We are not breaking up.
She may think we're done, that she broke up with me, but I refuse to acknowledge her spur-of-the-moment decision.
I'm focused on the straw in my hand, stirring my soda, when I hear Jade sniffle. Directing my attention to her, I find her eyes on mine, and a sense of relief washes through me.
There's acceptance and love in her eyes.
Then I look to Gabby and find her smiling at me. Whatever she just said, it hit home for Jade. It opened her eyes, the way I'd hoped Gabby would be able to. I never expected it to be today or even next week. I was hoping she'd come around before the baby was born.
Today will do just fine, though.
"Well, that went better than I thought," I say as we pull onto the highway after dropping Gabby and Quinn at Gabby's apartment.
"It's not over yet," Jade comments, wringing her hands in her lap.
"What's wrong?"
"Gabby's going to want to know everything, and I feel like she's going to be really mad when she finds out the truth."
"She might be, but even so, and I know I sound like a broken record sometimes, this isn't about her,” I start, turning off the radio so there’s no chance she won’t clearly hear what I’m about to say. This is about us. We made decisions, and we're the ones that have to live with them. Not her. We chose to keep our relationship to ourselves. We weighed our options and made the decision we thought was best.”
My voice is strong, convincing, but I still can’t bring myself to chance a glance in her direction. I can feel the uncertainty radiating from her. When she doesn’t reply, I continue.
"Were we wrong? Maybe. Should we have come clean sooner? Probably. We can't change the past, though, so there’s no point in stressing about it. Gabby's far from perfect, we all are. Look at all the bad decisions she's made in the last year. She's not going to judge you or me, Jade. I think you're worrying over nothing."
She nods in agreement but doesn't say anything else as we breeze down the highway, back to the place we currently call home. A place that's soon going to be too small to fit our needs. I have ideas, of course, but with Jade, it needs to be one thing at a time.
The engagement ring I bought her is still burning a hole in my pocket. I carry it everywhere I go in case the moment feels right. There's no doubt in my mind that I will ask her to marry me one day, but I need to know she's going to say yes.
Some days I'm certain she will. Others, like this entire week, I feel like she wishes we'd never met. That she’d never given in that day.
I may have won the first battle, and plenty since then, but the war isn’t over. Only time will tell how things will turn out between us. All I know is I'm not ready to give up on her. On us. On the future we could have together. So I take things one step, one moment, at a time and keep the ring I hope she'll one day wear proudly in my pocket.
Chapter Twenty-One
JADE
Seven Months Later
* * *
So much has changed in the last few months. I think about what I was doing a year ago today, how Nathan and I were still sneaking around. Keeping our relationship a secret from everyone but mainly Gabby and Quinn. The two people in this world I should have known would have been happy for us no matter what.
Gabby especially.
My assumptions about her being mad at me for lying to her were correct. She was pissed for about ten seconds when I told her the truth about everything. When it all started. The decisions we made to purposefully keep it from them. She was even angry about the fact we conspired to get her and Quinn back together. She assumed he pulled us into the situation, that Quinn was behind the whole operation, not that we had initiated the idea.
Oops. I probably could have left that part out, but I was on a roll with the honesty, and it was just the two of us at lunch that day. My hormones were all over the place, and I was rushing through our conversation. I'd officially started my second trimester, and for some reason, I was always horny. I couldn't get enough of Nathan, and he was happy to 'help me through my difficult time' as he put it.
The bastard was getting laid at least once a day, if not twice. It was a burden he was happy to bear.
But then after it was all out there, she was happy for us. For me. I didn't know it, but she had been concerned about my mental health as much as I had been about hers. Especially while she was in Europe. Apparently she could tell I was hiding something from her that weekend.
I didn't realize I was so damn transparent. I guess when you know and understand someone as well as we do, you notice things about the other person they're not even aware they're putting on display for all to see.
"How's my godchild doing today?" she asks as I slide into the booth across from her. It's harder and harder for me to get in and out of booths these days. I thought about requesting a table, but the chairs hurt my lower back.
Or it could be the twenty-pound little girl that's growing inside me right now.
Yes, I know she's not really twenty pounds, but it feels like it some days. My feet are always swollen. My back constantly hurts. The worst part... I'm starting to waddle. And don't even get me started on how forgetful I've become. I almost forgot about lunch today.
How could I forget? We’re wedding planning!
Quinn surprised Gabby and proposed shortly after they returned from Europe. It didn't surprise me when she said yes even though they'd only technically been together for a few months. What did surprise me was when Quinn said they were planning a long engagement.
Why?
If you love someone and you know it, go for it. Start the next chapter of your life. Especially if nothing is standing in your way.
Of course, I think these things to myself but would never admit them out loud. Not since I found a diamond ring in a pair of Nathan's pants a few months ago. Right before Christmas. Right before I introduced him to my parents for the first time.
I assumed he was coming prepared. He was going to ask my parents for their blessing and propose in front of my entire family.
Nope.
Didn't happen.
Still hasn't.
