Fearless in Love

by Bella Andre

  He tore open the packet. "Put it on me. I want to feel your hands driving me even crazier than I already am for you."

  Never having put on protection before, she accomplished the task with slow precision. So slow that his breath quickened and his hands clenched. When she was finished, he hauled her up until she straddled his hips, her knees on either side of his.

  "Take what you want, Ari."

  It was an order. It was a plea. His words made her catch her breath, releasing another rush of need.

  It was partly how he made sure the choice was hers, but his sensual commands were also who he was--a man who took control. And who also made sure that control spun out into boundless pleasure.

  She kissed him hard as she slid down until he filled her completely. And this time, they moved with her rhythm, her pace, the control all hers. Until he cupped her hips to thrust deeper, and the world tipped sideways as they cried out together, two bodies fused into one.

  Chapter Ten

  Matt hadn't spent a whole night with a woman since Noah was born. Not since Irene had handed over his infant son and admitted she couldn't hack motherhood. Sorry, I thought it would be fun. But though it had gutted him to know that neither he nor their son had been enough for Irene, he also knew she wasn't cut out for such responsibility. She was like a butterfly who refused to be netted by a family. So he'd taken Noah and never looked back, swearing he'd be a better father than his dad had ever known how to be, a better parent than his mother had wanted to be. He became Noah's protector.

  Women had come and gone since then, some lasting a few weeks, some only a night. But none of them stayed in his house or slept in his bed. He hadn't wanted Noah to get attached to someone who wasn't going to be around long. Not when they'd already had that with Irene.

  But now there was Ari. And as much as he'd known he should send her back to her room--hell, that he should never have carried her into his bedroom in the first place--he hadn't been able to.

  Not when the night had shifted into something he couldn't define. Something he'd desperately needed.

  And not when he'd wanted to stay with her in the heart of pleasure, where nothing else mattered.

  But now the sun was up--and the bright light screamed the difference between last night and today.

  Damn it, he'd screwed up. Royally.

  He'd wanted Ari so badly he couldn't think straight. Couldn't even remember that he'd brought her home for Noah, his number one priority. Matt's work, his inventions, his business--he'd throw them all away for his son. Just as he'd give up every penny in his bank account if it meant making Noah smile, hearing him laugh, bringing him joy.

  But money had never brought any of those things. And lately, Noah laughed because of his beautiful, bright, talented nanny...

  ...who was making delicious little noises that started Matt's primal head thinking on its own. With sleepy, throaty sounds, maybe a moan, she rubbed sinuously against him in her sleep.

  Sweet Lord, he wanted her again. He was this close to pulling her leg over his and taking her from behind, giving them both more of the most sinful pleasure he'd ever known. But he couldn't keep taking her, consequences be damned. She was here for Noah. She was only twenty-four to his thirty-four. She was wholesome, fresh, and innocent--and even though he wasn't her first, he'd still debauched her.

  She'd kissed him in a gesture of comfort. And he'd let things blaze out of control.

  Susan would have his head if she ever found out. Daniel would simply kill him. The Mavericks would disown him. And Matt would deserve it. He'd broken a solemn promise not to take advantage of Ari.

  But even as his gut told him how wrong he'd been to take her the way he had, his heart shouted how right she'd felt in his arms, every single second of their lovemaking.

  If only she wasn't working for him...

  If only she wasn't Noah's perfect nanny...

  If only he hadn't made that vow to Daniel and the Mavericks...

  The worst would be Susan's disappointment in him. His family's disappointment. He was a Maverick, and a Maverick never broke a promise. It was his job to step up, to protect his son, his family, the people who worked for him. Instead, he'd stepped off a cliff.

  And God help him, he'd loved every moment of his fall.

  But no matter how much he wished it were otherwise, a man couldn't seduce his nanny without consequences, regardless of how rich and powerful he might be.

  One hand fisted in the covers, he tugged them from the tangle of their legs. He wanted to be gentle, but they were so entwined that there was nothing gentle about it, no other choice but to throw them off. Then he damn near vaulted from the bed.

