“I’m sorry.”
Anna shrugged then wondered how many times she’d had the same reaction when someone found out about her mother being gone and expressed sympathy.
“Truth is I didn’t really know her very well. When I was little, it hurt to think she never wanted me. But I guess I just grew used to it.”
“I wish she’d been a better mother to you. When I think about how good I had it with my mom, I feel guilty sometimes.”
“You should never feel guilty, just grateful.”
“No doubt there.”
She took another bite of her sandwich, honestly surprised she still had an appetite in the wake of talking about her mother.
“If I haven’t been too nosy already, do you mind me asking about your dad?”
She glanced over at Roman and was struck again by just how handsome he was, especially with that aura of kindness and compassion that was as much a part of him as his long legs and kissable lips. That thought caused her to shift her gaze away, probably so quickly it looked suspicious.
“I don’t know who he is. Mom never said. And if Helena ever knew, she didn’t tell me. All I know is what I overheard one night when they were fighting in the kitchen during one of Mom’s rare visits. He evidently had been Mom’s boss somewhere she’d worked, and when he found out she was pregnant he didn’t want to have anything to do with her or me. I suspect he was already married.”
She didn’t know why she told him that last bit, but it felt like a relief to say it out loud. It made her realize just how few people she’d had to confide in during her life. But she hadn’t even told Paige about her suspicions about her father. So why was she telling Roman?
Because despite your nervousness around him, he’s easy to talk to. And you’ve held stuff in for so long, you didn’t even realize it’s been festering for years.
“That must have been hard to come to terms with,” he said, thankfully not resorting to the “I’m sorry” most people would have offered in his situation.
“Honestly, it just seemed par for the course. Sure, when I was little, I used to dream about what it would be like to have a mom and dad at home like my classmates, but I never really knew what it was like. My existence was always just grandmother-as-parent. Even though I had parents out there somewhere, I didn’t know my father and my mother was never a big part of my life. When she died, I think I was more upset about losing what could have been than what was.”
Roman didn’t say anything. Maybe he had no idea what words would be appropriate after what she’d revealed. He did, however, reach over and squeeze her hand in silent support. She directed a quick smile in his direction, and despite the nervousness racing through her she didn’t move her hand.
After a few moments filled only with the sounds of nature around them, Roman spoke.
“Have you ever thought about trying to find out who your dad is?”
“I flirted with the idea when I was younger, but then I came to the conclusion that if he had no interest in me then he wasn’t worth finding.”
Part of her expected him to disagree with her, for the healer in him to want to fix the situation so that it had a happy ending. That just wasn’t how the world worked sometimes. But he surprised her by nodding as if he understood and maybe even agreed.
“Sometimes it’s better if certain people aren’t in our lives,” he said. “Justin’s ex-girlfriend, for example. All she was interested in was what our family has spent decades building. But he figured that out, and now he’s going to marry someone who would still love him if he was living in a cardboard box.”
“Melody has been through her own trials,” she said. “I’m happy for them both.”
Anna had felt betrayed by her parents on more than one occasion, but she couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Melody. Not only had she lost her family but also her family’s legacy, everything she’d ever owned, and for a while her very identity. And scariest of all, she’d almost lost her life. But thankfully all that was behind her now, and it was as if she was a different woman even after being able to reclaim her true identity. Anna wondered if she’d ever seen anyone look happier. What did that kind of happiness feel like? Could she create it for herself?
She couldn’t help but look over at Roman and allow herself to dream for a moment before she shifted her gaze to the horses in the distance.
“We should get going. Maybe there are some of those bear claws left.”
Roman laughed. “You really didn’t like hospital food, did you?”
“Is that a real question?”
His smile widened as he stood without releasing her hand. When he used the connection to help her get to her feet, she got a glimpse of what it might feel like to be with him as more than a friend. In the next moment, she realized how close she was standing to him, facing each other, feeling the very male heat of him, and her heart stuttered before accelerating.
What was even scarier than her own reaction was the look of interest she saw in the eyes staring back at her.
Chapter Ten
He’d scared her without meaning to. Roman had seen it in her eyes as she looked up at him. But instead of apologizing, he decided to pretend he hadn’t allowed her to see his attraction and how it had been growing throughout the day. He did his best not to touch her too much as they made their way toward the back of the line of riders. But after how much they’d shared until that moment of intense eye contact, the silence between them now was making him antsy.
“Did I tell you I went back to the beginning of the Anna Pigeon series and started reading book one?” he asked.
“No. Are you enjoying it?”
He sighed inwardly. Their words were so stilted and reserved now. “Yeah. I don’t typically read fiction much, but I’m hooked now. Not that I have a lot of time to read.”
Their conversation sputtered out again, like a motor dying. At least they were catching up with the others. He noticed Wes and his cousins looking back at them, smiling, then talking among themselves. That didn’t bode well.
