He backed out of her driveway and as he drove through town and toward the ranch, she stared out her window.
“You okay?” He wondered if her mood had anything to do with the conversation she’d had with Lena. Was she preparing herself to be embarrassed by the attention? Or was it as Lena had suggested, that Anna was really averse to accepting charity?
She nodded without looking at him, at least for a few seconds. But then she surprised him by glancing his way and saying, “I feel really weird about accepting people’s hard-earned money. It feels like mooching.”
“Did you ask anyone for money?”
“No.”
“Did you expect it?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then it’s not mooching. It’s neighbors helping neighbors. That’s just how we do things around here. You should know that. You’ve been on the giving end.”
“You talked to Lena, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but she was right.”
“It just feels wrong.”
“Why?”
She sighed and clasped her hands tightly in her lap. “I was always taught that you take care of your own responsibilities, that you never depend on others to solve your problems for you.”
He had no doubt that’s exactly what Helena Kenner had taught her granddaughter, and it was hard to escape the teachings embedded early by those who raised you. He’d seen it in the occasional patient who didn’t believe in vaccines or antibiotics because that’s what they’d been taught from a young age.
What was the best way to set her mind at ease?
“Let me ask you this. Would you feel the same way if Paige had been the one in the accident? Would you think less of her for accepting help?”
He glanced over in time to see the light-bulb expression on her face.
“Why did you have to make a good point?”
He laughed as he made the turn into the ranch behind another truck pulling a horse trailer.
“Besides,” he said, “this will be fun. I haven’t been out for a ride purely for pleasure in a long time.”
“How often do you get to see your family?”
“As often as I can. It’s hard to carve out large chunks of time, especially on the days I work at the free clinic.” While driving the rest of the way to the house, he told her about the clinic and the important part it played in the health care of the area. Judging by the questions she asked about it, she seemed genuinely interested.
“Maybe if my luck changes and I win the lottery, I’ll pay this forward,” she said, indicating all the people and horses gathering near the barns, “to your clinic.”
“I like the sound of that plan.”
After he parked, he accompanied her toward the crowd. They ended up stopping several times as people wished her well and Anna thanked them for their generosity.
As they stepped away from Freddie Stephenson, the mayor of Logan Springs, he noticed Lena waving at them from her post next to Dinah behind the refreshment table that offered coffee and fresh doughnuts from Dinah’s bakery.
Roman snagged a bear claw and a coffee.
“Someone needs his caffeine and sugar this morning,” Dinah said.
“I’ve been dreaming about this bear claw since last night. I might marry this bear claw.”
Beside him, Anna laughed a little. “Well, I have to try one if they’re good enough to inspire marriage proposals.”
Dinah and Lena’s brothers, Brandon and Matt, approached with Wes.
“Wow, when was the last time all the McQueen cousins got the same day off?” Roman’s brother asked.
“The benefit of being the boss,” Brandon said, referencing his river outfitting business. “If my employees can’t run things without me for one day, I haven’t done a very good job of hiring.”
“Amen,” said Dinah and Lena, almost in unison, and took turns giving Brandon a high five.
“Just got lucky.” Matt, a ranger in Yellowstone, didn’t have the luxury of making his own schedule.
“Thank you all so much for doing this,” Anna said, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I don’t know how to thank you.”
Just then, his dad called out that the ride would commence in fifteen minutes.
“Is there anything I can do here to help while you all are gone?” Anna asked.
Everyone paused in their movements and stared at her, then at Roman. Wes was the first one to speak.
“We’ve got a really calm horse for you to ride so you can go, too.”
“Oh, no, I couldn’t do that even if I hadn’t recently had my brain knocked around in my head. I’ve never been on a horse.”
“You can ride with me,” Roman said, drawing all the attention toward him. And, damn it, he saw more than one barely suppressed grin.
“I’m sure you’ll have a better time on your own,” Anna said, the color in her cheeks deepening.
Was it just an extension of her earlier embarrassment, or was this specifically caused by the idea of riding so close to him? He found he really wanted to find out.
“You’ll be perfectly safe.”
“And how better to get your first ride under your belt than to go with someone as experienced as Roman?” Lena did a better job of hiding her ulterior motive, but he could still see the mischief in her eyes.
So what if they could tell he liked Anna? He just needed them not to make a big, obvious deal out of it because he had no idea what he was going to do about his attraction and how Anna might react. He got the feeling it was a tread lightly type of situation.
“I don’t know,” Anna said.
“At least come meet the horse,” Roman said, needing to get her away from his family for a few minutes. “Then you can decide.”
She nodded and he escorted her to the barn where his horse, Juniper, was in her stall. Before he opened the stall door, he wanted to allow Anna a chance to meet and hopefully be a bit more comfortable with the mare.
“This is Juniper. I’ve had her since the summer after I completed undergrad.”
Anna tentatively held up her hand to Juniper’s nose, and the mare sniffed at her. When Anna giggled at the contact, he smiled.
