Hot Mess: A Players Rockstar Romance (Players #1)

by Diamond, Jaine

  * * *

  As it turned out, the really nice hotel had no beds available. But the really nice hotel next door did.

  Within ten minutes, we were closing ourselves in our room and peeling off each other’s clothes.

  “You didn’t get your cake,” Ashley said, even as he continued stripping me down.

  “There’s still time for that later,” I said, unzipping his jeans—carefully—and tearing them down. “Let’s work fast. Sex and cake… dream birthday.”

  He laughed and grabbed my head in his hands, then laid a hungry kiss on me.

  The rest was a blur of flesh against flesh… kisses and hands and sweaty, rain-damp skin.

  Passion, the likes of which I’d never experienced in bed with anyone else.

  I wasn’t exactly wildly experienced. I wasn’t a player. At the age of twenty-eight, I’d had sex with five other men before ending up in bed with Ashley. Two of those men I’d been in love with. Or so I’d thought.

  But what I’d felt with those men just didn’t compare to this.

  This desperate, almost agonizing need for his body, even when I had him right here, against me. On top of me. Beneath me. Inside me… as we tumbled across the bed, rolling from one position to whatever felt even better next. His hands all over me, his fingers digging into my skin. His mouth, tasting me. Tongue licking, teeth biting. His cock so deep inside me, filling me up, his balls tight against me, ready to shoot as he sweat with the effort of holding back…

  I wanted him… I needed him…

  I needed to make him feel good. I needed his ecstasy all over me.

  And the levels of sheer pleasure he wrung from my body…

  I screamed my release, totally unselfconscious in the knowledge that we were in a hotel room, that we’d leave after this, and what the hell did I care who heard how good he made me feel?

  I was underneath him now, and as the orgasm rolled through me, shivering and hot, I bucked my hips against him, fucking him hard… even as he kept holding back. I knew he was right on the edge, trying not to come too fast and interrupt my orgasm. His orgasms never lasted as long as mine, and I knew he wanted me to feel every last spark of pleasure that it was possible for me to feel.

  I wanted that for him, too.

  So I fucked him harder and faster, even as my orgasm faded into delicious, softer shivers. I went at it with such single-minded focus that he realized what I wanted, and he finally let go.

  He planted one hand on my hip and squeezed as he buried himself in me, once, twice… and he came with a deep, rolling shudder. I felt his cock throb inside me as he ejaculated, and when I closed my eyes, just savoring the feeling, all I could see was a blur of light against black.

  Falling.

  I was totally falling for him.

  This was deep, otherworldly connection. Unicorn-level shit.

  Chemistry. Ashley and I had it.

  We’d always had it…

  I was drawn to him like the ocean tides were sucked toward the moon. I couldn’t help it.

  His body sagged against me and he buried his face in my neck. “Holy Christ,” he whispered.

  I sighed. “Now that was the best birthday present ever.”

  “You’re so fucking amazing,” he murmured into my neck.

  And I felt his passion for me in those words.

  I pushed him back so I could see his eyes. He looked into mine, and everything he was feeling was finally written all over his face. I could see his fear. Hope. Vulnerability.

  I could see him falling in love with me, right before my eyes.

  And all I wanted to do was assure him I felt the same way.

  I nestled in close and kissed him on the lips, as softly and carefully as I’d ever kissed him. “I’m so falling for you, Ashley Calegari.” I used the name he was born with, because I wanted him to know I was falling for him. All of him.

  Not just the rock star he’d become.

  He pulled away a bit and pulled out, took the condom off. “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.”

  “Fuck you,” I said, and it was so unexpected, maybe, that a small laugh burst out of him. “You don’t get to imply that I don’t know what I mean. I may be too nice, at times, but when I care about someone, I say what I mean.” I lay my hand on the side of his face. “I wouldn’t want you to go a single second on this Earth unsure of how I feel about you, Ashley. So listen to me, and believe me when I say it. I care about you.” I kissed him again, and then I searched his face. “Do you believe me?”

