Friends to Lovers: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Heart of Hope Book 6)

by Ajme Williams

  I really only had two choices then. I could end our relationship to prevent my heartbreak at his inability to offer me more. Or I could just fall and know that at someone point I’d be hurt.

  He flew to Chicago to visit his mother over the weekend, but when he came back, he stopped by my place instead of going straight home. We had sex, talked, and had sex again before he finally headed to his place. The romantic in me wanted that to mean something, which was so dangerous.

  As Thanksgiving neared and he planned to return home again, while I was going to spend it with Jude and April, I knew I needed to make a decision about how much heartbreak I was willing to endure.

  I was working in the shop when April showed up, this time without children.

  “Hey. What’s up?” I asked.

  “I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing?”

  “I’m good. What can I get you? I have the pumpkin cheesecake cupcake.”

  “I wouldn’t say no to that. And a latte.”

  I made her coffee and got her cupcake. There were a few customers but they’d been served, so I took a seat with April.

  “Where’s Bertie?” I asked.

  “Jude took the day off to give me a break and so I thought I’d spend part of that break with you. How are you?”

  “Good. Same.”

  Her brow arched and I wondered if she knew about me and Cyrus although I wasn’t sure how. Cyrus wasn’t going to tell her.

  “I have been thinking of hiring an assistant,” I said thinking I might be able to head her off at the pass of any questions she’d have about me and Cy.

  “Oh? The cupcake business is going well?” She asked licking frosting from the side of her cupcake.

  “It's going strong and, well…I don’t have a lot of time for myself, as you know. It didn’t matter before because my social life always came to me. Speaking of which, when will I be having Maya spend some time with me?”

  April made a sad face. “I feel terrible. I haven’t been a great friend.”

  “Hey. I’m not complaining. I know your life is full and busy and I’m happy for you.”

  “I’m glad to hear that you’re doing something for you. I know you love this place and you’re doing a great job, but there is more to life than cupcakes.”

  I made an exaggerated face. “Bite your tongue. What could be more important than cupcakes?”

  “Sex.”

  I worked to keep a straight face. “Are you rubbing it in that you’ve got a man keeping your bed warm?”

  “No. I’m wondering what’s up with you and Cyrus.”

  I watched my finger trace a line in the colorful tabletop, knowing I was probably giving away something. April was a shrewd observer.

  “Jude says not long ago, Cyrus was being a complete jerk, which would make sense with everything going on with his mom, but this week, he’s been…how did Jude put it? He’s like a man getting laid a lot.”

  Again, I made an attempt to hide my surprise. “Jude studies the sex life of Cyrus? Should you be worried about that?”

  She pursed her lips. “They’re close friends. Like brothers. And Jude feels responsible for his happiness since he brought Cy here.”

  There were two reasons not to confess the truth to April. One was that I didn’t think Cy would want her and Jude to know. I trusted her and Jude, but I could see a situation in which Cy and I became estranged, that could be hard on them. Second, she just said Jude felt responsible for him. While he probably would like that Cy was getting laid, he likely wouldn’t approve of me being the source of his orgasms.

  Still, April was my friend.

  “Did you tell Jude what I told you?” I asked. I knew I couldn’t tell her not to talk to Jude, but I’d hope she knew that some topics were just between friends.

  She shook her head. “No. I can’t decide if that means I’m lying to him, but this is a personal thing, and I figure that it’s for you or Cy to tell him.” She studied me. “Does that mean it’s still going on? All those times you said you're just friends, was that a fib?”

  “No. We’re just friends.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “With benefits?”

  I squirmed in my seat which of course gave me a way.

  “Petal.” A gleeful smile spread on her face. “Oh my God…tell me, have you used frosting?”

  “April!” I looked around the shop to make sure none of my customers could hear.

  “I’m going to take that as a yes. And then ask you if I can buy some frosting from you.”

  I made a face. “You can buy a dozen cupcakes and scrape the frosting off.”

  The door opened and a group of executives from an office building two doors down walked in. I stood to go help them.

  “This conversation isn’t done,” April said, her face shining with humor. “I want details.”

  I ignored her and took orders for cupcakes. When I finished serving the group, she was at the end of the line.

  “A dozen limoncello cupcakes. I wonder what Jude will think if I have limoncello frosting on the girls.” She looked down at her breasts.

  I rolled my eyes. “He’ll probably stroke out.”

  She laughed. “You’re right. I wonder if I should get at least one pumpkin cheesecake, so I can put the frosting on his…you know.”

  “Just one?” I quipped?

  She grinned. “Maybe two. He is well-endowed.”

  I huffed out a breath. “TMI my friend.”

  “Maybe for you, but I want details sometime.” She grinned. “You and Cy. A part of me doesn’t see it and yet another part of me thinks it makes perfect sense. Light and dark. Yin and yang.”

  I handed her the box of cupcakes. “It’s not a thing, April. We’re friends.”

  “Jude and I were friends.”

  I snorted. “You lusted for Jude since you started puberty.”

  She smiled. “I did, didn’t I? And look how that lust and friendship turned out.”

  “Right and what if it didn’t work out between me and Cy? You’d have to send Conner to kill him, and I couldn’t live with that.”

  She frowned. “Is that what’s holding you back?”

  The door chimed and another few customers came in.

  She looked at me. “We talk later. Details.”

  I was noncommittal.

  “You will be there for Thanksgiving, right?”

  “I’ll be there.” Then I turned to my customers. “Welcome to Petal’s.”

  That night, I lay sated next to Cyrus wondering if I needed to tell him that Jude suspected he was getting laid and April knew it was me. I looked up at him, his long lashes lay on his cheeks as he slept. He’d be up in an hour or so, and heading home as he did the previous nights. I couldn’t get him to stay and he’d never invited me to his place. I wasn’t sure if that was on purpose or just how things worked out.

  “I can hear you thinking?” he murmured. “Is everything alright?”

  “Yes. Just counting cupcakes for all the thanksgiving orders.” I opted not to say anything. The truth was, it could make him skittish and withdraw and I wasn’t ready for that.

  His eyes opened. “I was thinking of ordering some to take to my mother. Is it too late for that?”

  I shook my head. “No. For you, I’ll get it done.”

  “I can help. You just have to promise me you’ll bake them in nothing but your apron.”

  “How will that help me?”

  He rolled me underneath him. “I’ll make you feel good. Release tension.”

  I looped my arms around his neck. “Well then, okay.”

  19

  Cyrus

  If not for Petal, I wasn’t sure I’d be managing the terror I was feeling about my mother or be able to take care of all the things that needed to be dealt with during her treatment. That didn’t mean that I didn’t feel guilty for using Petal. She was my emotional crutch and along with her body she was able to make me feel good and take my mind off my worries even if for just
a little bit. What did she get out of this arrangement? The hell if I knew. Sure, I did my best to make sure he was having spectacular orgasms, but it didn’t seem like much compared to what I was getting from her.

  When I was in Bismarck, I was helpless to think about the situation with Petal. I couldn’t consider anything except how much I wanted her. Now, on the last Friday night flight to Chicago, the guilt and worry, along with distance, had me rethinking the wisdom of my relationship with her. I was being selfish and unfair with her.

  Once I landed and rented a car heading to my mother’s place, my focus moved away from Petal and to my mother.

  When I pulled up to the house, Lora’s car was in the driveway. What a Godsend she’d been. I parked, grabbed my bag and headed in.

  “We’re back here, Cy,” Lora’s voice called.

  I headed up the hall, dropping my bag by my room, and then made my way to my mother’s room. I took a breath to steel myself at seeing her. Every time I did, she looked so frail and gaunt. But I didn’t want to react in a way that gave away my horror at how sick she appeared.

  “Hey mom.” I stepped into her room. My heart dropped. My mother had always been a slight woman, but now she looked like slack skin over bones. Her eyes were dull, like the fire inside her was going out.

  “Cy’s here, Jane.” Lora patted her hand and stood. “She’s a bit tired, but a fighter. Stronger than any Navy SEAL, that’s for sure.”

  I forced a smile. “Damn straight.”

  Lora walked past me, putting her hand on my arm. “I’ll be in the kitchen. I’ll make you some coffee.”

  I nodded and went to sit in the chair next to the bed and I took her hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

  “I look terrible,” she said.

  “You look like a woman fighting the hard fight. I admire you, mom.”

  A slight pink hue came to her cheeks. I was grateful for the sign of life in her.

  “You’re the one who’s admirable. You risked your life for your country. You lost the love of your life in doing it, and now you’ve got to deal with me.”

  “Hey.” I kissed her hand. “I have no regrets. All I care about is you getting well again. My life today is just fine.”

  “You’re all alone in North Dakota.”

  Lora must have given her something or maybe she was just worn out, but she seemed a little loopy.

  “I’m not. And you don’t need to worry about me,” I assured her.

  “You’re my son. I worry. Who will love you, Cy? When I’m gone who will love you?”

  Petal flashed in my brain. She wouldn’t love me the way my mother meant, but she was my friend. She cared for me just as Jude and April did.

  “I’ve got people who care about me, mom. Don’t worry about that. You just need to get well.”

  “Who?”

  “Who what?” I asked, wondering if I should let her rest instead of talk to her.

  “Who do you have that cares for you?”

  “Well, there’s Jude and his wife.”

  My mother made a face. “I don’t mean like that. I mean a family, Cy. I’m your only family.”

  I held her hand in both of mine, not liking that it felt cold. “Jude is like a brother to me.”

  “You need a woman Cy. Lora is wonderful to me. Maybe you should forgive her.”

  I sighed. “I wish you wouldn’t worry about this mom. I’m fine. I don’t need a woman.”

  “You still should forgive her.”

  “I do mom.”

  Her dark eyes looked at me with hope. “So, you’ll reconcile?”

  I studied her for a moment, wondering if I should evade this conversation. If I told her the truth, that I had no future with Lora, she might get upset.

  “Talk to her, Cy. For me.”

  I nodded. I could talk to Lora. Not about reconciliation, but we could finally put the past to rest.

  “I’ll talk to her.”

  My mother’s lips turned up into a sweet smile. For a moment I wondered if I should go propose to Lora now if it would make my mom better. Of course, that was ridiculous. It was the desperate thought of a son terrified of losing his mother.

  “You rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.” I stood and leaned over to kiss her forehead.

  She was asleep by the time I finished standing. I made sure her covers were pulled up and then left the room. I headed down the hall and to the kitchen. Lora turned when I entered.

  “I’ve got coffee.” She poured a cup and handed it to me.

  I sat at the table and watched her, wondering what her response was to my mother’s desire to see us back together. She hadn’t said anything, but I couldn’t imagine my mother wasn’t encouraging her to talk to me too.

  However, I wasn’t ready to revisit our relationship yet. “Thank you, Lora,” I said, taking the coffee. “I really appreciate all you’ve done for my mom.”

  “Of course.” She sat across from me. I took a moment to study her. At one time, she’d been the center of my world. I’d carried a picture of her when I was off fighting so I could remember what I was fighting for and what was waiting for me when I got home. When I first learned that she hadn’t been waiting, I’d been so pissed. She’d been my world, and I’d been easily forgotten by her.

  Now I realized that she was probably right to move on. It wasn’t fair of me to make her wait. She was alone a lot. She had family and my mother, but I guess she needed something more and I wasn’t there to provide it.

  “I know she looked bad, Cyrus, but that’s just the treatment.”

  “Fuck.” I scraped my hands over my face trying to get rid of the image of my mom looking like she was hanging on to life with her fingernails. “It guts me to see her like that.”

  “I picked up some wine and your favorite scotch if you’d rather something stronger.”

  Now she was speaking my language. “That would be great. Thanks.”

  She rose from the table and got the scotch and two glasses. She sat back down, opening the bottle and pouring two glasses.

  “To mom,” I said, holding mine to click with hers.

  “To your mom.” She clicked her glass with mine.

  I downed the liquid, savoring the burn as it went down. I reached for the bottle and poured another drink.

  “How is the treatment going?” I asked, pouring her another two fingers.

  “It’s going as expected. It’s not easy, Cy. But she’s not doing any worse than anyone else. The good news is that next week she’ll be off cycle so she should have more strength when you’re back for Thanksgiving.”

  Fuck, Thanksgiving. I hadn’t thought of that, except to ask Petal for cupcakes. “I need to order food,” I said.

  “I can do that if you like.”

  “I can’t ask you to do that,” I said, pulling out my phone to take a note about Thanksgiving.

  “You didn’t. I offered. It’s not a problem. I have to order for my parents too. My mom gave up cooking Thanksgiving dinner years ago.”

  Because I couldn’t quite wrap my brain around everything, I nodded. “Thanks again, Lora. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here for her.”

  She bit her lip and looked down. “I’m here for you too, Cy.”

  There was something in her tone that made her words seem like there was more behind them.

  Wanting to put her off any ideas my mother may have given her about her and me getting back together, I asked, “I haven’t had time to ask. How’s Jack?” At one time, I wanted to use my SEAL skills to kick his ass for taking my woman. Now, I knew he’d done me a favor. While I was away and just after she left me, I’d remembered our relationship through the lens of rose colored glasses, but with time, I’d known Lora and I hadn’t been perfect. We didn’t fight or anything like that. Mostly, we were complacent. Any passion we’d had was gone.

  She flinched. “It was Jake and that’s over. It has been for a while.”

  “I’m sorry.” And I was. Despite everything that
had gone down between us, I wanted her to be happy. She had that look she got when she was about to launch into a heavy deep and real conversation, but I didn’t have the ability to go there, so I stood.

  “I’m hungry.” I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich. “Do you want something?”

  “No. Thank you.”

  She stood and came to stand next to me. “I should go.”

  “Are you sure? I’m happy to make two.”

  She put her hand on my arm. “Cy? Your mom is a strong woman.”

  I looked at her. “I know. It’s not easy to watch this though.”

  She nodded. “I’m here for you.” Her hand pressed on my cheek. “Despite everything, I still love you.”

  “That means a lot, thank you.” I took words to mean she cared for me as I still cared for her, not the love that we’d had before.

  She stared up at me with her blue eyes and I wondered what she was looking for. In the next instant, her lips were on mine, her tongue running along the seam of my lips.

  I jerked back and stepped away. Guilt flooded my chest although I wasn’t sure if it was for accidentally giving her the impression I still wanted her or feeling like I’d betrayed Petal.

  “I’m sorry…” She stepped back. “I thought…”

  “No.” Now I felt guilt for her embarrassment. “Lora—”

  She stepped close to me again, pressing her hands on my chest, confusing me. Was she retreating or going to try again. Was I sending her the wrong signals?

  “Cy I know I messed up. I was lonely and missing you.”

  I bit back the retort about dealing with her missing me by letting another man fuck her. “I’m not angry anymore,” I said instead. “But I have moved on.”

  She looked up at me, her eyes were sad. “You’ve met someone else?”

  Technically, Petal wasn’t someone else. She was my friend. At the same time, the only woman I wanted to spend time with, was Petal. So, I nodded. “Yes.”