Hot Mess: A Players Rockstar Romance (Players #1)

by Diamond, Jaine

“Okay,” she said softly.

  “You still with me here?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I’m with you. Go on.”

  “Okay. The thing was, back then, I was in love with Summer for real. I would’ve stayed with her, but she broke up with me. It was mutual, in the end, but it happened because she wanted out. Afterwards, I told her I didn’t love her anymore, but that wasn’t true. When I had that breakup party, I was pretty crushed and I was in hardcore rebound mode. So anyway… for whatever fucking stupid reason, that day at the ski resort, I thought I was getting this vibe off Johnny all day that I really wasn’t. So I got him alone at some point, on purpose, in one of the hotel rooms, and I made a move. It didn’t go over so well.”

  “Ashley… I’m sorry,” she said. “That… sucks.” She seemed genuinely sympathetic, which was not the response I would’ve expected.

  Even from a girl this nice, I would’ve expected, at best, polite tolerance of this story.

  But Danica actually seemed to care.

  I wasn’t even sure how to handle that.

  “It’s okay.” I took a big swig of my beer and shook my head, remembering that fucked-up night. “Johnny didn’t get mad or anything. It was almost how nice he was about it, how overly sympathetic he was, that made it worse.” Kinda like you’re being right now. “You don’t seem to know Johnny O’s reputation, but he isn’t exactly world famous for being nice. He was definitely nice to me that night, though. I mean, he turned me down in the nicest way I think I’ve ever been turned down, and I left that room feeling like a bag of shit. It was something about the combo of the breakup and fucking up like that, I guess. I was embarrassed. I don’t get embarrassed so fucking easily, but I was embarrassed and feeling pretty fucking sorry for myself that night. Fact was, I’d just never had my heart smashed like that until Summer broke up with me. I didn’t know what the fuck to do with it other than go party ’til I blacked out, fuck whoever looked hot and inviting. Sounds pathetic saying that to you right now, but that’s the headspace I was in when I met your sister.”

  Danica didn’t say anything, just nodded and took a little breath.

  “Actually, that was kinda the same headspace I was in when I met you,” I told her.

  She studied me, cocking her head. “You wanted to fuck me?”

  “Yeah. That would’ve been a hell of a way to cap off my night.”

  She smiled a bit.

  “Seriously,” I said, “I was gross drunk that night. I probably would’ve just scared you away.”

  “You kinda did.”

  I cleared my throat. “I’ve, uh, lied to girlfriends before. I’m not gonna lie to you, Danica. I noticed Daniella right away, for sure, just like I noticed you. And I made a point of getting close to her. She was gorgeous, and in the state I was in she felt, I don’t know… magnetic. I wanted to be close to her. I wanted to fuck her, but now, meeting you, I’m really fucking glad I didn’t.”

  “Yeah,” she said softly, “I’m glad, too. Like you have no idea.”

  Actually, I had some idea. By now, I knew Danica wasn’t the kind of woman who’d touch me with a ten-foot pole if her sister had ever fucked me, no matter how long ago it was.

  But the fact that I’d never fucked her sister wasn’t enough. Danica needed to know whatever I remembered about that night. She deserved to know. And she needed to hear it from me, which was why we were having this conversation.

  I never wanted her to feel any kind of doubt about being with me because she was unsure of what really happened that night.

  The way I saw it, I’d be a real fucking asshole if I left this story untold between us.

  “Daniella and I hung out,” I told her. “You know that. We drank a fuck of a lot. I actually passed out at one point, I don’t even know how long, before Pepper woke me up and we kept partying. I know I kissed your sister, we made out a bit, but we were never alone. Okay?”

  “Okay,” she said.

  “It was Pepper’s idea to go get tattooed,” I went on. “He’d met some tattoo artist at one of the hotel bars we ended up at, and we paid the guy to open his shop for us in the middle of the night. Daniella came with us, and while we were there, I dropped a comment about how we should get married. Pepper’s told me so, but I honestly don’t remember saying it, and who the fuck knows why I would say it. I didn’t even know her. I didn’t exactly get down on one knee for her, so I hope that’s not what you thought.”

