Shelter from the Storm

by Patricia Davids

  Gemma nodded as tears slipped down her cheeks. Her mother gathered her in her arms and rocked her back and forth. “This is a hard time for you, I know. We have no way to see the future, so we fear what it holds. We make bargains with God. Save this child and I will give all my money to the needy. It’s all right. Our Father understands our fears and our failings. He loves us just the same. We must humble ourselves before Him and pray that His will be done.”

  “What if I don’t deserve this child?”

  Her mother drew back. “What if you do?”

  “I’m scared I won’t be a good mother.”

  “We all are when that tiny naked thing is handed to us without a single set of instructions. And yet the world is full of grown people who walk and talk, so mothers do okay. Liebchen, I have more bad news.”

  “What now?”

  “We don’t have enough celery.”

  Gemma choked and then began laughing. “Oh, the horror of it. An Amish wedding without enough stewed celery to feed the guests. We’ll be talked about behind our backs for years.”

  * * *

  Jesse found Dinah and Gemma sitting beside each other on the bed, chuckling between sobs. They both had puffy red eyes. Fear hit him between the shoulder blades. “Is everything okay?”

  “We don’t have enough celery for the wedding dinner,” Dinah said, getting up and walking out of the room.

  “That is what you are crying about?”

  Gemma wiped her face with her hands. “It’s a disaster.”

  He sat down in the chair beside Gemma’s bed. “I can arrange for a delivery of more celery.”

  She folded her hands on the quilt. “Do you want to call off the wedding?”

  He tipped his head slightly, trying to read her face. “Do you?”

  “I asked you first.”

  “Fair enough. I don’t.”

  “Okay. Order more celery.”

  “That’s it?”

  “I can’t think of anything else. Check with Mamm.”

  “Are we still okay?” he asked, not knowing what to expect.

  “Are we still friends? We are, Jesse. We are.”

  Relief made him smile. “I’m glad, really glad. Someone asked me if we wanted a crib for the baby. Do you have one you want to use, or should I say yes?”

  The light faded in her eyes. She traced the edge of the blocks on her quilt with one finger. “Let’s wait on the baby things until—until after the wedding.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  As was the custom among the Amish, Gemma and Jesse didn’t attend the church service the day their intention to marry was announced. It was meant to give the engaged couple a day of rest before the rush of the final days leading up to the wedding, but Gemma had already had all the rest she could tolerate. She had convinced Esther to let her be up for a few hours while she cooked a meal for Jesse. Another Amish tradition. After that, she would go straight back to bed. Esther was going to stop in just to make sure she was following orders.

  Gemma surveyed the food in the refrigerator. It was packed top to bottom with plastic containers, waiting to be served on Thursday. “What would you like to eat today?”

  Jesse sat at the table, turning his fork around and around. “Doesn’t matter.”

  He had retreated into his one- and two-word answers that made it impossible for her to tell what he was thinking. How had the wonderful bond they once shared vanished so completely?

  “At least he didn’t ask for pine bark,” she muttered.

  “What?” He looked her way.

  “Nothing. Meatballs with rice sound okay?”

  “Sure.”

  She measured out a pound of hamburger and formed it into balls, prepared the rice and some sliced vegetables, arranged the meatballs on top of the rice in a casserole dish and popped it into the oven to bake. After washing her hands, she set the kitchen timer and joined Jesse at the table.

  “This is so nice.” She sighed heavily and sat down.

  “Spending the day with me, just the two of us?”

  “That and cooking again. Standing at the sink. A hundred things I never thought I would miss until I couldn’t do them.”

  The silence that followed proved she had missed a chance to connect with Jesse. She should not have lumped his company in with the kitchen chores.

  “Have you heard from your mother?” she asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Did Dale get his truck fixed?”

  “Yup.”

  She tapped her fingers on the tabletop. “More coffee?”

  “Sure, but I can get it.” He went to the stove and poured himself another cup.

  He sat down with it but merely stared into the dark liquid. After a few minutes of silence, he looked at her. “Have you thought about names for the baby?”

  She popped up and began searching in one of the cupboards. “I know I saw raisins.”

  She didn’t want to pick a name to go on a headstone if the worst happened. She felt a twinge in her side. It subsided as quickly as it came on, but it was a pointed reminder of what could go wrong. She located the box she had been searching for. “Do you like raisins in your fruit salad?”

  “Not really.”

  “Oh. Okay.” She put the box back and returned to the table. Bracing her hands on her hips, she stretched her lower back.

  “Are you hurting?”

  In so many ways, Jesse. You have no idea.

  She had spoken of her fear to him once. If she broadcast her concerns, they might come true. She didn’t want Jesse to think she was whining about her condition. She would bear her fear in silence and humility. “I think I’ll go and lie down. Call me when the timer goes off.”

  * * *

  Gemma’s next ten days were filled with watching everyone else make the final preparations for her big day. Hemming her wedding dress was all she was allowed to do. She’d chosen a deep blue material called Persian blue for her outfit and hoped that Jesse would approve. She was lying in bed or on the sofa as her friends helped her mother bake and clean the house. Jesse came by every day, but they seemed to have less and less to say to each other.