  He didn’t answer me right away. He hesitated for way too long before he said, “I think so.”

  “You’re so damn stubborn,” I said, softly. “And so… afraid.”

  “Maybe.”

  That gave me pause.

  Was he really that afraid of me?

  Of being hurt by me? Abandoned by me?

  I knew he’d been abandoned before.

  But didn’t he know what I was made of by now, even just a little bit?

  “I’m not some rock star, Ashley.” Obviously he knew that, but maybe it needed to be addressed. “I’m not a superstar. I’m not Elle and I’m not Summer. I’m not any of those groupie girls or party girls you got famous for fucking, either. I know why they called you Player, and it’s never bothered me. Maybe because the whole time I’ve known you, you’ve never acted like that kind of player. Maybe because I understand that that part of you isn’t who you really are, deep inside. Just like who I’ve dated in the past doesn’t define who I am. I mean… I just hope it doesn’t bother you that I’m just a normal girl.”

  “First of all,” he said, “don’t ever use the word just to describe yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being a ‘normal’ girl.”

  “I know that. But I’m not Amber, either,” I told him, gently. “I’m not a ‘normal’ girl who’ll be intimate with you and then fall for your friend instead. Because I’m already falling for you. And that means I’m not going anywhere.” I laid my hand on his chest, over his heart. “I’m not your mom, either, or anyone else who’s ever broken your heart.”

  “I know that,” he said, his voice low and choked with emotion. But his eyes told me that his heart still wasn’t sure.

  “Will you give me a chance to prove it to you? It takes time, you know.”

  “I know it does.” He shook his head. “I don’t know how I started falling for you so damn fast.” He brushed a lock of my hair away from my eye with his thumb as he looked at me. “The only other people I’ve ever fallen for, I knew them a long time before the love part happened, Danica. Amber was the only exception to that, and I only got attached to her so fast because of how close she made me feel to Dylan. I know that now. And the truth is, the other people I’ve loved… Dylan and even Summer… there were all these red flags right from the start. Reasons I knew we were never going to work. But I just tried to ignore them. But with you…” He searched my face. “There are no warning signs. No red flags. Like I think I just tried to invent one tonight with your ex, because I don’t even know how to handle it when there’s just no drama. No games and no bullshit. You’ve been good to me, but… I don’t know what to do with that.” As he spoke, his blue eyes teared up a bit.

  My own vision was getting a little blurry. “It’s okay, Ashley,” I said.

  “Dylan is good to me,” he said, quietly. “He’s the only one. The only one who’s ever loved me without exceptions. I mean, in a platonic way. But I know I can’t have him. That he doesn’t love me the way I wanted him to.” He rubbed his hand over his face, probably trying not to cry. “And my mom… She was good to me, too, Danica. I’m not gonna say she was like you. She wasn’t the greatest person or the greatest mom, even when she was around. But she was always nice to me. And then she just left.”

  “Ashley…” I rubbed away the little tear that had pooled on his lower lashes, and sniffed back my own urge to cry. I needed to show him that I was strong. That I was never going to crumble in the face of all h
is pain. “I’m not leaving.”

  His blue eyes locked with mine.

  “I’m not leaving you,” I repeated. “And when I say that, there are no exceptions in my heart. I’m so drawn to you… I couldn’t pretend not to want you if I tried. I don’t want you to be anything different than what you are. I’m so excited, every day, to get to know you just a little bit more. I feel like I’ll never fully understand you, in the very best way. That there’ll always be so much more of you to discover and to love. There’s just too much of you to love. I’m not leaving.”

  He said nothing, but I knew my words had touched him.

  “The thing you just don’t seem to understand is how crazy I am about you,” I told him.

  “Say it again.”