  “I, uh, didn’t know what to think,” Danica said. “Honestly, she doesn’t seem to remember the specifics, either. Did you really get a tattoo of her name, though? She said she wasn’t sure.”

  “I did,” I admitted. Fucking hated that I had to admit that to her. “But Pepper and I chose each other’s tattoos, so I didn’t even know what was between my legs until I saw it the next day.”

  “Uh…” Danica blinked at me, like she wasn’t sure she heard that right. “Between your legs…?”

  “It’s way up between my legs,” I said. “Like under my balls.”

  She shut her mouth. She seemed to be tamping down her reaction to that.

  Laughter?

  Pity?

  “I swear I didn’t know what I was getting,” I told her. “I mean, if I ever did know while it was being inked on, I forgot.”

  Now she just looked bewildered. “What kind of tattoo artist puts a tattoo on someone who’s that drunk?” she said.

  Which was adorable and so… her.

  Did she actually think everyone in the world was as nice as she was or something?

  “One we paid a hell of a lot of money,” I said bluntly. “It was Pepper’s idea to put the tattoo between my legs, too. So Daniella would only see it once we got naked together—that was his theory. Seemed brilliant at the time. Didn’t work out so well. After the tattoo was finished, I could barely sit or move, it was so sore between my legs, and she was long gone anyway. She’d left at some point while I was getting inked.”

  Danica sighed. “Jesus…”

  “So, Pepper and me went back to the hotel and I pretty much just lay down. He thought it was pretty fucking funny I could barely walk around. We did more shots and I passed out, woke up in the morning to find out Daniella was gone. The bachelorette party had checked out. She’d given me her number, but I later found out it was a fake. Some auto repair shop in New Jersey.”

  “Fuck,” Danica said. “Sometimes I hate my sister, like you can’t believe.”

  “You don’t hate your sister. And you definitely don’t need to hate her because of me.”

  “You got a tattoo for her, and she bailed on you, Ashley.”

  “Yeah. Other than that part, the breakup party was pretty good, though.” I smirked at her, hoping to make her smile, and I was rewarded with a little eye roll. “I always kinda regretted that tattoo,” I confessed. “I mean, it’s fucking ridiculous. I swore Pepper to silence, that he never tell anyone the story behind why I got it or who it was for. Pepper’s not exactly known for keeping his mouth shut, but in this case, I had leverage, so he kept it shut.”

  “What leverage?”

  “He knew that I knew that he’d cheated on his fiancée, who was back home in L.A., with one of the circus freak chicks.”

  “Oh, shit.”

  “Yeah. Not cool. You’re sworn to secrecy on that, by the way. If you ever meet Pepper or his soon-to-be-ex-wife, not a word.”

  “Okay…” she said, hesitantly. “Secrecy. For you. Though I don’t love lying to another member of the international girl squad over this.”

  And I fucking loved that about her. But… “You’re not lying. You’re just keeping your mouth shut about something that’s not your business.”

  “Right.”

  “If it helps you to know, Pepper’s got a rainbow tattoo on his right shoulder that says Mama’s Boy.”

  Danica’s jaw dropped. “Why would you do that to each other?”

  “Because we’re dudes. We were bandmates and practically brothers, we were drunk, a
nd believe me, this was not the worst shit we did to each other over the years.”

  Danica sighed and took a long swig of her drink, which she’d pretty much forgotten about. “Okay. Daniella told me she never saw the tattoo, that your friend told her you were getting her name tattooed on, but she went back to the hotel with some of the girls and didn’t see you again that night. And she told me that she gave you a fake phone number. So I knew that part. And I’d be glad about it, honestly, if I didn’t feel so bad about the fact that she blew you off like that. As much as I’m thrilled, selfishly, that you guys didn’t end up together or anything… I’m pissed that she hurt you, Ashley.”

  “Danica, please get this. Your sister and I spent a few drunken hours together and made out. It took me all of ten seconds meeting her sober to know she’s not for me.”

  Danica softened, like she was relieved to hear it. Like this was news to her or something? “Okay. I believe you. And… thank you. It’s nice to hear it.”