  Where the hell were his jeans?

  Awakened so abruptly, Ari stared at him, then sat up with the sheet clutched to her beautiful breasts, her hair a sexy mess that made him want to crawl right back in there with her.

  The guilt choked him as he finally found his jeans and pulled them on commando. He made himself face her, so pretty, so perfect. So innocent. "I'm sorry. Last night was a mistake." The words fell from his lips before he could find a way to make them softer. Or less harsh. "I shouldn't have let that happen. It was entirely my fault. I took advantage."

  Ari tipped her head to the side, and he wondered if she could hear the staccato beating of his heart. She wasn't the kind of woman who hid her emotions, but nor was she an open book.

  Especially not when she replied with a far more even tone than his, "You didn't let anything happen. Nothing was your fault. And you didn't take advantage of me." She paused, her eyes holding his. "I wanted you, Matt."

  Hearing his name on her lips made him remember every time she'd said it last night.

  Every time she'd moaned it.

  "I felt the same last night." He wouldn't lie to her, but he also needed to remind them both. "But you work for me, and I put you in a compromising position. It was wrong. And I apologize for doing that to you."

  She blinked, but she never looked away. He wished he knew what was going on behind her pretty eyes. There were so many things she could do. Freak out. Cry. Quit.

  Instead, she held out her hand. "Could you please hand me my clothes?"

  The sight of her bare arm reminded him vividly of her creamy skin beneath his hands, her luscious scent fogging his mind. Just like that, he was hard again, his body crazy for her even when his brain knew it was a bad idea.

  He didn't even want to consider what his heart wanted--or what it couldn't have where she was concerned. Because this was so damned wrong.

  He found her leggings, her shirt, her lingerie, and the simple act of touching the pink panties and matching bra sent him deeper into overdrive. His hands shook as he handed over the bundle.

  "I have to go in to the office this morning," he told her, shoving his hands in his pockets so he couldn't reach for her. "Testing." It was the truth, but it was also damned convenient under the circumstances.

  "I'll get dressed."

  Without an ounce of self-consciousness, she slipped out of bed, stepping into the pretty pink lingerie that made his mouth water. All that gorgeous skin, the breasts he'd cupped and tasted. Everything he'd tasted.

  He wanted to drop to his knees and tell her he was an idiot to end things like this.

  But he couldn't. For her sake, because she mustn't ever feel she had to sleep with her boss to keep her job. For Noah's sake, to keep the best nanny he'd ever had. And because Matt had promised his friends he'd never take advantage of her. He couldn't change last night, but he could make sure he never did it again.

  She tugged on the leggings, then pulled the shirt over her head and flipped her long hair out. His fingers itched to run through the silky tresses. With a bone-deep desire that was almost crippling, he wanted to beg her to return to his bed, to never leave him.

  But before he could drag either of them deeper into the mess he'd made, she gave him a soft smile. "I don't regret what happened last night."

  "It isn't regret
," he had to tell her, feeling like the lowest life form. Because, God help him, he couldn't bring himself to wish away a single thing they'd done. "It's just that I couldn't live with myself if we did anything more to compromise your relationship with Noah."

  She gave him a look that made him wonder if she knew that reason was only the tip of the iceberg. But instead of pushing him on it, she simply said, "Noah and I will be fine. I promised I would take care of him, and I'll never break that vow." Brushing her hair back from her face, she added, "What we did wasn't wrong. And it wasn't your fault either, so stop feeling guilty. There's nothing to worry about, okay? Now, I'll go get Noah up."

  She stunned him. She was letting him off the hook for everything.

  So why didn't he feel the least bit happy about it?

  *

  Last night, Matt had touched her so deeply, so intimately, that he'd actually rocked her world. Ari had never truly understood that saying until he'd literally knocked her world off its axis.

  Only to apologize at first light and tell her it had been a mistake.

  With her bone-deep sigh echoing in the hallway, Ari checked on Noah, who was still sleeping, before padding down the hall to her suite.

