She forced herself to take a few slow, deep breaths before getting out of bed. A glance at the clock told her she’d been asleep for close to five hours, and she felt as if she could sleep five more. But her stomach told her that she needed something more substantial than milkshakes or cake.
After washing her face in the bathroom, she felt marginally more awake as she left the bedroom and headed for the kitchen. Despite the fact that Roman had said she should have someone with her for a while, she was still a little startled to see Paige curled up on one end of the couch reading a new memoir everyone was talking about by an actress who’d grown up homeless on the streets of L.A., but who now was raking in both sizeable paydays and awards.
“I thought that had at least a half dozen holds on it.”
“It does, but since we closed early today and it came in this morning, I thought I could sneak in reading it tonight. It’s as good as everyone is saying. It’s amazing what people can accomplish when they really want something.”
Anna felt like there was a not-so-hidden message in Paige’s words, but she pretended like she didn’t notice and instead headed toward the kitchen.
“I just ordered pizza. Should be here any minute.”
“That sounds good.”
“I know. It’s your go-to comfort food. That and chocolate.”
“Ever wonder why comfort food is never a healthy salad?”
“Nope.”
Anna laughed as she sank onto the opposite end of the couch. “I didn’t mean to sleep so long.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t sleep longer. I’m sure the whole recovering from a car accident and coma thing is quite tiring. Not to mention hiding how much you like a guy.”
“You certainly are persistent.”
“Is it working?” Paige grinned in that mischievous way she had.
“How about I just focus on getting back to normality?”
Paige closed the book and waved away Anna’s idea. “Who wants normality when they can have excitement?”
“Me. I like my life just the way it was before I for some reason careened down a hillside.” She said the words, but she wasn’t sure they were totally true. Hadn’t she wondered about injecting something new into her life?
“Are you sure about that?”
“Did I do or say anything that indicated I was unhappy?” Sure, she was having thoughts about shaking things up a little, but she didn’t know what form that might take and thus wasn’t ready to talk about it.
“Well, no, but—”
“Then stop acting like you’ve done a binge reading of every book in the romance section of the library.”
Paige started to reply, but a knock at the door gave Anna an excuse to walk away from the conversation. She opened the front door to find Marty standing there, a large pizza box in his hands.
“Weren’t you just here?”
“Hours ago. Looks like one of us took a nap since then.” He motioned toward her hair, which she’d evidently not tamed enough during her brief trip to the bathroom, and grinned.
“You know insulting your customers isn’t the best way to get a tip, right?”
“Ignore her,” Paige said as she stepped up beside Anna and handed over the money to Marty while holding two cold sodas from the fridge in the other. “Keep the change.”
“Thanks.” He headed back toward his car parked in the driveway, engine still running. “See you all at the trail ride.”
Anna stared after him as if he’d just spoken in Icelandic. “What in the world is he talking about?”
“Yum, this smells awesome,” Paige said as she turned toward the living room.
Anna followed. “What are you not telling me?”
Paige sighed as she slid the pizza box onto the coffee table that had been sitting in the same spot Anna’s entire life.
“I’m going to kill Marty for spilling the beans before I had time to talk to you.”
Concern twisted inside Anna’s middle. “Explain.”
“They’re having a charity trail ride at the Peak View Ranch this weekend, and they decided to give the proceeds to you to help pay for your medical bills, a new car, getting back on your feet.”
Anna was already shaking her head before Paige finished. “I can’t accept that.”
“Why not?”
“Because they’re my bills, and I’ll pay them.”
Paige crossed her arms. “How many times have you given to charity by making one of those extra-dollar donations at the grocery? Slipped money into a jar for someone going through chemo? Why is it okay for you to help others but not accept help yourself?”
“Because a lot of people don’t have the ability to earn the money to pay for those things. I do.”
“You planning on taking a couple of extra jobs to pay for all that, because I know those medical bills alone are going to be huge. It’ll take you the rest of your life to pay them off. In case you haven’t noticed, no one’s getting rich being a librarian.”
“I’ll do what’s necessary. Those trail ride funds could go to a lot more deserving causes.”
Paige’s expression tightened with irritation. “Why do you see yourself as not deserving?”
“That’s not what I said. I just don’t want to be seen as not being able to take care of myself, like I can’t get by without handouts.”
Paige shook her head. “My God, that old woman really did a number on you.”
Anna didn’t have to ask what Paige was talking about. It wasn’t the first time her best friend had expressed her thoughts about how Helena had raised her.
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be responsible.”
“You can’t see it, but she made you believe that what you can expect from life is limited and that you can’t depend on other people so you shouldn’t even try. That’s a mighty sorry way of living one’s life, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t ask you.” Anna knew the response was too sharp considering Paige had done so much for her. But maybe she’d allowed Paige to do too much already. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m very grateful. You’re the best friend anyone could ever ask for.”