"She's good. Asleep for the moment. I swear this child only wants to move around when I'm trying to sleep. She kicks me in the ribs all night long."
"Only a few more weeks and you'll be able to get a good night’s sleep."
Raising my eyebrows at Gabby, doubt crossing my face in waves, she only smiles and laughs. I don't know much about having a baby, but I do know they don't like to sleep. I've heard horror stories from some of the experienced moms in the parenting group I've started attending. Some of their kids didn't sleep through the night for a year and a half.
I can't go another eighteen months without a good night’s sleep. Exhaustion is already wearing on me.
"If you say so," I finally reply, taking a sip of the water our waitress brought.
"Are you excited?" she asks, studying her menu, though I know she's going to order the same thing she always does.
"A little. I want to meet her, but I'm also scared I'm going to be a horrible parent."
Folding the menu and setting it aside, I can see the pep talk Gabby's preparing to give me. I should record it, so next time we have this same conversation, she can save her breath.
It goes the same way every time.
I'm going to be amazing. I have the best support system. There's no shame in asking for help when I need a break. I can call her any time, day or night.
Then she reminds me I'm not doing this alone. That Nathan is by my side. That he's not going anywhere.
It makes me wonder what she knows that I don't. Especially after finding the ring. Are they all keeping it a secret from me? I wouldn't be surprised or angry. This is a good secret to keep.
Not that I'm not curious as to what his plans are. Or when he plans to ask me.
There's not a single doubt in my mind that I'd say anything but yes. We've had plenty of ups and downs since we found out little Je
nny was going to be making her grand appearance. The good outweighs the bad. It always has when it comes to Nathan. He's a good man, and he's going be a great father. One day, a great husband.
The thought of him marrying someone else flashes through my mind, and anger begins to bubble under the surface. I have to push it away. He loves me. I don't doubt that. I just can't understand what he's waiting for.
I'm already tethered to him for the next eighteen years. Why not make it official?
"Nathan seems to be more and more excited every time I see him."
That man wakes up every day with a smile on his face and his hand on my belly, talking to our little girl. Asking her if she's ready to meet her daddy. It’s adorable and sweet, and I think he knows how much it turns me on.
"He is. Did you see the smile on his face when Quinn offered to stay and help him put the crib together?"
"Um, yeah. Do either of them know what they're doing?"
"I made sure there were directions in the box."
"You do realize Quinn refuses to use GPS apps. He doesn't ask for directions when we're lost. We almost didn't make it back to the train station on time in Paris because he swore he knew where he was going."
Well, shit. Nathan's the same way.
"I guess we'll find out when we get back. You'll have to crawl in the crib and make sure it doesn't fall apart," I joke.
"Why me?"
"You think I'm going to be able to lift my leg high enough to get in there? I can't even tie my own shoes anymore."
Gabby laughs. I'm sure I just gave her a great mental image of me trying to step into the crib, my big belly preventing me from getting my leg high enough to clear the bar.
The struggle is real.
I dropped my phone on the floor the other day. It slipped off the arm of the couch, and I couldn't bend over to pick it up. Which of course caused me to break down and cry. Everything makes me cry. I ended up having to slide off the couch, onto the floor, so I could grab it. To get back up, I had to roll over onto my knees and pull myself back up by holding on to the arm of the couch.
When Nathan walked in from work twenty minutes later, I was laughing so hard at what I'd had to do to pick up my phone off the floor that I couldn’t stop crying. Partially because I was upset I was so large and incapable of bending over, and partially because if anyone had seen the lengths I went to pick up my phone, they would have been dying laughing.
A simple task made difficult, almost impossible, because I had gained so much weight. Almost fifty pounds. And not just in my belly. It's going to take months of hard work at the gym to get my body back into pre-baby shape. My face is rounder. My arms chunkier.
My thighs... wet.
What?
Did I pee myself? That's not possible. We stopped at the bathroom before we sat down, knowing the second I compressed my bladder, I'd have to go.
"What's wrong, Jade?" Gabby asks as the first wave of pain shoots straight to my lower back.
"I think my water broke."
Gabby's eyes go wide before she springs into action, jumping out of the booth so fast she bumps the table, knocking over my water.
Chapter Twenty-Two
NATHAN
She's perfect. Ten tiny fingers. Ten tiny toes. Her mother’s nose and eyes.
My heart swells with love every time I look at her. It's been two months since the horrifying day she was born.
Sixty-seven days since I got the call that Jade was in labor. At first, excitement soared through my body as I ran through the house, Quinn hot on my heels, grabbing everything we had set aside to take to the hospital. Her bag. The car seat. Phone charger and camera. An extra blanket in case Jade was cold.
Then Gabby spoke two little words that stopped me dead in my tracks, the blanket slipping from between my fingers.
"She's bleeding."
There's a long pause on her end of the line. My heart stopped beating, the air I'd sucked in refusing to leave my lungs, as I wait for her to speak. To give me an update on Jade, our child, my entire life.
"The ambulance just pulled in. You need to meet us at the hospital. Call her doctor and let her know we're on our way."
