What Happens When

by Samantha Boyette

“Uh,” I say very intelligently.

  “I’ll go in the bathroom stall.” Lily disappears into the small stall. I breathe out and head to change.

  Chapter Eight

  Zia doesn’t ask what’s bothering me when I show up at work. Maybe wearing my brother’s Star Wars shirt is a sign that whatever happened is too horrible to mention. I keep catching her watching me, though, like she’s waiting for the right moment to ask.

  That moment comes as we’re cleaning up with Lucy after work. As we lift the chairs onto the small round tables, Zia can’t hold back anymore.

  “Did something happen at school today?”

  I shrug. “Sort of.”

  “Well, that was amazingly detailed.” I shoot Zia a look and she’s got that half-smile on her face. It makes me melt every time.

  “It’s not a big deal. Some girls propped a bucket of grape juice above a door so it would dump on me.” I step back and motion to the shirt. “Hence the fashionable look.”

  “I like the look.” Zia looks me up and down in a way that makes me believe her. “It’s like celebrity casual. I can see Selena Gomez or someone like that rockin’ it in LA.”

  “Oh good, I’ve always wanted to be like a celebrity.” She laughs, so I keep going. “Honestly, I was thinking of developing a drinking problem and backing my car into the front of the diner.”

  “You don’t have a car.” She’s still laughing.

  I shrug, grinning for the first time since before the grape juice incident. “I’ll figure it out. Maybe steal one.”

  We’re quiet, sweeping up the mess from dinner. “So why would they do that?” Zia asks. I’d thought maybe she was going to drop it, but apparently not.

  “They don’t like me.” I really don’t want to go into more detail.

  Zia stops, resting her hands on the broom handle, and her chin on her hands. I try not to look at her, but I can feel her watching me. Finally, I stop, looking over at her. Her hair’s falling over one eye, but the other one is watching me so intently I almost blush. She looks like she’s posing for the sexiest broom ad ever.

  “What?” I finally ask.

  “Are you ever going to tell me why these girls are giving you so much trouble?” When I don’t answer, she begins sweeping again. “Whatever. It was a really shitty thing to do no matter what.”

  “Are you two going to gab the night away or will you finish cleaning up?” Lucy steps out from behind the counter. She’d been cleaning up the salad and dessert prep station. “Troy is already gone.” She’s talking about the cook. I didn’t even notice him slip out.

  “Go ahead and take off if you’re set. We can finish up.” Zia says, heading for the mop in the back.

  Lucy smiles. “Are you sure?” She looks at me when she asks.

  “Yeah.” I nod, hoping she will hurry up and go, leaving me alone with Zia in the half-lit diner.

  “Thank you, sweetie.” Lucy grabs her jacket and purse, giving me a quick squeeze before leaving. I lock the door again behind her.

  “Can you leave that unlocked?” Zia comes out onto the floor, pushing the mop and bucket in front of her. “Tyler’s supposed to be coming by.”

  “Oh.” The word drops out of me with the grace and subtlety of a rock fall. “Sure,” I quickly say, reaching to unlock the door, hoping she didn’t notice. So much for our romantic alone time in the dimly lit diner. When I turn, she’s there behind me.

  “Hey, I’m sorry.” She reaches out and takes my hand, squeezing it in that close and friendly way she is so fond of. “Did you want to talk more?”

  “No.” I look down at our hands, still tight together. I want to tug her hand a little and pull her close. I want to wrap my other hand around her waist and kiss her. Instead, she lets go of my hand and we step apart. “I guess, maybe a little.”

  There’s a sharp little knock at the door before she can answer. I turn to see a smiling guy there. He pushes inside and I hate him already. I’d been hoping that Tyler who works at Walmart would be your typical Walmart employee. You know, prematurely balding, a little overweight, bad teeth. In that case I was ready to fight for Zia. Tyler is none of that.

  He stands a few inches taller than either of us, wearing faded jeans and a flannel button-up. He’s got that good-ol’-boy smile that only someone who was raised on a farm seems to master. I can’t help but notice how clear and blue his eyes are under his baseball cap that covers close-cut straw-blond hair.

