Fuck! What did I do now? I mean, I've been trying to be understanding, but she's been really moody lately. One minute it feels like we're fine, making progress in the right direction, on the same page, and then she flips her shit and she's pissed off at me for breathing too loud.
"Jade, I—"
"No. I don't think you understand." No, I don't, but I'm not about to speak up and agree with her. "You can't fix this."
"Can you at least tell me what this is?" I ask. She's right about one thing. I can't fix a problem I have no idea exists.
Leaning toward the center of the table, Jade takes a deep breath as if to calm herself down and whispers two words I wasn't expecting to hear her say for many years.
Pregnant.
Jade's pregnant.
Well, fuck.
I was not expecting that. From the way she's looking at me, she wasn't either. She's on the verge of tears, a breakdown sure to follow.
Moving quickly, I slide into the booth next to her and pull her in my arms. I want to promise her we're in this together, that I'll take care of her. But I know Jade. That's what she expects me to do. And it's the opposite of what she wants and needs to hear right now.
She needs me to hold her in silence. To just be here.
And if I'm being honest with myself, no amount of assurance from anyone right now would make me feel better about this situation. We've screwed up. This baby will be loved and by no means ever feel like it was a mistake, but somewhere along the line, we did screw up.
We've always been careful. I buy the big box of condoms. We're never without protection. And Jade wears some kind of birth control patch as backup protection. I thought we had the situation under control.
We are the one percent where protection failed us.
"Say something," she begs through tearstained eyes as she chances a glance in my direction.
"I love you, Jade."
It's all I can think to say.
The urge to drop to one knee is overwhelming. To show her my intentions. I also know she'll think I'm only doing it because she's pregnant, and I don't want that thought to even cross her mind.
I'm not going anywhere. When I think Jade's ready, I'll propose. It might be nine months from now or two years. Either way, I'll be ready when she is. We need to be in a good place when it happens.
Right now, that seems too far in the future to even comprehend.
"I love you, too," she finally replies.
It's the first time she's ever said it, and I hope it's not the last. A baby step in the right direction.
Baby step. The irony.
Because I'm about to become a father.
Holy shit!
I need to call my parents. Quinn.
"Jade, you need to call Gabby."
Her spine stiffens and she slowly lifts her head from my shoulder. The fear in her eyes is overwhelming to see.
"I can't. She can't know. We haven't even told them about us yet. What will they think?"
"Who cares what they think? All that matters is that we're in this together. Plus, she's your best friend. I can't imagine her being mad."
"Are you kidding me? She's going to be irate. We've been keeping this from them for two years, Nathan. Two. Fucking. Years. You don't think they're going to be pissed we lied?"
Well, maybe a little. I mean, Quinn will probably want a high five and act cool as a cucumber until we're in private and then ask for details. Gabby, on the other hand, will want to play twenty questions with us and demand to know everything. Unless we give them information and let them draw their own conclusions.
"Listen, let's give it some time. Let it sink in before we start telling people. Then, when you're ready, we'll tell Gabby and Quinn. But it should probably be before they get back from Europe. If this happened when I think it happened, you might be showing by the time they get home."
Jade gently rubs her hand over her flat belly and grimaces.
Yes, she's going to get bigger. My baby is growing in her belly. A sense of pride surges through me until I remember all the things my mother told me about me as a baby.
Let's just say, Jade should prepare for a big baby.
Chapter Nineteen
JADE
Nathan seems to think I'm already more than eight weeks along. That the condom we used the one time we had sex on the island was the problem. He said it had been in his wallet for longer than he usually keeps them.
I wanted to smack the hell out of him at first. Then I thought back to that afternoon and remembered exactly how I felt at that moment. It was the first time he told me he loved me, and there was nothing that was going to stop us from having sex. The moment is permanently embedded in my brain.
If that's the case, I'll be showing when Gabby and Quinn get back from their trip. Which means I need to tell her sooner rather than later. I won't be able to hide it from her for long if at all. I can only count on her being in a blissful state for so long before she's going to notice her once skinny friend has packed on a few pounds.
As I dial her number, I pray she doesn't answer. With the time difference, there’s a chance she and Quinn are already in bed. I'm banking on calling while they're getting it on so they ignore me.
No such luck.
She answers after the second ring, and I start crying immediately. Before I lose my nerve, I spit out the words I need to say. Hours later, after bawling like a child while Nathan held me silently, Gabby hands the phone over to Quinn.
She never asked who the father was, which made me cry harder when I realized she probably thought I was sleeping around. My best friend. The one person who knows me best. Didn't even bother to ask who knocked me up. She kept telling me to calm down and take a deep breath.
"What's wrong, Jade?" Quinn asks, his voice calm and soothing. "Whatever it is, Gabby won't tell me, and she's a hot mess right now."
"I'm pregnant," I cry into the phone, unable to control my emotions.
"Okay." There's a long pause. "Congratulations."
