I knew why he was asking this. He wanted to hear something good because he had no idea what the people who were raising his daughter were like.
“My parents are decent people, I suppose.”
“Yeah…”
“My brother’s had some issues with drugs. They’ve had to deal with a lot with him. I’m the perfect child—or so the expectations are on me to be. Except I’m not. I’m far from it. I just pretend I am because of the problems my brother’s had. I make sure I’m no trouble, get good grades, get home by curfew—all those things…”
“You seek their approval, then?”
I hadn’t thought of that before. Do I? “Maybe. I guess so.”
“You do seem perfect compared to me,” he said.
“I doubt that. Besides, I said I pretend.”
“How do you pretend that?”
“I just make sure they don’t know what really goes on with me. They see what they want to see on the outside,” I explained.
“But why do you do that? You don’t think they’d love you if you were something less?”
His question caught me off guard. “Um, I’m not sure. I never gave it any thought till now. Devin, you’re making me think,” I said in a joking way. “No, I don’t think they would stop loving me. But I want them happy with me.”
“Hmm. You know what I think of that?”
“No. What?”
Devin began scratching my back. “You’re afraid they might not love you if you don’t live up to the expectations you’ve placed on yourself to earn their love.”
“What?” He’d lost me.
“Why would your parents stick around for you if you’re disappointing? What happens if you do something wrong? Will they keep you?”
I’d wondered what he was talking about and felt defensive. “Well of course they will. You don’t just get rid of your children.”
Devin replied softly, “But she did…”
And then it all made sense. I knew exactly what Devin was trying to get me to see.
“Oh. Because my birth mom didn’t keep me, why would I believe I’m worth it for anyone else to stick around for?”
“Yeah…”
“You’re very perceptive, Devin Connell.”
“Not really. I can’t take credit where it’s not due. I read some things online after… I needed to know what we’d done to our child. I had to read something that told me I’d done the right thing. And I came across a ton of abandonment issue articles.”
“You did?”
“Unfortunately, yeah. And some articles about growing up to be serial killers.” He laughed playfully.
“I wouldn’t doubt it. They show that all the time on Lifetime. Adoptees are to blame for everything.”
There was a pause before Devin quietly said, “I think about her a lot, Dahlia. I feel sure your birth parents have, too—about you.”
“Thank you for that. What kind of people do you think she’s with?”
Hopefully, he knew I was referring to his little girl, and it was okay to talk about her.
Devin swallowed loudly. “I’m hoping decent people—like your parents. I’m not sure I could handle otherwise. I feel guilty as it is.”
“I know. You don’t know if she has a better life—just a different life. Let’s try to think the positive,” I said, then rolled on top of him, burying my face into his neck while both hands held his hair. This was impulsive of me, and I hoped he wouldn’t push me off. But right then, after our conversation, I felt especially close to him.
At first, Devin held me to him. His arms went around my back, encouraging me. Maybe he did want me to make the first move. Figuring it was the right moment, I moved my lips to meet his. But before I could fully get a lock on his lips, he gently stopped me.
“Dahlia,” he said barely above a whisper, “please don’t.”
His reaction slightly stunned me. The moment had seemed perfect to kiss. I heard myself ask, “Why?”
Devin moved his hands over his face in what seemed like exasperation. He moved them through his hair and swallowed. “I want to kiss you, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop.”
“But I already said it was okay with me. Don’t stop,” I said convincingly.
Devin gradually moved me off him so that we were face to face on our sides again. Then he used his fingers to comb through my hair. His breath was hot against my skin as he pressed his lips to my forehead. His arm reached protectively around me and held the back of my head, pressing my forehead into his chin.
“We can’t.”
“Because you don’t want to be committed to me?”
“That’s not what I’m saying. If I make love to you, then we’ll be in a committed relationship.”
It meant something to me that he put value into the act and didn’t just downplay it as sex. He was certainly not like Blake, who was probably banging Lauren right now.
I pressed further. “So because I’m not eighteen, we can’t? We’re back to that?”
“Yes. They’re all the same reasons I gave last time. This isn’t the right place or the right circumstances to do that—even if we want to,” he said and kissed my forehead again. “And I want to, Dahlia—with you.”
“What if we kiss, and I make sure we don’t go past that?” I asked, trying anything that might get me closer to what I wanted from him. “Do I have to be eighteen for that?”
He hesitated, then said, “No. Not for that.” He pulled me away so he could look at my face again and then moved some hair off my cheek with a little smile. “How about this? I promise to kiss you before camp is over.”
“But only my cheek?”
Devin turned my face so my ear was near his mouth and whispered, “Before camp is over, I’ll kiss your lips.” He pulled me back to look at me again. “Good enough?” He waited to see my response.
It took everything in me not to react with a scream of happiness but to remain calm. I forced myself to nod, still absorbing that he’d promised to kiss me.
“One more question.”
“Okay,” I replied.
“You know my last name somehow. What’s yours?”
“Oh.” I giggled. “May.”
“Dahlia May… I like the way that sounds.”
Dahlia Connell sounds even better!