  “Hey, babe.” He steps forward and kisses her cheek. “Just about ready?”

  “I have to mop.” She slips an arm through his, something she’s done so much to me over the last couple weeks that I can’t help but be jealous. “I want you to meet my friend, Molly.”

  “Hi.” I give him a little wave, glowing that she introduced me as a friend instead of a coworker.

  “Right.” He nods, still smiling. “I’ve heard a ton about you. It’s great that Zia finally found a real friend here. You’re a senior, huh? I graduated three years ago, so we were probably there together. Did you do any sports your freshman year?”

  “Uh, cross-country.”

  “Cool.” Tyler nods, and there is no sign that the smile will ever stop. “Man, I can’t run for shit except if I got a football in my hand, and even then, that’s like yards, not miles. I’m going to be screwed if there’s a zombie attack.” He laughs then and it’s such an honest, unself-conscious laugh that I can’t help but laugh too. I realize right then that hating this guy is going to be impossible.

  “Sorry.” Zia leans her head on his shoulder. “He’s a talker.”

  “I spend all day in school listening to teachers drone on and most nights working on my own at Walmart. Excuse me for feeling the need to fit in some conversation when I get the chance.” Tyler kisses the top of her head. They are sickeningly cute together. “I go to the community college,” Tyler says. “Going to transfer to a state school after this year.”

  “Good for you.” Does community college usually take three years? Maybe he’s just a dumb jock. That would make this a little better. “You’re Tyler Radley, right?” I vaguely remember him from freshman year thanks to his comment about football.

  “That’s me.” Tyler nods.

  “He’s been working and going to school since he graduated, so it’s taken him longer to finish up.” Zia beams at him.

  “Yeah, but otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to afford it. I got good grades, though, so I’ll get some scholarships when I transfer. I’m going to veterinary school.”

  So, not an idiot.

  Just then, I hear a honk from outside and look up to see Luke sitting in Mom’s Prius. I’ve never been so happy to get out of the diner.

  “Friend of yours?” Zia raises an eyebrow.

  “Ew. Brother of mine. I got to go, is that okay?”

  “Yeah, I’ll just mop and we’re done anyway.”

  I hurry to grab my things and get the hell out of there before they can be any cuter together. I slip past them and am halfway out the door before Zia grabs my arm. I stop, turning back to her. “Huh?” I ask.

  “I’ll text you, okay?”

  It’s so simple, but to me it’s filled with a world of affection that she’d step away from her boyfriend to reassure me that she hadn’t forgotten that I was having a bad night. I smile.

  “Okay.”

  Chapter Nine

  Zia’s still standing there when I climb into the car beside my brother and she waves as we pull away. Luke has this smirk on his face that I’m pretty sure might be stuck there. He’s got something to say, I know it. I sit back, just waiting for it.

  “Holy friggin’ hottie.” He glances at me, then back to the road. “Now I get why you wanted to work there.”

  “That had nothing to do with it.” The lie sounds fake even to me, and I know Luke can tell.

  He snorts. “Yeah, right. So is she into chicks?”

  “Apparently you didn’t notice her boyfriend in there.” I sigh, breathing in
the orange-scented air freshener my mom insists on using.

  “You’ve had a couple boyfriends too,” Luke says. I can’t help but smile. I love him for wanting her to be into me. “Does she flirt with you?”

  I cock my head, thinking about it. Some hideous pop song is playing on the radio, but so low that I can hardly tell what it is. “Maybe,” I finally say. “She touches me a lot.”

  Luke nods. “Like your arm and stuff?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s flirting. Girls do it to me all the time.”

  I roll my eyes, I know it’s probably true, but hearing him say it sounds like bragging. “Whatever. She has a boyfriend.”

  “So what about Lily?” Luke glances at me again.

  “What about her?”

  “I think she still likes you. She stood up for you today.”

  “We’re just friends.”