  No matter what Matt believed, it wasn't a mistake. Not for her. But her mother always said men were different, that their emotions didn't get involved. Realizing that might be true for Matt hurt deep in Ari's heart, as if one of the valves had stopped working and she couldn't catch her breath.

  I'm sorry. Last night was a mistake.

  I shouldn't have let that happen.

  It was entirely my fault.

  I took advantage.

  While she'd been painting rosy pictures of dreams coming true, he'd been getting ready to apologize. As though she were a schoolgirl taken advantage of by an older boy who wanted only one thing.

  But Matt had wanted more than that, hadn't he? She'd sworn she felt it when he kissed her. When he stroked every inch of her. When he held her and made her cry out in ecstasy. When he told her he appreciated not only her body, but her mind too.

  Ari stripped down, tossing her clothes on the bathroom floor. His scent was all over her, and she couldn't go to Noah smelling like sex with his father. Noah deserved her undivided attention, so she stepped under the dual hot sprays of the shower.

  She'd remained calm in Matt's bedroom, but now, as she ran through everything in her head on an endlessly repeating loop, she couldn't help but worry--would he fire her? Was he afraid she couldn't let go, that she'd turn all stalkerish? That she'd tell Daniel?

  She hoped he knew she wasn't that kind of person, that she'd never hurt him. He'd said they couldn't sleep together again, and she'd respect that. She was his kid's nanny, and she would never shirk that duty. Not even when her heart had broken in two as Matt stood awkwardly by the bed, his hands in his pockets.

  Maybe she should spell it out. Don't worry, I won't turn into a crazy one-night stand. She didn't want to be fired, didn't want to leave Noah. Not when she could be so good for him.

  I could be good for Matt too.

  But he was off-limits now.

  One day, when she fell in love, she wanted it to be with a man who was good for her too. For a few precious hours, she'd thought Matt could be that man. But now she knew better: He didn't want to be that man.

  Her chest ached deep inside as she stood beneath the hot needles of the shower spray. Good thing she had plenty of practice in getting over bumps in the road. Even the big ones.

  Or else this morning would have destroyed her.

  *

  Ari and Noah ate breakfast together in the kitchen. Cookie loved to talk while she cooked or did the dishes. "Matt does not normally go to the office on Saturday. He always spends weekends with his boy."

  But he wasn't here today, and Ari was all but certain he'd gone to the office to avoid her. She definitely needed to clarify her position when he returned, both from the personal and the job perspective. She'd also have to make sure he didn't continue to beat himself up with guilt over something she'd wanted with every cell of her body. She would never regret their one and only night together. Not when Matt had opened her eyes to how incredible lovemaking could be when it was with the right person.

  Ugh. She couldn't keep going there. His use of the words mistake, fault, and took advantage had made everything perfectly clear.

  "Can I have another waffle, Cookie?" Noah held up his plate.

  Cookie made thin waffles slathered with fresh homemade jam and big chunks of strawberry. She looked at Ari for permission.

  "Let's share one more," Ari said. "Halfsies."

  Noah bounced on the stool Ari had pulled up to the counter opposite Cookie. "Halfsies," he sang out.

  Her heart ached with how much like his father he was--the cleverness, the eyes, the smile. But she vowed not to nurse her hurt. She'd learned long ago that things didn't always work out the way you wanted. People left you, forced you out of their houses, or tried to do bad things to you while you lived under their roof. But it was how you felt about everything that made you who you were. You either wallowed in misery...

  ...or you got over it and kept holding on to hope.

  Ari might not give up her dreams, but she would get over having them crushed.

  Deep in the night, she'd hug her memories of their beautiful night close to her heart, the touches, the kisses. But during the day, she'd be totally practical and realistic. From here forward, she'd never forget that Matt was just her boss. Period. End of subject.

  "Let's go for a picnic," she told her little charge. She wanted the warmth of the bright autumn sun. "We can pack sandwiches." She glanced at Cookie. "If Cookie doesn't mind us using her kitchen." It would be good to have Noah do things for himself sometimes.

  "Oh no. That is my job. I will make cheese and tomato sandwiches." Cookie's broad face lit with a smile. "I have a special basket to put my goodies in."