  She smiled at me and it just made me feel like shit.

  “Look, I can drive you back to the city if you want. I brought you here under false pretenses, and I meant it when I said I’ll pay for your time.”

  “That’s not necessary, Ashley—”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t totally upfront about why I brought you out here. I guess I just felt the need to bring you here while I still had the chance. I wanted you to see this part of my life. I wanted to be totally open with you.” I scrubbed my hand through my hair and dug deep for the rest of the truth. The whole, painful truth. “Including the fact that I live next door to my best friend, and my former, uh… three-way partners.”

  Danica blinked at me, as she probably struggled to process what the fuck I just said.

  “Three-way… Next door?” Then she glanced around the deck and up at the house behind us. “You mean this next door?”

  “Yeah. This. Dylan and his girlfriend, Amber. They’re the two people I told you about. The two I was involved with.”

  “Oh…”

  “I fell in love with both of them,” I told her, because I had to tell her. If she couldn’t handle this truth… there would never be any future for us. “They fell in love with each other. They’re together now and they’re happy. They’re monogamous. I’m not involved with them that way anymore. But we were together for a while at the end of last year. It was like I told you, Dylan and I weren’t together, sexually. We were both with Amber at the same time.”

  “But… you fell in love with him? And her?”

  “I did.”

  “Whoa.” She took a deep breath, processing that.

  “You okay?”

  “Just… give me a sec.” She took a swig of her cider, then met my eyes. “And… now? How do you feel about them both now? I mean… is it awkward, living next door to them?”

  “Yeah. Sometimes it’s awkward as shit. For me. Other times it’s still pretty great. It’s, uh, been a really fucking interesting year.”

  “Holy shit,” she said. “You’re not kidding. And your band broke up? That’s some year…”

  “Yeah. Before Dylan and Amber, I had a bit of a thing with Elle, too. I should probably just get that out of the way while we’re at it…”

  Man. At what point was I gonna send her running?

  “Elle?” She blinked at me. “From Dirty?”

  “Yeah. That didn’t end so great either, but we’re okay now.”

  “Okay…”

  “I just want you to know. I guess I’m coming out of a pretty messy place. I’ve been a fucking mess, honestly. Any of my friends could tell you so. But meeting you has been… unexpected. And unexpectedly cool. I’m hoping I didn’t just scare the living shit out of you, and now I’m never gonna see you again.”

  “Honestly,” she said, “I think you did just scare the living shit out of me. But I still want to see you again.”

  This girl. Christ, I liked this girl.

  She smiled at me again, and funny thing was… I was starting to believe that she really liked me, too.

  “I’ll stay,” she said. “You don’t have to take me home. I mean… yet. I feel like we just got here, and there’s all that food…”

  “That’s true.”

  “And besides, you haven’t even shown me the tattoo yet.”

  Oh, shit. Was she serious?

  Yup. She gazed at me expectantly with her gorgeous eyes.

  Shit.

  “You really want to see it?”

  “Well, I’m gonna see it anyway, right? I mean, unless you don’t want me to ever suck your dick again…”

  “Oh, yeah. That.”

  She laughed. “You’re lucky it was so dark when you were in my bed, or I probably would’ve seen it already.”

  “True…”

  “So do I get to see it? What does it look like?”

  I sighed. What were the odds that I’d just told her everything I did and didn’t scare her away, and now I was about to scare her away anyway with that stupid fucking tattoo?

  Good odds. Very good odds. Because that would be just my luck.

  “It’s a pink flower,” I mumbled.

  “It’s a what now? What’s that? Sweetie, I can’t hear you.” She said that in an overly sweet way that told me she’d definitely heard me, a smile flickering over her sexy lips.

  She just wanted me to say it again.

  “I told you,” I said clearly. “It’s between my legs, way up under my balls, where no man should ever get a tattoo. And it’s a fucking pink flower.”

  She started to laugh, but bit it back. “A flower?” Her eyes widened, sparkling with a pure, unadulterated joy.

  “That make you happy?”

