Junkyard Pirate

by Jamie McFarlane

  "You should get some burritos," AJ said. "Maybe some of those tater tots with cheese on 'em, too."

  Darnell chuckled. "Lisa will have my hide if she finds out."

  "It’s God’s work. You don't want me wasting away, do you?"

  "Good point," Darnell said. "Back in a few."

  "You shouldn’t have allowed Darnell to see the device," Beverly said as AJ's friend walked out. "As CFO of a technology company, his interest might bring uninvited attention to our project."

  AJ placed the protective cover in place over the circuit board he'd been working on. "He's a bean counter."

  "Mr. AJ?" Diego leaned into the machine shed. "Did you want to see me?"

  "Do you want to make some money today?" AJ asked.

  "Yes, please."

  "Good. Love to see a good work ethic," AJ said. "I need you to clean up the mess on the bench. Put anything that looks expensive into a box. Glass bottles get washed, so don’t throw them away. Trash gets taken out to the bin. Also, I need you to sweep around the drill press and grinder. Just be careful with the metal shavings."

  "Are you really going to let me fly your drone?" Diego asked.

  "If you do a good job cleaning. Did you eat lunch yet?" Diego looked at the floor. "I see. Get to it, then."

  AJ turned back to his task and screwed down the lid of the survey collector device. Beverly's design was two part. The first was a collector and radio to be carried by the quadcopter. The second part, by far too heavy to lift, had required the majority of his efforts. While much of the electronics work had been in AJ's wheelhouse, some of the connections remained a complete mystery, especially in the way the collector connected to the radio transmitter.

  "Beverly, send Darnell a text. Tell him to get a burrito for Diego," AJ said. "And a soda. I'm not sure that kid's getting enough to eat."

  "Once again, you surprise me, Albert Jenkins," Beverly said.

  AJ slid the collector into the custom bracket he'd already attached to the quadcopter. "Oh? Didn't think I'd be able to build your fancy machine, did you?"

  "You've done a quite reasonable job in constructing the Fantastium detector," she said. "But that is not where I find surprise."

  AJ chuckled. "Must be my sparkling personality then."

  "You often appear quite gruff," she said.

  "It's not an appearance. I don't like people."

  "And yet, you care for Diego's apparent poor nutrition."

  AJ shrugged. "Can't have him keeling over if I want to keep him working."

  "I do not think that is your reasoning," Beverly said.

  AJ ignored her and picked up the quadcopter's instructions. Having been an aerospace engineer most of his adult life, it was easy reading. He was pleasantly surprised at how advanced the small devices had become in the few years since his forced retirement.

  "We are not yet ready for launch," Beverly said. "We still have work remaining on the detector unit."

  "Checking balance. If the quadcopter can't handle the load, we'll have to make some changes," he said. "It feels nose-heavy to me."

  "You are correct, but I have assessed the electronics of the small machine. It is within tolerance."

  AJ nodded. "Good. Should be a quick test in that case."

  "Who are you talking to, Mr. AJ?" Diego asked, returning from dumping his first load of garbage.

  "Myself," AJ said. "There's a blue bucket out by the water spigot. Rinse out the bottles and then soak 'em in that bucket."

  "Yes, Mr. AJ." Diego stood in place and stared at the controls in AJ's hands.

  AJ smiled, set the controls in his lap and started for the door. "Grab the 'copter, kid, I'm just taking a test flight."

  Diego's smile stretched across his face as he raced over, grabbed up the flying machine and followed.

  "Where should I put it?" he asked.

  "Anywhere on the ground," AJ directed, turning on the remote-control unit. "We'll need to get it calibrated first. There's a power switch on the side. Go ahead and power it up."

  Diego set the drone on the ground, pressed the power button and stepped back. AJ chuckled as he started through a lengthy calibration process. He'd just about completed it when Darnell's Lexus slid through the gate and rolled toward them.

  "What’cha got going?" Darnell asked, opening his door.

  Instead of answering, AJ pushed forward on the left stick and the motors jumped to life. Diego squeaked with joy as the small machine leaped into the air and hovered in place. With little difficulty, AJ directed the drone to fly over Darnell’s head and then return.