“It tickles,” she said.
“She likes you.” He moved closer to Anna without even thinking about it. “I promise I won’t let you fall.”
Because he realized that was probably her chief worry, not some imagined nervousness about being close to him.
She ventured her hand up so that she could rub between Juniper’s eyes, and the horse liked the attention. “Okay.”
Because Anna hadn’t sounded sure of her answer, he showed her every step of getting Juniper ready to ride. If the others left without them, that was fine. They could catch up. It was more important for Anna to be comfortable. He wondered how successful he’d been quelling her fear when he pulled her up in front of him and felt her shaking.
Hoping it would help, he placed one of his hands atop where she held the saddle horn. “Ready?”
After a moment, she nodded and he eased Juniper out of the barn. Outside, he saw the rest of the riders stretched out along the inside of the fence line. They would ride that for a while, until they hit the spot where the river turned. Then they’d parallel the river before turning toward the foothills.
It took a few minutes, but Anna seemed to gradually relax. By the time they reached the river, it no longer felt as if her spine was an iron pole.
“It’s so beautiful out here,” she said, sounding as if she hadn’t lived her entire life in the same valley. “I don’t take enough time to really enjoy it instead of taking it for granted. A near-death experience makes you realize things like that.”
“You’re welcome to come here anytime and ride. If I’m not here, I’m sure Dad or one of my brothers would be happy to give you lessons so you could feel comfortable riding on your own.”
“That’s a kind offer, but this is about as far as I think my comfort level is going to extend. Besides, I�
��ll be working a lot.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to go back to work?”
“If I don’t, I might go stir crazy. I’ve managed to fill my time this week cleaning, looking for cars online, writing, but I need a sense of normality again so I can stop thinking about what happened and worrying that my brain might decide to do a Rip Van Winkle again.”
She’d already been assured that was unlikely, but then he knew from personal experience the power of one’s mind to worry that a past illness might return—rational or not.
He maneuvered Juniper along the trail, taking a moment to drink in the beauty of their surroundings. Even though he’d grown up on this land, Mother Nature never ceased to amaze him. Even though he’d enjoyed the years he’d spent in Washington for his education, had appreciated the natural beauty there, coming back here had never been a question. And when his mom died, he was even more glad he’d made the decision to open his practice nearby.
He sucked in a breath that felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest. It must have been audible because Anna looked over her shoulder at him.
“Is something wrong?” The worry in her voice made guilt well up inside him.
“No. Was just thinking about how Mom used to come riding out here. I remember this one time after I’d been home from a hospitalization for a while, she bundled me up and took me on a ride. There was a fall chill in the air, and I remember leaning back against her and feeling her warmth, feeling as if she could protect me from a grizzly bear if one showed up.”
“She was a wonderful woman.”
“Yeah, she was.”
“You were very lucky. I can’t imagine what it must have been like growing up here, with a big family.”
“I’ve always been thankful, especially when I was sick, but I don’t think I really grasped how good I had it with my family until I started working as a doctor.”
“You see a lot of brokenness?”
“Yeah. It’s hard to see because it’s something I can’t fix. Not with any amount of medicine.”
“Is that why you started working at the free clinic?”
“Partly, maybe.”
“But there’s another reason?”
He looked up at the wide expanse of blue sky and the smattering of fluffy white clouds. “It had more to do with needing something else, anything, to fill my time so I wouldn’t think about how my mom had been there for me and how there was nothing I could do to save her.”
Anna turned so she could look at him. “That wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that. Didn’t make it hurt any less.”
“I wish I knew what to say to make it not hurt anymore.”
Something moved in the area of his heart at the kindness in her words, and for a crazy moment he wanted very much to kiss her. But if there was ever a first kiss between them, it wasn’t going to be with half the valley watching.
“Thank you.”
He wasn’t sure if it was because she felt safer and steadier facing forward or she picked up on some of his thoughts, but she turned back around. They followed the other riders as they pointed their horses toward the Gallatin Range.
“How you liking it?” Wes called back to Anna a few minutes later.
“It’s fun.”
Once Wes had returned his attention to his date, Roman asked, “Are you really having fun or just putting on a brave face?”
“Really. I wouldn’t have done this on my own, but I’m glad I’m here now.”
So was he.
*
When the flatness of the valley began to turn upward into rolling hills that eventually led to the impressive peaks in the distance, the riders ahead of them started reining in their horses and sliding out of their saddles.
“Lunchtime,” Roman said behind her, his voice a deep rumble she could feel in her back.
“Oh, I didn’t bring anything.”
“Lucky for you, I came prepared.” He halted Juniper and got to the ground. Then he placed a hand at her waist, causing the most delicious shiver to pass through her body. “Swing your leg over.”
She did as he directed, and in the next moment he had his hands on both sides of her waist, helping her to the ground as if she weighed nothing. Though it was slight by any rational person’s standards, the amount of contact between their bodies was more than her poor, battered brain could handle, so she stepped away as soon as her feet were on the ground. Unfortunately, she wasn’t as steady as she should be and stumbled on rubbery legs. Roman reached out to keep her from falling, just as he’d promised he would.
