Fearless in Love

by Bella Andre

  "Why don't you get a safety net?" Susan asked, echoing Ari's suggestion.

  "Because then Irene would win."

  "Matt," Susan said, her tone clearly indicating she wasn't impressed with his behavior. "The trampoline shouldn't be a battlefield."

  He knew it shouldn't be a contest for Noah's love. All that mattered was Noah's happiness and keeping him safe. Yes, he could protect Noah by forbidding Irene access to him. But that would only intensify the little boy's feelings of abandonment.

  Which left Matt feeling like he was all out of options.

  "I know I'm being an asshole about the whole thing." Frustration rode his every word. "I just have no idea how to deal with her flitting in, then leaving him behind like a forgotten toy."

  Susan tutted with sympathy. "I know how hard it is on him, but you have to stop blaming yourself, honey." When he'd told Susan about Noah's fall by the pool, she'd said the same thing. "You never believe you're stepping up enough, but honey, I wish you'd see that you constantly take responsibility. You're there for your brothers whenever they need you. You're there for us without question. You're there for your company, your people, even your business partners. And you are there in every way possible for Noah."

  "Then why can't I find a way to fix Irene so that Noah isn't brutalized after every one of her visits?" The same way Matt had been with every cruel word his father said, every time his mother refused to stick up for him or help him in any way. It ripped his heart to shreds watching his son. And it was his job to fix it. His inability to do so made him feel like he was just as bad of a parent as his own had been. In a different way, maybe, but the result was the same every time Noah cried himself to sleep, wasn't it?

  "You can't fix Irene, honey. You can only be there for Noah. And you are, every single day." Then she clucked at him. "I know what you're thinking, but you're nothing like your father." When he didn't answer, she added, "You listen to me--I'm not the only one who thinks you're one of the best dads in the whole world. We all do."

  "Yes, ma'am," he said as if she were his commanding officer. Which, to be honest, she was more often than not.

  "Now tell me how that lovely Ariana is working out." Susan had liked her the moment she'd met her, when they were all working to build the youth home in San Jose.

  "Noah loves her. She turns everything they do into a learning experience. She's even got him interested in mummies after she took him to the local museum."

  "I'm so glad. If you'd come back to me with another nanny horror story, I would have given up and moved out there to take care of Noah myself."

  All the Mavericks would love it if Bob and Susan moved out West, but they were born-and-bred Chicagoans. They loved the change of seasons, fall colors, white Christmas, and they were dying with impatience for Harper and Will's holiday wedding.

  If not for Susan and Bob, Matt would have avoided Chicago like a plague of rats. At least the Mavericks had moved the couple out of the old neighborhood, and with retirement, the two of them were finally enjoying life.

  "You'll see how great Ari is for yourself when you fly out for Will's Halloween party," he said.

  At least, they'd see her if Matt didn't screw everything up and lose her before then. He never took a nanny to a Maverick event. Yet he'd planned without question that Ari would go with them. Not only did she know Daniel and the rest of the Mavericks, it seemed natural to include her. Everything about her seemed so damned natural...

  For the first time, he found himself wondering--was there a chance that Susan wouldn't actually blame him for finding Ari irresistible?

  Although, even that wouldn't change the fact that he wasn't right for Ari, that she needed a man who stepped up every time, who had moved past his shadows and would never crush her joy, her hopefulness.

  "Oh, I hear Bob calling, sweetheart. We're binge-watching Sons of Anarchy, and he's dying for the next episode."

  Binge-watching Sons of Anarchy? Susan and Bob? Now that was scary. "That's really violent, Mom. I'm shocked." Midsomer Murders was more their speed. "Maybe I need to speak to Daniel about putting parental controls on your streaming service," he teased.

  "Do not even think about separating a woman from her streaming, especially when there are good-looking men on motorcycles involved," she said with a mock growl, then blew him a kiss over the phone. "Dad sends his love."

  "Love you both too."

