“You’ve made me your fantasy. If you got the real thing outside of camp, then you might be disappointed.”
“You’re worried I wouldn’t like who you really are?” Are you serious?
“Yes. I’m a counselor here, so I behave as such. How I am as a boyfriend might differ,” he whispered.
“So, let me understand what you’re saying. You’re scared you’ll allow yourself to care about me, and I’ll change my mind about you once I get to know you better?”
“Yeah… that pretty much sums it up.”
His perspective surprised me. It hadn’t occurred to me that he worried about my true feelings toward him. He was someone I wanted to be with more than anything, and I couldn’t imagine feeling differently if he were willing to treat me like a girlfriend. In fact, I knew I’d fall harder for him if he were to stop holding back and truly show me how he felt toward me.
“I like you so much it scares me, too.”
“I’m not rejecting you,” he said softly. His hand continued to move through my hair and tug on the ends. “I’m being careful with you.”
We stared at each other, and I saw the tenderness in his face.
I took in a deep breath and said, “I have a secret to tell you.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes.” My heartbeat quickened.
“Okay…”
“But you have to promise not to tell anyone.”
“I promise.” He smiled at me.
“All right. Close your eyes.”
Devin closed his eyes.
I took in another deep breath before moving my lips to his ear. I whispered, “I’m in love with you.” Then I buried my face against his chest.
Gently, he lifted my chin to look at him. He searched my eyes, but he didn’t speak. He bent down to meet my face and our foreheads pressed against each other. Being this close to him and not going further was killing me.
“Devin,” I murmured, “please kiss me.”
He sighed before pulling me into another hug. No more words were exchanged, but the things he did with his hands to caress my back said more. He did have feelings for me and was torn on what to do about it.
We heard voices nearby and knew the campers were returning to their cabins for the night. Devin pulled me away with his hands firmly gripping my shoulders, then leaned into my face and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. His lips were warm and firm and gave me mental pictures of what a kiss on my lips would be like. This was the most I was going to get for now. He’d done his best to fulfill my request while maintaining the boundaries.
Slowly, he let go of me and turned to walk away, but I caught him by the end of his scarf. He stopped to see what I was going to do. In one swift move, I unwound the scarf from his shoulders as he stood and let me. Once it was off and in my hands, I smiled at him. I figured he’d try to take it back. Instead, he helped me to put it around my neck and fix it into place.
“You’re going to let me wear it?”
He smiled warmly. “Sweet dreams, Dahlia.”
As Devin walked away from me, I stood watching until he was completely out of view.
When I arrived at my own cabin, Lauren wasn’t there. I had no idea where Blake had taken her, and I realized I should have asked. Now I’d have to stay awake and wait for her to return so I knew she was okay.
The cabin started filling up with all the girls now that the dance was officially over, but there was no sign of Lauren. Reluctantly, I got ready for bed. Blake would have to be in his cabin for lights out to make sure everyone was accounted for. So at any moment, Lauren would return for the night.
Just as I got inside my sleeping bag, Lauren entered the cabin. She gave me a look, then grabbed her pajamas and got ready for bed. It was hard to tell if she was happy or upset. Once she was in bed across from me, I leaned over to whisper, “How’d it go?”
“I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. Good night.”
***
Lauren waited until we were out of earshot on our way to breakfast to tell me all about her night with Blake.
“Where did you guys go?” I asked.
“We were in his cabin.”
“You weren’t worried that one of the campers could walk in on you?”
“He locked the door. I would’ve hidden under the bed if anyone had shown up.”
“You would’ve gotten under the bed?” I tried to picture Lauren naked under a bunk bed. “That sounds so risky.”
“Well, it was. That’s what made it so exciting.”
“So, I know you kissed…”
“Yeah, we barely made it inside the cabin because he was all over me. He started quickly undressing me, so by the time I hit the bed, I was completely naked. He told me he couldn’t control himself with me and that he loved me. Then he used his mouth… everywhere.”
It bothered me that Blake told her he loved her. I knew he had to be telling her what she wanted to hear so she wouldn’t deny him.
She continued, “His tongue does amazing things. And it didn’t take long either.” She winked at me with a grin.
I was getting a little grossed out. “Then did you stop there?”
“No. I think he wanted me to feel good first. Then he could have his way with me.”
“Oh.” How considerate of him.
“So, he had me sit on the edge of the bunk. Then he stood in front of me and had me use my mouth again. He held my head during—you know, to set the pace to what he liked.”
“He had you do that again?” A terrible image came to my mind.
“Yep. But I stopped because I wanted to do more with him than only that. He took the condom package and tore it open using his teeth, then rolled the condom on like an expert. He’s definitely had a lot of experience.” She smiled at me.
I was still picturing Blake using his teeth to open the condom wrapper. “You had enough time left for sex?”
“He had to use more than one condom. I’d say we had plenty of time.” She gave me another happy look.
I couldn’t help it and asked, “You mentioned before that Blake had condoms. Does the nurse hand them out to him on an as-needed basis?”
“Ha. No. He brought them from home, I think.”