We stayed there only a few more minutes before heading back to the movie so no one would be suspicious. The only reason I agreed so easily to go back was the promise he’d made. And I didn’t want to do anything to make him change his mind.
Chapter Seventeen
Breakfast wasn’t anything special since Devin didn’t sit with me. He came in late and took a seat at a table next to the wall near the far end of the dining hall. His back was to me, so I couldn’t even make eye contact to say hi. So frustrating.
Lauren noticed how quiet I was. “Hey… are you okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I’m fine.”
“Anything new with you two?”
“Sort of. He promised he’d kiss me before camp is over. I don’t know when.”
“Do you think he will?”
I thought about our talk. “Yes. He isn’t the type to break his word. He knows that’s important to me.”
“You two must spend a lot of time talking,” she observed.
Maybe it bothered Lauren that Blake didn’t take the time to get to know her—except her body.
“We do. He asks a lot of questions. I can tell he wants to know me.”
I glanced at Lauren. The expression on her face looked like one of envy. I had something she didn’t. Blake was giving her the physical aspect, but he probably knew nothing about her except her name. And it was debatable whether he even knew that.
“I’m ready to go,” she announced and abruptly stood up to leave. Then she cleared her dishes and walked out. Apparently, Lauren was done talking to me about Devin and everything else.
I thought maybe Devin would try to talk to me, but he didn’t. And he left with no mov
e toward my secret pal pocket, so I didn’t need to linger. Instead, I needed to get myself to family group.
Blake caught me off guard with a hug as soon as I entered the rec hall. Today, I made a point to check who else he’d hug and saw I was the only one he greeted that way. I wondered if he was being extra nice to make sure I wouldn’t tell on him and Lauren. Probably so, I thought.
Then I changed my mind toward the middle of our discussion. The group was divided in half. Caroline met with one group, and Blake met with my group. Aaron wandered around the room and wasn’t really in a group.
Everything seemed okay at first, while we all participated in the discussion. Then our group broke into pairs to discuss the topic further. After that, we were going to meet back with the entire group to share our thoughts. We had an odd number due to Aaron not joining us, so Blake volunteered to be with me. He chose me just a little too quickly, and it made me feel uneasy.
Blake sat down. “So, this summer has flown by, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” I said, fidgeting a little.
“I bet the boys have chased you around.” He smiled at me.
“No. Not really.” I looked down.
“No?”
I shook my head. “Not that I’m aware of.” I still hadn’t looked up.
“I bet you’re a heartbreaker.”
I looked up and scoffed, “Yeah, right.”
“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”
“Yes.” I wasn’t sure why Blake wasn’t sticking to the topic we were supposed to be discussing. It felt too personal for me. He was supposed to be Lauren’s whatever.
His next question caught me off guard. “Are you a virgin?”
I gave Blake a look of disgust. But he continued to stare at me, waiting for me to answer. He even raised one eyebrow. There wasn’t any way I could avoid his questions—unless I joined Aaron to wander the room.
“I don’t see what this has to do with the questions we’re supposed to be answering.” I turned away from his stare.
He lowered his voice. “Sure it does. We’re discussing relationships. I’m not a virgin. See? I answered the question. Now your turn. Are you?”
Glancing around, I made sure no one could hear me and whispered, “No.”
“I didn’t think so. At what age?”
It wasn’t any of Blake’s business. If Devin asked Lauren that question, I’d be furious. Blake was seeing Lauren, so really all he needed to know was her story.
“It’s okay. You can talk to me. I’m actually a really good listener.”
You’re also a really good douche bag.
“I prefer not to talk about that,” I finally said, stepping out of my comfort zone. “Let’s get back to the discussion question.”
Then I started telling him my answer to the question we were supposed to be discussing. But I knew he wasn’t listening.
“What do you and Devin talk about?” he asked under his breath.
He knew what he was doing. If I wouldn’t talk on my own, then he’d coerce me with what he knew about me and Devin. I had to either handle it now myself, or I’d have to involve Devin later. And then it would get ugly. Devin already didn’t like Blake—probably because he knew he was a player and did these kinds of things to the girls. He’d be so upset I hadn’t told him about Lauren.
“It’s time to rejoin the group,” I said as I stood up to move back to the circle of chairs, leaving him no shot at a retort others wouldn’t hear.
When Blake glided past my chair to sit in his, he gave me a side-glance that showed how irritated he was with me.
The rest of family group was spent discussing what we’d talked about in our smaller groups and me counting down the minutes until it was over.
When group ended, I started to leave the room, but Blake called me back. He was a counselor and technically in charge of me, so I had no choice but to see what he wanted. Grudgingly, I turned back to face him but stood near the door so I had an escape route. He walked over to me but waited till everyone had cleared out of the rec hall to speak.
“What’s your problem with me? I’m being nice to you, and you’re being very rude to me,” he said, turning it around on me.
“I’m sorry if I appeared rude. I just don’t want to discuss things that don’t have anything to do with our family group.”
