The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations

by Mary Schaller

  Discover

  What are the major benefits of facilitating a discussion rather than coming across as an expert or teacher? What are the challenges?

  Why do you think facilitating a spiritual conversation group with a team of two to four Christians is more effective than facilitating alone?

  Practice

  Try facilitating a group discussion with two to five people you already know on a topic where there is a diversity of opinion. Your goal is to get everyone talking and respectfully engaged. What did you learn?

  Ask some of your friends how they learn best: through listening or discussion. Did you notice a difference in response from your Christians friends and those who believe differently? Why do you think that is the case?

  CHAPTER 10

  THE ART OF SERVING TOGETHER

  You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? . . . Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

  MATTHEW 5:13-16

  Today’s typical outsiders aren’t likely to be reached through persuasive argument but instead through first experiencing an authentic Christian: someone who is willing to roll up his or her sleeves and restore alongside them.

  GABE LYONS

  MY BUDDY SCOTT AND I (CRILLY) invited four of the teenage African refugees we were mentoring to come with us and pack beet seeds for people living in poverty in Zimbabwe. As we drove to the packing location, we talked about the privileges and blessings we have in our lives compared to the struggles these young men experienced in their home countries and in refugee camps. When we arrived, we entered a room bustling with people of all ages. Together we watched a compelling video about the people who would receive the seeds, listened to the instructions, and formed our team to start packing. As energetic music played in the background and the host announced which group was ahead in filling seed packs, our team pushed harder and harder.

  Finally the ending bell rang, the seed packs were counted, and our team went wild at the announcement that we won! The guys were exuberant. Together we had accomplished something meaningful.

  During the drive home, I asked the guys some questions about the experience. Soon I discovered what they enjoyed, what they learned, and what they found most meaningful. I asked them about their religion’s beliefs on compassion and serving, and in turn, they began to ask me about my faith. They wanted to understand who Jesus was to me as a Christian compared to who he was in their religion. I shared parts of my story with them, emphasizing that I began my spiritual search when I was about their age and needed to understand my beliefs for myself, not as the faith of my parents or my peers. At the end of the discussion, I encouraged these young men to explore their faith for themselves as they entered adulthood, and not just to view beliefs as cultural or biological.

  As the conversation naturally moved to other topics, I marveled at how God had opened up this exchange. I was convinced he would use it to continue to work in the hearts of these young men. Serving together had easily opened up this conversation, one that nudged them closer to understanding who Jesus (Isa as he is known to them) really is: their Rescuer and Leader.

  The Medium Is the Message

  Marshall McLuhan was one of the most influential communication theorists of the twentieth century. Regarding media, he coined the phrase “The medium is the message.” What exactly did he mean by that?

  A medium is a vehicle through which something is conveyed. Video, print, and radio are all different ways to communicate a message. McLuhan believed that the means or medium of communication is intimately related to how the message is perceived. He believed that the way a message was communicated had as much to say as the message itself. Therefore, the same message would be perceived differently if it were received through television versus through a person you knew.

  This concept becomes profound when you consider the medium that God used to communicate his message to mankind: the Incarnation. Jesus was the perfect medium—God in the flesh, dwelling among us, full of grace and truth—communicating God himself in everything he did.

  What a paradox that the medium God now uses to share the good news of Jesus to the world is us! In all of our imperfections and failings, we are God’s choice for communicating himself to people who are not yet in relationship with him.

  What does this have to do with serving together with our spiritually curious friends and neighbors? So often we think of sharing the gospel as an oral exercise. But God didn’t just redeem our mouths, he redeemed all of us. And our relationship with God speaks most clearly when every part of our lives is involved, not just our speech.

  The idea of serving people in order to communicate God’s grace is hardly novel. “Bringing the whole gospel to the whole person” marks both contemporary missional churches and longstanding mission organizations. Yet, if we limit ourselves to serving people in order to demonstrate God’s love for them, we may be ignoring an even more loving, relational, authentic, and dynamic approach—serving together with people who believe differently.

  Together is the key word. The dynamic changes when people are doing something together; the rules change when you are in relationship. When I was in grade school, I played multiple sports against a lot of the same kids. One boy from a rival school I regularly competed against was named Jimmy. Jimmy was good and was one of my most difficult opponents. I couldn’t stand to play against him. But he and I ended up at the same high school, playing two sports together, and soon I loved having him on my team. Jimmy was passionate, scrappy, and competitive. Because we were together on the same team, I learned a lot more about Jimmy and liked him for who he was, not just for his athletic talents. Jimmy became a great high school friend. The rules changed when I got to know him through our shared experience.