  We stop at a red light and he turns to face me. “Yeah, because you’re too scared to go for it. Mol, she’s a ten. A high-quality ten who has a thing for you. And sorry, sis, I hate to say it, but you’re only like a seven or eight.”

  “Hey!” I punch him in the arm. “Don’t be a dickhead. I’m at least a nine.”

  He lifts his hand, wiggling it in a maybe, maybe not gesture. The light turns green and he begins to drive again.

  “So what are you on this rating system?”

  “Me? I break right through the top at a solid eleven point two.”

  I snort. “Yeah, well, I think your system might be a little biased.” However, I’ve got to admit he’s not wrong about Lily.

  “That doesn’t change the fact that Lily is hot and into you. Are you going to go to that Queer Alliance meeting?”

  “No.” I don’t even think about it. It’s a nonstarter. I’m not going to the meeting and getting even more harassment.

  “Why not? I’m going to go.”

  “What?” I really think he must be joking, but I can tell from his expression that he isn’t. “Why?”

  “Uh, because my sister’s a part of the rainbow clan now and I’d like to show a little support.”

  “People are going to start saying you’re gay.”

  He shrugs and it’s infuriating because I know he honestly doesn’t care if they do. “I like plenty of gay people, so I don’t think it’s much of an issue if some stupid kids think I’m gay. It’s not like it’s a bad thing.”

  I stare at him a moment. “Plenty of gay people?” I ask. “Who are these ‘plenty of gay people’ that you like?”

  “Well, you,” he says.

  “And?”

  “Amandla Stenberg.” I snort laughter and he continues. “Jussie Smollett, Halsey, um…George Takei.”

  “Oh my God, he is a hundred years old or something and you are a nerd.” We’re turning onto our road now and I can’t help wanting to keep driving.

  “Okay, you got me there. I was running out of examples.”

  “That guy from Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them?” I ask.

  “Ezra Miller. Yes, I do like him. See, I like plenty of gay people.”

  “Luke?”

  “What?”

  “You’re a good brother.” I grin, looking out the window.

  “I’m an eleven point two on the brother scale.”

  That one, I can’t argue with.

  *

  Mom and Dan are watching some shoot-’em-up sorta movie when we get home, so Luke and I both settle into the living room with them. I can barely follow the simple plot because I keep checking my phone, waiting for Zia to text. Luke catches me looking at my phone for the tenth time in as many minutes and he rolls his eyes. When I finally see the little text icon pop up on the screen, my heart leaps a little in my chest and I hurry to open it.

  Zia: Hey, sorry about earlier. Tyler had bad timing.

  Zia: So you okay?

  Me: Yeah, I’m okay.

  I pause, trying to think of just the right thing to text. I feel like I should say something about meeting Tyler, because she obviously is really into him. Plus, I don’t want her thinking I have a crush on her or something. I wouldn’t want her guessing the truth.

  Me: Tyler seems nice.

  Zia: He is nice! =) Works too much though. Want to come to my place after work tomorrow?

  Me: Sure!

  Oh God, was that too excited? Is Tyler going to be there? I can’t ask that, it would be weird. I glance up to see Luke watching me and I stick my tongue out at him.

  “I’m going up.” I tuck my phone in my pocket. “Night, guys.”

  “You’re going to bed?” Mom leans forward and pauses the movie. “Do you feel okay?”

  “I’m fine. This movie isn’t doing it for me.”

  “Night, kiddo,” Dan says. I briefly wonder if he’ll ever stop calling me that.

  Mom still looks worried, so I lean down and give her a hug. “Night.”

  “Night, sweetie.”

  I know Mom won’t ever stop calling me that. I could complain about it, but there’s something comforting about it. I hurry up the stairs, my socked feet silent against the carpeting. After turning on the bedside light, I drop on the bed and pull out my phone.

  Zia: Cool. You can stay over if you want. We’ll make it a girls’ night. You can finally tell me all your secrets ;)

  I smile and my fingers fly over the keys before I can really think about it. When she uses the winking face it doesn’t seem dumb, it seems like flirting. There’s a warm tightness in my chest as I reply.

