The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations

by Mary Schaller

  Any good writing demands a good editor, and we had the best—both of them! Internally, our deepest gratitude goes to Karen Schleicher, who handled the editing with poise, passion, class, and exacting excellence. She was a true partner in the ultimate creation of the core content. Then, Tyndale House provided us with a gift by assigning Karin Buursma as our editor. Karin provided exceedingly helpful feedback, wise insights, and a balanced perspective, all with an encouraging and diplomatic touch. I felt God’s care from both editors throughout the writing process.

  In addition, I am grateful to my family—especially my parents, who sacrificed greatly to lay the foundations of faith and learning in me. Thanks so much to my friends (you know who you are!) who encouraged me throughout this project—especially my friend and mentor David Mains, who often acted as a sounding board during my writing.

  A good chunk of my writing was done at the best café on the planet, LaBriola Café. Thanks to the hospitable team and ownership there that welcomed me, served me wonderful food, and allowed me to drink gallons of my favorite iced tea!

  Finally, I want to thank my wife, Danielle. I won the lottery when I married this woman—full of elegance, discernment, creativity, beauty, and compassion. A wife of noble character who brings me good, not harm. I am the grand-prize winner.

  To all of these folks mentioned, and the many others unnamed, you have been difference makers in my life. I hold each of you in high regard.

  Notes

  [1] Alan Hirsch, Disciplism: Reimagining Evangelism through the Lens of Discipleship (Exponential Resources, 2014), 27.

  [2] Francis Chan, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God (Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2008), 93.

  [3] Greg Ogden, Discipleship Essentials (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2007), 21. Italics added.

  [4] Hugh Halter, Flesh (Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2014), 182.

  [5] David Kinnaman, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church . . . and Rethinking Faith (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2011), 202.

  [6] Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (Franklin, TN: Integrity, 2006), 178.

  [7] Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (New York: Gotham, 2012), 150.

  [8] Brian Orme, “A Candid Talk with Francis Chan on Evangelism and Mission,” Outreach magazine, October 25, 2012.

  [9] Fritz Erpel, Van Gogh: The Self-Portraits (New York: New York Graphic Society, 1969), 17.

  [10] H. H., “Love and Praise the Lord.” Used by permission.

  [11] Doug Pollock, God Space (Loveland, CO: Group, 2009), 38.

  [12] John Ortberg, Grace: An Invitation to a Way of Life (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2000), 16.

  [13] John Paul Lederach, Reconcile: Conflict Transformation for Ordinary Christians (Harrisonburg, VA: Herald, 2014), 45–48.

  [14] Chaim Potok, My Name Is Asher Lev (New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1972), 108.

  [15] Jerry Root and Stan Guthrie, The Sacrament of Evangelism (Chicago: Moody, 2011), 17.

  [16] Melody Allred, The Next Door: That They May Believe (2010), 16.

  [17] Kallistos Ware, “Cycle Two: The Law of Bearing,” in Ordinary Graces: Christian Teachings on the Interior Life, ed. Lorraine Kisly (New York: Harmony/Bell Tower, 2000), 28–29.

  [18] Ken Sande, “Charitable Judgments: An Antidote to Judging Others,” Peacemaker Ministries, http://peacemaker.net/project/charitable-judgments-an-antidote-to-judging-others. Accessed September 20, 2015.

  [19] Simone Weil, Waiting for God (New York: Harper Perennial, 2009).

  [20] C. S. Lewis, “Christianity and Culture,” in Christian Reflections (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2014), 41.

  [21] Lon Allison, Q Place Vital Conference presentation, October 1, 2011.

  [22] Rick Richardson, Q Place Vital Conference presentation, September 25, 2010.

  [23] Ibid.

  [24] Henry T. Blackaby and Claude V. King, Experiencing God (Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 1994), 55, 70.

  [25] Ibid., 56, 69.

  [26] Richardson, Q Place Vital Conference presentation.

  [27] Basil Miller, George Müller: Man of Faith and Miracles (Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1972), 146.

  [28] Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2011), 11–13.

  [29] Quoted in Dick Eastman, The Hour that Changes the World (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1986), 80.

  [30] Richard Foster, Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home (New York: HarperCollins, 1992), 191.

  [31] “Every Breaking Wave,” Songs of Innocence, U2, 2014.

  [32] Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain (New York: HarperCollins, 2008), 101–102.

  [33] For research on the importance of listening well, see “Listening Facts,” the International Listening Association, http://d1025403.site.myhosting.com/files.listen.org/Facts.htm. Accessed September 20, 2015.

  [34] Anikó Ouweneel-Tóth, “Love = Time + Attention,” Artway.com, www.artway.eu/content.php?id=1826&lang=en&action=show. Accessed September 20, 2015.