Then she's gone. Before I could ask any questions. Before I could tell her to give Jade a kiss for me.
My hands shake as I relay what’s going on to Quinn. He does what a good friend would do. He gathers all the things I'd been throwing in a pile by the door and drives me to the hospital. He doesn't talk. Doesn't make promises he knows he can't keep. He’s as scared as I am.
He loves Jade too. He loves our unborn little girl. Jenny. We finally decided on a name two weeks ago. The same day we asked Quinn and Gabby to be her godparents.
We're shown to a waiting area in the maternity ward. Gabby's already there, pacing the room. She rushes into Quinn's arms the second we enter the room and breaks down in a fit of tears.
"What happened, Gabs?"
"I don't know. One minute we were talking, joking about the two of you trying to put the crib together, and then her face went pale. I knew something was wrong right away. She said her water broke, but when I went to help her out of the booth, there was blood everywhere. She passed out in my arms. I hollered for someone to call an ambulance, and then next thing I know, a woman, already on the phone, rushes over to us and tries to help Jade.
"I didn't know it at the time, but she was a doctor. She was explaining to someone what was going on. My guess would be the hospital so they knew what to expect. They rushed her straight into surgery when we got here. I haven't heard anything since."
"Did you call her parents?" I ask, staring out the glass windows, watching as doctors and nurses scurry from room to room.
This has been my worst fear. That something would happen to Jade and I wouldn't be able to save her. To help her. To be there when she needs me.
"No."
Nodding, I reply, "I'll do it."
I don't want to, but I promised to call them the second she went into labor. They want to be here for their daughter, for the birth of their grandchild. Of course, this isn't the scenario that was playing in my mind when I agreed to make that call.
Her mother has a hint of hope in her voice when she answers the phone. She knows why I'm calling. It breaks my heart even more to have to tell her what little I know at this point. The lack of information scares me more than anything else. They would update us if they could. The fact that they can't means things are worse than I imagine.
Her parents are in shock but assure me they are on their way. It'll take them a little over an hour to get here. In the meantime, I need to find someone who knows what's going on with Jade. I can't just sit here and wait. That's not how I was built.
"Excuse me," I say, drumming my fingers on the counter of the nurse’s station.
"Can I help you, sir?" The lady behind the desk looks as seasoned as they come. Late sixties, maybe early seventies. Light-gray hair. It's her caring eyes that set me at ease, though.
"I'm trying to find out how my girlfriend is. She's pregnant, I mean, she was. She is. I don't know. They brought her in by ambulance because she was bleeding. Can someone just tell me how she is?"
Giving her all Jade's information, she promises to give me an update as soon as she can. At first I don't think she was going to tell me anything. Jade and I aren't married. We're not related. I don't have any rights in this situation. Except, I do.
Because the baby in her belly is mine. So I rephrase my question after picking up on the subtle hints she was giving me and ask for an update on Jenny. She happily agrees.
Ten minutes later, the same nurse pops her head in the waiting room and motions for me to follow her.
"Now, she's still out of it, but she's going to be okay. The doctors were able to stop the bleeding in time. They had to perform an emergency cesarean section."
"And Jenny? My daughter?"
"She's just fine, sweetheart. They're cleaning her up in the nursery right now. You'll be able to see
her soon. We're going to need you to step in and bond with her since mom isn't going to wake up for a little while. Babies are used to the sound of mom's heartbeat so after they're born, we recommend cuddling with them so they can hear your heartbeat. It soothes them."
She doesn't have to ask me twice. I'll cuddle with my daughter any chance I get. But first I need to make sure her mama is okay.
Jade’s sleeping form brings tears to my eyes. I was afraid I'd never see her again. That I'd never be able to kiss her again or hold her in my arms.
The nurse gives me a few minutes alone with her before she takes me to the nursery to meet our daughter. It feels wrong to meet her before Jade. I’d pictured being by her side as she went through labor. Holding her hand as she screamed and hearing our daughter cry for the first time together.
Life doesn't always work out the way you plan, though. You have to adjust your plans and expectations accordingly.
"I love you, baby. So very much," I say, kissing Jade gently on her forehead as tears form in the corners of my eyes.
Holding Jade's hand, I let my tears fall until the nurse comes back. I need to be strong right now. For Jade and for our daughter.
Jenny's birth will always serve as a reminder of how lucky I am. To have Jade and Jenny in my life. That it's easy to take things for granted when we should really be cherishing every moment we're given together.
Life is short. It can change in the blink of an eye. You never know what tomorrow holds. Which is why I decided to propose to Jade today. Before Gabby and Quinn get here for a visit.
After they arrive, it'll be all wedding and baby talk. Just to be clear, the wedding talk is about them, the baby talk is about Jenny. I don't think they have any plans of having a baby before they tie the knot.
We didn't either, of course.
Yet, here we are. Living together for almost a year now with a two-month-old, precious little girl who refuses to sleep for longer than three hours at a time. Who has me wrapped around her little finger to the point that if she makes any kind of noise in the middle of the night, I go running into her room.
For All The Right Reasons Page 12