  “Okay. I’m crazy about you, Ashley. For you, meeting me was just another moment in your crazy-cool life. You know, you meet cool chicks like me every day,” I teased. “But for me, meeting you was the moment.” I scanned his beautiful face and ran my thumb over his bottom lip. “When you came up to me that night in the rain, it changed my life. I don’t get a chance to fall for a man like you every day.” I kissed his lips. “I mean, there is no other man like you.”

  “If you think you didn’t change my life,” he said, his voice rough with emotion, “you’re dead wrong. And yeah, I meet cool people every day, which is how I can tell you for a fact, you may be an identical twin, but you’re an original, Danica Vola. One-of-a-kind.”

  “Hmm. That was kinda cheesy, but I like it.”

  He slipped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me to him. Then he murmured, “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

  “Please, don’t say that. I know you’ve met supermodels.”

  “Trust me,” he said, brushing his lips over mine. “Listen to me, and believe me when I say it. You, Danica Vola, are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, inside and out. I think about you all the time. It’s… gross.”

  I giggled.

  “I want you,” he said, “all the time. I fucking crave you.”

  “I crave you, too,” I murmured, smiling.

  “Then kiss me,” he murmured back.

  I brushed my lips over his, sliding the tip of my tongue over the sensitive inside of his upper lip, drawing a low groan from him. His arms slid up my back, tightening around me as he drew me against him. I deepened the kiss, melting into him as his mouth opened and I stroked my tongue against his.

  His hips shifted restlessly against me. I felt his dick pressing into my hip as he lapped his tongue against mine, picking up the pace of our kiss.

  Then, just when it was getting really good… I heard my phone jingle faintly in my purse. Wherever it was.

  “Ugh…” I kissed him again, then whispered, “Why does it have to be my birthday right now? I don’t even care about my stupid birthday.”

  “Yeah, but your friends do. I should really take you back to the bar before your sister launches a crusade against me.”

  “You should. She’s been known to burn men at the stake for less.”

  His pierced eyebrow rose.

  “Metaphorically speaking,” I clarified. “Still, not so fun for those men.”

  He snickered a little and released me, reluctantly. I flopped over on my back. My phone jingled with another couple of incoming messages. And I knew who they’d be from.

  I’d texted Taylor from the hotel lobby to let her know I was with Ashley, that I’d be back in about an hour. And I’d asked her to keep everyone drinking and dancing and happy without me. There was a lot of booze going around; odds were good they wouldn’t totally notice my disappearance for a while and Taylor could cover for me.

  But my sister would definitely be wondering where the hell I was. And if I was okay.

  Ashley propped himself up on his elbow next to me. “Maybe they’re worried about you.”

  “Maybe.” I sighed and peeled myself off the bed. I leaned in and gave him a lingering kiss. He squeezed my boob, and I almost ended up falling right back into bed with him… but I managed to wriggle away.

  He slapped me on the butt and I grabbed my clothes, heading into the bathroom to clean up. When I emerged fully dressed, he was getting dressed, too. I dug my phone out of my purse and checked my messages. Most of them were from Dani.

  I texted her back.

  Me: All good. Sexual detour. Be back soon.

  Ashley had picked his phone up off the floor, where maybe it fell when I stripped him down. He looked at it, thumbing the screen, and mumbled, “Cool.”

  “What is?”

  “Oh… Matt Brohmer. Dirty’s bassist. He just sent me his vortex playlist. You know, playlist of twenty songs, his musical guts and soul.”

  “That’s the Matt you want in your band?” He’d mentioned him to me, in passing.

  “Yeah.” He turned the phone toward me. “That was fucking fast. Summer just asked him for this like an hour ago.”

  “Let me see.” I took the phone and we pressed together, Ashley’s arm slipping around me as we read through the list of songs. Then I looked up into his eyes and informed him, very matter-of-fact, “This dude rocks. And he has a sense of humor. And a high sex drive. And probably some deep-seated issues. And soul, which is a good thing.”

  Ashley looked amused at my assessment. “You can tell all that from a playlist?”