When they reached the main part of the ranch, some people were already loading up their horses.
“Thought we lost you guys back there,” Lena said then shot Dinah a conspiratorial smile.
“We just took our time eating lunch,” he said as he dismounted. “No need to hurry on a trail ride.”
“Or when you’re having fun,” Dinah added.
“Is there a restroom I can use?” Anna asked.
“Sure.” He reached up to help her down from the saddle, and for a moment he thought she might refuse to accept it. But her fear of falling must have won out over whatever feelings were stirred up between them. When he had her safely on the ground, he pointed toward the house. “Straight through to the hallway, and it’s on your right.”
Though he was aware of his cousins watching him, he couldn’t take his gaze away from Anna as she made her way toward the house, pausing a few times to exchange a few words with other riders.
“You like her, don’t you?” Lena had always been the most observant of all the McQueen cousins. Nothing escaped her attention. It made her a great business owner but an occasionally annoying cousin.
“We’re just friends.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
After he saw Anna slip through the front door of his family home, he shifted his attention to Lena. “I don’t know what I feel, but she’s not interested so it doesn’t matter.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Because I scare her.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re the least scary person I know.”
“Unless you have a needle,” Dinah said.
Lena made a shushing hand gesture toward Dinah while still looking at him. “Seriously, what makes you think she’s scared of you?”
He shouldn’t have said anything, but now he’d already opened his mouth. There was no retracting his words. So he told them about what had happened next to the creek.
/>
“Maybe it’s just because she’s shy,” Lena said.
“I don’t think she’s dated much.” Dinah glanced toward the house, probably making sure Anna wasn’t in earshot. “I actually can’t remember ever seeing her with anyone. Maybe she’s intimidated.”
“Why would she be intimidated?”
Lena and Dinah glanced at each other before Lena responded.
“Are you serious? You’re a handsome guy, successful, really smart.”
He stared at his cousin, trying to figure out her point. “How could those things be intimidating if Anna can lay claim to the same qualities?”
Lena tilted her head slightly to the side. “Maybe because at least part of her doesn’t think she does.”
“She said that?”
“No. Deduction on my part.”
Was Lena right? Could Anna really not know how amazing she was? Who was he kidding? He was only now realizing it, and he’d known her for most of his life. Sure, not well, but enough that he should have been able to at least see hints of the truth.
He was still questioning the entire situation and what he should or shouldn’t do about it when he saw Anna come back out of the house. He started toward her without even realizing his brain had made that decision. He got waylaid by a few friends and neighbors the same as she had, and he had to wait while Sheriff Franklin drove past pulling his trailer. By the time he reached where he’d seen Anna, he’d lost sight of her.
As he turned in a circle, he finally spotted her over next to his dad’s truck at the end of the house.
“Hey,” he said as he approached her. “Are—”
He halted when he saw the look on her face. He’d heard the expression “You look like you’ve seen a ghost” probably dozens of times in his life, but this was the first time it seemed appropriate. He reached out and grabbed her shoulders, afraid she was about to pass out.
“What’s wrong?”
She swallowed visibly. “I remembered something about the wreck.”
“That’s good.” As soon as he said that, he wasn’t sure. After all, it appeared that every bit of blood had drained from her face. “What did you remember?”
“I was run off the road by a truck.” She pointed in front of her. “One that looked like that.”
It was Roman’s turn to feel as if he was about to pass out. No, it couldn’t be. His dad had gone through a bad patch after his wife died. He’d tried to drown his sorrows, had even run off the road while intoxicated. Thankfully, he hadn’t hurt himself or anyone else, and partially thanks to Melody giving him a good talking-to, he’d given up that destructive way of dealing with his grief.
Hadn’t he?
Roman scanned the area for his dad but didn’t see him. He’d deal with him later. Now he had to focus on Anna.
“Here, let’s sit on the porch for a minute.”
He thought she might refuse, but then she allowed him to steer her up the couple of steps and toward two rocking chairs.
“Would you like something to drink?”
“No, I’m fine.” She lifted her hand from the arm of the chair, as if she might be reaching to stop him, before lowering it again.
He recognized the look on her face now: that of someone who’d just experienced a panic attack and didn’t want to be left alone. He reached over and took her hand in his, and she let him. That was evidence enough that the memory had really shaken her.
“I think he hit me.”
Unable to help himself, he looked at the passenger side of his dad’s truck. There was no damage visible, but she could be misremembering actually making contact with the other vehicle.
“Take your time, but tell me everything you remember.”
She closed her eyes as people tended to do when trying to recover elusive memories. “I was coming back from Bozeman. I’d been to a workshop for librarians at the university.” She paused, and her forehead scrunched as if she was literally trying to squeeze a memory out of her brain like water from a sponge. After a few seconds, she shook her head. “Then there’s a big blank between when I left to come home and when the accident happened.”
