“Why do you say that?”
“I didn’t tell you what else Dustin and I talked about after he dumped me.” She pauses and we turn to face each other in the middle of my bed, crisscrossing our legs.
“Did he talk to her last night?”
“No, but she texted him . . . around the same time she texted us.”
“You mean, when we were at the movies? Is that why . . .”
She nods and continues before I even finish the question. “And he texted her back.”
“Well, what did she want?”
“To talk to him in person because she said she wanted to tell him something . . . something that would explain everything.”
“So, did they meet up? Wait, is that why he said he wasn’t feeling well? Did he lie?” I ask, shock building as the pieces begin falling into place.
“Yeah,” Delaney says with a huff, “he lied all right. But then when he waited at Jolliet where she told him to meet her, she never showed.”
“So, then what? Didn’t he text her to find out why?”
Shaking her head, Delaney says, “He drove to her house to tell her he was pissed, but then he changed his mind. The car she drives was there, so at some point after she texted Dustin, someone must have picked her up.”
I sigh and rub my eyes. “She could be anywhere, with anyone.”
“Right, and would you ever have guessed in a million years that Jenna would just leave without telling anyone where she’s going or who she’s going with?”
“No, but she’ll be back soon, I’m sure. Do you want to hang out here tonight? Then when she gets home, we can go over there. I’m sure my mom will let us use her car.”
“I can’t. I’m babysitting for Stella tonight. Audra just called me while I was waiting for you to get home.”
“Well, did she say anything about Jenna?”
“Nope, and I didn’t want to bring it up because we don’t even know if she’s really missing. Plus, Eli had no idea her mom and dad were looking for her, so I’m guessing they might not either. Maybe they don’t want to worry the whole family before they’re sure something is up?”
“Maybe,” I say, doing my best to ignore the nagging sensation in my gut that keeps making me second guess that Jenna will be home soon.
“Actually,” Delaney checks her phone, “I need to be there in an hour, so I better get going. Thanks, Keeley.”
“For what?”
“For not hating me for what happened with Dustin . . . for not judging me for being so stupid. I know you thought it was wrong.”
“Neither one of us is perfect.”
Chapter Sixteen
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Two Months Before Jenna’s Disappearance
August 17, 2017
Dear Diary,
I ran so bad again today that Coach Wells suggested I skip tomorrow’s conditioning and take a few days off from running altogether. If I don’t figure out how to dig myself out of this black hole I’ve been in lately, I’m worried I might not be able to compete when school starts. All the hard work I’ve done all summer long could be all for nothing. But I can’t sleep unless I take the Tylenol PM (and now I need two in order for it to work), but then when I wake up after taking it, I feel groggy. So I’ve either been running on no sleep or in a Tylenol PM induced haze. I don’t feel like eating either, so that makes my foggy brain even worse, and I don’t really feel like talking to anyone or doing anything either, not even Dustin, Delaney, or Keeley. Everyone thinks it’s still because of the stomach bug I said I had a few weeks ago, but a stomach bug can’t last forever. I know my mom is going to force me to go to the doctor soon if I don’t start acting more like the Jenna they’re all used to, though, so I forced myself to go to the beach with Keeley and Delaney on Tuesday after practice, and with Dustin for a bike ride after he was done working last night. Doing things I usually love and being with my friends didn’t help at all the way I was hoping it would.
I need to talk to someone. But who?
Jenna
Chapter Seventeen
Bonnie
Saturday, October 28, 2017
One Day After Jenna’s Disappearance
“No, still nothing. And we’re out of ideas for who to call.” I lay my head down on my forearm on the kitchen counter. Joseph is standing next to me with his hand on my back. He’d rushed into the kitchen when he heard me answer my phone because of my deceptively optimistic voice, I’m sure. I couldn’t help it. Seeing Leslie Simon’s name on my caller ID gave me false hope that she was calling to let me know Keeley had heard from Jenna, or better yet, that Jenna was at their house right now. This is the longest I’ve ever gone without talking to Jenna. The first thing I’m going to do when she shows up after disappearing without a word of warning for an entire day is hold her in my arms.
It’s impossible not to think the worst when you don’t know where your child is.
“Oh, Bonnie, we’re so sorry,” Leslie sighs. “The girls—Keeley and Delaney—they called around, and they stopped over at Leighton’s too just to make sure Jenna wasn’t there.”
As if that’s supposed to make me feel better.
“Please thank them for us,” I say politely.
I stand and begin pacing the kitchen, and Joseph takes a seat at the island and taps the tip of a pen against the pad of paper we’ve been jotting things down on all day.
“Is there anything at all we can do? Maybe drive around looking for her? Make some flyers to hand out tomorrow? I don’t know. I just can’t imagine . . .”