“So you enjoyed yourself?” I asked, not knowing what to say.
“I loved it. He had me try positions I’d never done before. Like I had my legs up over my head, and he stood over me and thrust. It’s almost too intense that way, but he knew what he was doing, because it felt good. And he said dirty things to me, like describing my body and what he wanted to do to it. Things like that. It was so hot.”
I mumbled, “This is crazy…” I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. She liked that kind of stuff? I had no idea.
“I know, right? Oh, and then he flipped me over roughly and had me get on all fours. He held my hair with one hand and my hip with the other, then moved me back and forth into him. It was hard and fast. He had complete control over me—nothing like the other guys I’ve been with. In fact, I’ve never experienced anything like him before. Definitely a night I won’t be forgetting any time soon.” She giggled at the memory.
I muttered a curse word, and my eyes were bulging out at her. I’d just had a porn movie detailed to me with my best friend as the star. These were more facts than I thought I needed to know. Obviously, she wanted to share her experience with me.
“Yeah. He said I look good topless and wanted to watch me on top. So, that was the third position, I think. I lost count after that.”
I cursed again. Blake would love seeing Lauren topless because she had really large boobs. I wondered if size mattered to Devin. Hopefully not.
She nodded, her eyes wide. “Yeah… He really knows what he’s doing.”
I’ll bet. Now I wondered how many others he’d had sex with in that cabin. Or any camp facility. Maybe he didn’t even need any form of shelter to do the things he did. Just any place out in the wide open would do.
I wanted the subje
ct off of sex positions, so I asked, “Does he plan to meet you again, or was this a one-night type of deal?”
“Well, of course he plans to see me again. I just told you he said he loves me.” Now she cursed.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. There aren’t many opportunities for counselors to be alone like that, so I wondered if this was a one-time thing.”
Lauren gave me a look. “I’m sure he’ll find a way for it to happen again. The sex was too good for him not to want more.” She seemed angry with me, because she walked slightly ahead of me to get into the breakfast line.
“Do you think you’ll see each other outside of camp?” I casually asked, disliking Blake more for using her like this.
“I certainly hope so. I guess I’ll find out when camp ends what the plans are. But if last night is any indication of what our relationship is like, then I would say yes.”
Relationship? I doubted Blake said one word to Lauren after the sex-fest.
Just then, Blake walked past us and didn’t say hi or even look at Lauren. She kept smiling in his direction, but he pretended not to notice.
Chapter Sixteen
Week Six
Only two weeks of camp remained, and it felt like the summer would be over way too fast. If I was this sad about it now, how would I react on the last day? Even though I didn’t really know him yet, I thought maybe I loved Devin. But I also felt a strong connection to a mom I’d never met. So, I knew it was possible to feel that way. Eventually, Devin and I would need to discuss what the plan was for us. Would he want to see me outside of camp?
I’d gone to the rec hall earlier for free time because I knew Devin was in charge of rock climbing today. It started out fun. Devin held the belay for me, then asked me to hold it for him. It was exciting to watch him climb the wall like an expert all the way to the top. But then it was like a class five hurricane hit when Marissa showed up, spoiling our good time. My emotions had gotten the best of me, and I reacted by walking out of the rec hall, leaving Devin alone with Marissa. Caroline then held us all hostage the rest of the afternoon to practice our lame skit.
As soon as the practice had ended, Lauren and I left the cabin for dinner.
“You seem really down,” Lauren said after I’d not spoken a word. We held our trays of food but still needed drinks.
“Yeah. I haven’t had any alone time with you-know-who since last week, and it’s getting to me.” I filled my cup with water.
“Tell him to meet you. That’s what I did with Blake. We’re going to meet during the movie tonight.” She poured herself a glass of lemonade.
I reacted with surprise. “You are?” I’d figured Blake would be meeting some other girl. It may have been mean of me to think this way, but it was the truth.
“Stop looking at me like you’re worried. Everything will be fine.”
We found an open table and sat down. Then, before I’d even taken a bite, things went from bad to worse. Devin and Marissa appeared to be walking into the dining hall together. She wasn’t going to give up on the possibility of being with him again. My eyes remained on him as he crossed the room to find a seat, so I didn’t notice when someone sat next to me.
“Hi,” said a female voice.
When I turned to see who was talking to me, I was shocked to see Marissa. I wondered what she was doing. Devin and I hadn’t done anything obvious, had we?
I glanced over at Lauren, who gave me a look. The situation was extremely awkward.
“We’re on the same volleyball team,” Marissa said to Lauren. “I’m Marissa.”
Lauren replied unenthusiastically, “Great.”
Marissa turned her attention back to me. “I noticed you were rock climbing with Devin earlier. Have you rock climbed before?”
“No,” I replied sharply.
Glancing up, I saw Devin watching us. He probably wondered what she wanted with me, too.
“Really? You looked like you have. Devin trusted you with the belay rope, so that was a compliment,” she said.
Marissa smiled at me, but I thought there was more going on behind this conversation that didn’t really have to do with rock climbing. Maybe we’d been unintentionally obvious, and she’d picked up on something. And now she was feeling me out to see if her suspicions were accurate.
