace for her secret pal. She knew I had zero interest in doing anything for Marissa.
“You keep looking over at the door,” Lauren said with a knowing smile.
“Do I? I guess subconsciously I want to be in there with him.”
“Not to change the subject, but Blake and I are going to meet up after the dance tomorrow night.”
“You are? Where?” I didn’t mean to sound so surprised, but I did because I was.
Edge of Eighteen: A Slow Burn Summer Camp Love Story Page 14