  "Simple enough," AJ said, holding the stick down until the aircraft landed. Setting the controls in his lap he pushed back toward the machine shop. "Bring the quad in, Diego. After you get things cleaned up, I'll let you take it out for a spin. But not until everything is looking good. Deal?"

  "Yes, Mr. AJ," Diego agreed.

  "You boys getting hungry?" Darnell carried a twelve pack of beer under one arm and under the other, a large bag of Mexican food.

  "That's you too, Diego. That is, if you don't mind a burrito," AJ said.

  Darnell nodded toward his car. "There's a soda in the center console of my car for you."

  After setting the machine on the workbench, Diego ran out to retrieve the drink.

  "Game starts in a few minutes," AJ said, turning on the radio which crackled to life over speakers hanging on the wall.

  Darnell held two burritos in front of him. "Chicken or beef?"

  "Doesn't matter," AJ said, grabbing the closest. "Did you get the potatoes?"

  "In the bag. Seriously though, how much weight have you lost?"

  AJ shrugged. "Hard to say. Not like I can stand on a scale."

  "I might call Dr. Jayne," Darnell said, skeptically watching AJ dig into the burrito. "Rapid weight loss can be harmful. Plays havoc on your systems. Maybe you got a tape worm or something."

  AJ chuckled. "I imagine something like that."

  Beverly appeared in front of AJ, standing on the table. "Take it back," she said, her fists balled up at her sides.

  "What?" AJ asked, surprised by her appearance.

  "I am not a tape worm."

  AJ swallowed the chunk of burrito. "Of course not. Tape worms are nasty little buggers."

  "I wasn't serious," Darnell said, eyeing him suspiciously.

  Fortunately, Diego appeared with drink in hand. "Last burrito's yours, Diego," AJ said.

  "Thanks," the boy said and snatched it from the bench.

  The three ate in silence as the radio announcers talked about the upcoming game. Diego finished first, hurriedly slurping down his drink. Once the kid was done, he dragged the remaining trash and beer bottles off the bench.

  "What's he in such a hurry for?" Darnell asked after observing the boy's quick movements.

  "Promised him a run at the quadcopter once he got done cleaning up," AJ said.

  "You just had to have a new toy? Doesn't seem like you. Are you having a mid-life crisis?"

  AJ laughed. "Kind of late for that. No, I'm just running some experiments. Getting nearly killed gives a guy a sense of needing to get things done. You know?"

  Darnell shrugged and settled into his chair. "Feels like you're up to something."

  AJ turned back to the unit he'd been working on and flipped the virtual plans over to the final steps. "Probably am."

  "Are you gonna at least listen to the game?" Darnell asked.

  "Yup. Quiet as a church mouse."

  Darnell harrumphed.

  AJ's mind flitted between the game and his work. While he had no idea why he should care about Fantastium or Blastorium, he'd always enjoyed completing a project. By the start of the fifth inning, he'd finished the work, as had a very fidgety Diego.

  "You guys are both driving me nuts," Darnell said, crushing an empty beer can before tossing it into a nearby trash can.

  "I'm actually done," AJ said. "I say we take Diego out to the yard and get him checked out on the quadco
pter. Then we'll see about beating these Padres."

  "You mean you're not going to keep ignoring me?" Darnell asked.

  AJ chuckled. "Nope. I'm all done. We got any of those potatoes left? I'm starving."

  "Are you messing with me?" Darnell asked. "You just ate a giant burrito an hour ago."

  AJ located the bag of cold tater tots, pulled it onto his lap and wheeled for the door. "Diego, grab the equipment. Darnell, grab a couple cold ones."

  "You need to instruct him to fly over your yard at no higher than twenty meters." Beverly wore a leather bomber jacket. "He'll need to make horizontal passes five meters apart."

  "Right," AJ said, accepting a can of beer from Darnell and sliding it between his legs. "Let's get this show on the road. Now, let me give you some quick instructions and we'll get you airborne."

  It turned out that Diego was a substantially better quadcopter pilot than he was a driver. In short order, he was flying over the junkyard at high speed, ducking around obstacles and flying high into the air.

  "How 'bout that," Darnell said. "You'd think he'd been flying those things all his life."

  "Computer does most of the thinking," AJ said, causing Darnell to roll his eyes.

  "What's this about a dog? Diego mentioned something about it in passing," Darnell said.

  "Stray got hurt out front," AJ said. "We took him to the vet."

  "Took him?" Darnell asked. "Car service?"

  AJ waggled his eyebrows. "Maybe."

  "You hit the gate?" Darnell asked.

  "Actually, it was the kid. Turns out cars are harder to drive than quadcopters. Who knew?"

  "And you let him drive you to the vet? I'm surprised either of you are still alive," Darnell said. "Of all the stupid things."

  "Oh, no," AJ said. He cackled at the look on Darnell’s face. "Worse than that. I wasn't sure he'd make it, so I'm the one who drove. Harder than you think. A stick long enough to reach the pedals gets in the way of the steering wheel, especially when you're trying to steer and brake at the same time."

  "You did not!" Darnell exclaimed. "We need to get you a handicap accessible vehicle. You can't be out driving like that. You'll cause an accident."

  "Yeah, I think I'm done with it for now," AJ said. "It was kind of an emergency. Greybeard was in bad shape. Yah, it was definitely an emergency."

  "Greybeard is the dog’s name?"

  AJ nodded. "Just thought of it. Don't suppose you could bring him back from the vet for me tomorrow?"

  "I'm not in town, but Lisa probably could."

  "Nah. I'll get a car service. I've got a couple more stops I'd like to make," AJ said.

  "Offer stands," Darnell said. "And I better get going. We've got company coming over tonight. Those boys from South Korea are in town."

  "Board still talking about selling out?"

  "I can't talk about it much, but yeah, they've got us over a barrel," he said. "We over leveraged on that Grumman deal. If they talk the bank into calling in the debt, we'll be forced to sell."

  "You’ll be okay, won't you?" AJ asked.

  "Hope so," Darnell said. "Most of my retirement is tied up in company stock. You getting fired might have been the best thing that could have happened to you. Otherwise, you’d be looking at the same thing I am – no retirement."

  "Damn, buddy, sorry to hear that," AJ said. "What will you do?"

  "We'll be okay. House is paid for and it's not like I can't find another job."

  "You're getting pretty old to be finding another job."

  Darnell shook his head and waved over his shoulder. "Thanks for reminding me."

  "Classic Korgul tactic," Beverly said, sitting on top of the stationary detector unit. "Find and exploit leverage."

  "They’re not the only ones. That's just how a free market works," AJ said. "Darnell's a big boy. He'll get it figured out. Did we get anything?"

  "Diego's flying is somewhat erratic but sufficient for a first pass." Beverly said. "I discovered online computing services and have been able to stream the results of the collector."

  "And?"

  "Both disappointing and encouraging."

  "Explain that. Good news first."

  "There are strong deposits of both Blastorium and Fantastium on your property."

  "That sounds like good news," AJ said. "What's the bad?"

  "Someone placed several thousand tons of junk on top them."

  Nine

  Honeypot

  AJ wheeled into the kitchen, the smell of fresh coffee having dragged him from deep, uninterrupted sleep. Of all the changes in his life since Beverly had taken up residence, uninterrupted sleep was top of his list of favorites.

  “So, what do we go after first? Fantastium or Blastorium?” he asked, sipping the scalding brew.

  Beverly hung her tiny legs off the edge of the kitchen table. She was wearing a terrycloth bathrobe and her hair was done up in old-fashioned curlers. “Fantastium is by far the most valuable,” she said. “Blastorium is only useful for powering weapons.”

  AJ knit his brows together. “Explain to me how the Korgul took out your Vred hosts again?”

  Beverly raised her eyebrows and frowned. “By disabling our ship.”

  “What did they use to disable your ship?” he asked.

  “Weapons fueled by Blastorium,” she admitted. “Our mission is a simple matter of gathering data and reporting the facts. We are under strict orders not to engage militaristically.”