Paige sank onto the couch. “Then why don’t you listen to me?”
“I could ask the same question,” Anna said as she sat on the opposite end of the couch. “You make changing how I look at the world sound as easy as changing my socks.”
“Sure, it’s not easy, but it’s not as hard as shoving the mountains farther to the west either.” Paige sighed. “I just want you to be happy, to have a better life than Helena has had, than your mother had. Just because you’re related to them doesn’t mean you have to follow in their footsteps.”
Paige’s words echoed over and over in Anna’s mind as the conversation ceased, replaced by mindlessly watching a singing competition on an old TV the thieves hadn’t bothered to take and eating pizza that no longer held her interest.
Could she change her way of thinking? Had she already started despite a little voice in her head trying to convince her it was too risky? Maybe managing one’s expectations and being self-reliant to a fault seemed like abdicating happiness to Paige, but it was safe. And Anna couldn’t quite kick the idea that feeling safe was exactly what she needed right now.
*
Despite telling Paige to go home and sleep in her own bed, her friend refused. She didn’t leave until it was time to go to work at the library the next morning, and she only did that after she elicited a promise from Anna that she would promptly respond to all check-up texts Paige planned to send throughout the day.
When Paige finally pulled out of the driveway, Anna breathed a sigh of relief. For the first time in weeks, she was well and truly alone. But even though it’s what she’d been longing for, a momentary wave of concern washed over her. What if something happened in between Paige’s texts?
She shook her head to try to dislodge the worries and headed to the kitchen to eat some of the French toast Paige had
made while Anna was in the shower. When she took the first bite, she closed her eyes and savored the syrupy flavor. Once she’d enjoyed her solitary breakfast and washed the dishes, she considered what to do with her day. What she needed to do was get back to work because she’d blown through all of her paid leave for the year, but Paige had said if she tried to come back too soon she would have the town officials change the locks on the library’s doors.
But after taking a few minutes to go through the pile of bills already residing on her kitchen counter, she had to do something to start whittling away at what she owed. An unexpected memory floated to the front of her thoughts, a long-ago dream that had not come to fruition just as her grandmother’s teaching would have predicted.
She retreated to the corner of her bedroom that held her desk. The laptop that had sat atop it was gone who knew where, but what she sought should be in one of the drawers. She flipped to the back of her neatly organized file folders until she found the one holding her brief flirtation with trying to become a published author.
She remembered the sting of the rejection letters inside from three different publishing companies, all of which had arrived on the same day. It had seemed like overwhelming evidence that her grandmother had been right, that she should be satisfied to have a regular job, a regular home in a regular town. After all, lots of people would be happy to have the comfortable life Anna had. She could hear Helena’s words as clear as if her grandmother was standing next to her, speaking them anew as if Anna had forgotten the countless previous utterances of the same.
She remembered how she’d originally thrown the rejection letters in the trash, but something had later made her pull them out and file them away. She honestly couldn’t say what had caused her to change her mind because she’d been convinced that writing books wasn’t in her future. She’d thought that reading mystery series, even putting reviews in the library’s newsletter, was as far as her love affair with the genre would go.
But what if she tried again? She’d read a lot more series since then, internalized what made a good mystery novel, an interesting protagonist. And she had access to writing resources through her job. It couldn’t hurt to try, especially if she went into it with the idea that if nothing else it might be fun to create her own stories instead of only reading those formed in the minds of others.
However, even if she was able to write something publishable, it would take a long time before it ever saw the light of day. She needed more immediate income. Maybe she, like Paige, should get a second job.
She mulled the possibilities as she wandered around her house. Despite the fact that she’d wanted some privacy, by halfway through the day she was feeling cooped up. Telling herself that exercise was good for recovery, she grabbed her wallet and keys and headed out. It was a gorgeous day, one of those Montana days when the sky was so incredibly blue it almost didn’t seem real.
Deciding not to test Paige’s promise to change the locks on the library if she saw her there, she instead headed toward the cluster of downtown businesses in search of some lunch. Luckily, her house wasn’t a long walk from the small business district that made up Logan Springs because by the time she reached the Big Sky Café, she was feeling kind of wiped out. It appeared her recovery had not quite caught up to her desire to be completely back to normal.
But she didn’t want anyone to see that, so she took a deep breath and held herself up straighter before she pulled open the door to the restaurant and stepped inside.
“Hey, didn’t expect to see you out and about this soon,” Lena said as she picked up some dirty dishes at a table close to the door. “Having lunch with Paige?”
Anna shook her head. “Just me.”
Lena’s eyes widened a little. “Did you walk here?”
Anna managed a smile. “Yeah, good exercise.”
“Well, right now I think you need to sit before you fall down.” Lena nodded at the table she’d just cleared. “I’ll be back to wipe it off.”
Anna took the proffered table, thankful the restaurant wasn’t super busy. The main lunch rush was over, and several of the people sitting at other tables didn’t look familiar. She didn’t know every resident of Logan Springs, but if she had to guess she’d say at least some of her fellow diners were tourists headed to Yellowstone.
A day in the park actually sounded really nice, but it would be a while before she could indulge in that outing. Not only did she not have enough energy yet, but when she did she needed to spend her time working and earning her way out of debt. Not to mention she no longer had a car in which to drive to the park.
Lena was back a few moments later with a menu and a wet cloth to wash away the mess from the previous customers. “I could have arranged a delivery for you.”
“I needed to get outside and feel the sun on my face. The time in the hospital and in rehab made me think I might never feel it again.”
“I hear you. I had to spend one night in the hospital when I was in high school, and I thought I was going to go crazy. Who is supposed to feel better constantly being poked and having to listen to beeping machines all the time?”
“An excellent question.”
“So do you know what you want, or do you need a minute to look at the menu?”
“Do you have the chicken noodle soup today? I think I could eat a bowl of that as big as my head.”
“We do, indeed. One head-size bowl of soup coming right up.”
As she waited for her meal, Anna spoke to a few people she did recognize—the mayor, a couple of ladies who were regular library patrons, and Marty.
“Are you stalking me?” Anna teased when she saw him.
“Really small town.”
She chuckled as he picked up his takeout order and hurried back out the door.
When Lena returned with the soup, she slipped into the chair across from Anna. “So, did sleeping in your own bed feel like a million bucks last night?”
“Definitely better than that thing at the hospital they called a bed.” She ate a spoonful of the hot soup. “Delicious as always.”
“Thanks. All-purpose, make-you-feel-better soup.”
Anna thought of the conversation she’d had with Paige the night before, about how a benefit trail ride had been planned without her knowledge.
“Can I talk to you about something?”
“Sure.”
“Paige told me that your family plans to give the proceeds of a trail ride this weekend to me, but that’s not necessary. There are so many other ways that money could be put to good use.”
“What could be better than helping one of our own?”
“I’m sure there are others who need it more than I do, like the people Roman helps out at the free clinic. I’ll be fine.”
“The word has already been put out, and literally everyone thinks it’s a good idea. You are universally liked, and you’ve had a bigger string of bad luck than any one person deserves.”
“I just…” Anna searched for a reason that would not make her sound like some sort of anti-charity zealot.
“Listen, if it’s the whole accepting charity thing, then accept the help now when you really need it and pay it forward when you can.”
While a large part of her still hated the idea of accepting money that had come out of the pockets of her neighbors, she swallowed any further objections. She would pay it forward. She didn’t know how yet, but she would.
Chapter Nine
Roman drove south out of Livingston, wishing that he’d stayed at the ranch last night instead of at home. But he’d had a long day at the office followed by seeing a lot of patients at the free clinic. It seemed there were more patients every week, people who were barely getting by or falling through the cracks. He felt guilty sometimes, to be so fortunate when so many had so little. If his family hosted any future charity trail rides, he was going to suggest the proceeds go to the clinic—not for his own benefit because he donated his time, but for the supplies and expenses necessary to
operate.
But today’s trail ride was all about Anna. His pulse jumped at the idea of seeing her again, spending the day with her. First up was chauffeuring her to the ranch since Paige was working.
It had been a week since he’d delivered Anna to her welcome-home party, and he’d lost count of the number of times he’d thought about her. Each time he did rounds at the hospital and saw someone else in the bed she’d occupied. When he passed the drive-in where he’d purchased her celebratory milkshake. And during unexpected moments that had nothing to do with her.
It was a strange sensation to suddenly think so much about a person you’d known for years, with whom you’d shared the hallways of the small Logan Springs High School, a person who’d never elicited feelings of attraction before. Even stranger that the attraction had started when she’d been bruised, cut, weak and wearing a hospital gown. But it wasn’t just her physical appearance that caused the attraction, though when he had taken the time to really look at her he’d been surprised he’d somehow missed the soft, simple beauty there. Despite her frustrations with her recovery, there was no denying she was a kind soul, someone who cared for others. He could think of nothing more attractive.
When Paige had called him to see if he could pick up Anna this morning, he’d had difficulty hiding how much he liked the idea.
The balloons were gone from her street when he drove down it. She was already sitting on the front porch, and he took that as a good sign that she was looking forward to the day. He couldn’t deny he hoped she’d also been looking forward to seeing him.
But as she approached his truck, he saw the concern on her face. She must have realized it because she exchanged it for a smile. Not one that said, “I’m thrilled to see you,” but a smile nonetheless.
“Hey, looks like you’re recovering well,” he said as she climbed into the truck.
“Stronger every day. I’m headed back to work on Monday.”
“That’s good. Just don’t overdo it until you get used to working again.”
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