Withered Rose (Desperate And Daring Book 7)

by Dayna Quince

  As quickly as a flash of lightning, her brain snapped to attention and she knew. She loved him. She was in love with Connor. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest. Oh, but this was madness. She had known she was in danger of this exact thing and yet she couldn’t be bothered to feel sad about it. She knew what the future held. She’d understood how temporary this heaven would be, and she knew she was going to be devastated when it ended.

  He would leave her.

  Not because he was a philanderer, but because he was what he was—an explorer, a seeker of adventure. She would not blame him for her tragic state. It was entirely her fault. She would not regret this time, either. Though fleeting, it would give her a lifetime of memories to cherish. She let out a shaky sigh, and he sat up to look down at her. She prepared to have to answer for that sigh.

  “Do you hear that?” He frowned.

  Rose mirrored his frown. “I sighed.”

  “No,” he shook his head, “it’s as if…”

  Rose remained quiet and listened carefully for a moment. She heard nothing and then she heard a strange groaning? She looked down at his flat muscled stomach. “We did miss lunch.”

  “It’s not me.” He chuckled.

  The groaning grew louder. They both stilled and listened. There was a cracking and splitting sound, of the wooden variety.

  Rose flinched. “The lodge is falling down around us!”

  “No, I don’t think so.” He jumped to his feet and dressed. Rose did the same. She shoved her dress over her head, not bothering with the back and stuffed her feet in her boots. She raced to catch up to him as he opened the front door and stepped outside. She scrambled to a halt at his back just outside the door. From this vantage, everything looked normal. She followed him around the side of the lodge, tripping over her bootlaces and then crashing into his back.

  “Goodness, what is it?” She looked past him and gasped.

  A large tree had fallen. The earth at its base was totally upended. She followed Connor as they carefully skidded down the muddy slope toward the lower end of the lodge’s small plot. Rose had never seen such a sight. It was as if the earth was yawning, with long gnarled wooden teeth. She remained further away than Gabriel did. He casually walked around the tree and disappeared beyond its gaping mouth.

  “Gabriel?” she called.

  “You must see this, Rose.”

  She carefully made her way to his side. They stood at the edge of a ravine, the water rushing violently below. The edges looked freshly collapsed, which was the cause of the tree’s demise, but more importantly to Rose, the tree reached well onto the other side. The tree had made them a bridge.

  She smiled with relief. “We can leave!”

  Gabriel eyed the tree. “If it is safe, we can leave.”

  Rose nodded, she was desperate to leave, but on the heels of that desperation, hesitation followed. When they left, everything would change between them. There would be no more lovemaking, no more heated glances, and she would have to face the future, because, after all that had happened, going back to her position as a companion, while Gabriel moved on with his life, would be unbearable.

  “Stand back.”

  “What will you do?”

  “I’m going to test the strength of the tree.”

  Rose did as he said. She walked back to the root of the tree, careful not to slip into the muddy crater. She stood back, waiting, unable to hear what he was doing beyond the sound of rushing water. A moment later, he called out to her, and Rose came around the tree, astonished to see him on the other side of the ravine.

  “The tree is sound!” he shouted.

  As she watched, he deftly climbed onto the tree and walked back across. She held her breath as he did so, terrified he might lose his balance. He hopped down safely on the other side and joined her. He looked up into the sky.

  “If we hurry, we could be back at Belfrost before full dark.”

  “Truly?”

  He nodded once. “We aren’t far from Belfrost at all. If we cut through the woods, we’ll be there in no time at all. It will be chilly, so dress warmly.”

  They returned to the house swiftly, both headed in different directions to gather their things. They resolved to leave the bulk of it until the water receded. Rose changed into her heaviest dress, two shifts, her thickest stockings underlain with a thinner pair and her cloak. She returned to the hall and found him waiting.

  “Are you ready?”