  “Deliriously, for some reason. I don’t know why.” She tried to drop the smile, but failed. “Can I see it? Please?”

  “Nope. Not if you’re gonna laugh at me.”

  “Oh, come on, Ashley. Please. I won’t laugh.”

  “Liar. You’re a terrible fucking liar.”

  “I promise. Come on. Be a man and show me the pink flower between your legs.”

  I leveled her with a dirty look.

  She burst out in peals of laughter.

  “Okay,” she choked out. “I’m done. All the laughter is out of my system.” She swiped her hands through the air as if to clear all humor from the atmosphere, and put on a straight face. “Please show me. I’m ready now. Not one snicker, I swear.”

  Still wasn’t sure if I believed her, but what the hell. Pretty much everyone I’d ever met—or at least, ever drank with—had seen it by now anyway.

  “I mean, unless you’re uncomfortable about dropping your pants right here on Dylan’s deck,” she added.

  Right… If she only knew how many times I’d already dropped my pants on this deck. I wasn’t exactly a stranger to public nudity, especially when I’d been drinking.

  “Nope. Not uncomfortable about that,” I said, getting slowly to my feet. “You asked for it.” I started undoing my black cargo shorts.

  Her eyes got big and soft as she watched me work open the button and slide the zipper down, slowly. Might as well enjoy this, before she started laughing at me again…

  I dropped the shorts and kicked them aside. Her gaze fell to my dick in my short boxer briefs. Then I sat back on my lounge chair and tossed my leg up, spreading my thighs as I lounged back. I reached down between my legs and slid my underwear up my left thigh as far as it went, showing her the very top of my inner thigh.

  I knew the exact second she saw the tattoo. Her eyes went wide.

  Then she leaned in and kind of squinted at it.

  Something flickered over her gorgeous lips, but it wasn’t quite a smile. To my shock and awe, she didn’t laugh, either.

  Maybe she really was a nice girl. Too nice, because that shit between my legs was ridiculous.

  Her pretty blue eyes met mine, and she said, “Uh, Ashley… it’s…”

  “I know.”

  “… spelled w
rong.”

  “Huh?” I sat up to look between my legs. I could only partly see the tattoo when I craned my head. But there it was, as always. Danny 4Ever. “The fuck do you mean?”

  “I mean,” she said, “that’s not how you spell it.”

  I stared at her, unable to process. “You mean… 4Ever?”

  “I mean my sister’s name. We’ve never spelled it like that,” she informed me. “It’s D-A-N-I.”

  I blinked at her. “Motherfuck. Are you serious?”

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  “Are you fucking telling me I have this shitty-ass tattoo of some chick’s name under my balls, with a flower, and it’s not even spelled right?”

  She softened and tried to backpedal. “It doesn’t matter, Ashley. No one sees it anyway. Right…?”

  I growled and shut my legs. “Fuck me.”

  “Really, it’s not a big—” Danica froze. “Wait. She didn’t tell you to spell it like that, did she?”

  “No.”

  “Jesus. Thank God. I really didn’t think she’d be that evil, but sometimes… I wonder.”

  “I guess Pepper or the tattoo guy just assumed… And I never even thought to question it. Damn.”

  “I mean… it’s not like the tattoo had meaning for you anyway, right?” Danica was giving me empathy eyes again.

  Christ, at what point was she gonna decide I was a fucking irretrievable idiot and just give up on me?

  “Yeah,” I said. “Except now it’s just stupider than it ever was.”

  “Well, technically, it was always that stupid,” she said. “You just didn’t know.”

  I stared at her. She made a weird bubbly noise like she was swallowing a giggle. She was trying really hard not to laugh at me, and I couldn’t help it. I grinned at her.

  “You’re as bad as she is,” I told her.

  “I am not!”

  “You are.” I leaned toward her, and she leaned back in her seat. “You put on this nice girl act, but you’re just as cold-hearted and cruel. Eating men for breakfast and spitting them out on the side of the road, en route to your next conquest—”

  “Hardly!”

  “No? You sticking to this nice girl story of yours?” I smoothed her hair off her neck with my knuckles and she shivered.