“Well, I was the last one in there. So it was either me, or he didn’t use a belayer.” I wasn’t even sure if “belayer” was a real word. Then I turned to Lauren. “I’m full and not feeling well.”
Before Marissa could respond, I got up and cleared my tray. We hadn’t been officially excused. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Devin watching me. He probably thought Marissa said something to upset me since I was leaving dinner early. I walked outside and had now skipped yet another meal.
Maybe another ten minutes passed before I saw people leaving the dining hall. I slipped in among the crowd heading toward the rec hall for another stupid movie night. If anyone were to have asked where Lauren was, I’d planned to say she was with me, while in actuality she was off doing Blake somewhere. I saw Aaron was seated alone, so I plopped down beside him.
“Have you seen this movie before?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“Me either. Let’s hope it’s good.”
While we waited for the movie to get going, I started to wonder where Devin might be. My heart began racing when I saw him enter the room. He stood by the door like he had for skit night. Every few minutes I glanced over at him to make sure he hadn’t moved. When he saw I was looking, he turned and left the rec hall. Did you want me to notice and follow you?
If I were to leave and find Devin, we’d have plenty of time away from the others because the movie had only been on about thirty minutes. Then the campfire would be immediately afterward. Yes. I think you’re telling me to follow you.
Whispering into Aaron’s ear, I said, “I have to go, and I might not be back. Let me know if the movie was good, okay?”
He didn’t even look my way. So, I hesitated to see if he’d heard me. He laughed at the movie, and I realized he liked it. He wasn’t going to miss me.
I put the hood over my head and then took off as fast as I could out the door, not looking back to see if anyone noticed. I ran up the hill toward the craft cabin and didn’t stop until I reached it. But when I opened the door to our special room, it was empty.
Spinning around on my toes to dash the other direction, I almost ran directly into him. Devin grabbed my hand, pulled me inside the dark room, and shut the door so no one would see us.
“I was on my way to the nurse’s cabin to get meds for a headache, then recognized my sweatshirt flash by me like lightning. So, I followed you to see where you were going.”
“I wasn’t sure if you left the movie to meet me or not. I guess not.” My tone didn’t hide my obvious hurt, and I turned to leave, but he caught my wrist. He pulled me into him for a hug.
“I’m glad you followed me,” he confessed.
“Really?”
I looked at his face and could just barely see a small smile.
“Yes.” We were quiet for a minute just savoring the little moment to hold each other. “You skipped another meal.”
“I didn’t like the company.”
Devin sighed. “I figured as much.”
Before he could suggest we leave the cabin, I asked, “Can we stay for a bit?”
At first, he hesitated, then he replied, “Okay. But let me go get something for my headache. I’d take you with me, but that would really look suspicious. Are you okay waiting here for me?”
“Yes. You promise you’ll come back?”
Leaning into my face, he whispered in my ear, “I want to come back to you, Dahlia.”
Devin let go of me and walked over to the door. He carefully opened it and looked before taking off. It was kind of scary in the room without the lights on (all of Aaron’s little friends came to mind), so if he didn’t return shortly, I’d decided I would leave.
Moving over to the bunk, I fell across it and looked up at the ceiling. Somewhere out there were Blake and Lauren. She hadn’t told me where they were going tonight. It would’ve been funny if they’d been in this room, and I’d walked in on them. Blake’s excuses would’ve been interesting to hear. He’d probably make up that Lauren wasn’t feeling well, and he had to help her to lie down. The only way to help her feel better was to have sex with her.
Part of me still felt guilty I was keeping this secret from Devin. He wouldn’t like that Blake and Lauren were having sex. He also wouldn’t like that I knew about it and hadn’t told him. If I told him, I risked a huge blowup between all of them and then Lauren being extremely upset with me.
The door creaked. I sat up abruptly and was relieved to see it was Devin.
“Dahlia?” he called out.
“Over here.”
“I don’t think anyone saw me.”
Devin made his way to the bunk and stood looking down at me. He hesitated. I reached up and took his hand into mine and pulled him onto the bed with me. We laid down face to face, and I instinctively ran my fingers through his hair and over his ear. He closed his eyes.
“Do you feel better?” I asked.
“Yes. It was a mild headache. Someone knocked into my head earlier when—” he stopped abruptly. “Well, I was practicing with the boys from my cabin for skit night.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes,” he said with a slight laugh.
“Hmm. So it involves someone hitting you?”
“Something like that,” he said, and I knew he wasn’t going to tell me anything.
We were quiet again while my hand continued to play in his hair.
“I missed you, Dahlia.”
“Well, I did come to rock climbing,” I reminded him.
“Yes. And you were really good. I hope you’ll do it again with me.”
“You know I will.”
“I suppose I do.” Devin chuckled.
His hand caressed my back, and it felt nice. I loved his gentle ways with me. I was just about to close my eyes when I heard him clear his throat. “Would you say you lived in a good home?”
Edge of Eighteen: A Slow Burn Summer Camp Love Story Page 16