  It would be ungracious to refuse, so Ari smiled her thank-you and plucked Noah off the stool, swung him high, then down to the floor. His hand in hers, they headed out to the stairs so she could get her tennis shoes. But they were stopped by a roar outside. A semi was backing through the gates into the wide driveway, just as a red sports car buzzed around it and jammed to a stop.

  Noah dropped her hand and ran to the entrance hall, stretching on his toes to pull down the handle and swing open the front door. "Mommy!" He hurtled down the steps like a careening freight train, Ari's heart pounding its way up her throat to choke her.

  Oh God, could there be a worse day to meet Matt's ex?

  Even at the best of times, Ari wouldn't have been ready to compare herself to the bombshell who climbed ever so elegantly from the expensive, sporty car. But today of all days, when she was doing everything she could to rebuild her crushed heart...

  The stunning woman scooped Noah into her embrace. He wrapped his legs around her waist as she cradled him lovingly against her hip and peppered his face with kisses. Her thick, dark hair was cut in a chic bob, her fashion-model figure draped with clothes Ari was sure had cost a year's salary.

  Ari didn't want to be jealous. It was a totally wasted emotion when Matt wasn't with this woman anymore--and when he didn't want to be with Ari anyway. Plus, his ex seemed so in love with her little boy that it was honestly hard to find anything wrong with her.

  The woman shaded her eyes from the sun. "Hello. Who are you? Another of Matt's nannies?"

  Noah clung to his mother, laughing, giggling, joyful. Ari's chest squeezed tighter around her heart as she walked down the steps. "Yes, I'm Ari." She made herself smile. "Noah's new nanny."

  "You must have guessed I'm Irene, Noah's mommy." She tipped the boy's face up and kissed his nose. "It's been ages, and I've been out of the country." Her voice dipped down into baby talk. "I just had to see my little man."

  "It's so nice that you could stop by, but Matt's not home--"

  "Good, then my timing is impeccable." Irene raised her brow in
a perfect arch. "Matt always gets his shorts in a bunch when I bring my little boy a fabulous present." She looked down at Noah. "Do you want to see what it is?"

  "Yes!" Noah squirmed in her arms, and she set him down, taking his hand.

  Irene flourished her other hand at the two men who had climbed down from the semi's cab. "Open it up, boys," she called.

  At Irene's command, they opened the back doors.

  "What is it?" Noah strained to see inside.

  "Wait and see," Irene told Noah, her mouth curved in a satisfied smile, as if she'd bought the present just for the effect.

  It shouldn't have hurt to see his small hand in his mother's elegant, manicured fingers. This was what Ari wanted for all children--parents who loved them even if those parents weren't together. But this morning it reminded her of last night's dreams. And this morning's apology. Reminded her that she didn't really matter.

  Because she was just the nanny.

  Chapter Eleven

  The two men pulled out a ramp and used dollies to roll down a massive round thing with metal legs that looked like an enormous beetle. Moments later, Ari recognized the beetle as a trampoline--one that would stand at least five feet off the ground.

  "Take it through the side yard to the playground," Irene called. Noah ran after the men as they trundled the trampoline around the side of the house.

  "Did you also order a mesh cage so Noah can't bounce off?" Ari had glanced into the truck as she'd passed. It was empty.

  "A cage?" Irene's eyes were framed by thick lashes as she watched Noah, his body vibrating with eagerness as the men quickly set up the huge trampoline on the grass next to the sandbox. "You can't cage a little boy. They have to run free. Do you put him on a leash when you go to the park?"

  Ari didn't dignify the question with a reply. Instead, she pointed out what any rational person would already have noticed. "That's a long way for a five-year-old to fall."

  Irene tsked. "You'll keep him safe when you're up there with him. That's what Matt pays you to do, isn't it?"

  "Yes, that's exactly what Matt pays me to do. Which is why there's no way I'm going to put Noah on a trampoline like that in the first place." Matt might worry too much, but in this, he would be perfectly justified. "It's too tall for him to even climb on."