  “Are Korgul known to avoid utilizing weapons?” AJ asked.

  “Korgul are among the most violent species,” she said. “I suppose it has something to do with the fact that if their host perishes, they simply move to the next available host.”

  “Like you,” AJ said. “So, why aren’t you more violent?”

  “When our bonded sentient dies, the survival rate for Beltigerskians is below thirty percent. Korgul do not bond as deeply and as a result, they survive unless physically damaged,” she said. “Therefore, if they anticipate combat, they take protective measures, whereas I share whatever mortal peril you face.”

  AJ nodded. “That was a dumb thing you did, then,” he said.

  “Which thing?” Beverly asked.

  AJ snorted at her unexpected self-analysis. “Jumping on the AJ train,” he said. “I was nearly dead.”

  “It was a moment of desperation,” she said. “It could have been years or even decades before a similar scenario presented itself. I was fully prepared to sacrifice myself for a chance to save my crew and complete our mission.”

  “Even if it meant throwing in with an ape like myself?” he asked. Before she could answer, he continued. “Now that we know they exist, how do we mine these elements and how do we use them once we have ‘em?”

  Beverly froze, her eyes locked on a point just over AJ’s shoulder. He’d seen her do it before when she accessed the internet or was otherwise distracted. After a minute, she blinked her eyes and turned her attention to him. “The time has come to decide if you will grant me access to your retirement funds, Albert.”

  “How much are you going to use?” Last time they’d talked, she’d suggested using almost seventy thousand, which represented a third of his life’s savings.

  “The large truck in your yard, what would it take to prepare it for a long journey?” she asked.

  “That's not really a truck, it's a semi-tractor. How long of a journey?”

  “Twelve hundred miles.”

  “Round trip?”

  “One way.”

  “That’s a lot of driving, BB,” he said. “I’m not sure my old Ford would make it that far.”

  “BB?” Beverly asked.

  “Yeah, you know. Beverly of Beltigersk Five,” he said. “It’s hard to tell what that old semi needs. Oil, plugs, hoses, tires, transfer case has a leak. The list is long. We’d need to get a mechanic out here.”

  “Can you not perform the work?”

  “It’s one thing to climb into a Subaru’s engine compa
rtment, but that motor is six feet off the ground,” he said. “What the heck are we hauling that we need a flatbed?”

  “I have located the position of a damaged Korgul ship,” she said. “We require your semi to retrieve it. We will repair the ship, complete the survey of Earth’s Fantastium stores, and journey to Tanderi.”

  AJ shook his head. “Sounds like we’re going to need a lot more quadcopters.”

  Beverly blinked vacantly at him. “To survey Earth?” she asked finally.

  AJ grinned but didn’t answer.

  “With a Korgul ship, we will gain access to Korgul command and extract the information,” she said.

  “And you just happened to discover the location of a ship. Seems a bit convenient, don’t you think?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s a honeypot,” he said, pulling a pre-packaged protein shake from the refrigerator.

  “I don’t follow,” she said, confused. “What does honey have to do with a wrecked Korgul ship?”

  “What do the Korgul want to avoid most of all?”

  “Knowledge of their illegal activities on undeveloped planets,” she said.

  AJ filed away the fact that Earth wasn’t the only planet the Korgul were taking advantage of and continued. “Seriously, BB, think it through. If I were the Korgul, I’d sprinkle a few broken ships around the planet and make sure visitors like you could find them. Then I wouldn’t have to go looking for you because you’d come to me.”

  “That is quite devious,” she said. “You’re saying we can’t use the Korgul ship because it’s a trap.”

  He shook his head. “Not at all,” he said. “You had me at alien spaceship. No, I’m just saying, we’re going to need to mine up a load of Blastorium, that’s all.”

  “We are a neutral, peaceful people,” Beverly answered.

  AJ laughed hard enough that protein shake threatened to come out his nose. “Not sure who you’re including in that royal we, but if you think I’m going to let alien snotball parasites take a run at my planet without firing a few shots, you’re nuttier than a fruitcake.”