  The day before the wedding, her married friends and members of the church arrived to prepare for the dinner. A meal would be served after the ceremony, but the celebration would continue long into the evening. A second meal would be needed for the guests who remained. When one of her mother’s helpers didn’t show up, Gemma was allowed back in the kitchen for a short time to wash dishes and ice the cake.

  By the time the house settled in that evening, she was dead tired and her feet were swollen. Although her sprain had healed, it still ached when she was up on her feet too much. Like now. She lit the lamp in her room and stared at the worn-out-looking woman staring back at her in the bedroom mirror. She stuck her tongue out at her reflection. “So much for a beautiful bride. I hope Jesse doesn’t mind settling for a haggard-looking one.”

  Something rattled against her window. A few seconds later, the sound came again. What was going on? She went to the window and looked down. Jesse was searching for something at his feet. She raised the window and leaned out. “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to see my fiancée. Come down.”

  As tired as she was, she still wanted to spend time with him. But why was he here? Had he come to tell her he had changed his mind? She wouldn’t blame him if he had. She went downstairs and opened the back door. She held a finger to her lips as she slipped out beside him. “My aenti and cousins are sleeping on cots just inside. What do you want?”

  He grasped both her hands in his. “An uninterrupted moment with my wife-to-be. Is that too much to ask?”

  “I thought perhaps you had come to call it off.”

  “I promised I would take care of you, Gemma. I won’t go back on that promise. Not
now and not ever.” He squeezed her fingers.

  She was trusting him with her future and the future of her child. He was an honorable man and he would keep his word. “You deserve better than you are getting, Jesse Crump.”

  “I think the opposite is true. Want to go for a buggy ride? We won’t really go anywhere. We’ll simply snuggle together and pretend we are on a trip. Our wedding trip maybe. Where do you want to go?”

  She rubbed her hands over her rounded belly. “Back to bed. I’m tired. All I want is a good night’s sleep without someone kicking my ribs in one spot until they ache.”

  “It must be a girl, then.”

  She tipped her head. “Why do you say that?”

  “I’ve often found women to be a pain in my side.”

  She grinned at him and he smiled back. He leaned in and kissed her before she knew what was happening. “Good night. Sleep well.”

  He walked away into the darkness. She wanted to call him back, wanted to recapture that flicker of attraction they had shared, but she knew she shouldn’t. He was kind and considerate and funny. She didn’t deserve it, but she wondered if he might have feelings for her just a little.

  It proved to be a short night. Gemma was up at four thirty in the morning to wash, dry and put up her hair. She was dressed in her wedding dress and white apron with her newly starched kapp in her hand, staring out the window, wondering what Jesse was thinking, when Anna and Bethany came in to hurry her along. Both still newlyweds, the light of happiness in their eyes gave Gemma courage. She was doing the right thing. She would be a good wife to Jesse and never give him cause to regret this day.

  Bethany took Gemma’s hand. “It’s time. Jedidiah has the buggy here for you. Let me pin your kapp on.”

  Gemma had asked Bethany and Michael to be members of her bridal party. Jedidiah Zook was acting as hostler, the driver for the group. The wedding would take place at Bethany’s home while Gemma’s mother readied their home for the wedding meal.

  Gemma nodded. She was ready, but her fingers were cold as ice. Was a father for her child reason enough to wed Jesse?

  She looked in the mirror, as she made sure her kapp was on straight. The woman looking back at her knew the answer. The real reason she was here was because she admired the man about to become her husband and wanted to provide the warm welcoming home that he had missed out on as a child. Maybe he didn’t love her, but he cared enough to want to be her husband and to call her child his own.

  Bethany squeezed Gemma’s hand. “It will be fine.”

  “How can I be sure?”

  “You care for each other, don’t you?” Anna asked. “Love is sure to follow. I’ve seen the way Jesse looks at you.”

  Gemma looked out the window. “Jesse says love isn’t necessary to have a good marriage.”

  Her two friends exchanged pointed glances. Gemma didn’t want them to feel sorry for her. “He’s a good man.”

  Gemma took a deep breath. The baby was only part of the reason for this day. With God’s help, she would be a good wife and a good mother. She looked down at her expanding waist and wrapped her arms across her stomach.

  “What’s wrong, Gemma?” Anna took a step closer.

  Gemma smiled at her. “I just realized that no matter what happens with my baby, she is here with me on my wedding day.”

  Anna grinned. “How do you know it’s going to be a girl?”

  Gemma closed her eyes. “Her father said so.”

  Jesse was waiting for her at the foot of the stairs. He looked every bit as nervous as she felt, but he also looked wonderfully handsome in his new black suit, snowy white shirt and bow tie. He smiled and held out his hand. “Are you ready?”

  She grasped his fingers tightly. “I am. Are you?”

  “You are stuck with me. Who else will harvest pine bark for you?” They smiled at the shared memory. Some of their former closeness remained. She needed to hold on to his friendship and not want more.

  She peered into his eyes. “We’re going to be all right, aren’t we?”

  “I think so. I really think we are.”

  She wanted to believe him. Needed to believe in him. He truly cared about her and about her baby.

  It was just after seven o’clock when they arrived at Bethany’s home. The benches were being set up by Ivan and some of his friends. Additional seating had been rented for the day. All the downstairs rooms would be filled to overflowing with guests.

  Bethany brought Gemma a chair and Jesse stood beside her. They greeted each guest as they arrived. The ceremony wouldn’t take place until nine o’clock, but at eight thirty, the wedding party took their places on the benches at the front of the room, where the ceremony would be held. Gemma sat with Anna and Bethany on one side of the room, Jesse sat with Michael and Tobias on the other. Their forgeher—or ushers—Jenny and Ivan, made sure each guest, Amish and Englisch, had a place on one of the long wooden benches.

  The singing began followed by sermons from her father and Samuel for almost three hours. Gemma tried to keep her mind on what was being said, but she could only think of spending the next sixty years with the man beside her. Of all the mistakes she had made in the past, this was the one thing she had to get right.

  Finally, Bishop Schultz stood to address the congregation. “Brothers and sisters, we are gathered here in Christ’s name for a solemn purpose. Jesse Crump and Gemma Lapp are about to make irrevocable vows. This is a most serious step and not to be taken lightly, for it is a lifelong commitment to love and cherish one another.”

  As the bishop continued at length, Gemma glanced at Jesse. He was sitting up straight, listening to every word. He didn’t look the least bit nervous anymore. The bishop motioned for them to come forward.

  Gemma knew the questions that would be asked of her and she answered them in a clear strong voice. To her relief, Jesse did the same. The bishop placed their hands together. “The God of Abraham, of Isaac and of Jacob be with you. May He bestow His blessings richly upon you through Jesus Christ, amen.”

  That was it. They were man and wife.

  A final prayer ended the ceremony. The couple was whisked back to Gemma’s home, where the women of the congregation began preparing the wedding meal in the kitchen. The men had arranged tables in a U-shape around the walls of the living room. In the corner of the room, facing the front door, the place of honor, the eck, meaning the corner table, was quickly set up for the wedding party.

  * * *

  He was married. Jesse waited for it to sink in. It hadn’t yet. It didn’t feel real. When the table was ready, Jesse took his place with his groomsmen seated to his right. Gemma was ushered in and took her seat at his left-hand side, symbolizing the place she would occupy in his life. A helpmate, always at his side through good times and bad. Gemma’s cheeks were pale. Was the day too much for her? Under the table, he squeezed her hand. She gave him a shy smile in return.

  Jesse spoke to the people who filed past. The single men among the guests were arranged along the table to his right and the single women were arranged along the tables to Gemma’s left. Later, at the evening meal, the unmarried people would be paired up according to the bride and groom’s choosing. Amish weddings were where matchmakings often got started, especially in a place like New Covenant where marriage-minded singles had to look far afield for mates. The non-Amish guests gathered together at tables and in groups as they wished. All the guests were invited to remain, eat and visit at their leisure by Gemma’s parent.

  Although most Amish wedding meals went on until long after dark, Gemma went around to bid their guests goodbye in the midafternoon. She had strict orders from her mother and the midwife to return to bed before the evening meal. She saw Jesse and her father deep in discussion. Jesse looked amazing in his new suit, and he had a smile on his face. A smile she was coming to adore, especially when it was directed at her. She decided
not to bother them but to let Mamm know she was retiring. She looked over the crowd but didn’t see her mother.

  Dale crossed the room with a glass of punch in his hand and a wide grin on his face. “I can’t believe the big man finally said ‘I do.’”

  Gemma smiled at him. “You have to take some of the credit for bringing us together, Dale.”

  He chuckled and raised his glass. “That’s right. If I’d made it back to the truck that day, the two of you wouldn’t have had a chance to get reacquainted like you did. Jesse’s ended up with a pretty bride and a swell piece of property thanks to me.”

  “What property? Oh, did my father finally sell Jesse the land he wanted?” No wonder Jesse was grinning.

  “Sold nothing. He gave it to Jesse free and clear. That’s some wedding present.”

  A sense of unease crept over Gemma. Her heart began to pound. “My father gave it to him? Are you sure Jesse didn’t buy it?”

  “Jesse didn’t have to spend a penny for it. You’ve got a real generous old man.” Dale finished off his drink and gestured toward the serving table. “I’m gonna get a refill. Do you want something?”

  To unhear what Dale had just told her.

  Gemma’s happiness drained away. She glanced to where her father and Jesse were still talking together. Her father’s words echoed in her mind.

  We won’t have any success getting someone from here to marry her when word gets out. I’ll have my brother in Lancaster find a fellow. There must be some man who will marry her once he learns he will inherit this farm one day. Had he made the same offer to Jesse, using the land Jesse wanted so badly?

  Had Jesse accepted her father’s offer? Was that why he had proposed? Not to give her child a name but to gain a valuable piece of land? Were his claims of affection as empty as Robert’s had been?

  She pressed both hands to her cheeks. It couldn’t be true. Jesse wasn’t like that. There had to be another explanation. She shivered as her hands grew cold. She had trusted him.