  No, she wasn’t, but she nodded anyway. He took her hand and led her out the door. Rose looked back at the lodge, dismayed by the pang of longing it brought. There she had found herself and found love. She owed this lodge a debt she could never repay. It was bittersweet, but she wasn’t sure she’d see it again. She resolved that she would. She’d collect her remaining things herself and privately say goodbye to the lodge before she left Belfrost forever.

  At the base of the tree, Connor stopped and turned to her. “Are you afraid of heights?”

  “No, I don’t think so?”

  “The trunk is wide enough to walk across. You won’t need to balance yourself, but I caution you not to look down or at the water. It isn’t even necessary to watch your feet. Just walk like it’s an ordinary garden path.”

  Rose did not think she’d be able to view it as such, but she nodded encouragingly and smiled. “A garden path. Right.”

  “I will lead the way and keep hold of your hand. Do you trust me?”

  “You know I do.” She grinned.

  He grinned back at her and stole a quick kiss.

  Rose bit her lip as he turned away and squatted near the tree. He laced his hands together to boost her up. “Just sit here and hold on until I’m up, and I’ll lead you across.”

  He boosted her up, and Rose sat primly while he hoisted himself up. He stood and helped her to her feet. Remarkably, Rose found it easy to look straight ahead and not down. She focused on Gabriel’s back as he took careful steps. Rose blocked out everything but his back, counting the seconds until she felt terra firma under her feet.

  He turned around to face her and dropped her hand. He smiled and hopped off the trunk. Rose screamed. Her arms wheeled and then she steadied herself. She heard him laughing from her side. She looked around, and then down. He offered his hand, but she ignored it and hopped down to the ground. “You—you…”

  “Don’t strain yourself now. In all that time, I should have taught you how to swear properly.”

  “I can swear.” She busied herself with dusting her skirts off for no other reason than to hide her blush. She straightened and held his gaze. “You’re an ass.”

  “Yes,” he agreed.

  Rose pinched her lips together to keep from smiling. He took her hand, and they trudged on.

  Chapter 18

  The sun had set as they came into view of Belfrost. Their hands drifted apart, and the space between them grew to a respectable distance. It felt like a chasm to Rose, vast and hollow, empty of warmth. She steeled herself for the inevitable hurt that was to come. Every step closer to Belfrost was a step further from him. The future stretched before her, unknown. She was changed. She was no longer scared of it but still wary.

  As they approached, the door came open, and light spilled out onto the gravel to greet them. Rose didn’t know what to expect, but when she met the gaze of Hubert, the butler, something shifted in her. She stood taller, stronger. She wasn’t a companion here anymore. No one’s opinion mattered but her own.

  Oddly, she saw no trace of speculation, but instead, sadness. He was distraught, even though he hid it well. Rose had learned to see past his stone veneer in her time here. They entered the hall, and Hubert remained quiet. Mrs. Gilfurt, the housekeeper, rushed forward and took Rose’s hands.

  “Miss Owens, how timely your arrival. She is inconsolable. She needs you more than ever.” Mrs. Gilfurt wiped a tear.

  Rose frowned. She was about to speak, and then she saw it. The black draped over the entryway mirror. Mrs. Gilfurt
was dressed in full black and Hubert, as well. Rose felt her heart stutter.

  “Oh, no… Take me to her.”

  Mrs. Gilfurt nodded and led her away. Rose looked back as they reached the bottom of the stairs and her heart seized. Gabriel was speaking quietly to Hubert. She wanted to go back to him and throw her arms around him, but she couldn’t. She could never touch him again. Her heart broke as she climbed the stairs, and tears fell from her eyes like drops of rain. She didn’t bother hiding them. She wasn’t going to hide her grief this time—or ever again.

  She was led to Lady Belfrost’s antechamber where she entered quietly, sending Mrs. Gilfurt away before she could be announced. She went to Lady Belfrost’s side and kneeled before her, taking her hand.

  Lady Belfrost slowly turned her gaze away from the fire. Her eyes glittered with unshed tears.

  “My dear Rose,” she whispered.

  “My lady.”

  “How am I to go on?” Her voice shook.