What?
Is he serious?
"Listen," he continues when I don't reply. "Everything is going to be okay. You're the strongest person I know. And you have friends that are going to be there for you as often as you'll let us."
"Yeah." My voice is weak from crying, but the tears have finally stopped falling.
"Have you called Nathan?"
Sucking in a deep breath, I let it out slowly. He has no idea Nathan's sitting next to me. That Nathan is the father. How could he? He doesn't even know we're together. No one does. Hell, I haven't even told my parents I'm seeing someone. Living with someone. They would freak out.
This might actually give my father a heart attack.
Unwed. Pregnant.
Everyone's going to think we're together because I'm with child when that's not the case at all.
"He knows," I finally squeak out.
"Good. Lean on him until we get home. I know he can seem a little unreliable at times, but he'll help you through this."
"Mmm-hmm," I say into the phone.
"What aren't you telling me, Jade? I can hear it in your voice."
"What makes you think—"
"I've never heard you say that before. Ever. You don’t mutter or mumble. You say what’s on your mind, always.”
"Well..." My voice trails off for two reasons. First, I'm sick of lying. Second, I don't know what to tell him if I'm not going to lie to him.
Looking at Nathan for permission, he smiles and nods his head.
"Nathan knows I'm pregnant."
"We already established that."
"Let me finish." Clearing my throat, I sit up, Nathan releasing me from his arms. "Nathan knows because he's the father."
The line is silent for a few beats before Quinn says something that shocks me to my core.
"He finally managed to sweep you off your feet, huh?"
"What?"
"I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You know how girls can tell
when other girls like a guy? You know that sense you have that kicks in? You can't just see it. You can feel it."
"Yeah. But you're not a girl."
"No, but guys have a similar sense. We can tell when another guy is into a girl. And we can tell when he's involved with her even if he's playing it cool because no one's supposed to know."
Looking to Nathan, I want confirmation, but he can't hear what Quinn's telling me. He's looking at me with a confused expression wrinkling his brow.
"I've suspected something was going on with the two of you since the first day we met. There was this energy in the air when you two were together. You tried to fight it, but I figured he'd win you over eventually. How long did it take him?"
"Not long," I say, unsure how to answer his question.
Do I tell him it took him less than twenty-four hours before I fell in bed with him? Or do I admit we just celebrated our one-year anniversary a few weeks ago?
"Well, I couldn't be happier for you guys. You two are perfect for each other, and this baby is going to have some amazing fucking parents."
"Don't tell Gabby," I blurt out. "I want to be the one to tell her."
"I can keep your little secret but not for long. You're going to have to tell her soon."
"I will," I promise.
Quinn promises to call and check on me in a few days, and I promise to tell Nathan to call him. I have a feeling he knew he was with me.
"Do you feel better?" Nathan asks.
"A little actually. Somehow Quinn knew."
"About us?"
"Yeah. He said guys just know when other guys are into a girl. And he said he could see me fighting against wanting to be with you."
"I think if Gabby had been in a better place, she would have seen it too. You played it cool most of that first summer, but since then, you've been kind of awkward when we're all together. I didn't realize he could tell you were hiding something. I thought I was seeing things."
"He wants you to call him."
"I'm sure he does."
"Why is that?"
"He wants the dirty details. He wants to know how long we've been hiding this from them."
"What do you want to tell him?"
Nathan seems to think it over for a second before he replies with a kiss. "Everything, Jade. I'm sick of hiding this from the people we love most. I don't care if they're pissed at us. I don't care if they think we were in the wrong. Maybe we were. All that matters is that we're together, and they can either accept that or not. They don't have to like it."
Another kiss to my lips and he stands, leaving the room without another word.
"Where are you going?" I call after him.
"My baby mama deserves a reward for her honesty. Not to mention you were on the phone forever and we missed dinner."
"I could eat," I say, my stomach churning and growling at the same time.
I may not hold the meal down, but I will attempt to put food in my body.
Some women have morning sickness. I have all day sickness. It comes and goes as it pleases. I've found that if I eat right when I wake up, I can ward it off for a few hours. If I go too long without eating and end up feeling hungry, that's when my meals tend to make a reappearance.
So I'm not counting on this meal to stay down.
Hopefully my doctor will have some tips for me when we go see her in the morning. It'll be my first appointment. I'm both nervous and scared. I thought about calling my mom and asking her to come with me, but that would require me to tell her that I'm with child.
Something I'm not ready to do just yet. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to do it, but I also know the longer I wait, the easier it will be for my parents to forgive me. After all, I am giving them a grandchild. Their first.
The real reason I'm not telling them yet is two-fold.
First, they're going to want to know who the father is. Then they'll want to meet Nathan. That's a big step in any relationship. Not bigger than having a child together, but big none the less.