“No, not yet . . . We’ve called all the hospitals, checked all her social media accounts, and tried to locate her phone, of course. But she hasn’t posted anything for weeks, and her phone must be off or . . .” Not dead. Don’t say dead. “. . . out of juice because it goes straight to voicemail.” I leave out how we know from Jenna’s phone records that she sent texts to Keeley, Delaney, and Dustin last night because I don’t understand why the girls didn’t say anything about receiving texts from Jenna. The fact that Dustin was the only one who responded to her is also grating on me. I also don’t share that the last place Jenna’s phone had a signal was Jolliet Park. “We’ve also just informed family that we’re looking for her . . . just in case . . . and we’re getting ready to call the police. I honestly don’t know what else to do at this point.”
“Well, I think calling the police is best because . . . well, you just never know.”
I know Leslie means well, but “you just never know?” I can’t help but resent the fact that she’s said this but realize she probably has no idea what to say. I’d probably say something similar if our roles were reversed and it was Keeley who was missing.
“Right, well, Joseph and I have a few things to discuss before we make the call, so I better get going. Thanks for checking in, Leslie.”
“Of course. We’ll be thinking of you. Please call if you hear from her or need to talk. No matter how late it is.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I end the call and join Joseph at the island.
“That was nice of Leslie to call,” he says, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close.
“It was,” I say, sitting upright and dragging the pad of paper across the counter so that it’s in front of both of us.
We sit in silence as I examine the bulleted list, pondering if there’s anything else we can do that isn’t already on it.
Contact friends and family.
Check hospitals.
Check social media.
Track phone.
Alert authorities.
Each item on our checklist includes notes about who we’ve talked to and the last time each person saw, spoke to, or heard from Jenna; the hospitals we’ve called and who we spoke to; the dates of Jenna’s last social media posts and what they were about; and the timeline of her incoming and outgoing texts as well as the last time a cell tower picked up a signal from her phone.
The only item we haven
’t seen through is the last one: Alert authorities. Beneath that item are reporting tips I pulled from a website for missing and exploited children.
Provide a detailed description of the person.
Provide a recent photo.
Keep a record of every law enforcement employee you talk to (including case numbers).
Joseph waits patiently until I’m ready to make the call. He’s wanted to call them since mid-afternoon, but for some reason, I kept telling myself that as soon as we informed the police, she’d probably come waltzing through the door, ready for another argument.
Now I can only hope that will be true.
I take a deep breath as I flip the page to things that might follow a call to the police.
Contact the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC).
Call school/notify teachers.
Organize a search party.
Put up fliers.
Maintain a call log.
Call local newspapers and TV stations.
Social media posts about Jenna being missing.
“Bonnie,” Joseph says, flipping the first page back over to cover the things nightmares are made of. “It’s time to call the police.”
Chapter Eighteen
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Two Months Before Jenna’s Disappearance
On the last night before Labor Day weekend, Dustin and Jenna went to dinner at a new gourmet burger restaurant a few blocks away from UW-Milwaukee on Oakland Avenue. After dinner, they had plans to meet up with friends for a bonfire.
“So, this is it,” Dustin said, following Jenna to an empty booth. “The end of our last summer as high schoolers. Man, I wish we didn’t have to go to my cousin’s wedding. Are you sure you don’t want to ask your mom if you can go with us? My mom will talk to her.”
“Dustin, she doesn’t even like us hanging out alone after dark. Do you really think she’ll let me go with your family to Door County for three nights?”
He shrugged as he sipped his iced tea. “Hey, my dad’s side of the family and my cousin’s fiancé’s family are both super religious. They’re Catholic, so . . . Anyway, maybe if your mom knew that . . .”
Jenna rolled her eyes. “Do you really think calling people “super religious” will make my mom feel better about it? And what, being surrounded by Catholics will ensure we wouldn’t even think about touching each other? Seriously, Dustin. You said yourself that your cousin Joe is only marrying his girlfriend because he got her pregnant and her brothers threatened to beat him up if he didn’t.”
“Shhh,” Dustin said, placing a finger to his lips. “No one is supposed to know about that.”
Jenna chuckled. “Well, why did you tell me then? And how did you find out?”
“My aunt can’t keep anything from my mom,” he said, shaking his head. “And my mom can’t keep anything from my dad. I overheard them talking about it when I had my earbuds in, and they thought I was listening to music. I wasn’t listening to anything, though—just had the buds in so they wouldn’t talk to me.” He shrugs. “I don’t see how it matters whether they’re married or not, though. They’ve been dating for like five years.”
“Her family probably just doesn’t want to be judged, I guess,” Jenna said. “I think it’s stupid, too, the way people cover things up with religion.”
Dustin nodded as they both removed their arms from the table when their food arrived. “Thanks,” they said in unison to the waiter.
They dug into their burgers and switched to talking about how much they liked their food and how they’d definitely return to try different items on the menu. Dustin fed Jenna one of his sweet potato fries, and she offered him a bite of her bacon avocado ranch burger, which he accepted.
“So, what’s your family up to this weekend? Are you going to hang out with your Aunt Lenore, Uncle Greg, and the rest of them?” Dustin chuckled and shook his head. “I’d much rather hang out with Eli and Thomas than my cousins. Mine are all either way less cool, way older, or my sister’s age.”