  I shrugged. “It’s an educated-guess scenario. And by the way, pretty much the same things I thought about you when I listened to your playlist.” I snaked my hand around his hip to give his tight butt a squeeze. “But all the greatest rock stars have a high sex drive and deep-seated issues, don’t they?”

  He pressed into me, his eyes darkening. “You approve?”

  “Should I?”

  He kinda snickered. “Wait ’til you see him. You can tell me.”

  “Huh.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I didn’t know what this Matt guy looked like. “Is he as pretty as you…?”

  “I’d love to get your opinion on that.”

  “Hmm.” Interesting. “Well… Taylor would approve of his playlist, definitely. ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls’ is Metallica’s best song ever. She’s told me so, and she knows these things.” Then I handed the phone back to him like the conversation was all buttoned up.

  Ash smirked at me. “So… he’s hired?”

  “Yeah. Maybe. If you’re happy.” I touched his face and drifted my fingers down to his mouth. “If it makes you happy to make music with him…”

  “We’ll see,” he said, his hand sliding down to my butt.

  “Hey, Ashley. We should go back to the bar before we end up in bed again and my sister burns the place down.”

  “Hey, Danica?” He brushed his lips over mine, trying to nudge them apart.

  “Mmm?”

  “You make me happy.”

  I smiled, and he took the opportunity to get his tongue in my mouth and kiss me, deep.

  So maybe our detour could take one last little bend in the road…

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Ash

  Six weeks later…

  “Let’s do that one again,” I said into the mic. I was soaked in sweat, adrenalin buzzed and incredibly happy.

  Like I hadn’t been this happy since… Well, since this morning, in bed with Danica.

  “Yup.” Matt smiled, then started in with that sick bass line again.

  We played Muse’s “Uprising” for the third time, top to bottom. Just because. We needed to play something, so we could get in a room and make music together, and we didn’t yet have any songs of our own.

  And holy Christ, it was fun.

  When we finished the song, again, I fucking grinned at the people onstage with me and growled, “Fuuuck yeaaah,” into my mic.

  “I’ve got one word for you all,” Summer said into her mic. “HOT.”

  Matt laughed.

  He was home from the ro
ad with Dirty for their August tour break, and we’d gotten together with him as soon as we could. Dirty was letting us use their jam space at the gorgeous old church. We’d probably get our own space in the spring, but for now, we were up on Dirty’s stage. The three of us, along with Dylan, who’d come by to play drums for us, and Jesse, who’d come to help us out on guitar.

  Summer and I had wanted to hear a few full songs rocked right out, with Matt on bass, and Dylan and Jesse seemed more than happy to help out because of their love for Matt. Apparently, they hoped Summer and I would love him just as much.

  Didn’t seem like that was gonna be a problem.

  I was at Zane’s mic, plugged into Seth’s amps, with one of my own guitars. There was no one else in the room but the five of us. Jude, who’d come with Jesse, had been hanging out, but he was now outside on his phone.

  Pretty sure he could hear us out there anyway.

  I looked back at Dylan. He tussled his sweaty hair and grinned at me.

  It was easy enough to read that look on my best friend’s face.

  He loved the idea of Matt in a band with me and Summer. He’d already told me, several times, that he thought the three of us were a great fit, and I knew he wanted this thing to be a huge success for us.

  For me.

  I took a breath and just tried to absorb the enormity of this moment.

  I was really hoping all this adrenalin and the tingles running up my back meant we were experiencing history in the making, right now. That one day my band would be able to tell the story of how we came together.

  It definitely wasn’t happening overnight.

  The best things in life often didn’t.

  But at least things felt like they were really moving forward now.

  For one, we’d officially contracted Brody as our manager.

  Summer and I had met with him a few times now to discuss. Wined and dined him, really. In the end, he’d told us straight-up that if he was ever going to take on another band besides Dirty, it would have to be musicians he knew as well as he knew us, and trusted like he trusted us. Musicians he knew what he could expect from, in terms of dedication and talent.