  [35] John Paul Lederach, Reconcile: Conflict Transformation for Ordinary Christians (Harrisonburg, VA: Herald, 2014), 119.

  [36] David Whyte, The House of Belonging (Langley, WA: Many Rivers, 1996). Used by permission.

  [37] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community (New York: HarperCollins, 1954), 98.

  [38] Todd Hunter, quoted in Doug Pollock, God Space (Loveland, CO: Group, 2009), 54.

  [39] Alice Fryling, The Art of Spiritual Listening: Responding to God’s Voice amid the Noise of Life (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook, 2003) 20.

  [40] Doug Pollock, God Space (Loveland, CO: Group, 2009), 118.

  [41] Seth S. Horowitz, “The Science and Art of Listening,” New York Times, November 11, 2012, page SR10.

  [42] Karen Kimsey-House, “Disrupt Your Life in a Good Way, Pt. 6: Learn to Listen Well . . . Newsflash: It’s Not about the Words,” The Blog, Huff/Post50, July 23, 2012, www.huffingtonpost.com/karen-kimseyhouse/‍listening_b_1681469.html.

  [43] Ram Charan, Harvard Business Review, HBR Blog Network, “The Discipline of Listening,” June 21, 2012.

  [44] Pollock, God Space, 60–61.

  [45] William Miller, “Old Man’s Advice to Youth: ‘Never Lose a Holy Curiosity,’” LIFE, May 2, 1955, 64.

  [46] Jedd Medefind and Erik Lokkesmoe, The Revolutionary Communicator (Lake Mary, FL: Relevant Media Group, 2004), 53, 61.

  [47] Edgar H. Schein, Humble Inquiry (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2013), 2.

  [48] David Maxfield, “How to Change People Who Don’t Want to Change,” CrucialSkills.com, www.crucialskills.com/2015/01/how-to-change-people-who-dont-want-to-change. Accessed September 25, 2015. Quoted text was transcribed from the embedded video.

  [49] StoryCorps, “About Us” page, http://storycorps.org/about. Accessed September 10, 2013.

  [50] Frederick M. Lehman (1917), public domain. Lyrics are based on “Haddamut,” by Meir Ben Isaac Nehorai, 1050.

  [51] Aaron Niequist, “Changed,” copyright © 2003 by AARONieq Music. Used by permission.

  [52] Brent Curtis and John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997) 73, 98.

  [53] Max Lucado, No Wonder They Call Him the Savior (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004), 131.

  [54] Fredrick Buechner, The Magnificent Defeat (New York: HarperCollins, 1985), 105.

  [55] Francis Chan, Crazy Love (Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2013), 128.

  [56] Gabe Lyons, The Next Christians (New York: Doubleday Religion, 2010), 170.

  [57] Peter Kreeft, Making Sense out of Suffering (Ann Arbor, MI: Servant, 1986), 133.

  [58] The authors gratefully acknowledge that content for this section comes from Robert Bugh, When the Bottom Drops Out (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale, 2011). Used by permission.

  [59] Don Ever, Jesus with Dirty Feet: A Down-to-Earth Look at Christianity for the Curious and Skeptical
(Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 1999).

  [60] Bugh, When the Bottom Drops Out, 144.

  [61] D. R. Lehman, J. H. Ellard, and C. B. Wortman, “Social Support for the Bereaved: Recipients’ and Providers’ Perspectives on What Is Helpful,” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, volume 54(4) (August 1986), 438–446.

  [62] Dr. Camille Wortman, Ph.D., “This Emotional Life: Offering Support to the Bereaved: What Not to Say,” www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/offering-support-bereaved-what-not-say.

  [63] Bugh, When the Bottom Drops Out, 162.

  [64] American Time Use Survey, US Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics, last modified July 10, 2013, www.bls.gov/tus/charts.

  [65] Henri J. M. Nouwen, Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life (New York: Doubleday, 1986), 65, 71.

  [66] Greg Green, “My View: Flipped Classrooms Give Every Student a Chance to Succeed,” Schools of Thought (blog), CNN, January 18, 2012, http://schoolsofthought.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/18/my-view-flipped-classrooms-give-every-student-a-chance-to-succeed.

  [67] Karen E. Yates, “Flipping the 40-Minute Sermon,” Christianity Today, May 24, 2013, www.christianitytoday.com/women/2013/may/flipping-40-minute-sermon.html?paging=off. Accessed September 20, 2015.

  [68] William Barclay, Daily Celebration: Devotional Readings for Every Day of the Year, Denis Duncan, ed. (Waco, TX: Word, 1971).

  [69] Peter Block, Community: The Structure of Belonging (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2008), 95.

  [70] Maryellen Weimer, Learner-Centered Teaching: Five Key Changes to Practice (San Francisco: John Wiley and Sons, 2013), 15.