  “You simply will… and I will be here to help you.”

  Lady Belfrost’s hands shook as she reached out and touched Rose’s cheek. “I don’t deserve you.”

  Rose smiled. Her heart was breaking, for herself and for Lady Belfrost. “Ma’am—”

  “Don’t.” Lady Belfrost stopped her. “You are not my companion. I hope you will stay for a time as my friend. Please call me Fanny, as my friends do.”

  Rose nodded. “We can be ravens together.”

  Fanny began to weep again, and Rose shifted uncomfortably. Did she say something wrong?

  Fanny took her hand and squeezed it. “I don’t want you in blacks, Rose.”

  “But…” Rose sniffed. I fresh crop of tears began. “Lord Belfrost was very good to me.”

  “He was good to everyone he knew, but he would understand why I would ask this of you. You’ve mourned long enough.”

  “You don’t want me to mourn him?”

  “Of course, you may mourn him, but I don’t want you in full black. Do me this one favor. It would hurt me to see you continue on as before. I know what I did was dastardly, but dare I hope I’ve changed your outlook on life?”

  Rose bit her tongue. “You certainly gave me a fright. I’ll give you that.”

  Fanny smiled weakly and patted her hand before letting go. “And my nephew?”

  “I left him in the front hall. I’m sure he is waiting to speak with you. I will go freshen up and return to you.”

  Rose entered the hall and found Glennis waiting. “Has she eaten?” Rose asked.

  Glennis grimaced. “It took all my charm to get her to sip tea.”

  “Perhaps Ellie will have something to tempt her tonight.” Rose squeezed Glennis’ shoulder. Glennis wore full black as well. Rose couldn’t imagine wearing anything else. It would feel disrespectful, but on the other hand, Fanny had asked her specifically not to.

  Rose went to her own room and requested a bath. She soaked for an hour, relishing the exquisite luxury of being neck deep in hot water. Oh, how she’d missed this. She lathered her favorite soap over her skin, the mere action bringing back vivid memories of Gabriel. Would her skin never feel the same again? It was very possible. She wanted to go to him now, but their time was over, and Rose wasn’t sure she could restrain herself.

  If the staff believed nothing occurred between them, she had to maintain that belief. Or perhaps they just simply didn’t give a damn because they lost their lord. The whole house felt as though it was mourning—even the walls breathed sadness.

  Rose toweled herself off and looked for her dressing gown. Oh, right, it was at the lodge still. How could she forget? She opened her wardrobe and pulled out a familiar gown. It was black, as most of her gowns were. Rose struggled with indecision. She was asked not to wear black, and if it had not been for Lord Belfrost’s passing, she would gladly never wear the color again, but it felt like a betrayal. Rose pressed her eyes closed in remorse and put the dress back. She opened her eyes and reached into the back of her wardrobe, pulling another dress forward. It was a lovely shade of lavender, leaning more toward violet than gray. Fanny and given it to her after the six-month anniversary after her father’s death. Rose had never worn it, the guilt she still carried. Fanny was only trying to encourage Rose to move on.

  Had she finally moved on? She felt different, inside and out, but it wasn’t because of Fanny or a new dress. It was because of Gabriel. Rose had to change inside first before she could change outwardly. Gabriel had helped her see that. Rose pulled the purple gown over her head and fastened the back. She looked in the mirror as she ran her hands over the waist. A clever little braided trim decorated the modest neckline and sleeves.

  Rose finished dressing, but before she returned to Fanny, she wanted to see Gabriel, even if it was just a peek from around a door. Rose paused in the hall outside her door. His door stood directly across from hers, and yet she hadn’t heard him enter. The hall was empty, so Rose knocked softly on his door. There was no answer or sound from the other side. Rose sighed and moved toward the stairs. As she passed a footman on the second landing, she asked him for Mr. Connor’s whereabouts.

  “Mr. Connor is in the study, Miss Owens.”