I shifted my weight to my other leg, waiting to see what his response would be. He continued to stare at me. It dawned on me that I might be the first girl who hadn’t welcomed his attention, and his pride wouldn’t let him believe it.
“Can I go?”
“This discussion isn’t finished, but we’ll put it on hold for now,” he said, then walked past me and out the door.
Slowly, I let out the breath I’d been holding, then walked out to join the lunch line. When I reached it, I saw Blake flirting with a group of girls ahead of me. They all hugged him and fed his inflated ego. He turned toward me and smiled, but I knew it wasn’t genuine.
Once I had my tray of food, I started to walk toward Lauren, but Blake slipped in between us and took the only remaining seat next to her. She looked happy he’d chosen to sit by her today. And I couldn’t tell her what had happened earlier, or she’d get really angry.
Blake turned and showed me there was a spot still available next to him, and he patted the seat. Lauren gave me a look telling me to sit down. Feeling like I had no other choice, I sat down beside Blake. He put his arm around Lauren, then around me and hugged us tightly to him. She was laughing, but I was pulling away. He finally let go, and I slid as far over from him as I could without falling off the bench. Neither of them seemed to notice, because he was flirting with Lauren and the other girls around us again. How did no one else see through his fake charm?
When I looked across from my table, I spotted the familiar blue eyes watching and realized Devin had a clear view of me. He had on a baseball cap turned backward, with his hair all a mess under it. He studied my face, trying to figure out what was wrong. Then he glanced between Blake and me, examining our body language. He could tell something was definitely up with me because I hadn’t smiled once at him.
Devin grabbed his cup and waved it to give me the hint, then went to the beverage table. But when I reached for my cup, Blake intercepted it and switched his full glass of water with it.
“I’m not going to drink mine, so you can have it,” he said, glancing at Devin, who was waiting for me.
Blake must have watched me a lot more closely than I’d realized. Now he’d removed my only excuse to get up from the table, so I had to remain there.
Devin eventually went back to his seat and seemed really confused. His expression suggested he was asking if I was okay. All I could do was side-glance at Blake and hope Devin understood my frustration.
The conversation around our table turned to hair and comparing personal preferences. One of the girls sitting across from us complimented Lauren’s natural curls.
“I like straight long hair,” Blake said.
He then reached over and touched a lock of my hair. At first, I looked at him, then over at Lauren, who was just moments away from glaring at me. When I looked in Devin’s direction, he too looked annoyed. I reached up and matted my hair so that it forced Blake to move his hand off me.
When the director excused us from lunch, I cleared my tray and got out of the dining hall as fast as I could. Lauren ran to catch up to me, but I didn’t slow down to talk to her.
“Do you mind not flirting with Blake? I mean I’m sorry Devin isn’t willing to be with you in the same way as Blake is with me, but—”
Incredulous, I stopped and turned to face Lauren. “What did you say to me? Stop flirting with Blake?” What interaction had she witnessed during lunch to think I was doing any flirting?
“I’m just saying that using Blake to make Devin jealous isn’t going to work.”
I slightly raised my voice. “I’m not using Blake for anything. What exactly have you told him?”
&n
bsp; Lauren hesitated. “Not much. I—”
“Lauren,” I exclaimed. “I haven’t said a word to anyone about you and Blake. I haven’t told Devin a thing about you two. He doesn’t want anyone to know about us. Why did you tell Blake anything?”
“I’m sorry. It just slipped out.”
Now I knew why Blake was saying and doing some of the things he was. He thought Devin was getting some action on the side, too. Blake struck me as the type who had to prove that every girl at camp liked him more than any of the other counselors. Devin was competition, so now he was trying to see what I’d be willing to do with him.
“I have to get changed for volleyball practice. See you later,” I said, most obviously irritated with her. I walked off before she had a chance to retort.
***
As I walked up to the volleyball nets, I did a quick survey to see who was there already. Devin was busy setting the ball for one of the players. Then he saw me walking over and stopped to look at me for a moment. He casually waved to me, so I waved back. At that point, I noticed Marissa standing to the side of me, and she saw the greetings. Impulsively, I waved to her to make it look like I waved at everyone. Her eyebrow furrowed at me, and that was all the greeting I got. Maybe she didn’t like to wave. Whatever. When I looked back at Devin, he had a funny expression on his face. He must have seen my fake, cover-up wave at Marissa.
“Let’s pair up and volley,” Devin instructed.
He called out the pairings. Marissa and I were still waiting to be paired. Devin hesitated and looked us over. “Oscar, I want you with Marissa. And… I’ll take Dahlia.”
The look on Marissa’s face was priceless. She’d expected Devin to pick her. Too bad.
Everyone got into position to volley with their partner. Devin was about to move to the other side of the net to be my partner, but I stopped him. He looked surprised when I placed my hand on his wrist to get his attention, without being too discreet.
“I need to talk to you,” I said under my breath.
Devin leaned his ear toward my mouth. “What is it?”
“I miss you.” I stared at him to see his reaction.
He nodded but looked unsure of how to respond to me. “Let’s practice.”
Edge of Eighteen: A Slow Burn Summer Camp Love Story Page 17