Second, there are so many things that can go wrong in the first trimester of pregnancy. If I wasn't afraid to spring this on Gabby and Quinn in a few weeks, I wouldn't have told them either. Hell, if they were staying in Europe any longer, I would have waited until the thirteen-week mark like most couples do.
I'll be close to the end of my first trimester when they get back but not quite there.
Nathan walks back in the living room with two plates of food and sits them on the coffee table in front of us.
"What's this?"
"Dinner."
"Random junk food? Chips?"
"I have no idea what you can eat right now without puking, so I brought you a little of everything. Pizza is in the oven, and there's leftover lasagna in the microwave."
The BBQ chips sound delicious, but I don't admit that to him. Instead, I shove a chip in my mouth and tell him I love him.
Because I do. With all my heart.
Chapter Twenty
NATHAN
The look on Gabby's face as understanding washes over her is adorable. It's a cross between surprise and acceptance. Jade may have told her she was pregnant, but she never told her about me. And true to his word, it appears Quinn didn't mention it either.
So here we sit, catching up on the summer after picking them up from the airport, and Jade's just dropped the bomb on Gabby as if it's no big deal. Probably because she's still pissed off at me. She has been for weeks since our first appointment with the doctor. She even broke up with me a few days ago, stating we were over. That we'd raise the baby together but that we were no longer romantically involved.
Her words seemed to break her heart, so I didn't fight her on it. I've slept on the couch since that night. Stayed out of her way as she's stormed around the apartment. Angry and on the verge of tears at any given moment. And all that anger has been directed at me.
I'd pretend not to know why, but I do. The doctor rocked our world, throwing a major wrench in Jade's plans.
Her exam was fairly standard. Everything appeared to be normal, and the baby was healthy. All good things.
Until the doctor calculated our due date.
You see, we both assumed our little bundle of joy was conceived that weekend on the island. There was no doubt in my mind that the condom I kept in my wallet was past its prime. Unfortunately that wasn't the case.
The doctor thinks it happened three weeks after we returned from that trip. The weekend we tried to reignite the fire between us before it died out. A short trip to the Michigan shoreline to spend the weekend at the beach.
We had sex maybe three times that weekend. We were both on autopilot. Forcing the sex to happen. Something neither of us was used to having to do. I remember each and every time, and I can almost pinpoint which one led us to where we are today.
Jade and I have a thing for water. The shower. A pool. The lake... that had to be when it happened. We got started in the water and ended up on the beach. It was late at night, there was no one around, and for the first time in weeks, it felt like we both wanted to be together.
I made the mistake of slipping inside unwrapped. It was only a few times. It was amazing, but I also knew there would be consequences if I didn't rectify the situation before it was too late.
We'd played that game before. More than once. She wears a patch. We were technically still protected, right?
Wrong.
Jade hadn’t refilled her prescription. With all that had been going on, it didn't even occur to her that she hadn’t changed her patch. Hell, she didn't even realize it until the doctor asked her about it.
See, not all my fault. Don't try to tell Jade that, though. She might bite your head off.
So we didn't get pregnant the weekend we spent with Gabby and Quinn. Which meant Jade couldn't use that weekend as a moment of weakness between us to explain to Gabby how this all came to be. Nope, she was going to have to tell her the truth. All of it.
And Gabby appears eager to hea
r all the details as she looks between Jade and me.
Jade's yelling at me about condoms, and Quinn is grinning ear to ear.
That motherfucker is enjoying the show. Of course he is. This is the first time we've all been together for lunch and the attention hasn't been on him. Their relationship is perfect for once.
You're welcome, I think to myself.
Thank fuck they're back, though. I love Jade, with all my heart, but she needs someone to talk to, someone who can talk her off the ledge, and that person can't be me. This is all my fault in her eyes. She's pointing blame, and I'm trying to take it like a champ, even though it takes two to make a baby.
I really want to point that out, but it would only make things worse, and that's the last thing I want right now.
She refuses to tell her parents even though we're close to ten weeks now. She's been avoiding seeing them since we found out. Calls them to talk all the time but declines every invitation to meet for dinner. She says she's gained weight, that they're going to notice, but I don't see where.
I get that she's not ready to tell them what happened. She's afraid they're going to be disappointed in her. They might be. They'll also be happy to welcome their first grandchild.
As far as I go, she's afraid to let me meet them. I keep trying to tell her that parents love me, but she has her doubts.
To be honest, I'm afraid to meet them, so I don't push her. I've met parents of girlfriends before, but I've never been the one who's knocked their daughter up. Her dad might want to kill me for all I know. She makes him sound like a great guy, but she's also a daddy's girl... it could really go either way.
Gabby is the best person to help calm her fears. To help her get perspective on the situation.
I already have perspective. She might fight me on it, but we're still going to do this together. Not as friends. Not co-parents. We are a couple even though I just heard her deny that to Gabby. She loves me, I love her, and this baby will be loved by both of us.
For All The Right Reasons Page 11