  As soon as he disconnected, his cell phone beeped with several texts that had come in while he was talking to Susan. After quickly checking to see if any of them were from Rafe regarding Ari's brother, Matt had to work to bank his disappointment that his friend hadn't turned up any real leads yet. Fortunately, there was one thing Matt could do to make things better. Something he hoped would not only make Noah smile, but Ari too.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Ari was surprised to find two burly men from the sporting goods store installing a safety net on the trampoline when she and Noah returned home. Though Noah was overjoyed, she made sure Matt's name was on the work order.

  "Can I, can I, can I?" Noah dashed around the lawn like a satellite orbiting the earth. "Please, please, please?"

  She hunkered down in front of him. "Let's wait for your daddy." She was just as excited, though.

  Maybe the water wings wouldn't have to wait until next summer. Maybe Matt was starting to see he didn't have to hold on so tightly or be so worried--and that his son would be safe if he let him fly a little higher once in a while.

  She heard the car, and Noah ran to the driveway. Moments later, he was back, skipping around his father, herding him into the backyard.

  Her pulse pumped harder, her heart beat faster, every nerve tingling for Matt. She'd heard all of her friends' warnings, but she was beyond being careful.

  Because she wanted to risk everything for the chance that true love might actually be real.

  "Welcome home." Her heart fluttered up to her throat, making her a little dizzy. "Noah got your present." He smiled at her, and that was all it took for her heart to race like a wild thing. "Do you want to do the honors for the first bounce?"

  "I'd rather watch Noah. And you, Ari. I want to see you both having fun together."

  It thrilled her to be included. As if she were more than just the nanny. As if she were family.

  Noah was already running to the trampoline, and she scooped him up, tossing him into the middle before she climbed up. They jumped and rolled and played and his laughter filled the air.

  It was glorious. It was freedom. It was like being the kid she'd never had a chance to be. When they finally came down, she was breathless...and Matt's gaze was so hot she swore it set her skin on fire.

  If Noah hadn't launched himself at his father right then, she might have jumped on him herself.

  "Come on, Daddy, you too." At Matt's back, Noah attempted to push the immovable object. Until finally it moved.

  Then Noah grabbed Ari's hand. "Come on," he insisted. "I want to jump with both of you."

  They clambered up and jumped high, Noah screaming his delight. Every time Matt landed, he bounced her too, until she was shrieking as loudly as Noah. She'd never had so much fun, never laughed so hard, never ached so badly with how much she wanted this every moment of every day. With Noah and Matt.

  Finally out of breath, she lost her balance, knocking into Matt, pitching them both sideways. He landed on top of her, his body flush against hers.

  Oh God.

  Every part of him was hard. Mouthwatering. Perfect.

  Laughing, Noah thought it was such fun to jump around them, jostling them over and over until she thought she might actually lose her mind. Neither of them laughed anymore. Instead, Matt stared into her eyes as if she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

  Before utter insanity descended on her and she wrapped her arms around Matt and kissed him in front of his son, Ari did the hardest thing in the world--she rolled away and crawled down the ladder.

  When Noah urged her to
come back, all she could do was shake her head, and say, "Boys only now."

  Her two favorite boys in the whole wide world.

  *

  Ari was a mess, hair tangled, shirt askew, face flushed, breasts rising and falling with gasping breaths.

  And Matt had never wanted anyone more.

  It had been nuts to let Noah pull him up there with the two of them. But it had been the other side of insanity to fall on Ari and stay right there, her soft curves crushed beneath him, her big, beautiful eyes staring into his.

  Even with her on the other side of the net, he still couldn't catch his breath. His need for her was an ache deep in his body and his soul.

  He hadn't bought the trampoline net for this. He'd wanted to cut off his battle with Irene at the knees. To see Noah laugh and Ari smile.

  But now he saw himself for the liar he was. He'd also wanted Ari to know he'd listened to her suggestion to buy the net, that he respected her opinion, that she mattered to him. More than he could possibly let her know if he meant to keep from falling back into bed with her.

  "Dinner's probably getting cold." Even ten minutes later, Ari sounded as breathless as he felt.

  "Yeah, buddy, dinner time. Let's get washed up."