Jenna tensed at the mention of her Aunt Lenore’s family. It had been almost three weeks since the party at church, and so far, Jenna had been able to avoid Thomas. After services, she kept close tabs on his whereabouts, disappearing to the bathroom or sneaking outside anytime he was near. There were a couple of close calls when her family was invited over to Aunt Lenore and Uncle Greg’s for dinner and to Thomas and Audra’s for a game night, but she got out of both by saying her stomach was bothering her and that she was sore from all the strength conditioning and running she’d been doing for cross country. Neither excuse was a lie, but her stomach wasn’t sore due to illness, and she didn’t mind the muscle aches because they took her mind off the emotional pain she was suffering from. What she did mind was that her performance continued to decline, which meant she wasn’t running with Keeley much anymore during practices. Keeley wanted to stick with her, of course, but Jenna didn’t want her friend’s performance to suffer too, so she insisted that Keeley go ahead without her.
Jenna faked a cough, took a drink, and cleared her throat before answering. “I’m not really sure.” She cleared her throat again and drank more Diet Coke.
“Oh. Well, do you have plans to see Keeley and Delaney over the weekend? Or are their families dragging them out of town too?”
Jenna was relieved to move on from the subject of her extended family. “Delaney and her mom are going to Chicago for a girls’ weekend. Shopping, haircuts, and makeup. You know—all that kind of stuff Delaney is into. But Keeley will be around because it’s her mom’s turn to work a holiday weekend at the pharmacy, so maybe we’ll do something.”
“Why maybe?” Dustin asks.
“Eh, she’s all excited because Eli asked her to do something, but he just got a job at the movie theater, so he isn’t sure which nights he has to train.”
“But you and Keeley will run together, right?”
Dustin had been so busy picking up as many hours as he could at the bike shop for the past few weeks that he wasn’t aware of how Jenna’s running had declined. In fact, Jenna was surprised that no one seemed to notice anything was different about her even though she felt like her ability to cope with her secret was diminishing each day. Everyone was so busy with their own things that they just assumed Jenna was functioning as normal too.
“I don’t know. I haven’t been running too well, lately, so I don’t really want her to have to slow down just for me.”
“What? Since when?” Dustin asked as he crumpled up the liner inside the basket his burger and fries came in.
“I don’t know,” Jenna said with a shrug. “A couple weeks now. I haven’t been able to go much farther than a couple miles for some reason.” She pushed her basket and half-eaten burger toward the middle of the table.
“That’s weird. Maybe you’re coming down with something.” Dustin mirrored Jenna’s shrug. “Do you want a refill?”
She shook her head no, and Dustin wandered off to refill his tea, depositing their garbage and empty baskets on his way. Jenna stared after him, a hint of resentment causing her chest to feel heavy. She couldn’t believe he shrugged off the fact that she was having difficulty running when he knew she could usually run at least six miles without getting winded.
Jenna closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to chase away the unwarranted feelings toward Dustin that were brewing inside her. When she opened them, she almost vomited. Standing next to Dustin was the last person Jenna wanted to see.
Thomas.
Thomas had his hand on Dustin’s shoulder, and they were both smiling. Jenna panicked when Dustin was about to look her way, but then Audra walked through the front door with Stella. When Dustin and Thomas looked their way, Jenna jolted out of her seat and headed outside through a back door by the bathrooms.
By the time Jenna calmed down enough to realize what she was doing, she’d already walked a block away from the restaurant. She looked back and saw Dustin standing o
n the sidewalk looking for her.
“Dustin!” she called.
As he walked to her, she contemplated what she was going to say to explain why she’d left. Oh, I just freaked out when I saw you talking to Thomas. He molested me when I was a kid, by the way.
No, she couldn’t tell him. Not right now.
“What are you doing all the way over here? And why’d you leave?” Dustin asked, incredulous. He looked around as if expecting to see someone they knew and that had to be why Jenna had left without a word.
“I . . . I just felt sick to my stomach all of a sudden and needed air.”
“Oh, oh no,” he said, concern spreading across his face. He took Jenna by the hand and led her to a bench outside an ice cream shop. “Here. Let’s sit. Do you think you’ll be able to go to the bonfire?”
Jenna looked over at Dustin, still contemplating whether she should continue to hide the truth from him or if she should just tell him. Tell someone. Anyone. It was so much easier to hide from her demons when she didn’t have to constantly be on edge, wondering if she’d come face to face with them.
“Jenna?” Dustin asked, pulling her from her thoughts. “Are you going to be okay to go to the bonfire?”
“Yeah,” she nodded.
“We don’t have to go.”
“I’ll be fine.”
Dustin inched closer to Jenna and put his arm around her. She leaned her cheek against his chest. The tears that had been threatening to fall before had dried up, so she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, causing the side of her breast to press against Dustin’s chest. In response, Dustin slipped his hand between Jenna’s arm and side and slowly ran it down the length of her ribcage, causing Jenna to open her eyes and pull away at the sight of his swollen pants.
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