  Me: Maybe, but it will cost you ;)

  The winking face was dumb. God, she’s probably rolling her eyes right now and thinking what an idiot I am. I wish I hadn’t sent it, but that’s the thing about texts. As soon as you send something, it’s out there forever. She replies and I lift my phone with a sinking feeling, but a smile quickly spreads over my face.

  Zia: I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours ;) Me: Sounds fair.

  Zia: lol you’re so easy to convince! Well I’ve got some good secrets, so yours better not disappoint.

  Me: I’ll do what I can.

  I’m grinning like an idiot, feeling like I’ve just had one of the most exciting conversations of my life. Of course, that means my life has been pretty damn boring, but I’m okay with that because Zia is sending me flirty text messages. Or they’re at least flirty enough for me to pretend. When my phone rings, I almost drop it. The number is unknown.

  “Hello?” I answer, half hoping it will be Zia, even though I have her number.

  “Molly?” I recognize the voice, but I can’t place it. “It’s Lily.”

  “Oh.” How the hell did she get my number? “Hey, what’s up?” I settle back into my bed. Lily isn’t the person I was hoping would call, but after today, I’m glad to hear from her.

  “I’m sorry, your brother gave me your number. He said he thought I should call.” I can imagine her biting her lip as she says it.

  “Of course he did.” I roll my eyes. My little brother, the matchmaker.

  “Sorry, I shouldn’t have called.”

  “No, wait.” I sit up in bed, feeling like an asshole. “Don’t hang up. I’m glad you called.” For a moment, the line is silent and I think she did hang up.

  “Really?” she finally asks.

  “Yeah. You and Luke are right. I need some friends now that all mine hate me. Well, basically Carmen. God, I really didn’t have other friends.” I try not to sound bitter, but it’s hard. Carmen and I were inseparable. Of course I had other acquaintances, but no one I was close with. I don’t really know what else to say to her. “Did you go to the football game?”

  She laughs. “Uh, no. Did you?”

  “No.” I snort a small laugh. “Last year, I didn’t miss a game.”

  “Really? I have a hard time picturing you as one of those girls.”

  I smile up at the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to my ceiling, pale green in the light from my bedside lamp. If only she could have seen me last year. Carmen and
I were thick as thieves. Never the most popular girls in school but able to hang at the outer edges of their group when they were feeling generous. “Carmen and I have been best friends forever. She loved the football games and hanging out with the popular kids there.”

  “Then she just dropped you?”

  “Yep, the day after the party where I met you.” The unspoken words “where we made out” hang in the line between us. “I stayed at her house that night. She had the decency not to leave me out in the field at the party, but the next morning she told me I was disgusting and she never wanted to see me again.”

  “Too bad you go to the same school.” There’s a hint of a smile in Lily’s words, but I’m not smiling anymore. Remembering that morning has made it all come back to me.

  “I didn’t think she meant it,” I say softly. “I figured she’d get over it and we’d be friends again by the time school started.”

  “Well, if you thought she’d be cool with it, why didn’t you tell her before that you liked girls?”

  She has me there, and I’m silent a long moment before answering. “I guess I figured she would freak out.” I roll on my side, pressing the warm phone between my ear and the pillow. “I mean, school was so easy for me. I had my best friend and a ton of other girls I hung out with in school and I didn’t want to rock the boat. I figured if I felt the same way in college I would go for it and it wouldn’t be a big deal.”

  “Do you regret kissing me?”

  It’s such a loaded question. I reach up and shut off the bedside light. Somehow, even though we’re on the phone, this is an easier conversation to have in the dark.

  “No,” I finally say after too many quiet seconds have ticked by. “I regret doing it in the middle of a party and telling anyone who would listen that I was a big lesbo, but not the kissing itself.” I sigh. “I wish I hadn’t been so drunk.”

  “Would you have done it if you weren’t so drunk?”

  I feel like I’m playing twenty questions and losing. I can hear her breathing through the phone, and it’s almost like she’s lying beside me. I’m surprised how much I wish she was with me.