“It’s okay. This is a good sign. Don’t push it. If more memories come back, they’ll likely do so when you least expect it like this one did today.”
“It’s so frustrating having this big empty space where it’s almost as if I didn’t even exist.”
He squeezed her hand. “You did.”
She offered a shaky smile, and it was amazing how even that little bit of brightness affected him. In that moment he wanted to pull her into his arms, to protect her from anything in the world that might dare think about hurting her. But that could very well scare her as much as the accident had. While no doubt strong and determined, there was also a skittish kitten quality about Anna that caused his protective instincts to come roaring to the fore.
Anna glanced over at his dad’s truck, and his insides knotted. He needed to find out where his dad was that day without his dad knowing. Because if this was all just a coincidence and his dad had been nowhere near the interstate that day, he didn’t want to remind him of that dark period when his dad had not only struggled with how to process his grief but also with who he even was without the love of his life.
“The tires were bigger,” Anna said, cutting into his thoughts.
“What?”
“The tires on the truck that hit me, they were different. Those huge ones that make a lot of noise. The truck was so tall I couldn’t even see the driver.”
Roman breathed a sigh of relief. It hadn’t been his dad. And part of him felt guilty for having thought his dad had relapsed and lied to them all about it.
“You need to report this,” he said.
“It probably won’t do any good. I mean, it’s not like there are cameras all along the interstate. And evidently no one else was around because no witnesses have come forward.”
“You never know, and it couldn’t hurt.” He spotted Parker talking to Wes and whistled to get their attention. When they looked toward the house, he waved them over.
“What’s up?” Wes asked as he and his best friend stepped up to the edge of the porch.
Roman didn’t miss how Wes noticed his hand wrapped around Anna’s and lifted a brow in question. Roman ignored him and got to the point.
“Anna remembered some details from her accident.” He shifted his gaze to Anna, who looked really tired. After this, he was taking her home and making her rest. “Tell Parker what you told me. Every little detail might help.”
She didn’t look convinced, but she repeated everything she’d told him, even adding that she thought she’d seen brake lights before her car went over the embankment.
Had the driver started to stop and then driven away instead, not wanting to be responsible for what he’d just caused? An unusual and unexpected rage rose up inside Roman, but he clamped down on it so Anna wouldn’t see. But he wasn’t so lucky with his brother. Wes had a lot of questions in his eyes, but he didn’t give them voice. Roman didn’t think he’d be so lucky when Anna wasn’t around.
But why should he mind if Wes brought it up in conversation? Everyone who heard what Anna just said ought to be angry on her behalf. It was bad enough to run someone off the road, but to then pause only long enough to make the conscious decision to leave them to their fate to save one’s own ass—that was what made Roman want to smash something. And totally against his nature, he envisioned that being the face of the person who left Anna alone to die. Thank God that couple had found her.
“If you think of anything else, let me know,” Parker said as he handed a business card to Anna.
“You think what little bit I can remember will help at all?”
“It might be a long shot, but you never know. I’ve seen stranger things happen.”
When Wes and Parker walked away, Roman noticed that the rest of the people who’d come out for the trail ride had vacated the premises. And Anna looked as if she might fall over an
y minute.
“Let’s get you home.”
“I hate for you to have to go out of your way again.”
He smiled as he stood, not letting go of her hand as he helped her to her feet. “It’s not like you live in Missoula.”
Either she was so tired she somehow wasn’t processing he still held her hand as they headed toward his truck or she was worried she might topple over without his support. He only let go when she was safely seated and buckled into the passenger seat. When he was seated in his own and backing out of his parking spot, he glanced over to see her leaning back against the headrest, her eyes closed.
“I’m sorry if we overdid it today. I may have overestimated how much you were ready to do.”
She looked toward him but without lifting her head. “It’s not that. I had a nice time, really. It’s so beautiful out here.”
He wasn’t buying that she hadn’t overtaxed herself, but he wouldn’t argue and tire her even more.
“I promise,” she said, as if she’d read his mind. “It’s that I’m having a hard time imagining someone just leaving me like that. I could never do that, drive away when someone might be hurt or worse.”
“Of course, you couldn’t. You’re a good person, Anna. I have never heard one bad word about you.”
“I doubt that. Nobody is liked by everyone.”
“No, really. People care about you because you care about them. Maybe you’re not obvious or flashy about it, but that’s what makes it even more genuine.”
She looked at him as if he was speaking a language she couldn’t comprehend. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
And she didn’t, not for the rest of the drive back to her house. Not as he escorted her inside and grabbed a bottle of water from her fridge and gave it to her.
“Thanks for the ride home,” she said as she took it. “For everything. I’m sorry for the times I’ve been cranky.”
He ignored the hint that while genuine, her words were also a dismissal. “Everyone is cranky when they don’t feel good. Trust me, I know.”
A Cowboy's Kiss Page 12