  “Thank you, Kevin.” Rose went straight to the study. She knocked once and tried to convince herself not to be nervous. She heard a response from within and entered. Hubert was there, and Gabriel sat at the large mahogany desk looking supremely uncomfortable.

  “Am I interrupting?” she asked cautiously.

  Gabriel jumped to his feet. He looked haggard, his eyes red and swollen. She wanted to go to him so badly she was leaning on her toes, but she managed to plant her feet again and restrain herself.

  “Is it my aunt? Is she all right?”

  “She is well. Are… are you all right?”

  “I’m fine,” he said gruffly.

  “I will excuse myself.” Hubert quickly quit the room. Rose should have stopped him, but she didn’t, and the next thing she did was equally stupid. She closed the door, and she went to his side. She took his hand and rubbed it. His knuckles were cold and scrapped.

  “What happened here?”

  “I punched a stable door.”

  “Why?”

  “It was in my way.” He was looking away from her.

  Rose stepped in front of him and took his face in her hands. “You look horrible, and I can see and smell that you haven’t bathed.”

  He gently pushed her hands away and moved away from her. “You shouldn’t be in here alone with me. We don’t have the excuse of being trapped by my aunt to buffer impropriety—unless you want to marry me, we have to maintain our distance.”

  Rose was struck by those words. They were absolutely true and horribly sensible, so she hated them at once. He’d retreated to the door, but Rose rushed to his side before he could open it. She put her hand on the door and held it there. “What are you doing here? You should be resting.”

  “As should you.”

  “I did. I took a long hot bath, and look, I’m wearing purple, not black.”

  He blinked and looked at her dress as if seeing her for the first time. “So you are.”

  “She forbade me to wear black. I’ve only this one dress to wear now.”

  He reached out and touched the braided edging on her sleeve. “You look lovely.”

  “Thank you.” Rose wanted to leap into his arms, but his expression was still so closed and rigid. She swallowed and reined in the curling heat of desire in her body. “Have you been to see your aunt?”

  He nodded, still focused on her sleeve, tracing the braid lightly with his finger.

  “And?” she pressed. She took his free hand and leaned back against the door.

  “I wanted to escort his body, but it was too late. He will be here by midnight.”

  “Oh.” She swallowed. Her throat felt thick with emotion. “I’m so very sorry, Gabriel.”

  He finally met her eyes, and it surprised her when he touched her face. He cradled h
er chin with both hands now and pressed his forehead against hers. They should not be doing this. They should not stand within arms’ reach of each other, but Rose didn’t care, because she was in love with him, and nothing was better than being touched by him. He needed her. He was hurting, suffering the loss of another father, and this was exactly where she wanted to be.

  She wordlessly begged for a kiss, and her prayers were answered. He swooped down, taking her mouth roughly. She threw her arms around his neck and moaned when he pressed his body to hers. Yes! She wanted to cry, but she didn’t. The kiss lasted only a moment, long enough to steal her breath away. He pulled away, and she let him, but not before making some demands.

  “Go bathe and rest. I will have supper brought to your room.”

  He met her gaze. She could see the barest wisp of a smile in his eyes. “If you insist.”

  “I do.” She bit back her own smile.

  Chapter 19

  Gabriel did as Rose had asked. He bathed, he accepted a tray from Hubert and even ate all the food on it. He was now back in the study and staring at the open ledger before him until his eyes crossed.

  He didn’t know what to do. With any of it. He was lost, and he imagined everyone in the house felt the same, but the crux of the problem was that he was expected to lead them and he… just didn’t know how. Hubert was hovering but damned if Gabriel knew what for. The largest property Gabriel had ever managed was the size of a one-man tent, and recently, he’d accidently burnt his tent to ash. So more recently, the bulk of his property was his leather trunk, which was small enough to tie to his saddle and carry on his shoulder.

  He was now responsible for the forty lives on this estate, and about a hundred more he’d never even met. For some reason, that knowledge terrified him. These people would now depend on him to make decisions that would either improve or diminish their lives. The thought alone made him nauseous.