  Noah grumbled with every kid's instinct--no leaving the playground, no washing up. Matt used the distraction to regain his control, something he found increasingly difficult to do around Ari. Even with something as harmless as jumping on a backyard trampoline.

  Noah grabbed their hands and swung himself like a monkey in a tree, laughing as they walked him into the house. And it felt right--so damned right, the three of them like that.

  When Noah ran off to wash his hands, Matt gave Ari the news he'd received just before his son had dragged him into the backyard. "I just heard from Rafe, my PI. They've located a former member of your brother's squad down in San Luis Obispo. His name is Zach Smith. We should go see him together. I'll tell you more after Noah's in bed."

  Ari reached out, then squeezed her fist tight before she actually touched him. He knew she expressed herself through touch, through comfort, a hug, a kiss. Lord, how he wanted that touch. That kiss. Wanted it so damned bad.

  "Thank you so much. For finding someone who knew my brother--and for offering to take me to see him. But I know how busy you are with work right now."

  "Don't worry about my work." He covered her hand with his. He'd take any excuse to touch her. Sure, he was in the middle of the new product release, but nothing was more important than finding Ari's brother and repaying her for everything she did for Noah.

  And for him.

  *

  Ari didn't want to rush story time, but she couldn't stand the suspense. She needed to know every detail of what Matt had learned about Gideon. After Noah was asleep, Matt lit the fire pit on the back deck and gave her a warmed brandy.

  She'd never known such decadence before she'd met him, but then, she'd never known a man like Matt.

  Their feet perched on the edge of the pit, they sat beneath a cloudless sky filled with a million stars. The fire was warm against her soles, but it was Matt so close beside her that truly heated her from the inside out.

  "It's not a pretty story," he finally said, "which was why I didn't get into it in front of Noah. Shortly before your brother got out of the Army, three of the members of his unit were killed by an IED."

  Her stomach clenched. She read the news on the Internet, and she'd seen plenty of movies. An IED was a homemade bomb. "Was Gideon hurt?"

  "No. But the guys in his squad were."

  The brandy burned as it went down, especially after the chill of learning about the bomb. The worst was possible when it came to war zones, but still, she'd always prayed Gideon was alive--and uninjured.

  "I'm hoping the guy in San Luis Obispo can shed some light on where your brother went after he got out."

  She wanted to curl her fingers around Matt's...for as many reasons as there were stars in the sky. "Thank you. You don't have to take me down there, but I really appreciate not having to ask him these questions on my own."

  "It might not be easy. And I want to be there for you, Ari." His words hung between them for endless moments, his expression intense. "Since I've been away for a few days, I'd like to spend the weekend with Noah, then take care of some critical issues for the new product release, and go down on Wednesday, if that's all right with you. Will's agreed to have his housekeeper, Mrs. Taylor, look after Noah, and Doreen can still drive him to school."

  Matt had already arranged everything. All the Mavericks banded together when anyone needed something. Even when she needed something. Again, she felt almost like family. "Wednesday is perfect."

  "Good." He was still looking at her, so intently that her skin tingled--all of her tingled. "I've booked a couple of rooms at Walter Braedon's Regent Hotel in San Luis."

  She didn't know much about the Regent chain of hotels beyond the pictures she'd seen of them online. They were virtual palaces. And probably cost as much.

  "That's too fancy." She'd noticed he was careful to say he'd booked two rooms, reminding her they wouldn't be sleeping together. "I already owe you so much--"

  "You don't owe me anything, Ari. I'm the one who owes you for making my son so happy since you came here. Besides, I've gotten used to five-star accommodations." He gave her a small smile that made her heart beat even faster. "So you'll just have to live with it."

  "I don't know how to thank you." He'd done so much for her in such a short space of time. It was almost over the top.

  "Stay." His eyes held hers. "Just promise you'll stay with us, Ari." He cleared his throat. "Noah has gotten very attached to you. I can't think how heartbroken he'd be if you left now."

  She didn't want to be careful. She wanted to be fearless. But for now, she simply nodded and made herself smile. "Of course I'll stay for as long as Noah needs me."

  And then one day, maybe, Matt would finally realize he needed her too.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Zach Smith's house was in a middle-class neighborhood with white picket fences and a bus shelter on the corner that was decorated with a yellow school bus. The lawn was immaculately cut, its hedge trimmed, and the front walk was strewn with toys--a pint-size baseball mitt, a Big Wheel tricycle, a bat. From the backyard, Ari heard shrieks of laughter.

  Evidently, he worked nights and his wife worked days so that someone was always with the kids. Matt had made the appointment with him and, thankfully, Zach had seemed more than willing to talk.

  As soon as Ari and Matt stepped up to the front door, a stocky, heavily muscled guy with a military haircut opened it. "Glad you're here. I've got the coffee on."

  The interior of the house was as neat and tidy as the outside. Except for the toys. Ari stuck out her hand. "Thanks so much for talking with us."

  Zach shook hands with them both. "Gideon and me, we were like this." He twined his fingers. "He told me all about you, Ariana."

  Ari could barely stop tears from springing to her eyes. Zach couldn't know how much his words meant to her. And Matt couldn't know how grateful she was that he'd found Zach and had come with her today.

  She'd held on to the belief that her brother hadn't forgotten her. That faith kept her going through the darkest hours. Finding him would be like the light finally showing at the end of a long tunnel she'd been traveling through for so long.

  "Come on in and sit, you two." Though not tall, Zach was a big man, about her brother's age, with expansive gestures. He waved them over to the couch, where he'd set out coffee, mugs, creamer, and sugar on the coffee table. The backyard view out the sliding glass door was of the kids, two boys and a girl, all under the age of ten.

  "They just got out of school." Zach wore an adoring-dad look, with a broad smile and laughing eyes. Whatever he'd gone through during his tours of duty, Ari was glad to see he hadn't brought it home with him.

  "Man, your brother was a kick," he told her. "Huge prankster. You wanted to forg
et about it all for a while, you hung out with Jones." Smiling with the memory, he shoved mugs at them while he sat in the side chair that gave him a sight line to the backyard. "But he had another side to him he didn't show most guys. And it really broke him up when he couldn't find you or your ma. He wrote letters and sent emails, but it's hard when you're over there, ya know."

  "My mom and I had to leave the apartment we were in." Ari didn't say they'd been kicked out, didn't mention that drugs had torn them all apart. She felt the subtle shift of Matt's body beside her, as if he were moving closer, wanting her to know she had his support.

  "He figured that. And later he got a letter saying she'd passed." He shook his head. "It was six months after, and he started writing letters like crazy, even more than he'd written before." Zach shook his head. "But no one could tell him who to contact about what happened to you."

  Gideon had looked for her. She knew he wouldn't give up--just like she would never give up her search for him.

  "Thank you for telling me that. It really means a lot to know he tried so hard to find us." Matt's hand covered hers, and he squeezed it in solidarity as she said, "To find me."

  "Do you have any idea where he is now?" Matt asked.

  "We lost touch. It happens like that when you get stateside." Zach rubbed both hands along his thighs, his gaze down as if he were seeing things he'd long ago put out of his mind. Then he breathed deeply, let it go with a sigh, and his smile returned. "I was Smith. He was Jones. They called us Alias Smith and Jones, like that old Western TV show. You couldn't have one without the other. It's like they say in the movies, band of brothers and all that. Because all you've got is each other."

  "I know what that's like," she confided. "I have a really close bond with my friends from foster care."

  "I can see the similarity," he said with a nod. "We thought it'd be a cakewalk, ya know. Do your time, collect your paycheck." He snorted at his own naivete. "But then there was 9/11 and everything changed. Me and Gideon were attached to the same squad. We got bumped up to team leaders. We didn't think about getting out, because we were doing important stuff over there." He puffed out a breath. "We re-upped," he said, then clarified with, "Reenlisted," though Ari already knew what he meant. He gazed at her with a deep sadness in his eyes. "Kiddo, if he'd known about your ma, he woulda come home, but he got that letter a few months too late."