  A special bond is formed when you pursue a common cause with someone, and people who seem the least interested in discussing God and the Bible may jump at the chance to come with you to serve at a food pantry, assist in disaster relief, or join a community recycling project. Serving together invites people into a relational environment where they can belong so that they may see and feel the gospel being lived out. The shared experience also provides something worthwhile to talk about.

  When you welcome someone to serve with you, your experience fosters new relational dimensions, increasing common ground, activating mutual curiosity, and opening up the potential for meaningful conversations about God. There’s a natural debriefing time after a service project that may organically open up into a conversation about life and God. The medium of service gives you opportunities to ask questions about the experience, share your perspective, talk about God’s work in your life, and interpret the experience from your worldview. And when you spend worthwhile time together with people who may share little else in common with you, they just may catch a glimpse of Jesus.

  Jesus Modeled Serving Together

  In several memorable scenes throughout the Gospels, Jesus asked people to participate with him in the work he was doing, even though they did not yet understand who he was. He asked wedding servants to fill thirty-gallon pots with water when the wine had run out. He asked a Samaritan woman, in the heat of the day, to give him a drink from a well. He told a lame man to carry his mat, a blind man to go wash clay from his eyes, and mourners to remove a stone from a cave and unwrap the dead man who came out of it.

  Why did Jesus ask people to take part in the action with him when he was about to reveal more of the grace, power, and love of God? Clearly, people’s obedience to his commands reveals their faith; and throughout the Gospels, Jesus acts in response to faith. But taking action on Jesus’ behalf may also prepare people to understand more of who he is. I know this is often the case for me; I learn better by doing. Maybe you are the same. As the saying
goes, “Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.”

  Like me, Jesus’ disciples also seemed to benefit from hands-on experience. They regularly showed that they didn’t understand who Jesus was and what he was calling them to. They argued about who would be the greatest, they misunderstood Jesus’ purpose, and they were frequently annoyed with the crowds of people, even once sending away children who had come for a blessing. So Jesus involved them with him.

  As you read the following account, notice all the ways that Jesus involved these imperfect followers with him, even though they were still uncertain about who he was:

  When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.

  Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”

  Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”

  Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

  When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

  JOHN 6:5-13

  Jesus had a more profound purpose in mind than filling the stomachs of a multitude of people. He made the feeding of this crowd a hands-on experience of serving together and a significant instructional moment for his disciples, who gained a new understanding of his power and identity. This is evident through the last half of John 6, when Jesus reveals a message so difficult that it becomes a point of decision for many who turn away and leave. The message begins with “I am the bread of life” (6:35) and culminates when Peter speaks for most of the Twelve, expressing a new understanding and faith: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God” (6:68). I can’t help but speculate how the tactile experience of serving together helped Peter come to the conclusion he did about Jesus.

  Flavorless Salt and Hidden Light?

  When the Communists took over Russia in 1917, they vigorously persecuted the church but did not make Christianity illegal. In the Constitution of 1918, Article 13 guaranteed freedom of religion. But Article 16 established that only the Soviet Republic would render “material and all other assistance to the workers and poorest peasants,”[74] effectively making it illegal for Christians to do any good works. In their book The Externally Focused Church, Rick Rusaw and Eric Swanson note that because the church in Russia could no longer feed the hungry or take care of the sick or the orphans, within seventy years it was irrelevant. “Take away service, and you take away the church’s power, influence, and evangelistic effectiveness. The power of the gospel is combining its life-changing message with selfless service.”[75]

  In Romans 15:17-19, the apostle Paul was full of enthusiasm about all that Christ Jesus had done through him, “bringing the Gentiles to God by my message and by the way I worked among them” (NLT, emphasis added). The Spirit of God worked through Paul’s words and actions as he “fully presented the Good News of Christ.” Similarly, Paul explains in 1 Thessalonians 1:5 that the “gospel came . . . not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction.” The gospel is not just spoken, it’s modeled. Our actions give substance, meaning, and credibility to our words. Paul is a powerful example of what Jesus told his followers—that they would be like salt and light for people around them—“that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

  Now, in twenty-first-century America, are people experiencing Christians as salt and light? Researcher Brené Brown, a popular TED Talk presenter, talks about the “disengagement gap”—the space between what we practice on a daily basis and what we profess.[76] In other words, when people who believe differently observe us, as Christians, being out of alignment with the core values we profess, such as loving and serving our neighbors, they conclude that we do not have integrity or credibility. If we don’t close this gap, we will continue to turn people off from the gospel. Gabe Lyons suggests that “today’s typical outsiders aren’t likely to be reached through persuasive argument but instead through first experiencing an authentic Christian: someone who is willing to roll up his or her sleeves and restore alongside them.”[77]