  [71] Bill Mowry, The Ways of the Alongsider (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2012), 14.

  [72] Tim Keller, Encounters with Jesus: Unexpected Answers to Life’s Biggest Questions (New York: Dutton, 2013), ix. Italics in the original.

  [73] Bill Donahue, Leading Life-Changing Small Groups (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1996), 26.

  [74] “The Constitution of the Soviet Union, 1918,” www.abc.net.au/concon/constitutions/sov1918.htm. Accessed October 1, 2013.

  [75] Rick Rusaw and Eric Swanson, The Externally Focused Church (Loveland, CO: Group, 2004), 118.

  [76] Brené Brown, Daring Greatly (New York: Avery, 2012), 176–177.

  [77] Gabe Lyons, The Next Christians (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 2012), 216.

  [78] Ibid., 159.

  [79] Ibid., 158.

  [80] Ray Vander Laan, Faith Lessons on the Promised Land (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1999), 14.

  [81] Quoted in Larry Ondrejack, “What Is Relational Evangelism?” Grace & Truth, October 2000.

  [82] The Big Kahuna, directed by John Swanbeck (Lions Gate Films, 2000).

  [83] Jonathan Gottschall, “Why Storytelling Is the Ultimate Weapon,” May 2, 2012, www.fastcocreate.com/1680581/why-storytelling-is-the-ultimate-weapon.

  [84] Bill Hybels, Just Walk across the Room (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994).

  [85] David Heim, “The Gospel in Seven Words,” Christian Century, 128, no. 18 (2012).

  [86] Courageous, directed by Alex Kendrick (Sherwood Pictures, 2011).

  [87] See “The Bridge to Life,” The Navigators, January 31, 2006, www.navigators.org/Tools/Evangelism%20Resources/Tools/The%20Bridge%20to%20Life.

  [88] For a video example of “Do versus Done,” see www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=54jPcucSOvE#.

  [89] Greg Ogden, Transforming Discipleship: Making Disciples a Few at a Time (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2003), 135.

  [90] Ibid., 141.

  [91] Ibid., 182.

  [92] Ibid., 153–174.

  [93] Neil Cole, Cultivating a Life for God (Long Beach, CA: CMA Resources, 1999), 54.

  [94] Mary Schaller, How to Start a Q Place (Carol Stream, IL: Q Place, 2010), 38.

  [95] A copy of the Q Place guidelines and some discussion tips can be viewed online at www.qplace.com/howqplaceworks/guidelines.

  [96] Eric Geiger, Michael Kelly, and Philip Nation, Transformational Discipleship: How People Really Grow (Nashville: B&N Books, 2012). For more information, see http://tda.lifeway.com.

  [97] Laura Hillenbrand, Unbroken (New York: Random House, 2010), 128.

  [98] David T. Olson, The American Church in Crisis (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2008), figure 11.7.

  [99] John S. Dickerson, The Great Evangelical Recession (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2013), 33.

  [100] Ibid., 17.

  [101] George Barna, Futurecast: What Today’s Trends Mean for Tomorrow’s World (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale, 2012), 198.

  [102] Ikimulisa Livingston, “Stabbed Hero Dies as More Than 20 People Stroll Past Him,” New York Post, April 24, 2010, http://nypost.com/2010/04/24/stabbed-hero-dies-as-more-than-20-people-stroll-past-him. Accessed September 20, 2015.

  [103] Matthew West, “Do Something,” copyright © 2012.

  [104] Gabe Lyons, The Next Christians (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 2012), 11.

  [105] Hugh Halter, Flesh (Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2014), 185.

  [106] Dickerson, The Great Evangelical Recession, 218.

  About the Authors

  Mary Schaller is president of Q Place, a ministry that empowers Christians to engage in meaningful conversations about God with people who believe differently. After twenty-two years as an entrepreneurial marketer and a founder of three technology-related business ventures in Silicon Valley and the Boston high-tech corridor, Mary turned her attention to ministry in 1999 as a minister of small groups at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church in the San Francisco Bay Area. In 2006, she graduated from Fuller Theological Seminary with a master of divinity. She is the author of How to Start a Q Place and a coauthor of The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations inductive curriculum series for Q Place small groups. Mary and her husband, Paul, have three adult children and four grandchildren. They divide their time between Chicagoland and Sandpoint, Idaho.

  John Crilly is the son of a construction worker and is married to a farmer’s daughter. Before serving Q Place as national field director, he spent nearly twenty-three years in leadership and management positions in the engineering and construction fields. John is a writer, poet, and certified professional life coach. He coauthored the Q Place 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations training curriculum. John has been married to Danielle since 1990. They live in the Chicago area, where John mentors international refugees.

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