“Thanks.”
“Here, hang on for a moment while I get our lunch,” he said as he patted the edge of the saddle.
She gripped the saddle as indicated, hoping Juniper didn’t decide to dance sideways.
Roman retrieved what looked like soft, insulated packs from a saddlebag, then he extended his arm.
“I’m good, thanks. Sort of like getting off a boat back onto dry land.” Or at least how she imagined it would be since she’d never been on an ocean-going vessel. She’d only seen the ocean once, when she’d gone to a librarians’ convention in Seattle.
Roman didn’t question her assertion, but she noticed that he adjusted his pace to hers as they headed for a pretty spot next to a creek that ran out of the mountains and emptied into the Yellowstone River.
“I didn’t think to bring a blanket to sit on,” he said.
“No need. A little grass isn’t going to hurt anything.”
To prove to him and, honestly, herself that she was just wobbly from being in the saddle and nothing more, she willed herself to not topple as she sat on the ground. Once safely down, she took a deep, fortifying breath and listened to the burble of the little creek. All around them, the other riders were finding their own spots to sit and have lunch. Beside her, Roman sank to the ground and pulled two thick sandwiches and bottles of water from the insulated packs.
“Hope you like turkey and ham,” he said.
“Sounds great.”
For a couple of minutes, they ate in silence. She let the sounds of various conversations, the soft trickle of the creek, and the pleasant breeze soothe away the buzzy nervousness she’d felt since she’d seen Roman pull up in her driveway. Even though she knew that Paige was indeed working, she had no doubt that her best friend calling Roman to be her taxi driver over to the ranch was still calculated. She’d gotten it into her head that Anna and Roman were perfect for each other. Maybe that was true in Anna’s fantasies, but reality was often a different story. Even if he was attracted to her, she had a hard time believing it would last. Opposites attracting was way more believable in fiction.
But were they really opposites?
They had more things in common than she would have ever imagined, but that little voice in her head still whispered that their lives were just too different for anything other than friendship to ever work. But having him as a friend would be nice. Eventually, she’d get past her infatuation.
Her peaceful moments ended when other riders started coming over to ask how she was doing, expressing gratitude that she was on the mend, and asking if she knew what had caused her accident. She didn’t know how many times she responded with “Fine,” “Thank you,” and “No, it’s a blank.” By the time the parade of well-wishers faded, it was time to start the ride back and she’d only eaten about a quarter of her sandwich.
When she started to stand, Roman rested a hand on her forearm.
“Go ahead and eat. It’s not a race back to the barn.”
“But they’re doing this for me. I should be there.”
“You are under no obligations here, Anna. Stay, enjoy your lunch. We can catch up with them in a few minutes.”
As she scanned the crowd, he seemed to be right. No one was looking at her with a gaze that asked why she wasn’t preparing to leave like the rest of them. When anyone met her gaze, they just smiled and went back to mounting up. She honestly didn’t know what to do. P
art of her wanted to experience the quiet of this spot once everyone had ridden away, to sit only with Roman and maybe talk some more as they had on the way out. But that same situation made a flock of frantic butterflies start beating their wings in her stomach, too.
“Sorry if this is too overwhelming,” he said, pointing toward the retreating horses and riders.
“It’s fine. I know everyone means well.”
“I’m around people so much that I didn’t think how taxing this might be for you even without the physical fatigue.”
“I interact with people at the library all the time.”
He looked over and smiled. “I doubt that’s the same.”
He was right about that. Even though a number of people liked to chat, most of the social interaction happened with Paige or the volunteers. Now that she thought about it, most of her contact with the public had to do with library-related topics. Even in her job, she wasn’t fully engaged with those around her. She really needed to change that.
“I hope I don’t come across as rude.”
“Not at all. Maybe a little shy, but seems you have a pretty good job for someone more introverted.”
Is that how he saw her, like a turtle happier inside her shell? Is that how everyone saw her? She realized they were right. After all, the shell offered protection from things that could hurt you, and she’d been convinced she had to protect herself from being hurt any further.
It hit her hard that while she’d been busy recommending books that hopefully were leading people to dream of and work toward better lives, she hadn’t been living her own advice.
“Can I ask you something personal?” Roman asked.
“Um, sure.” She could always decline to answer.
“When we were talking about my mom, it made me wonder about yours. I think I remember seeing her once, but I’m not sure that’s an accurate memory.”
She stared out across the creek at the cattle grazing nearby. Her mother wasn’t one of her favorite topics, but then she remembered how Roman had opened up to her about his own mother.
“It’s possible, though she wasn’t here often.” Only when she’d wanted something, usually money. No matter how many times Helena had told her no, she wasn’t getting one red cent, she would still try when she hit rock bottom. “But she died when I was fourteen.”
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