  Serving together is a powerful way to live out our values in the presence of spiritual explorers and to close the gap so that the impact of our message increases. Imagine if Christians’ actions shone a bright light, illuminating the beauty of the gospel, sparking curiosity, and opening up the opportunity for the exchange of life-giving words. And what if we invited people who believe differently to join us in serving, and they got the opportunity to see Jesus up close, in action through us? They would taste the salt and see the light shining, and they would probably want more.

  Barriers to Serving Together

  Inviting individuals to serve with us is a loving and welcoming act. Opportunities abound for us to serve others and to serve alongside others; we aren’t living under legal restrictions from serving. But we still face barriers that hinder us from getting started and from serving together well once we’ve begun. As you plan to invite someone to serve together with you, check your tendency toward the three biggest barriers to serving together: individualism, materialism, and consumerism.

  You might refer to these barriers as “Me, Mine, More.” Resolving to move beyond them requires taking some risks and challenging our cherished comfort, security, safety, and convenience. Serving, in itself, requires us to move out of our comfortable routines to be touched by the needs of other people. Minimally, it’s inconvenient. Frequently it involves uncertainty, discomfort, and a steep learning curve. Yet if we face these challenges and dissolve the three barriers with effective antidotes, serving together can become a doorway to fulfilling our purpose—as lights pointing people to God.

  The first barrier to serving together is individualism. Our society’s “me first” attitude and the ever-expanding technology that supports isolation rather than community reinforce this barrier. The antidote to this “me” focus is humility and relational engagement. Pursuing humility remedies the tendency to want personal recognition, to take credit, and to pass blame, and engaging relationally means that we replaces me. Instead of asking, “What’s in it for me?” we ask, “How can we do this together?”

  Serving with people who believe differently means that we’re on a team with blended worldviews and varying approaches to life. We have to surrender the desire for any personal glory and focus on what the team can accomplish together. We value the ones we’re serving with and become dependent on each other, caring for each other and the people we serve. Church-planting expert Ed Stetzer, paraphrasing Neil Cole, maintains that “you win people to what you win them with.” If we hope to draw people to Christ through service, we need to show them what the loving, caring community of his people can look like. Gabe Lyons puts it this way:

  When communities serve together, they experience connection and purpose, and are reminded that this life is not about them. Serving is one of the clearest ways the concept of restoration begins to manifest itself in our world.[78]

  The second big barrier is materialism. It is easy to think that your value is measured by what you own. This may be true in our culture, but it is not true in the Kingdom of God. By focusing our lives on what we possess, we lose out on the vital connection that happens when we find our value in what we give and in how rich we
are relationally. Materialism is a barrier to any kind of serving, but we can overcome it when we share our time, talents, or treasures and inspire others to break the hold these things have. Embarking on a massive development project to support Solomon’s future construction of the Temple, King David understood that if he gave of himself, his generosity could inspire many others to surrender their treasures to God for his purposes. David gave from his own resources to galvanize others to do the same, and the action rippled throughout the community:

  “Besides, in my devotion to the temple of my God I now give my personal treasures of gold and silver for the temple of my God, over and above everything I have provided for this holy temple. . . . Now, who is willing to consecrate themselves to the LORD today?”

  Then the leaders of families, the officers of the tribes of Israel, the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds, and the officials in charge of the king’s work gave willingly. . . . The people rejoiced at the willing response of their leaders, for they had given freely and wholeheartedly to the LORD.

  1 CHRONICLES 29:3, 5-6, 9

  The antidote for our tendency to focus on “stuff” is generosity: giving our time, talent, and treasures. We begin to wonder not how to get the best but how to give the best. Ours or yours eventually replaces mine. Our focus can shift from what we have to the value of relationships and to serving and growing together.

  Consumerism is the third significant barrier to serving together. When we value life for what we can get out of it, we become self-absorbed, measuring material goods, experiences, and even people by how they serve us. The antidote for a consumeristic mind-set is to live a sacrificial life: giving our lives away, showing up for others, and focusing on what they need. It’s to live daily asking the question, “How can I let go of my agenda to benefit everyone else?” Sacrifice for others replaces more for me. Speaking of the impact of people engaged in service together, Lyons writes: